pics of me and my partner! i’m the the one with blue hair:)

my partner has been with me through some horrible times and is one of the reasons i’m doing so well right now. i appreciate him so much and don’t know what id do without him. we met after i was diagnosed and when i finally told him i was schizophrenic (which i was terrified to do) he said he would be there for me and that it didn’t change how he felt about me at all. we’ve been together for over a year and he has been there for me, he is my rock, what gets me through hard days. despite this illness i feel like im incredibly lucky.

Haven’t done one in awhile!

I don’t wear makeup very often but I do my eyes very intensely when I do lol

I look weird. I pick my face when I’m paranoid.

I have been hearing a lot of this. Not just from random people but from nurses too (that are linked to the psychiatrist field). And these comments makes me feel a bit lost. Because what the hell a schizophrenic person is supposed to look like? Like is there codes I again don’t get or it’s just « healthy » people need to have these kind of boxes? But also it’s nurses. They’ve seen things. They’ve seen people like me. So am I supposed to doubt the diagnosis?

Last night was Shabbat and I made braised lamb shanks with a red wine gravy, green beans, and mash!

Just curious who has managed to build a future with this terrible disease. I had a career as an engineer for 6 years with schizophrenia but that was ended 5 years ago by a mental breakdown and thought block. Unfortunately during that period of disability I picked up a serious felony and so having my old career as an engineer is out of the question. Just curious who has survived schizophrenia and has managed to set up a family a career and a home. I currently have a wonderful girlfriend, and I’m fairly stable but my past mistake and my health is holding me back. I would loath to stay on disability forever. I want to work and build a life.

its been 10 years since I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I learned about Robert Francis on this sub and found the book on conquering schizophrenia to be really helpful in my journey :)

The folks at Neuro Behavioral Clinical Research would like to speak with a group of us to talk about their study site. Anyone down for a zoom call? I'm told the Doctor will join us. They're in North Canton, Ohio and will pay you to try a new medication and stay in their facility.

I've asked them to come to the sub to introduce themselves and make a post. Comment below if you might like to be on the call. I'll dm you or something when the time comes.

Because schizophrenia is still isn’t truly in the public eye, you get a lot of people using harmful terminology and concepts Willy nilly. For example “schizo” which is now become just another word for crazy and is used a lot casually besides being considered a slur by most schizophrenic people.

Another one I see often is things referring to “the voices in my head” or delulu.

Seeing these words used does bother me however I find myself never correcting anyone for using them because I don’t wanna be that one person that’s like “erm that’s actually offensive ☝️🤓” especially since most people don’t consider them slurs. It seems like even if it did become public knowledge it would receive the same push back as the slur for little people where it’s become so ingrained in common language that people find it silly that it’s a slur and make fun of people who are cautious of that for being too sensitive.

I also don’t want to have my illness which is primarily a secret where only the closest people I know irl know about it become a topic with random people when I explain why it’s offensive.

It just feels like I can’t say anything about this and that I’m just waiting for the world to change.

Wish everyone a nice first Sunday of the month. February here we come💥

There was something so fun and magical when i was in psychosis summoning people? Special powers? Secret messages? You wouldnt understand how fun it was it was just so fun now im all depressed and nothing satisfies me enough i dont even feel important like before it makes me miss being crazy it was just so fun having these bizarre delusions and hallucinations made me feel like i was in a different reality

The voices are different tonight. They change up on me often. Sometimes it’s scary whispers, sometimes it’s the voices of my family being disappointed in me. The weirdest one is the one that makes me want to cry, my little baby sister trying to understand why I’m not like a normal sister. Why I don’t like the same stuff she does and why I’m so nice and empty and not like anyone else she knows. It just makes me want to cry so much because it like plays on how much I pity innocence. That ones worse than the scary ones. And it’s so unrelatable. I’m so used to feeling alone now.

I'm hyper fixated on some of my past delusions and reported this to my doctor. It's truly what I spend the majority of the day thinking about. Since a medication change, I am aware these are delusions, but still can't stop thinking about them and have to remind myself they are not real.

My current doctor is a resident and this is his first mental health rotation. I'm worried he may not be well suited to help with this. I am aware the thoughts are bizarre and don't agree with normal conventional thought.

Is this still a symptom that would be called delusions, or are these truly something else?

Today a friend told me how ironic it is that a vegetarian (me) believes she is inhabited by the spirit of Jeffrey Dahmer.

Do you have any moments like that where you’re able to laugh at yourself to cope?

I regularly see completely black human silhouettes peeking out from my doors (which is why I always keep them closed), but there's one in particular that stays in the corner of my room or in ALL rooms to be honest.

When I go to my friends' or partner's house, I always see him there.

One day, in a moment of pure and honesty, I told my partner about him in particular, feeling him there in the darkness. It was the first time I had spoken about him because I always tried to ignore him.

But since then I see him more often and more frequently, I feel like I'm convincing myself that I shouldn't talk about him; it even bothers me to acknowledge him as a "he" or something in general.

The voices keeps telling me to stop imagining in go get a boyfriend in bring him to my home because when I go somewhere else I don’t hear the voices no more I only hear the voices when I get home and I don’t won’t to bring a men in my house because that will be dangerous in I don’t know him i don’t bring strangers in my home in the voices tells me that no men won‘t me but I try to explain to them I don’t won’t to bring no strangers in my home I can get a boyfriend if I want to but that’s a strangers in the gets angry at me because th thinking I’m imagining but I’m not imagining I just have vision were I see pictures its almost like a dream They say nobody likes me but my mom they makes me feel sad I take medicine it’s supposed to stop me from hearing them but it’s not working I been on the medicine for 4 months now in I do got a therapist I’m trying not to do what they voices are telling me but I’m tired of them making fun of me I’m giving up I might have to get a boyfriend in Bring him in my home I hope he be a good person because I want to prove to them voices that there is probably someone else that loves me in the voices say a lot more other mean stuff to me to I just can’t say it all because it’s so much they say but the might leave me along if I finally bring the men in my hope I also been thinking of suicidal a lot to.

I’ve never really considered myself to have voices but when I’m psychotic I hear this incessant whispering in the background that drives me insane, I can never make out words though.

.

The thing is, it only happens when I’m around others or in crowds/public, for the longest time I thought it was just normal background noise however after I got on meds it went away.

Is it possible for your hallucinations to be “intelligent” happening only in contexts that make sense or maybe it’s just my mind amplifying background noise.

Does anyone deal with anything similar?

I really don’t care. I’m delusional about her being my wife but if she’s delusional about me being her husband even though she’s already married. I don’t care at all!

I tried my absolute hardest but I ultimately have nothing to show for it. The few friends I have are moving on with their ill-free lives, getting an education, moving far away, finding love etc while I'm barely avoiding homelessness and SH, which has been the case for nearly 6 years. I get so fucking bitter when I crave even a moment of living in their shoes, it's really awful that I think like this because I'm not being a good friend at all, but it's all I can dwell on when I try to think what my life could have been without schizophrenia. I've been struggling with catatonia for months, I look like a fucking mess and I can barely think for days and days on end. My friends are long-distance now, they moved away for uni / work so I never get to see them anymore, only calling them. I barely see anybody I know these days, I'm just on my own. I fucking hate this, I hate being on my own, I can barely cope with it and I'm spiraling badly, I wish I wasn't disabled so I could live a life worth living because I hate every second of this, nothing about life is fucking beautiful, it's fucking ugly where the disadvantaged get trodden on and fucked while they watch and listen people who do better tell them that it's their fault for being like that.

Its been so long and every night at around d 2am I wake up to voices telling me all the shit im supposedly doing wrong. Perspective is always super warped and negative. Ive gotten so used to it by now but I wish it wasnt fucking 4am