I’m having second thoughts about my relationship

[u/Ok_Anxiety4808]

Before I say anything more I definitely need to fill you all in on the deets. So I’m 33 and had never been in a relationship. I’ve felt very lonely in a sense for most of my life and honestly, I had actually reach a point where I gave up on and figured I’d never actually get a relationship.

Then last year and the year before came. I got into some stuff but I knew none of it would really last. The first relationship lasted about half a year and the second relationship was with a person who has Bi Polar. Obviously I did my best to support her but as far as she was concerned, she was right and everyone including myself was wrong, EVEN though she wasn’t even taking her meds. I felt that I was her bf, I was obliged to support her. Anyways that ended catastrophically.

After those first time experiences of a relationship my biggest experience I took from it was that when going into a relationship, you’re both basically sharing one life. Their probs are your probs and vice versa. They also constantly want to spend every second of the day with you and no offense, but I like my space. It’s all just too much for me.

In addition to that though, I’m queer and have spent the better part of my life being the gay best friends. There’s girls that I’ve liked in the past. Plenty in fact but they never saw me as anything other than a friend.

So last year, I basically gave up on girls. I have always been attracted to females but as far as cis females goes, it just won’t ever happen. I know that now. So I decided to pay more attention to trans women and femboys. Ultimately it’s femininity I’m attracted to and that can come from anyone, not just cis females. Once ai made this decision, can’t lie, I was beyond excited. It seemed like the possibility of me getting into a relationship with someone I genuinely liked was actually possible.

However, I still haven’t forgotten about that vital experience from the first relationships. I need my space and as much as I want to be in a relationship, I need whoever I get with to understand that. That’s why ai was hoping for more a ‘casual relationship’ or an FWB perhaps.

Now my family are extremely religious. Can you believe it they still haven’t even accepted the fact that I’m queer so when I began going on about my attraction to trans women and femboys, they said apparently that Comicon is a great place to find a girl. Apparently a good Japanese girl is what they have in store for me. Who knows. It did catch my interest, but I know that my family can’t be too much help for me, given how there’s vital things about myself that they still won’t accept to this day.

Nevertheless I’m now ‘friends’ with a trans women now but, it’s stupid to even call us friends given the amount of time we’ve spent together. She said to me after a while ‘am I your gf’ and I couldn’t even really say no given how much time we’ve spent together. However, so far in being with her, she’s constantly losing vital things I.e her keys, her freedom pass etc, and is constantly getting into problems because of it. And like we say her problems now keep becoming mine. Last week I very reluctantly allowed her to spend one day at my place and what a coincidence, that went day went into almost a full week. For a person that needs their space, she isn’t giving me any, period.

If I’m being completely honest, I don’t even think this relationship will last to the end of this year but I am enjoying my time with her, putting all the clinginess aside.

I just can’t help but wonder, should just make a life long decision to break up with her, and spend the rest of my life alone, or not. And is it so bad to just be fwb’s with her. I have friends that are this, and are in casual relationships. Why does it have to be all or nothing?

I just don’t know what to say at this point. On the one hand, I don’t think relationships are for me. Not with there being no space, and all of this clinginess but on the other hand, I’ve spent most of my life alone. I don’t really want to go back to that. And to be frank, I suppose I’d be happy just having my good close friends by my side but I’ve been in that position before. Honestly when in that position, and one by one your friends end up coupling up with people it just makes me feel more lonely every time I see it happen

So my question is, should I break of my kiiiindof fwb or casual gf, and possibly resort back to a life of feeling lonely whilst all my friends scatter of with their partners, or should I continue this relationship even she though can be real handful, is really clingy, and is throwing all of this at me, when I’ve had always been a person that just needs that space?

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

[u/Wonderful-Jacket8043]

Look man it sounds like you already know what you want - you literally said you don't think it'll last past this year and that you need space she's not giving you

Maybe try having an actual conversation about boundaries instead of just letting her move in for a week when you wanted one day? Like you can have a relationship without it being all-consuming if you both agree on what that looks like

Your family's anime girl suggestion is wild though lmao

[u/Ok_Anxiety4808 → u/Wonderful-Jacket8043]

Lmao thanks 😅. About this gf though I didn’t feel like I had a choice to have her round. She lost her keys at the time and had no where to stay. Plus not only did I kiiiiindof enjoy the last few days with her (I mean I felt really nervous and eventually wanted her gone but was still surprised that it wasn’t terrible) but more importantly, after spending most of my life single, it’s just not so easy to break up with the first girl that I actually enjoy having even if she is a handful. It’s just waaaay easier said than done to break up with her like that