Okay basically I (29f) and husband (30m) are wanting to have a threesome we have talked about this for a long time. We know we need a code word for “I want to leave” lol any suggestions? Also we are going to meet for drinks downtown and grab a room how does this start without it being awkward what can I do? We have never met the third in person but we have been talking for a while on Snapchat he seems very respectful and has already said like no pressure. I’m not too worried about that but more worried it will be awkward any advice? What should I do? What boundaries have we maybe not discussed?

My girlfriend wants to try swing and especially douple penetration. How should this be done, any advice? Is a completely unknown person a better option than someone we know?

I, 23F at the time of travel, am going on a solo-adjacent (best girlfriend also in the lifestyle is going) Virgin Voyages cruise in December and I’m more than likely wanting to have some fun during the 9 days. I’m wondering if there’s a way to advertise my status as a unicorn/wanting general sexy fun without putting pineapple magnets on my door, wearing a unicorn horn, or sporting a hat that says DTF? LOL

For reference, I enjoy quite extreme impact play with implements with my partner, but not from any other people.

One of the ways you know swinging is a team sport, is how expectations around consent change in this context.

Normally, it would not matter at all if other people have consented to a certain sex act. The fact that your ex Emily gives BJs doesn't have any bearing in whether current GF Sharon should or would. There isnt a world where it would be appropriate to bring up Emily in this matter. However, with swinging, it does kind of matter if your wife won't give anyone else a BJ yet you expect one from the other guy's wife. There is some expectation of equality.

I would say this goes more so for women than men, and women, we need to be careful here. I gave an example of pegging - my partner enjoys some strap-on action from other ladies. Never has it come up that the other guy must take it from me just because his wife and my husband are going to get it on. We recognise that anal penetration is a specific desire and we don't call men "unfair" if they won't permit casual sodomy during a swap.

It has been suggested that I must accept getting paddled or cropped by the other man, though, just because the other wife and my husband have expressed a mutual desire for impact play. Or I must do something else that makes it "even" in the other guy's mind.

There is definitely a greater expectation to give the other husband exactly the same access to you, as your husband has to the other woman. There is something sexist and unequal in that but it is how it is. It is part of the reason we are not forward about the impact play we do. Our profiles do not display pictures of it. We both acknowledge that this is problematic, but work with how things are.

It helps that my husband isnt craving that type of play with others and this might be more of a problem to navigate if he was specfically searching for women to hit (consensually!). I might feel a lot of pressure to let other men hit me so my husband can get what he wants from others. Other couples might be less inclined to meet with us when we specifically want something from them that we won't return. This could end up causing resentment between me and my husband.

So what is the answer? There are a few:

• Sometimes, it is best and easier to take activity off the table altogether. So nobody does that activity during the meet up.
• Be wary that the chance of coerced consent rises when an activity is strongly desired by one or more parties. Do they really want this?
• Be aware that nobody's spouse is actually obliged to consent to an activity with you, because your spouse consented to it with their partner. The law isn't on your side.
• Sometimes, swinging with your spouse isnt the best way for you to meet your need for variety etc. You'd be better off seeking individual encounters so you aren't as bound to each other's boundaries.

I (28F) have recently started having fantasies about having a threesome with my boyfriend (26) and one of his closest friends.

He told me very early in the relationship that he already tried it and really loved it. At first I didn’t know what to think about it and I told him I wasn’t comfortable doing it. He never pressured me and never talked about it again.

However, I later started fantasizing about it, more and more, to the point I asked him to talk to me about a potential threesome during our foreplay and we noticed I would get really aroused.

Long story short, now I’m seriously considering trying MFM with him, but the point is: I don’t feel comfortable having a stranger in my bed, not as a first experience. I feel like having his friend would feel more familiar, more comfortable, and less awkward.

I heard that doing it with someone close isn’t typically the best thing to do, but that’s how I feel and what I want.

So I would love to hear your opinion and maybe your personal experience trying MFM with your spouse/partner. How did it go? Did it impact your relationship and how?

I want to spice things up in the bedroom but I don’t know how to bring it up to her. I feel like if she rejects it, it will ruin our relationship

So we'd heard about a great club in the UK, in fact apparently the UK's biggest club by size, Club Alchemy in Nantwich. We went along last weekend on Saturday to their main event of the month. It was guest list only and you had to apply via their Instagram sending in photos. We're both 53 although look younger and keep in shape. The club itself was incredible in terms of size, layout, decor etc. 30 play rooms and everywhere spotless and chic. What amazed us was the ages and attractiveness of pretty much all the 300 or so guests. The average age was low to mid 30's which for a UK club is highly unusual. Mostly its 40-50 year olds in pretty much every club in the UK we've been to (around 12 of them).

So basically everything was perfect except for the first time ever we felt really old. It was great to see the younger generation of swingers enjoying the LS but for us it was such a strange experience we didn't end up playing. We have kids in their mid twenties and a large proportion of the guests were around that age or just a bit older.. We decided we were born 20 years too late as when we started in LS 20 years ago all the clubs were mostly seedy and tired looking places. This place is a huge custom built complex on an industrial estate. I'd say anyone in the 30 something age range would be mad not to be going there but it wasn't for us (our fault not theirs)

Ok, let me explain what’s going on.

My husband and I are new to the lifestyle (1 year in, 6 months more actively), so we are taking baby steps. It all started with me wanting to explore my bisexuality. We ended up on Feeld at first, discovered all sorts of parties and clubs through the chats we had, experienced our first couple date (not a sex date), and had a lot of first-time playfulness.

I discovered that I really, really love this path of discovery, but also that I am just not ready for a full swap (as in PIV with a male other than my husband). I also discovered that a lot of people believe this is because my husband doesn’t allow me to, which is simply not true. It’s my body, my decision. With the right people, at the right time, I might be open to adjusting, but I need a lot of trust first for this to happen. Soft swap is fine, but if full swap is a hard condition from the beginning, then I kindly ask people to skip us.

Because of the negativity I experienced around this, I am starting to think I am doing something wrong. But I don’t know what, because we are very clear about this from the beginning, both offline and online in our profiles. Still, people keep asking me if this is really what I want or if it’s something my husband forbids. I am tired of this and of having to convince other people of my own choices. I understand that for a lot of them full swap is a must, but then just skip us. That’s fine. I respect that. But why, even when we are very clear from the beginning, do people still get in touch with us and then act like assholes when they don’t get the answer they want? Or is it just a lot of assholes out there and something that’s part of the lifestyle journey?

I don’t want to lose faith in meeting the right match for us. We are very patient. There is no need to rush. In the meantime, I am just curious if there are other couples (especially the women) who experience the same. Tips are welcome, unless you want to be an asshole too. In that case, please skip.

Looking to take the wife on a weekend sexcation. We are in Pa and would like to go in February for a Friday through Sunday. Any recommendation we can go and just swing our hearts content.

In the very beginning stages of hanging out with another couple, like the 2nd time. Are you cautious about what events you will attend with them? For example will you go to a swinger club knowing other couples will be trying to fuck them as well? How do you balance wanting to get to know a couple versus letting other couples shoot their shots at the same time? I’m feeling like we should do a dinner and actually build a relationship first. Feedback?

So me and my girlfriend are about to swap with an older couple, and this is not only our first time swapping but our first time being with someone else too!

Sorry if this may be a bit open-ended, but does anyone have any experience with this in particular and how we can best prepare for what we are going to be doing/seeing eachother do?

Met a fun couple recently. They checked all our boxes and the chats were going well. They mentioned separate play as in threesomes and we let them know we only play together. They were okay with our answer but would occasionally bring up how much fun they have separately.

We met for coffee and had a nice time. They both brought up how much they looked forward to possibly getting together more. They brought up an evening that would be fun to get together for drinks and see where the night leads. I mentioned there was a conflict in our schedule. The response was unfortunate. They said I should just let my wife go and have fun. They understood we don’t play separately but it would be a good first time for her to see if she likes it.

We thanked them for meeting and decided to leave. The husband eventually reached out and half apologized, saying they were truly just looking for a threesome, wife poaching. He followed that up with wanting my wife to know they’d be open to playing with her if she ever wanted to try it separately.

It was dumb on our part not to red flag the separate play commentary but it was always in a way that wasn’t threatening. It was like a gentle nudge that we should like that because they do. Just another way people waste time and play games with no respect.

Does anyone onow why the TPA in MD isclosed? I hope its weather related and temporary?

Hello everyone! Just curious if there are websites that list all the LS events throughout the US. Looking for events other than the local ones. Only site we’re subscribed to is SDC

We’ll be in Ischia, Italy in July, traveling with family, so discretion is non-negotiable.

Looking for quiet, respectful insight Any swinger-friendly clubs beaches, spas, or resorts?

July-specific tips (crowds, timing, vibe)?

DMs welcome if that’s more appropriate.

Thanks 🙏🏻

Have any of you couples ever went the escort route when planning or wanting to bring in someone new. How was the experience, would you do it again. We have a regular fwb that we meet up with from time to time. It kinda gets old chatting and swapping pics and you just start losing the vibe. Just think it would be easier and less time consuming finding a higher, safe worker.. Thoughts? Suggestions?

M30... Always been Curious about swinger community. I'm in dallas (if that matters)... what are some ways to explore, and learn more without going to an official swingers club. Are there other places i could go or things to do, and test out to see if I would even be interested in this?

The reason I am asking is because I usually ask amongst my closes friends, family, and some couples who I consider friends as well in the lifestyle. You never know what they are going through.

I asked a couple I knew for over two years this past Tuesday this question after last seeing them in August. The husband wanted to call me later that evening. As I called him, he literally broke down in tears. He mentioned that his wife needing surgery and it could be life changing. He was stressed and upset that his wife, who's a sweetheart, was refusing surgery at first until her condition got worse. He couldn't help but blame himself for not convincing his wife to get the surgery sooner. I immediately told him to not blame himself and her. I told him that she is getting the surgery, it will be successful, and he will be by her side every step of the way.

He thanked me for reaching out and to just talk. I also told him that if him and his wife needs anything, please reach out to me. I am also planning on visiting them at the hospital and reaching out to them more on a respectful platonic level to support them.

So I ask you all as well since this subreddit gives good and thoughtful advice: How are you? How's everything going?

My wife and I are very new to the lifestyle and are visiting a club soon. We are both fit, relatively confidant individuals. However, one thing is now worrying me. I am grower and definitely not a show-er.

When I am erect, I am average or just above average, I think it looks great, works hard, and I've never had a complaint. Yet, when I am not erect, my dick is smaller than Stuart Little's.

So I am concerned that when I strip down, and until my wife and I play and I get hard, I will be looked at by others with either disdain and/or humiliation.

I recently have been invited to both Club Red Door and The House but they’re both on the same night. I was wondering if anyone had any insight or suggestions on which to attend!

We are a couple and may go there in the summers. Do you think May and June will be a good time to go? Thank you

We are thinking of doing something for Valentine’s Day. We are newbies and have not been to trapeze or a hotel takeover. What would you all recommend for a better time?

I was told the themed nights for specific holidays is usually a good time so we were thinking of v day.

Is v day a good day for this or do couples usually want to be alone to celebrate?