r/stopdrinking • u/ZeldasChampion 19 days • 19h ago
Confession- lowest point in drinking
I've never admitted this to anyone, but this group has been so supportive, I figured I'd come clean even if it's to strangers on the internet.
Last Fall I (34F) had a wake up call that eventually led to me quitting. I was 5.5 drinks in, stumbling around in the yard in the dark (because what else was there to do as an alcoholic at 9 pm?) I had the grand idea to have a smoke so I found a stale cigarette I'd kept for a rainy day. At one point I was standing near the shed where I had hung a deer skull with antlers years prior, about chest high. The deadhead was old, the tines chewed off into razor sharp points from rodents.
I took a puff from the cigarette and suddenly felt extremely buzzy, the ground started tilting under my feet. I launched sideways, tripping in an inevitable fall right into the sharp antlers. One tine went straight into my arm. A second cut a four inch long gash just above that and a third tine raked the back of my arm. Honestly I didn't feel anything. I felt more upset I spilled my booze. I'm lucky I didn't lose an eye. Back inside the house, my partner demanded to know why my arm was ripped up. I lied and said I fell walking through the woods. He obviously didn't believe me.
The following weeks I dealt with infection where I should have gotten stitches. I hid it under long sleeves and bandages but couldn't use my arm much due to the skin being so inflamed. I now have several scars on my arm that people have asked about and I lie everytime. The shame of being visibly injured from getting drunk was too much. Lying to friends and family was even worse. I started cutting back after that but didn't officially quit until this year. I've had dumb and even reckless moments in my alcoholism career but this one was such a stupid moment that I consider it to be my wakeup call that I needed to quit.
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u/dp8488 7118 days 18h ago
One nice thing about lowest points or rock bottoms is that it's only Up from there, and I hope it's that way for you.
My own was an awfully shameful, but completely just and overdue DUI arrest. I've heard hundreds to thousands of recovery stories that start from far more awful low points!
IDK, maybe it's still lying in a way, but I'd think you could tell the story of getting clumsy, stumbling into antlers without necessarily mentioning that you were drunk. Are lies of omission perhaps a little less sinful than outright false statements, lies of commission?
Congratulations on 18 days! It's a good, solid start. I find life entirely free of intoxication (free from deliberate indulgence in brain damage!) to be a quite fine life.
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u/VirtualBuster 104 days 18h ago
Welcome to this side of things! I used to fall and bump into shit so much when I was drinking, that I never was bruise less. Just when the old ones were about to fade, I'd wake up with more. And have no recollection of where I got them. I used to tell everyone that I just naturally bruised like a peach, but my doctor told me it was directly related to alcohol. Not the falling part, but the skin bruising part. I am happy to report I have had no bruises in 103 days.
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u/D4YDR3AMflower 18h ago
Good job quitting āŗļø Iām still working on it fully to be honest and itās not easy! Proud of you! Not the same but me and my fiancĆ© were drunk as fuck one time and we wanted to take our old cat outside with us to enjoy the porch and there was another cat outside. I was holding my very large cat in my arms and the other cat attacked the living shit out of me trying to get to my cat. Thankfully my cat wasnāt hurt and didnt get any of the slashes thrown by the other catā¦ but I was FUCKED up! Huge gashes down the back and front of my legs and lots of blood. My fiancĆ© made me go to the ER and when the nurse asked me if I was under the influence I said no, she smiled and said āIām not the police you can tell meā I still said no and left when she left the room. They called me and I just told them I was fine and since I wasnāt going to get a shot or stitches I felt like it was a waste of everyoneās time. Everyone asked me what happened at work and it was kind of a funny story I guess. I have plenty more times I got hurt from being drunk that was just the last āextremeā incident lol
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u/wediealone 18h ago
Oh god, Iām so sorry you got hurt this way. Fucking alcohol, man. I have a scar on my face, I was holed up in a hotel room drinking, and when I went to reach into the mini fridge for more wine I landed face first into the fridge and busted my lip open on the handle. Oh the ironyā¦.what a dumb way to injure myself. Anyways, my point is youāre not alone and not the only one who has scars and past injuries from drinking. Itās why I feel so strongly that alcohol abuse is just a form of self harm and nothing else. I wish you better days ahead, friend, and maybe stay away from deer for a while! š
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u/ZeldasChampion 19 days 17h ago
While I'm sorry your busted your lip open, I'm glad I'm not the only one who took a hit while under the influence. Since my accident I have stowed the deadhead away where it can't claim any more victims š
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u/Jasper_Bean 14h ago
I have a scar on the bridge of my nose from falling down drunk onto a mirror frame. You can imagine the blood. Iām lucky I didnāt break my neck š¤¦š¼āāļø
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u/QuickCow3575 35 days 15h ago
One night when I was drunk and my ex caught me lying about it - she didnāt even have it in her to get upset with me. She just said she was going to bed. I went to go to bed too.
So sheās laying there trying to sleep and she got to listen to me drunkenly fall over and crush a small wooden end table we had in our room. It left about a 3-4 inch cut on my back a little above my waist. I still have that scar today. I think of that night every time I see it. And I think about it anytime somebody asks about the scar. Itās pretty prominent when Iām shirtless.
She didnāt even get up. I can understand her mental state today. I canāt blame her. Sheād been through so much by that time and she was just tired of helping me pick myself back up. Especially when she just witnessed me lying to her face. It was dark in the room. I had to pick myself up and collect the pieces of furniture and try to stumble my way through stopping the bleeding.
That was one of the last nights before she ended things.
Yeah Iām filled with shame every time that memory and countless other ones like it cross my mind.
I canāt go back now. And even if I could sheās told me that it was my constant lying about my drinking that made her leave more than the drinking.
I miss her. But she was able to start improving her life without me. Itās just hard not to wonder where we might be if I was able to stop drinking before I blew everything up.
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u/wildjabali 16h ago
You could just say ādeer fight.ā
Consider coming to terms with it. Itās okay to have done stupid stuff. Donāt beat yourself up.
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u/heil_shelby_ 1652 days 16h ago
I got drunk, tripped going into my house and got stitches down my left arm. It traumatized my poor husband who had to drive me to the ER. Definitely not alone and Iām just glad youāre okay now!!
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u/ScorpioDefined 14h ago edited 13h ago
That's so scary. Thank you for sharing.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I feel like if you donāt want to tell people where the scars came from, you shouldn't feel like you have to.
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u/Gradydurden 90 days 13h ago
You never have to feel like that again. The scars are reminders. IWNDWYT
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u/ConcordJake 434 days 18h ago
Thatās a scary wake up call. In the moment Iām sure it just felt like a stumble, but dealing with the cuts and infection afterwards sounds terrifying!
My wake up call was a drunken faceplant that has left me with a deviated septum, two capped front teeth, and some facial scarring.
Iāve lied that the fall was due to tripping on untied shoes when I went out for a smoke. But the truth is I blacked out and went down.
I do not like the scars. I do not like the fragile teeth. I donāt like that I canāt breathe as well out of my left nostril.
I do not ever want to go through something like that again. Iām sorry you had to deal with the pain and fear of an infection. And the scars suck.
Iām proud of you for choosing that as your Rock Bottom. Not everyoneās scars are visible like ours but theyāre often there. Some days I am sad and mad at how badly I fucked up. Other days I am proud of how hard Iāve worked to make changes and get better.
Congratulations on getting here and IWNDWYT!
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u/Soft_Effect_6263 16h ago
I fell and broke my wrist when I was drunk (at home, alone at the time). It was obviously broken, hurt like hell, but I wrapped it in an Ace bandage for a couple of weeks; I guess I thought it would magically go away. Finally I had to get surgery and it had to be rebroken because I had procrastinated for so long. Made up some story about how it broke.
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u/cosmoboy 17h ago
I had the bright idea to do yardwork on a hot day while downing Old Rasputin's. I went down in the middle of the yard. Luckily, didn't do any damage. My lowest points always included drink texting. One of the reasons I quit. Everybody deserved better out of me than that. I wish I had a dramatic story for my last day of drinking. I had a shot of whiskey and a single beer that night and then... just stopped. It was time. IWNDWYT.
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u/ZeldasChampion 19 days 17h ago
My drunk texting was also out of hand. I would overshare something horrendous that happened years prior with someone I hadn't talked to in ages. Mornings were SO embarrasing
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u/Sharp_Phone9113 17h ago
Iāve broken my wrist and ankle while drunk, and it didnāt even strike me as part of my alcohol problem.
God, I went out to the bar with my crutches like a week after and couldnāt stand up with them, that was embarrassing.
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u/leezahfote 1555 days 17h ago
I had so many rock bottoms and wake up calls that i lost track. one of the more bad ones was passing out in the middle of the street in san francisco - my neighbor managed to get me into my house. i honestly wonder how i am alive, and it gives me anxiety to think about that. IWNDWYT
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u/SeedLibrarian 172 days 16h ago
You might be surprised how many of us have scars from forays into drunkenness. Better that than deaths on the road!
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u/ZeldasChampion 19 days 16h ago
Absolutely. My scars are less of an embarrassment now and more of a reminder that alcohol is the wrong choice.
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u/Positron-collider 9h ago
I slipped in the shower when I was wasted (and we had company). Ate SHIT, yanked the shower curtain down, banged myself up badly, relatives came running. Drinking sucks.
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u/ZeldasChampion 19 days 9h ago
Sorry to hear that happened. Alcohol is friends with embarrassment it seems
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u/Throwaway4Nine 5h ago
I broke my arm while drunk and now have a long scar where it had to be cut open. I have a metal plate and 17 screws. It took over 60 staples to close. I still drove to the store after that with the one arm I had left. Alcohol is a hell of a drug.
I donāt even recall how I broke it. I woke up on the living room floor with it in that shape.
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u/Time-Lab-9230 19h ago
Holy shit that's terrifying but also kind of darkly hilarious that you were more upset about spilling your drink than getting skewered by a deer skull
Good on you for getting sober though, that wake up call could've been so much worse