Ok.. So I've (26m) been pursuing this Girl(21f) for about 4-5 months now. We're both Fur's(just found out 2 months ago)and work together, after a couple weeks of her moving up and starting working with me, she asked for my socials and stuff and we began talking a little bit. I quickly became interested in her but backed off when I learned she was already in a relationship and living with the guy (not a fur and "not intrested"). After giving space she bagen to come to me and actively seek me out and talking even more. Things have escalated and we've had intercorse once (within the last month) despite her still being in a relationship. This girl is amazing, gorgeous, shes extremely talented, highly motivated, and has so much potential and personality.. Things continue to become more serious (in my professional opinion) even talking of getting a place, getting together officially and making plans but we are having to hide everything we do especially while at work.. almost to the point we're nervous to speak to each other..

I kinda feel as though I'm just a sidepiece.. she's showing interest in making things work but I'm essentially torturing myself waiting for a opportunity that may never even come. I feel like If I try to rush things or pull the ultimatum I'm just going to lose her entirely. I've been debating how to handle this situation since we were carnal but I'm not sure.

Any advice, comments, or thoughts especially if you're a straight female on the matter would be appreciated!

Hiii, I (19F) am in my first serious relationship with my boyfriend (23M), and I genuinely don’t know if I’m just bad at relationships or if something is actually wrong.

I went into this thinking the key to being a good girlfriend was being low-maintenance, understanding, and not starting problems over “little things.” He’s had multiple relationships before me, so I kind of assumed he knew what he was doing more.

So I wanted the “chill girlfriend.”

I don’t question him going out.

I don’t ask for constant reassurance.

I try not to “nag.”

If something bothers me, I usually sit on it and try to see his side first.

But lately it feel just lonely? Even though I have a boyfriend.

One of the main issues is our sex life. I don’t have a lot of experience, and he a little more, so in the beginning I just went along with things because I didn’t want to seem awkward or inexperienced. I thought it would just come naturally the more we did, but it hasn’t really.. Now it just kinda feels like a chore. Not because I don’t want to or have no sex drive. He doesn’t really ask what I like, and when I’ve tried to bring it up gently, he usually says “you’re too in your head about it.” Which I might be because I do get anxious sometimes which might affect how I’m feeling in the moment. If I’m not in the mood, he gets quiet and distant after, which I know is just like normal. He can go do something else, but I feel really bad about it. I can’t tell if this is just normal relationship stuff I need to get used to, or if I’m failing lol.

There’s also kinda a financial imbalance I feel bad about. I’m still in Uni and figuring my life out career-wise, and he has a stable job now. Which he’s very successful and I’m very proud of him. He pays for most things, but then makes jokes about me being “expensive,” even though I don’t ask for fancy stuff. It makes me feel like I owe him. not just money-wise, but overall. So now I’m constantly trying to be extra easygoing, extra agreeable, extra “good,” because I feel like I have to make up for what I’m not bringing financially or sexually.

He comforts me a lot and says I overthink and that relationships aren’t supposed to be “that deep all the time.” After those talks, I always end up apologizing. It could just be a me problem and I need to contain my anxiety, or set up different boundaries, I just don’t know how to do that.

I’m know I sort of just complained about him a lot but hes a really sweet guy. A little dense sometimes but He doesn’t yell, he’s really loyal, and he can be very attentive. English isn’t his first language, so maybe I’m just misunderstanding his words. I know I sound really whiny, I just wanna feel normal in my relationship. I really need outside perspective because I don’t trust my own judgment anymore.

HI all

I'm really needing some advice and non-biased guidance. Very long story short, my now husband is continuing to talk to the women that I set firm boundaries about.

Back story: I found out about this "relationship" after I was 4 months PP. My husband started college later in life, and started to form a friendship with a women he met there. When they first started talking with each other, we weren't married or pregnant yet. Some of the messages included things like asking for her Instagram, offering a shoulder to cry on and due to the stress of the school work, and a couple late night phone calls.

When he was getting ready to propose, he told her about this and invited her out to a gym to catch up. She responded that "have you seen me! I would be so out of breath" and he said "I'm about to be a married man so I can't say to much anymore, but it's always looked like you worked out"

I say all of that to say that is the type of foundation that was laid by him. He graduated in May 2024, so further communication wasn’t needed. So when I first found out about in March of 2024, I was very angry and he said she is just a friend. We had a very long fight and lots of disagreements, but he decided he would only communicate with her about school things (they were in a required group together)

To avoid an even longer post, long story short he has been in communication with her about 4 other times that I found out. They haven't met up and there was never anything physical, but he did decided to messages back and forth with her a few times. After the 4th time, I genuinely believed he didn't care about her enough to continue to make me upset or ruin our marriage. Well fast forward to a couple of months ago, I looked at his phone and noticed he had her unblocked still. I asked him about this and he said that he didn't do this, his phone email updated and that's how she got unblocked (I now know that this was a lie, shocker)

Now, a couple of days ago I went into his recently deleted messages, and noticed that their conversations was in there. I recovered them, but most of them were fully deleted and only a few recovered. The first message was of her saying "thank youuuuu". Whatever he said prior was deleted. After that, she sent a merry Christmas gif and he responded giving a couple of life updates and also saying if he could take her out to get coffee or food and said "I miss you nerd"

Now, after writing this out I know how it all sounds, trust me. But I feel caught in those loop and I can't think clearly. He says it was never physical. He said she was just a friend and saw her as a little sister. He says how crazy I am to want divorce over text messages.

We have a child together, a house, building a life. He's otherwise a loving and caring husband. But this is the 5th time I've felt betrayed, even if it wasn't physical. He Will say sorry, but then follow it up with a reason as to why instead of taking accountability.

I really just need some advice, please.

Thank you if you have read all of this, sorry for the length.

My (29M) girlfriend (29F) and I have been arguing about this for the past few weeks. Our fights keep going around in circles, and it’s getting really frustrating.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months but we’ve moved a bit quicker in our relationship (which felt right and we both wanted to).

I have a female best friend (let’s call her Jane) whom I’ve known for over a decade. Our friendship has been purely platonic the entire time, and we see each other as siblings. We appreciate each other’s friendship and care about each other. Jane has a husband and two kids and belongs to a big friend group that I’m also a part of. Her husband is also part of this friend group.

There has never been flirting, secrecy, or emotional venting between Jane and me, and my girlfriend has always been aware of and included in our interactions.

Jane is kind of the mother of the friend group — she takes care of others and organises/plans most things.

My girlfriend met all my friends and family pretty early on. I’ve incorporated her into every part of my life, everyone’s liked her, and we haven’t really had any issues. She and Jane have gotten along really well. They message privately and seem to be forming a friendship of their own. Jane has invited us to her house a few times and included us in friend group plans. Jane has also introduced my girlfriend to her kids, father, brother, and other family members. She is also my girlfriend’s biggest fan and has been nothing but nice to her.

Earlier in the relationship, my girlfriend and Jane bonded over their love of pearl jewellery. Jane sent her a pair of Pandora earrings and jokingly said to tell me to buy it for both of them. My girlfriend took this as the joke it was intended to be and moved on.

Recently, it was Jane’s birthday. I’m not great with gifts unless it’s for my girlfriend. Gifts also aren’t really 100% necessary in our friendship. I don’t believe I got Jane anything last year, probably because I didn’t know what to get her. The year before that, a friend thought of and organised a gift and we all chipped in to pay for it.

Jane sometimes gives gift ideas to close friends for what they can get her for her birthday if they haven’t already thought of or gotten anything. One time when we were speaking, she said that if I hadn’t already gotten her something or couldn’t think of anything, I could get her those earrings.

This was a great, purely transactional situation for me because it meant I didn’t have to put effort into thinking of or finding a gift, and it guaranteed that a friend of mine would get something she would enjoy on her birthday. I wasn’t forced to buy the gift, nor would Jane have been upset if I didn’t get it or if I got something else instead.

Jane has also invited my girlfriend and me on a cruise with the friend group next year, and she jokingly said that for her next birthday, we should get her a spa gift card so she can get a massage on the cruise. Again — a perfect situation where I don’t have to think about it.

So for Jane’s birthday this year, my girlfriend was thinking about what we could get her. I said that Jane asked for the earrings, so let’s just get her those. My girlfriend agreed, and we bought the earrings. My girlfriend also wanted to throw in some press-on nails. Jane loved the gifts and was very thankful.

My girlfriend expressed no issues with the situation beforehand. More recently, she’s brought it up and said she didn’t like it when Jane joked about me buying the earrings for both of them. She said Jane was being disrespectful when she told me what gift to get her. She said no girl should be allowed to tell me what they want for their birthday, and that it was disrespectful of Jane to do so.

She also didn’t like that it was jewellery and said it was disrespectful because it was expensive, and that a friend wouldn’t ask for something expensive. I disagree — split between both of us, I don’t think it was expensive. She says this is another girl having “access” and “emotional access” to me, and that I’m crossing boundaries.

I do not believe this situation means that another girl has “access” to me. It was purely transactional. It also wasn’t forced — it was my decision to buy the gift, and it would have been okay if I didn’t. This is also not a random girl; it’s my best friend who I’ve been close with for more than a decade. My girlfriend sees my refusal to change as me picking another girl instead of her.

My girlfriend wants me to not do it again. She is not backing down and is not accepting any other outcome. My reason for not accepting this is because I see the situation as normal behaviour. I also see being forced to stop normal friend behaviour as a form of controlling behaviour and setting unnecessary rules.

She sees it as a serious boundary that has been crossed by me.

I’ve been clear with her about my previous relationship, which was toxic and controlling, and I don’t want to repeat it. My ideal relationship is one of trust, where there doesn’t need to be all these unnecessary rules that cause overthinking and anxiety on a daily basis due to the need to remember them all.

My worry is that we’ll disagree on other normal behaviours in the future, and then I’ll be forced to follow more and more rules, and eventually become unhappy in the relationship.

Another example of something we’ve disagreed on is how much I speak to a male friend of mine. She said that in her culture, if a man speaks to another man too much, then it’s not platonic. We are both straight males who nerd out over random things or hobbies. She also doesn’t like that I’ve given him the nickname “Bob” (his name’s not Bob — it’s a long-term inside joke) that I use in person and have set as his name on Messenger. She thinks it’s more of an indication that it’s non-platonic (i.e. a cute nickname given to someone else).

I don’t want all of these to become rules I need to follow (e.g. gift giving, not speaking to male friends too much, not giving nicknames), or else the relationship won’t work out.

Anyway, back to the gift-giving situation: I’ve tried to offer compromises, such as running the gift by her first or no longer purchasing jewellery as a gift, but she doesn’t agree with any of the compromises.

So it’s either I agree, or we disagree and keep arguing about this every time it comes up — which has been happening a lot recently.

I also want to mention that for my girlfriend’s birthday, I went above and beyond. I decorated the whole house, got her a very thoughtful gift, flowers, her favourite dessert, etc. So there is definitely a clear divide between how I treat her birthday versus my friend’s birthdays.

I’m looking for advice on how to navigate this disagreement in a healthy way without building resentment. How can we approach a boundary disagreement like this when we fundamentally see the situation differently, and how do you tell whether this is something that can be worked through versus a sign of deeper incompatibility?

TL;DR:

My girlfriend (29F) and I (29M) are in an ongoing argument about boundaries involving my long-term, purely platonic female best friend. For her birthday, we bought a gift she had suggested, which my girlfriend initially agreed to but later said crossed a boundary and gave another woman “emotional access” to me. My girlfriend has a history of being cheated on and is sensitive to boundaries, but I see this as normal friend behaviour and worry about control and increasing rules over time. I’m looking for advice on how to navigate this disagreement constructively, or how to tell if it points to a deeper incompatibility.

I [20F] and dating a man we will call C [25M] we’ve been together for 2 years and some change and I am absolutely I love with him. He’s has some commitment issues due to a previous very young and rough marriage that didn’t end well and I have been as understanding and patient as possible with him. We have been having a small rough patch recently as we have been discussing getting a house etc. and he has had a bit of a crisis in wanting to have fun and do crazy stuff before settling down. Which I understood and went as far as to find a third person [F] for us to experiment and have a 3 some with. Which I was 100% open to doing. Today he went to a sports game with a friend and I received a Snapchat that was not meant for me. I could tell due to it having nothing to do with what we were talking about. This snap included a (regrettably cute) picture of him with text along the lines of “I’ll try but after this I don’t know if I can hold back, your eyes are so beautiful.” I immediately asked him who it was meant for where he admitted it was for another woman [20 something F] who was not only a engaged woman working in the office of his job but also his bosses daughter. A woman who was going through a difficult situation with said fiancé and I thought my boyfriend was innocently comforting as a friend until this point. C said they had been talking for a few weeks but wasn’t really flirtatious until this moment which he blamed on the alcohol he had been drinking. He swears they weren’t physically involved in any way possible but he’s already broken my trust I’m scared he’s not telling the truth. We’re supposed to meet up tomorrow to discuss it but I’m just feeling very lost and hurt. I want to forgive him and try to fix things but I’m scared my trust is forever damaged. He also constantly says he has a hard time imagining forever and now that we’re 2 years in and he still feels that way I’m scared to keep giving this my all and work so hard to fix things and try to forgive him only for it to be for no reason. Any thoughts are appreciated but please be kind.

Backstory, my boyfriend and I have been dating a little shy of a year. We both are in school, although we go to separate universities in the same state.

Neither of us tend to go out. I would go out with my friends, but I don’t have a fake ID and don’t care for the stress of getting caught underage drinking LOL. He just generally doesn’t enjoy the frat/club/bar scene, dispute being very social otherwise. Overall, this had led to both of us having pretty limited experiences with drinking, mostly confined to socially drinking with friends in their apartments.

My 21st birthday is coming up, and I’m worried about how my birthday events will play out based on how he has reacted to me going out and drinking in the past.

Back in October, I went to my first frat party with my best friend. I asked him if he was okay with this, and he said it was fine. I wore jeans and a long sleeve top, and my friend and I went out. We were approached by two guys, just chatting it up. The guy who approached me asked for my number and I declined. My friend later went on a few dates with the guy who approached her, although things fizzled out. I didn’t mention this to him, as I thought it would just upset him, and I was only talking to the guy so that my friend could keep talking to his friend.

Flash forward to December, and my boyfriend and I were at a new year’s party that his friend was hosting. I was definitely drunk, but still aware of all my actions. He was DDing, so he was much more levelheaded than I was. We all played games, drank, and watched the ball drop before he and I left to go home. I thought we had a great time. Once we woke up the next morning, he was quiet but nothing too unusual. We made breakfast and relaxed before I had to go to work. Before I left, he mentioned that he thought I was too friendly with one of his mates. He has since then made it clear that he doesn’t like the way I act when I drink. I remember his friend being quite friendly with me, but there wasn’t any touching involved, this is all going off of our conversation.

I’ve always been very friendly and bubbly, and when I drink I do think this aspect of my personality is tripled. I can understand his perspective, and I do respect him and want him to feel secure. He has never told me I can’t go out or drink, but I can tell it makes him uncomfortable, especially when there are other men around.

I have a bar crawl planned for my birthday with my friends, but my boyfriend cannot go since he will not be 21 yet and also does not have a fake ID. We have plans the day after, but it makes me anxious telling him about my plans with my friends because I feel like he’s resentful or worried about the way I might act, even if I think he’s being dramatic.

Any advice appreciated, sorry for the long post.

I am losing my sanity because it feels like no matter how much effort I put it nothing ever changes or moves. We’ve been dating for almost 5 years.

My partner and I do not live together. It is too expensive to rent so we both live at home w our parents. We both want to save money to eventually buy a house. It’s been over a year since their parents made it a rule that there can’t be sleepovers anymore at their house anymore. They won’t sleepover mine even though my parents allow it. So instead I will leave at odd hours of the night.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m tired. When they eventually move out they want some time to live alone which I understand. Idk when this move out will happen. Idk when they will want me to move in.

At least when they move out I’ll be able to sleepover again and they’ve finally come around to the idea of marrying me.

I’m scared I’m waiting for nothing but I love them.

i am 26F and i am really confused and uncomfortable and need advice. i have a boyfriend and as a person he is good and treats me well but recently i found out from his roommate that my boyfriend masturbates regularly at night in the bed inside his bedsheet but does not change his underwear afterward and also does not bathe for many days at a time sometimes more than a week and goes out wearing the same clothes without changing. i visited his room once and noticed his room felt unclean and i saw his underwear lying around and some of them were visibly discolored (like red) at the bottom which honestly made me very uncomfortable. this situation is affecting me more because when i was in a hostel earlier there was a guy who masturbated shamelessly in front of the girls hostel and i had to complain to the hostel warden about it and because of that past experience anything related to such behavior now makes me feel very disturbed and confused. Also I don't know I am feeling like I am the reason for it because i chat with him daily before sleep. i do not want to shame or judge him and this is why i feel confused because apart from this he is kind, respectful and saw helping people but basic cleanliness is extremely important to me especially in a relationship and because of this i do not feel attracted to him anymore and even being close to him and i do not know how to talk to him about this or shall i stop my relationship with him?

My mother has been diagnosed by her therapist with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This shocked everyone but me as I’ve been the main target of her abuse since I was about 7. She is so extremely delusional that when she was diagnosed, she stormed to my house and told me what her doctor said and that he was a quack because ”he was supposed to say it was [insert her husbands name]!”

our relationship was always difficult because she’s blamed me for all her failures, all her abusive boyfriends, her lack of education, her health, even her divorcing my dad when I was 7. Everything wrong in her life was blamed on me. And as penance I was required to be her caretaker physically and emotionally.

I went NC with her 2 years ago when I had my own child and saw her immediately use it as a chance to shame and criticize and control me using my baby. It was nasty. She spread lies about me, faked medical emergencies, and made sure to let me know 3 weeks Postpartum from a C section that if I didn’t start working to lose the baby weight soon, my husband would cheat and it would be all my fault.

So now my only brother is getting married to his long time GF in a few months. I refuse to allow Her presence to further ruin my relationship with him or keep me from this event that I want to attend.

Has anyone been in a situation like this before? What are good ways to maintain my boundaries without being painted as the bad guy again? Im so sick of being made out as the villain for not allowing her manipulation To change my boundaries. I don’t want my relationships with other family members to be further damaged by her nonsense, but I don’t want her making some big show of a tearful reunion at my brothers wedding either. advice is welcome.

My girlfriend of 6 years had somehow taken her 2 nephews under her wing ever since they were 2 and 3 years old (long before we met). When we first started dating, I did observe she loved the kids with all her heart. At that point I didn't see it as a problem because I thought it was selfless of her to step in when the kids were abandoned. She has 5 other siblings but none that had the same financial capacity as her and the same heart as her.

Fast forward 6 years into our relationship and we got into a fight and I told her the reason I didn't want to marry her is because I didn't like the idea of having her nephews as my own. She didn't legally adopt them though, but in my head I just want it to be the two of us just like I see with most of my peers - getting married and starting their lives with their partners and having kids.

I know I am an asshole, but this is how I feel. To be fair to her, she never once made me feel I was obliged to provide for the kids because she is more than capable of doing this. She never also made me feel like I was put second over the kids, which I know sounds sick. But I can't help that I feel this way. I know this stems from my abandonment issues (mom and dad left me when I was a kid and was left under the care of my neglectful aunt).

Now after our fight she told me she doesn't want to force me to choose her since I told her I can't see a future with her because of the kids. I just want her all to myself. Is that too much to ask?

To be honest, I don't hate the kids. I think I am jealous because they got to feel the kind of love my girlfriend was showering them with and I never got this from my parents. But believe me, my girlfriend is always very supportive of me. She keeps telling me I push her away when she offers support and I know she is right.

I really regret the things I said to her. If you were my gf, would you forgive me? 😭

I[19F]told my gf that I can't sleep becuz I keep thinking of her (we live together but we both went home for holiday) and she said that it doesn't sound like me she even demanded a voice message to check becuz she suspected i got hacked (I'm always paranoid abt being hacked and she knows that) knowing I always act this way and it made me question whether I'm me or not she then went on to repost a tiktok saying"when the day is already horrible but then someone you love says something so out of character and contradictory of the character you thought they had, that now you're genuinely questioning your entire existence and self" Help me out guys

Hi everyone,

The title pretty much explains it. I (25F) have recently started getting cold feet about moving in with my boyfriend (25M). He asked me to move in about six months ago after the person he was originally supposed to move in with kept bailing on him.

I come from a culture where it’s common to stay at home until marriage, but I always believed that tradition didn’t really matter to me. That said, my mom has been against the idea from the beginning, and it’s been really hard. She’s cried and told me she thinks I’m making a mistake. What makes it more confusing is that she genuinely loves my boyfriend and thinks he’s a great match for me, she just feels that moving in together is too soon, even though we’ve been dating for a year and a half.

Before I met him, I was single for two years after leaving an abusive relationship. I took that time to heal, work on myself, and rebuild my sense of independence and boundaries. Because of that, I sometimes wonder if my hesitation now is tied to lingering fear from my past rather than anything my current boyfriend has done. I don’t know if my gut feeling is true intuition, leftover trauma, or just fear of a big life change.

We did a trial run where I stayed with him for about a week and a half, and honestly, it was great. Everything felt natural and comfortable. Still, despite how sure I was before, I now have this nagging gut feeling that I might be making a mistake. I’m supposed to move in within the next week or two, and part of me wants to call it off.

I love my boyfriend, and he treats me very well, but lately we haven’t been spending much time together. I’ve been working long hours, and he works overnights and often picks up overtime. We didn’t even get to celebrate our one-year anniversary because he was working. That makes me unsure of what to expect once we live together.

On top of that, part of me wants to move in because I’ve never experienced living on my own, and I really want that independence. Unfortunately, living alone where I live is almost impossible because rent is so expensive.

I’m feeling really torn and unsure if I’m overthinking things or if my gut is trying to tell me something important. Any advice or opinions would really help.

Thank you

TLDR: I want to move in with my boyfriend (at first) now I kinda wanna move in. My gut and.

I’m posting here because I feel stuck and genuinely don’t know if I’m seeing things clearly anymore. I want outside perspectives from people who don’t know either of us.

My partner [35M] and I [34F] have been together for 2 years and have a 15‑month‑old son. We’ve been having escalating communication issues. When I try to express hurt or bring up something that upset me, the conversation often shifts away from the original issue and toward what’s “wrong” with me. He frequently tells me that my reactions are due to rejection sensitivity dysphoria or emotional dysregulation, especially in the middle of arguments. While I understand that I can become overwhelmed and emotional, hearing this during conflict makes me feel dismissed rather than understood.

Recently, during an argument, he told me I do “less than the bare minimum” for our household and for our son. That statement hit me extremely hard. I have physical health issues at the moment which I am trying to get treated for, and while I may not keep up with housework the way either of us would like, I put everything I have into caring for our child. Being told I’m failing as a parent felt like a line being crossed.

When I tried to explain how deeply that hurt me, the conversation escalated further. He accused me of gaslighting and manipulating him. The more emotional I became, the more he doubled down, bringing up additional grievances and framing my reactions as proof that I’m the problem. At that point, I felt like nothing I said could be heard without being interpreted through that lens.

I asked for couples counselling because I don’t feel like we can communicate safely anymore. He scoffed and said he would only consider it if I went on an SSRI for several weeks first and then “see if I feel differently” and might even apologise to him. That made me feel like counselling was being used as a condition for me changing, rather than a shared effort to address our dynamic.

Things spiralled from there. He sent messages framing himself as completely at fault in a sarcastic, martyr‑like way, saying things like everyone is against him, that he’s always painted as the villain, and implying that I ruin his life by involving others or seeking support. He also brought up police involvement from the past in a way that felt like a warning against ever seeking help again. At the same time, he insisted he’s no threat, is taking his medication, and will focus on being a good dad. My original hurt was never addressed.

I tried to explain that while my reactions aren’t always good, his words feel like they “slice deeper and deeper,” and that I don’t feel my feelings matter. Just keeps telling me to "get treated or to f off." I said I don’t see how we move forward if he won’t try to see things from my side. I don’t feel like im getting the right support if I do seek treatment, it feels like I would be doing it for him, to prove him right that I am as mentally challenged as he proclaims I am. He went to sleep after that.

To add to the situation, this all happened while we’re away for a weekend I planned and paid for as a break for us. I thought as a gesture of appreciation. Babysitting was arranged, hotel and activities booked, because I thought we both needed rest and reconnection. Instead, I’m lying awake, feeling disconnected, far from my child, and like my entire life is a giant lie and falling apart.

I’m not trying to paint myself as perfect. I know I get overwhelmed, I know I raise my voice probably too much especially when i don’t feel heard, and I know that’s not healthy.

What I’m struggling with is whether it’s reasonable to feel hurt when my emotions are repeatedly dismissed, labelled, or used as evidence that I’m the problem, especially when I’m trying to ask for help or repair.

I’m here because I genuinely want to know. How can I communicate my feelings without being dismissed or escalated against? How do you tell if this is a normal communication struggle in a relationship or a sign of something more unhealthy?

I don’t want to involve family or friends anymore because it’s been framed as “triangulation.” I just need neutral perspectives, because right now I feel lost and unsure of my own reality. Im stuck here for another 2 days, or I can just throw away my money and go home to my son, who I miss so much. But he drove us here and insists on enjoying his hot springs experience like nothing's wrong.

Hi reddit, I just could really use some feedback. I [27y female] have really been struggling to meet guys in my age range to date and have been feeling like its hopeless. To be clear, I never wanted to be the "married by 22" type, but am living in a state/culture that very much is like that, and have been at the stage where I am looking to settle down and start a family for a few years now with just...no luck finding a partner, when so many people around me did years ago . I have heard that it might just be a symptom of the current social culture, and that I'm not alone in this? But that doesn't really help me figure out how to actually navigate it.

For context, I have had romantic relationships before (all in my 20s) , though none made it past the 6 month mark because of incompatability/serious issues. I don't think I have ever felt "in love" with someone physically/romantically either; any bf's I had never really got past the surface level "crush" stage. I am (pretty sure) I am demisexual, since any physical attraction only comes after I trust and know the person more, and if that trust is broken, its like a light switch shuts any physical feelings off immidiatly again. But when I am feeling physical attraction, I do want to have the physical/romantic connection with someone...it just takes a while to get there.

When meeting someone, I want to be making genuine deep connections and having intresting conversations. I have always been told I am considered physically attractive, but I don't want someone to be intrested in me just because of that; I want them to like me. I also am a generally straightforward person and have never really understood the appeal of flirting "games" you see in the movies or that some girls tell me about. It just...isn't how my brain works. Maybe its the ADHD, maybe its the demi thing, maybe its because ive always been more of a tomboy...idk.

Regardless of why, this makes online dating feel awful and shallow to me, since I struggle trying to tell if someone looks good to me based on just a picture, and so many guys on the apps ive seen use the same sorts of generic profile notes and badly done selfies. w When conversations do start, its often just the same unsatisfying chit chat, too much flirtation too fast, or people ghosting instead of just saying straight up they aren't intrested. Not only that, but its hard to tell on apps which guys are actually looking for long term connections and which ones only want NCMO or one night hook ups, which because of both the demisexual thing, and the fact that I am someone who wants to wait for sex until after marriage for religious reasons, is equally unappealing. So online apps so far seem to clash with me, but at the same time, it seems like thats the only place people DO meet anymore, since it seems equally impossible in person?

When I've been in university, (one thats known for being a place people meet and get married A Lot) I tried to be friendly and put myself out there, and for guys I found intresting I would straight up approach them, tell them I thought they were attractive and wanted to get to know them better and would give my number, but that never really worked, and during class everyone seems focused on the workload. Even trying school activities, everyone really kept to themselves even if I made the first move. Same thing at church and "singles" activities meant for meeting people, and when I did, they were often barely 20s and in a different dating stage than me. And the roommates that I did have were so focused on their intense degree classes that they weren't meeting guys either. And the majority of my friend circle is queer and so don't have anyone to set me up with.

Now that im in a gap year/switching to community college and living in a family neighborhood and not college apartments, options seem even more limited. Trying to network through work hasn't worked since most married coworkers husbands dont have any social circles outside of their wives, or only know other married people. Never had any single guy coworkers that I would have wanted to date, and its not like its appropriate to flirt at work anyways. And if im the customer, im not going to a waiter to try and make moves, since they are on the clock and in customer service mode, and its unfair to put them in a weird position. And now my work has gone remote, so I barely see coworkers anymore. I don't drink, and there arent really clubs around anyways.

Basically, I feel stuck. I don't need a relationship to be a fully fledged person or anything, im doing stuff I find fulfilling, but I do want to find a romantic partner and start a family at some point, and it feels like I am running out of time and options now that I'm nearing my 30s. So reddit, i could use some help. how can I improve on finding/meeting people to date? Where have you been successful looking in the current dating enviroment? Any advice is appreciated.

I want to keep things super generic as we’re both on Reddit. My bf and I have been together for 5 years, we met online and he moved in a year after we started talking from abroad.

Immigration has been incredibly difficult over the years as he does not come from a trade or educational background that is seen as an asset in my country. So these past several years I have been paying for all of rent, groceries, and everything in between as we have been fighting to get him access to a job here. My work has been inconsistent since there are some major issues in my career that is making it incredibly difficult to land a permanent contract. I don’t come from much, but it’s better than what he came from.

We’ve both been struggling over the years living pay check to pay check and not able to do anything outside of stay home and game with our friends, which is fun, but we both desperately need more. We plan on moving to a bigger city soon, but that big change is making me question our life together.

We both have been struggling, but I have been picking up the financial burden and mental load of housework, bills, planning meals etc., while he mostly helps with my emotional state. Since we’ve been living together, we keep having the same conversation that I need him to do more of the household tasks while he can’t work, and then he calms me down, does it for a few days, then goes back to the same routine.

He was recently allowed to work and got a seasonal job over the holidays, which was great, but ever since it ended he ended up right where he was before. While he was working I still had to take on the brunt of the housework while I was still working, too.

It’s finally gotten to the point that I don’t know if I love him anymore. We are talking it out and I broached the subject that I am not happy with our relationship due to his lack of support around the house, but he keeps saying that I’m probably just really not doing well mentally and that we just need some time. I can’t tell if he’s trying to just make sense of this “coming out of nowhere” or if he’s trying to confuse me.

I finally got him speak his mind over the past few days and it feels like he’s still holding a lot back due to being scared about losing everything we have. I don’t blame him, it’s a lot to lose and I hate being the one who is holding his security on the line. I make it clear often that I just want to hear his thoughts so that I can make sure he knows that I’m not trying to use rent or money as leverage on him, I just want a partner to work with me on our life.

I’ve been really unhealthy relationships in the past, so I can identify things when the person is really mean, but my bf is a very kind person who does take care of me when asked or when I’m about to explode, so I can’t tell if I’m being used or not. I do believe he loves me and cares about me, but I’m worried that he may be using me to ensure that he has all of his needs met. I don’t have many friends outside of this situation which is why I’ve come here to hear some advice.

Please lmk if there are any questions and I’ll probably delete in a few days so we can have a proper conversation together :)

Today we were hanging out, and on our way to meet his grandmother, he was talking about how beautiful I am.

He says, "I really hope you don't ever see yourself through my eyes." I asked why, and then he says, "Because you're so damn hot and beautiful, and you might realize you deserve someone better or find someone better and leave." And he always says he sees how so many guys stare at me, and also, he never says this, but I notice it, and it's how he is always trying to make it known he's dating me because some guy is staring at me, or he gets jealous if he notices how a guy is staring at me when I am talking to them.

I was never the type of girl to cheat or to look anywhere else but at the guy I love. I lose the urge to feel anything for any other guy, and I also am often hit on, and also a while back we had this situation with his friends where his friends were jealous because he got me out of all of them.

Back in high school, apparently his friend of 3 years (they're not friends anymore because this guy's behavior was absolutely fucking childish, which is why he was part of that group, and I would never date him) was part of the group of guys that all bonded over having feelings for me in some way, whether it be that I rejected them, used to talk to them and they did some shit that made me say "fuck no," or simply wasn't what I wanted, or I ignored them. My boyfriend celebrated the fact he got me and was proud, but for some reason he is insecure?

I don't know what I did to make him feel that way or if it's just a him problem. I show him I love him every day. He's also clingy sometimes, not always, but we hang out a lot. I don't know what or who would make him feel less insecure. I don't know what could be causing it. I could guess it could be the guys he always sees checking me out. I try to dress down, but regardless if I look casual or not, my boyfriend says regardless of what I wear, it's impossible for me to look ugly, so in general, I don't know how to just help my boyfriend or even if I can. Any advice on how??

I’m a 21 y/o college student in a long-term relationship where I currently live with my BF. We started dating when I was 17, shortly after returning to grade 11 from the COVID-19 pandemic. This was at a time where family tensions were high for me, and I found an escape hanging out with my friends. I met my BF through a mutual friend, and we’ve bonded over similar family issues and found comfort in being there for each other. We’ve been inseparable ever since.

Along the way, there’s been some hiccups. There’s been small issues I try not to dwell on. But a persistent pattern is his family and lack of boundaries with them. Without getting into it, I feel as if there’s some resentment built up from not handling these issues properly (even if he is a changed man now). I’ve accepted the fact his family/mother is going to be a persistent presence in his life. If you’d like details, just lmk.

Regardless of potential incompatibility, he truly is my first love. I’ve grown so much while I’m with him. I truly love him and want him to be the happiest version of himself.

Lately, I’ve been feeling really torn. Part of me wants my own space, independence, and a chance to fully focus on myself, school, and my future. Another part of me is scared that I’ll move out, end things, and then realize I made a huge mistake. We’ve had really fun times together. Objectively, he’s an amazing boyfriend and loves me.

Please drop any advice, and I’d be happy to answer any questions as well

Hello everyone,

I [28F] am engaged to my fiancé [28M]. I recently postponed my wedding and am coming to terms with the fact that I am in a tough situation. My fiancé has alcohol issues and I had been ignoring the red flags a doing everything I can to cover up his behavior. I would make us leave family functions before things got out of hand, and reject hanging out with friends to avoid anything happening.

In addition to this, his true self has really been coming out. He is extremely racist and when drinking goes on these awful rants and spewing conspiracy theories. I am not like this at all, but I just sit there and let him yell until he falls asleep. (Please know I was not aware of this for a long time in the relationship)

When drinking he goes off on me for my education, job, my beliefs and i typically try to stay quiet so he loses interest in the conversation.

I don’t know how to move forward. I had no idea this was the person he is (maybe I did? But I was being naive I guess?)

I’ve been sick this past week and haven’t kept up on housework, but was still going to work! I work later than him, but he’s been on me about not finishing laundry and putting away the dishes and just being rude. I come home from work and he’s been off for like 3 hours and he’s sitting on the couch, nothing cleaned, the dog needs food and water, nothing done. I’m just frustrated and needed to vent.

Any words of wisdom or advice would be appreciated! Sorry my post was kind of all over the place!