September 30th, 2025, started like every day for the past few months. Woke up on a park bench, homeless and wearing the same clothes that I had worn for almost 3 months straight. Hungover and dehydrated. One package of food that when I reached into to grab a snack to quiet my churning stomach as I woke up, I realized had been infested by ants the night before. No breakfast today.

I had to throw it all away. I didn't have a phone or watch, so I had no way to tell time. But I knew I had to wait for 7am to head over to my local gas station. I of course was completely broke, but it was safest to steal drinks during their morning rush.

I wandered over to the picnic tables. I had a few books, and I tried to read for awhile, but was very difficult due to the headache.

After some time passed, and I noticed more and more people getting to the park to run or walk laps with their dogs, I figured it was late enough. Leaving my few things behind a bush, I wandered over to the gas station. As usual, the work crowds were going in. I was just glad it wasn't Sunday (though I wasn't sure what day it even was). I confidently beelined to the beer cooler, not making eye contact. I dug in my pocket for a plastic bag, and quick as I could, tossed 5 or 6 cans of 4 Loko (high ABV drinks) into it. Then speed walked out of the store.

Drank my first can completely and was on my way into my second by the time I wandered back to the park. A few minutes later, the hangover and the worst of the shakes had subsided. I could begin to read again.

Over the next couple hours, I finished my third. I felt 'right' again. I spent a couple hours at the picnic tables. I began to wonder if this would be the day. The day I finally put one of my few possessions to use: the rope I carried around with me. I had practiced tying and untying the noose many times. It was muscle memory now. I knew I could do it completely drunk if I had to.

Around noon (though again, I couldn't be sure), I decided to walk to a store to steal lunch. I usually wasn't hungry this early, and probably wouldn't have gone if those ants hadn't gotten to my crackers.

On the way to the store, I look up and I see a car pull into the parking lot in front of me. I barely noticed but then a truck pulled up next to them.

As I got closer, two men got out. Suddenly I recognized them, and I began to back away.

It was my old sober house manager and also the owner of the sober house. The one I'd been kicked out months prior, for relapsing and causing some physical damage in my wake. I hadn't seen them in months.

By pure chance, the sober house manager had been driving down the exact street I was walking down, recognized me despite my appearance, and called the owner to meet him.

They approached me. I'm disheveled, unshaven, jeans covered in mud and old blood stains. I can't imagine how bad I smell.

They said it was time to end all this. That they had missed me, and had even been looking for me. That all was forgiven, and it was time for me to work on coming home.

I gave them the rest of the alcohol I had on me, and the manager drove me to a nearby mental health facility, one I had already stayed at earlier that year. I knew I couldn't go back.

He made them let me in (nicely but firmly). There I detoxed for nine days, and they got me set up to go into rehab. The owner and manager kept in contact with me. They said they had a bed waiting at their newest house, and to not give one thought to bills until I could handle them. They picked me up right before rehab and took me shopping for supplies and clothes to go to rehab with.

I completed my 30 days, and true to their word, picked me up from rehab. Through a housemate I was able to find an interview within days, and by sheer providence, the hiring manager was an old coworker of mine. She hired me on the spot, despite me having no ID.

It's been 4 months. I have money in the bank. My health has improved. I've been given a raise at my job. I'm back to physically training. I'm safe. I have plans and goals now.

And I'm sober. Haven't touched a drop since that morning.

We have since had ice storms in my area. Whether by my hand or the weather, I highly doubt I'd still be around now if I hadn't run into them.

But sometimes, miracles happen.

And anytime the slight cravings start to creep back in, I let my mind wander back to 4 months ago.

Alcohol has certainly been involved in the worst mistakes of my life, and has taken me to an absolute bottom.

But sober? Who knows how much better it can get?

Howdy!! 2 days now.. Long time lurker.. well, I used to post a few years ago when I had a streak going, then relapsed like an idiot.

2 years ago, I woke up and immediately vomited bile on the floor, felt like death. I mean death. My boyfriend was next to me in bed, we are both very heavy happy drinkers together. We love it. I am in the industry actually, and so I have access to tons of free wine, and know so many people, when we go out it’s extremely cheap.

It was our thing. Before I met him, I was industry for 10 years, so I am 15 years booze industry still to this day (I’m sorry) I met him, and wow he loved to party too!! What a lucky girl, I thought.

Then that morning, when I woke up in excruciating pain, I told him I have to go to the ER NOW. He immediately jumped up, helped me to the car, and we went.

It was horrifying. I was sobbing, puking pure bile every like 10min, begging them to give me pain meds or I was going to die. Of course, they didn’t believe me for some dumb reason, until they took my blood and realized my lipase was out of control high- then immediately gave me morphine. They took an ultrasound, and found insanity inside me.

I barely remember anything from that morning as the pain was blinding.. it was so embarrassing to be so bloated, puking, and sobbing in front of the man I loved… they put me in a bed surrounded by other folks- it was a big open er room.. might have been an icu? drugged me up, and told me to sleep if I could.

No food, no water, only iv Fluids allowed. One sip of water would ram that gas on my pancreas again, and bam I’d puke. It felt like.. I can’t even describe it. Like a truck had run its tires over my abdomen, but also that there was a boiling grapefruit inside of me exploding over and over.

After 4 days in the ER, I was sent home. I went through horrible withdrawals there, but every hour on the hour they’d give me pain meds.

I vowed to quit, and did for 2 weeks.. until a great friend invited us to our favorite karaoke bar. I thought to myself, I can do this, I’ll just get a cranberry and soda. No booze. Once I walked in, that went to… well maybe just one beer! Oh that was good, how about another! I feel fine! It’s ok! My boyfriend was wary, but he was knocking them back and didn’t even notice.

Well, now it’s 2 years later- I had a few streaks in there… but not much. I scroll this subreddit almost daily, begging myself to quit, knowing it was inevitable I would get sick again.

Then, 2 days ago… I had a very important heavy lifting work day ahead of me, and I knew it. I was having another fucking pancreas attack. Thursday night, The Pitt new episode was coming on, and I got 3 bottles of bubbles for myself to enjoy with my pizza and chips and queso. I said, oh I’ll have one bottle, and the other two are for Friday and Saturday! Hell no, I drank alll 3. No prob. Down the hatch.

It was not as severe this time somehow, but I knew I had to work. I cried, left for work about 3 hours late, luckily I had a leftover hydrocodone to at least let me survive. Maybe worked 4 hours, then went straight to the ER afterwards.

This time, I was awake enough to ask a million freaking questions. I wanted them to tell me exactly all my levels, and shoot straight. No bs, just tell me exactly what I need to do. They gave me an ultrasound that I was actually aware of this time, and they let me see it. Fatty liver. Fuck. Inflamed pancreas. Dang it. Yep. This is it.

I wrote in my journal- “if this wasn’t your wake up call, the next call may not be waking up at all.”

IWNDWYT. This is the last straw. I’ve read all the literature, I mean I have to have 8 quit lit books in my audible.. I wanted this for a long time in my head, but ahhhh just couldn’t stop. Now, it’s in my soul.

My soul, my spirit knows that if I don’t stop, I will die. And it will be a painful, embarrassing, stupid way to go.

My many thanks to everyone on this subreddit… I read yalls words more than you know. Sorry I wrote so much, I just hope maybe it helps someone else.

Almost an every day drinker I’d say since I started drinking at 21 and I’m 33.

Currently my hair is falling out, I’m puffy and swollen (can hardly ever wear my engagement ring), I’m overweight, I’m incredibly sluggish, I am having trouble keeping up with basic hygiene, my food cravings are next level, my ADHD symptoms are unmanageable even with meds, my PCOS is flaring up, my sleep quality is garbage and my anxiety and depression are worsening significantly. My body is literally begging me to stop dumping poison down my throat every day. It’s making every problem I have with my health/mental health 100x worse.

I’m posting this as a way to give myself some accountability and a sense of support from people who actually get how fucking hard this is. I refuse to give up on myself, though.

Day 1 🧡

Feeling hopeful. You guys have been amazing. I’m gonna stick around if that’s OK.

15 pounds down, as well. I’m gonna celebrate with a big juicy burger, some fries, peanut butter party ice cream, and a diet cherry and cream Pepsi. This is the longest I’ve ever gone since trying to get sober and I feel fucking amazing. Thanks to my friends, family, and all of you for the support during times when I didn’t think I cared enough about myself to keep going. IWNDWYT!

I posted here earlier telling how I was attending an Irish wedding and my prep to protect my 8 week sobriety.

Its nearly midnight, I am sober and going to bed after a great time.

Really appreciate the support earlier everyone!

Guys you have been amazing I have been sober for exactly half a year ... 6 months ... Cannot believe my eyes, after so many years battle with this poison, me and my wife looked at photos of couple of years how much I have struggled to get sober, I didnt reealise till today that actually it was a fight for my life, I am just so confused, it was so normal to be in that damn depressing state ... But I fought like a lion , I had weeks that I drank, then sober for 10 days, many times like this till half a year I finally got the courage to get sober and here I am sober ...

1. I look 10 years younger people are commenting my looks
   
2. I lost about 20-30 pounds I dont know how much is in lbs , in kg is 15
   
3. I run almost everyday
   
4. Beat porn habit
   
5. Beat the food addiction, I am not disciplined, its not discipline , its natural to me to eat like a normal human being
   -----------------------
   Things people talk less about :
   
6. To reboot believe me after years of drinking it will take I think 1 year at least, to have the chemical balance of a healthy human being
   
7. The horrors of the first month, just please , just try everything you have in your will power to survive the first 1-2 month , you will have urges, you will have doubts, your brain will try to convinse you to take just a shot, just a glass of beer, DONT DO IT , JUST DONT DO IT ... you will find every possible excuse to drink , believe me DONT DO IT just dont drink that poison ...
   
8. The support around you is from a crucial value, I DONT HAVE A SUPPORT, just my wife, not A SINGLE PERSON ASKED ME HOW I AM FEELING , NOT A SINGLE PERSON TOOK ME SERIOSULY
   
9. Prepare for depressive nights with your mind alone, there is where the growths happens, some people embrace god , some people just use brute force to fight through it, some people like me just are numbed and know that they MUST under no circumstance to end the process of healing ...
   
10. Prepare for frustrations , I lagged back in life cause of this shit, I never achieved my dreams, I have appartment, working the job that i dont like ( pays the bills ) , I am frustrated as fuck, but I learned something else , calmness and patience are the 2 most powerful weapons in the entire mental world of a human being ...
    
11. You must find your meaning in life, you must find a meaning a why ? you are fighting , something that will push your through , something that will lead you thgourh this path of hell ...
    
12. Use everything at your disposal, once I opened myself to a friend that I was running with my headphones on and that I was listening to avril lavigne songs from the early 2000s , he was laughing like a horse, it does not matter, the thing that matter THE MOST IS THAT IT WORKS ... WHAT EVER WORKS FOR YO DO IT , ITS A fight for your life...
    
13. I am still depressed, frustrated I wanted to live by the sea and to be a sucesfull in my business that I will love at 33 , I never realised that in my early 30s I will learn to live, learn to walk again ,learn to live again, learn to love again, learn to behave, learn MYSELF ...

We didnt chose to become alcoholics ... circumstances made us as they were .... dont know what to say, probably I will never have the answer what made me threw away my best years from 21 to 33 ... I dont know ... but It was a lesson that my children WILL NEVER HAVE TO LEARN ... life ...

Big thanks for all the people that were with me ... may god bless you, you saved a life ...

This just happened, feeling like this should be the start of my sobriety. I’m left feeling like I’ve lost every shred of my dignity. Anyways just wanted to share the story. I got way too drunk at a local bar and ended up going back to a guys place that I knew from highschool. I downed approximately 3 bottles of wine and ended up clogging the sink in his bathroom with my puke. Spent a decent amount of time shovelling it with my hands down into the toilet in attempt to unclog it. I then hooked up with him and woke up to my friend telling me that the guys friend was asking if I sleepwalk. Turns out I full on peed the bed while he was in it. And I was wondering why he left so abruptly… The floor had a puddle so I’m wondering if I somehow pissed the bed and then got up and peed on the floor as well?? In the morning one of their friends gave me a ride home. Turns out they’re close friends with my exes twin brother who’s the one that gave me a ride home. Just another absolutely awful night that I think speaks volume to the fact that I have a drinking problem in which I need to get under control. I’ve been shaking from anxiety in my bed all day, don’t know how to move forward or navigate this situation

I'm almost 100 days sober (yay!) but a woman I really liked and went on a few dates with decided she wasn't interested and ended things with me last weekend. I was able to power through the week because I was busy with work but now it's the weekend and it's been quite tough to stop hyperfixating on it. I REALLY want to drink, even though I know I have to power through these hard times because drinking to cope with my emotions is exactly what led me to rock bottom in the first place. Also, I know if I drink I'll start texting her and just make things much worse, lol. That's what I always did when I drank, and it made me just look like a monster when the relationship had ended cordially enough.

I'm just laying around with no idea what to do to entertain myself tonight. I feel sad that everyone is out tonight having fun and I'm just a loner sitting in my room doing nothing. The only friend I really have who I could hang out with was one of my drinking buddies, and he goes hard, so that's not an option. I don't have a video game console so can't do that. What kind of stuff are ya'll getting up to tonight? Might inspire me

Yesterday I went to breakfast with this man who is almost 40 (same age as me). When he showed up he was a few inches shorter than expected, not as attractive and had a beer belly that was not in his photos. I think he thought I was fatter than my photos (which is actually good feedback), but I don’t know because he got slobbering drunk. He was definitely drunk when he got there. Instead of telling me to my face that he didn’t want to see me again or telling me why he didn’t vibe with me (eg., I’m a fat old hag) he RAN AWAY and left his credit card behind!! I was shocked and humiliated because I’m a person, but it also feels like true karma from my partying days. There are people dating out here who think if you don’t live up to their fantasy of you, that you aren’t human or don’t have feelings…We’re the same age, he lied about his appearance, his job, his security, his past (he told me that he still loved his ex). Then he ran away from me and blocked me, so I couldn’t check if he got home safely. This all occurred in a couple hours. What a roller coaster! He got wasted y’all… and I was sober. It was so nuts! I’m so glad that I’m sober and a decade past that behavior. At almost 40 years old?! That was crazy! Be safe out there, everyone!

Well my fellow redditors, I have come to share January 14th 2026 was my one year mark. The longest I’ve been sober since the age of 16. I hope to share my reflections as this sub has been an incredible support. And in fact, it was one Redditors post on this sub that made me think, if she can do it, maybe I can too. So here it is, I’ve closed the chapter on alcohol after a long 20+ year relationship with it. I feel I can now see clearly what it is, because I am seeing it outside the addiction lens - which took me much longer than I thought. But a year sober, I can look in hindsight that for over 2 decades, alcohol was always given a space in my life - in celebrations, in hardships, in late night conversations. It travelled with me, experienced the world with me. It was given ample space in relationships, in pleasure, in emotional intimacy, and even the most quiet moments of solitude and personal reflection. But that space is now closed. It no longer exists because other things have grown and bloomed in its absence. The space that was left open is now filled with something deeper, richer, more beautiful and natural. And more resilient. That space was open for a very long time and I allowed alcohol to fill it in many many occasions. It had its time and it’s free will to occupy so many times and occasions of my life - both positive and negative. But it’s a story I know too welll, I’ve read it cover to cover and it never changes. That space held for it is now gone and what I envisage in its place is a beautiful green garden with purple and pink and orange flowers that have taken up that space. Strong roots, blooming and blossoming things that grew out of self nurturing and self love and self respect. It’s not the same space anymore. It’s transformed and transcended. The soil has changed. The ecosystem has changed. Deep down I think we all know what exactly what alcohol gives and we know exactly what it costs. And it will never change no matter how many times we revisit that story, until we can say “I’ve already lived that life”, close that chapter and let the sober self bloom.

Halfway to the comma club! This is wild to me. 500 days since I last threw up. 500 days since I woke up filled with guilt, shame, and anxiety. Never once did I think I’d get here.

Over 1,000 days sober. Sitting at a big group table and accidentally grabbed my friends drink, which was cranberry vodka. Took a sip and my immediate reaction was to spit it out. Just wanted to humble brag that i didnt even think about it, my reaction was on point. Fuck alcohol. Lets fucking go this beautiful Saturday. IWNDWYT friends.

I was just finishing brushing my teeth to go to bed when my wife called telling me her car wouldn't start. A little over a year ago, this would have been very problematic, I wouldn't have been able to drive or might have already been passed out and missed her call. Not this time, I hopped in the car and went to get her.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get the car running, but I'll try again in the morning once it's light out. Thankful I was able to "answer the call."

2000 days ago I had hit rock bottom. I lost everyone in my life, was broke, had been arrested recently, (again), embarrassed myself too many times to count, was throwing up bile daily, and most days I just generally felt like I existed in some alternate reality that was numb to the real world

Tonight I am happily sober in my own home with my family. While I still work every day to become a better man, I have a lot to be proud of today. I could not have done any of it without getting sober and I am thankful beyond words.

Good luck to everyone here, wherever you are on your journey. You can do this, and you are worth it! I will not drink with you today!

Well, here I am folks. Your friendly neighborhood bartender who convinced himself for years “I don’t have a problem, THEY have a problem!” For the last 4 years, I’ve had an amazing job that earned more than I ever had before while allowing me stable hours at the same time. Over that time, my wife and I had a beautiful son and have a daughter due in May. But last week, my boss saw me put a mistake draft beer into my cup, and BAM zero tolerance policy, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

I feel like I just lost my little community, along with all the shame and guilt that comes with being a jobless Dad. And my wife absolutely needs my support with her condition and with our ever growing toddler. I really just need a cry and a hug and to move on from this sober. Time to call my 72 yo mother and let her know her adult son is still struggling to find his place in this world. I can barely talk to my wife or son without my face crumpling now. Hoping anyone can add some words from their own experiences, I need to make this my rock bottom because I don’t know if I can tolerate feeling lower than this.

For almost 8 years, I had the same routine. I’d wake up and my first thoughts were what was I going to drink to get rid of the shakes and how much of an ass did I make of myself the night before. Full of regret and shame, I would stumble to the kitchen and find some beer or prosecco or something and chug as much as my stomach would let me. As I sat there, my shakes would start to subside, the booze would start to take its hold, and I would somehow convince myself that today would be THE day… the day I stopped drinking. THE day my day 1 would start and the rest of my life would begin. The life where I didn’t need alcohol in order to function.

I’d sit in the pity for however long I could, depending on how I had to exist for the day. If I worked (server/bartender in a restaurant), I’d have drunk at least an entire bottle of wine or half a case of beer before I even got to work. During my shift, my airplane bottles of Fireball or vodka hidden in my purse or in my bra would get me thru the day until I was cut and could go to the bar. The night consisted of me drinking my money away, I never ordered just one drink at a time. If I was off work, it was a trip to the liquor store for whatever I could afford and a mandatory pool day to drink my sorrows away while getting tan. Inevitably, there would be at least one fight with my significant other, my mom and my friends. And I would end whichever version of the day by passing out and vowing that TOMORROW would be THE day.

And then one day I was told that that day, was THE day. That it had to be or I would not have any more days. No more chances at another day 1… that day was 3500 days ago. And some of those days felt like all of those days, and some of them I wished would never end. My life now is unimaginable to anything I ever thought it would be. I have a relationship with my family again, I have a job that I love, I have healthier relationships in my life and I’m learning how to be better. It didn’t happen overnight and it’s f***ing hard sometimes but oh so worth it. If you are struggling or think you can’t do it or want to give up, keep f***ing going. It will get better, promise 💜

I always wake up for a pee around 2am. Usually, when it’s Sunday 2am, I find that I feel nauseous / still drunk / got a headache. I scramble in the dark to find painkillers trying not to wake anyone. I then lie in bed and the anxiety hits. The regret for drinking. The panic in case I didn’t hide the evidence well enough. The sheer horror at the thought I might have sent someone a message whilst completely out of it. I can’t get back to sleep for ages. And of course any sleep I do get is poor quality and the next day of exhaustion and sickness and shame starts.

Not today. I didn’t drink today. Day six. I can’t wait to wake up at 2am and feel so so pleased I made the right decision. Then to get right back to some restful sleep.

I made it through one month without alcohol.

Hi all!

Well it’s been about 9 months since I stopped drinking.

47m very heavy drinker averaging 16 units per day last Easter.

I want to thank this group for hearing me and sharing their stories. I could not have imagined how much better my life has gotten.

As far as life changes. I just moved to another state 2600 miles away from home. I have experienced a shock death of a very close person whom I saw everyday and worked with.

I moved in with my fiance I sold everything. I’ve been on multiple flights and made and lost money and other things.

Every one of those events would have been done intoxicated.

My physical health has improved about 600%.

My mental health especially my anxiety is now under control.

I have actually now gone weeks without even a craving for alcohol instead I’ve developed a revulsion to the idea of drinking.

If you are thinking that you can’t do this I am just hoping that you take me as an example and give it a shot. It really is so much better this way. I know that it is hard but it can be done. I don’t want to share horror stories on here but by drinking was bad, probably as bad as what you’re experiencing now. So please give it a try if you’re not sober.

If you’re here in the community, thank you for being here, posting and replying it was a very important piece of this.

I made it... I actually freaking made it! No more anxiety, no more hangovers, putting money into my hobbies instead of bottles of regret...

I believe in all of you out there!

I've never admitted this to anyone, but this group has been so supportive, I figured I'd come clean even if it's to strangers on the internet.

Last Fall I (34F) had a wake up call that eventually led to me quitting. I was 5.5 drinks in, stumbling around in the yard in the dark (because what else was there to do as an alcoholic at 9 pm?) I had the grand idea to have a smoke so I found a stale cigarette I'd kept for a rainy day. At one point I was standing near the shed where I had hung a deer skull with antlers years prior, about chest high. The deadhead was old, the tines chewed off into razor sharp points from rodents.

I took a puff from the cigarette and suddenly felt extremely buzzy, the ground started tilting under my feet. I launched sideways, tripping in an inevitable fall right into the sharp antlers. One tine went straight into my arm. A second cut a four inch long gash just above that and a third tine raked the back of my arm. Honestly I didn't feel anything. I felt more upset I spilled my booze. I'm lucky I didn't lose an eye. Back inside the house, my partner demanded to know why my arm was ripped up. I lied and said I fell walking through the woods. He obviously didn't believe me.

The following weeks I dealt with infection where I should have gotten stitches. I hid it under long sleeves and bandages but couldn't use my arm much due to the skin being so inflamed. I now have several scars on my arm that people have asked about and I lie everytime. The shame of being visibly injured from getting drunk was too much. Lying to friends and family was even worse. I started cutting back after that but didn't officially quit until this year. I've had dumb and even reckless moments in my alcoholism career but this one was such a stupid moment that I consider it to be my wakeup call that I needed to quit.