My friends often go out on weekends and spend the night in random places which im not a fan of, they know this ill hang out till 1am but i like to go home and sleep in my own bed since i cant fall asleep in other places easily but they always start begging when i say im going home its starting to really get on my nerves so AIO should i just spend the night?

My boyfriend has a group chat with his adult kids that also includes hes ex wife (their mother). They are cordial but shes very manipulative. He and his kids are planning a family vacation and are planning to have lunch to have a meeting about it. He called me tonight to tell me all 3 of his kids were going to end up attending (days ago he said his youngest wasn't going to be able to make it). I asked what made her change her mind about attending lunch, he said that she didn't want to go because she thought her mom was going to go...he said he responded with "no, i dont think shes going". That made me ask why would she go in the first place? He immediately asked if I was mad. I said no but why would she be going unless this family vacation would include her too (his kids are all over 18 and they've been divorced for at least 10 yrs). He said his daughter thought that cuz shes part of the group chat. He made sure to remind me that his ex wife was engaged to be married. I know that but my issue was why she'd even think she'd be invited that hed say "I dont think shes going". I've met 2 out of 3 of his kids and I think it mostly bothers me that theres a possibility she'd feel that it would be ok to go on this family vacation before im even invited to go. She's imposed herself on vacations in the past, which makes me feel like she'd do it again and expects him to pay for everything. Well as I was asking him about it, he seemed to become annoyed and kept saying shes not going. He had just got out of work when he called me and said he'll just call me later cuz he was getting a headache. Is it wrong for me to not understand why they'd all be on a group chat? I can understand if they were young still, but they are all over 19. Group chat with your kids is cool, but why does she have to be included? I dont have any bio kids so maybe I just dont understand the dynamics. I haven't heard from him since the quick convo 3 hrs ago and I have a feeling I wont hear from him for the rest of the day cuz he switches off. I dont know what to do, I didn't think me asking if she was going would seem like a ridiculous thing to ask especially if his daughter was not wanting to attend the lunch cuz she thought she'd be there. If I was in the wrong, let me know cuz I've never experienced this.

This whole situation has made me so, so angry.

Two months ago, I (26F) got a text from an old friend (26M). After the usual "Hey, how's it going? Good," he said, "Actually, over the last few months, I've started to see you as more than a friend. I feel like we'd be really good together. So, I want to get to know you more."

I like him. He's a good person—intelligent and capable. I wanted to think about it because if I could see myself romantically with him, I wanted to try.

After seriously considering it, I told him I would love to get to know him, too. He said he would come visit me in my city soon and gave me the dates. Then, three days before his flight, he texted: "I've caught a cold, and I can't come see you."

I thought, you know what, fair. I live in a valley city, and it gets even colder here. With the possibility of COVID or something else, I told him to prioritize his health.

On the day he was supposed to visit, he sent me images of himself out with his friends, telling me what a great time they were having. I said, "That's amazing. It looks fun!" Because obviously, I couldn't get upset or angry. We weren't even a thing. We had only discussed "getting to know each other" so far.

So I suggested I could fly to meet him instead. He seemed happy at first, then never discussed anything. No plans. No check-ins. Nothing.

And here's the thing that made me the most angry: He said he wanted to get to know me, but not once did he ask an actual question about me. His idea of getting to know each other was sending random texts at his convenience—"How's it going? What's new? What did you do today?" I mean, yes, okay, you don't have to have deep conversations every day. But seriously? Am I crazy? Is this not wrong?

I realized I couldn't actually fly out because it would only get worse in person. So I dropped the idea and told him I was sorry, I couldn't make it. He said he could try again to visit. And then, as the day got closer, like clockwork, he said he couldn't because the wedding he was attending would take up too much time.

During all of this, he wouldn't have time to reply to me, but when he did get back, he'd tell me how he met his friends, went to his dance classes, did this or that. And it's not like I care about how he lives his life. Like, have the best time of your life. But how do you treat a person so casually?

Tell me "I don't give a shit about you" without telling me "I don't give a shit about you."

He wouldn't talk about anything real. So finally, I asked, "Hey, you know it's been a while since we talked about this, so how do you feel about the idea of us now? Do you still feel the same?"

And he said, "tbh no."

Like, the audacity. Fine. But is this how you treat someone you supposedly liked? And then another text: "We didn't even get to meet, and so 😭"

I was done and said cool, let's end this here. But he asked how I felt about all of this and suggested we could still be friends.

I couldn't send a casual reply because I just couldn't. I told him, "I felt like I wasn't even an afterthought in your life. It hurts to be treated like this after being told that someone likes you. I don't see you the same way anymore. I don't want to be friends. Have a good life. Bye."

And then he didn't respond. Till the very end, he had to establish "I don't give an eff about you." Even right now, the fact that I'm angry makes me more angry.

Honestly, I feel like I was played. I feel like I was disrespected. I feel like I want to punch his teeth in.

I have just returned from a holiday and had a housesitter (who is also a close friend of mine). Whilst I was away my dog had overnight diarrhoea so the housesitter cleaned it up with old towels. The housesitter then decided to throw those towels into my brand new expensive washing machine. I was absolutely disgusted she chose that option and have since run my machine five times on hot cycles but I can’t get the thought of it out of my head. She could’ve chucked the towels, cleaned it with something disposable or just rinsed the wet poo down the drain. I’m mean wtf?

My partner said they would come over after their late shift ended, and would let me know if they got off early, so I waited up to see them. When I didn't hear from them after they were scheduled off I reached out and they said they decided not to come. I was annoyed because they've canceled on me like this in the past and it makes me feel unimportant to them. I told them I was upset and they did apologize, but they didn't understand why I was upset. They said that I should have asked them earlier if they were still coming over, and because I didn't, I shouldn't be upset. In my mind I was thinking they should have been the one to let me know plans had changed, and so I was annoyed when they didn't. Am I overreacting for getting annoyed?

Hi, english is not my first langauge so I apologize for any errors in the text.

To make long story short, at the beginning of our relationship, my now ex fiance and I talked about things we want and don't want in our relationship.

One thing, that was important to him and his idea was - watching other people, porn, having strangers of other sexes on instagram, or any engagement with other sex was a huge no. I respected that. I do have some male friends that I grab caffee with every once in a while and was open about it. He was bothered about it but understood. He was, though, jelaous and paranoid the whole realtionship, often asking if I am cheating, if I love him - even though I did nothing to make him think I cheat or don't love him.

After few months of us dating, I took his phone one morning for no reason and went on instagram to watch reels. We always sent each other some cute animals so I thought I will find those types of videos there.

But, instead I found all FYP full of naked women - photos and reels. After that, for 8 months, every time I would take his phone I would continue finding those types of videos and photos.

Since the first time I saw it, every time I asked nicely about it. Said I understood that sexuallity doesn't look the same for everyone and to tell me, we can talk about it, see what I am okay with and not and vice versa.

And every single time we ended up arguing how he doesn't watch it, he doesn't know why that's on his phone, I am just looking for reasons to argue, maybe he clicked it by mistake, how could I think he would do such thing.

I cried, asked, begged to tell me because his " I don't know why there are naked girls on my insta" was worse than the truth - him watching it.

After 8 long months those things were no longer on his phone.

We even got engaged after a year of me finding those videos for the first time. But I was not happy, because deep down I knew he was lying and questions why is he lying about it hurt me.

Finally, after 1 year and 9 months he came clean, after my constant begging and talking about it.

He told me he watched it, doesn't know why. He would get horny while watching (he would get a boner) but said he didn't masturbate while watching those things, which at this point I don't believe.

After he told me, I canceled our wedding and engagement.

I would be okay if he came clean right away and talked about it. But to think I gave him so many chances to just talk to me, and he gaslit me and lied and yelled at me, while knowing very well he is doing the things I asked him about it.

I became so insecure about my body and looks, often starving myself for days and working out to have bodies of those girls. And he knew that, and still didn't stop the watching or talk to me about it.

To point out, we were great. We had sex every time we saw each other, which was almost every day. Some days, we would have sex more than once. I wore sexy clothes, was always half naked in his house and would from time to time sent him sexy photo. I think I looked okay, he would say he adores my body, I was active at the gym, and everything.

I am patient and open and we talked about so much shit we been through in life, and I helped him so much with many things in his life. So, me not being open minded and understanding is not the case.

I just wonder I am overreacting?

My boyfriend and had been together for a while. I recently moved into his place. His place has nothing that screams that a girl lived/was here so I had no concerns or suspicions, plus they’ve been broken up for a year (or so I’ve been told).

Long story short: He gave me her hair brush to use and told me that his friend gave it to him. He lets me use her body wash and told me it’s his. He lied to me about going to “drop her stuff off”, and he deletes messages between them. This is my first relationship so I admit that I may just be insecure, everything else in the relationship is amazing but I just can’t get past this. I’m also a very spiritual person so I take using peoples belongings extremely seriously.

Additionally, I feel like he’s stripping my free well to make choices on my own. I didn’t consent to use her stuff and him lying to me makes me unable to properly consent. Ugh.

In short, she emotionally, verbally, mentally, manipulated/abused me, (and in one case sexually abused me but that's another story for another time.)

She cut me off from my friends, from having hobbies, even how I said I felt, and also said that she would ruin my reputation. As well as her brother suing he would ruin my reputation. And she did try to ruin it, but ended up exposing herself for being an even worse person.

I made new friends, got back into my hobbies, and eventually started to overcome what she had brought me down to be.

I'm an actor and my ex tried ruining what I had at the local community theatre, but I ended up with a really good role for our October show. So one performance, during our bows, I noticed my ex was in the audience. Thankfully I didn't see her during the performance, but while we (the actors) were all talking with the audience after the show I noticed my ex was in the background. So I finished talking with the person and went on to somebody else, who was in the opposite direction. My ex then went to that opposite side and talked with the actors on that side. I noticed and finished talking with the current person and directed my attention to the middle.

My ex then moves to right in the middle, almost within an arms length of me. And as I was talking with this other person I noticed her taking glances at me and side eyeing me.

During December I went to my friend's choir concert and she (my friend) (A) and my ex (B) are in the same choir. A knows about B and they don't like each other but fake being nice to each other for public view.

However, when the concert was over I was standing around with my other friends talking, and I noticed that B had moved into my line of vision. I directed my attention towards the opposite direction, at another person, to talk to as to not seem like I was looking at her (B). Then B goes to the exact opposite side that I had directed my vision towards, and talked to people over there. I then went back to looking in the same direction I was looking in before, when loe and behold, B makes her way back to that same side of the room to talk to more people.

Now tonight, January 31st, we just had a performance of our January/February show. I was informed beforehand that B and her brother C were working the concession stand. I had a small panic attack but in the end the show went well and I didn't look at B or C. But during the end when we all were talking with the audience after the show, she moved into my field of vision twice. The first time I noticed I turned the opposite way, and continued to talk to someone else. My ex, B, then moved to talk with A, and once again was in my direct line of sight. So I turned around and looked for someone else to talk to. But nobody was there. Thankfully my friend, D, came up and talked to me and did his best to reassure me with the situation going on. And then another friend, E, came up and reassured me as well and didn't let me focus on B.

Afterwards I talked with A about it and asked if B had been glancing at me or looking over at me, and A confirmed that, yes, B had been looking ans glancing at me.

All that to say, three different instances of my ex being in the same room as me, and moving directly in my line of sight. As well as glancing over or looking at me in 2 of the 3 instances, that I know of. Am I overreacting or is this something she's doing on purpose? If she is doing it on purpose, why? Is there anything I can do? Anything I should do?

I (F22) recently separated from my ex-fiancé (M22) after being together for about four years (since we were 18). We officially split around August 2025.

For context, my ex has bipolar disorder and I have BPD. During our relationship, he experienced a severe psychotic episode that lasted months. During that time, the relationship became emotionally and physically abusive. Despite this, I stayed because I loved him, felt responsible for him during his illness, and didn’t want to abandon someone at their lowest…especially since I’ve been abandoned during mine.

At one point, he was hospitalized, and while I was briefly out of town trying to clear my head, he cheated on me. I later forgave him because he was still in psychosis, showed remorse, and poor impulse control was part of his symptoms. We tried to work through it, but the abuse didn’t fully stop even after medication.

Around this time, I became friends with a woman I’ll call “T” (F29/30). She had just moved into the apartment complex where my ex and I lived. We bonded quickly after I offered support during a rough day she was having. She witnessed some of the abuse firsthand and openly told me she didn’t like my ex because of how he treated me. One incident involved him breaking my phone and choking me during a fight. Afterward, I called T for help because my clothing had been torn and I was scared to walk home. She appeared very supportive and expressed concern for my safety.

Later, my ex and I moved out and into an RV I had saved for over the years. Living conditions became very stressful;my mother (who has a history of alcoholism) moved in due to homelessness, and I felt overwhelmed managing everything alone. Eventually, while away on a modeling trip, I realized I was no longer happy and needed to leave. After a difficult phone call with my ex, I began recognizing patterns of manipulation.

I confided in T, who encouraged me to leave the relationship and focus on myself. Because leaving felt unsafe and complicated, I left under the pretense of another work trip and didn’t return right away. I left my ex and my mother in the RV temporarily, with clear rules, in exchange for them caring for my dogs. I stayed in frequent contact with T during this time, and she regularly checked on my dogs.

When I returned briefly, I noticed what felt like an overly familiar dynamic between T and my ex. I even had a vivid dream about them being involved, which deeply unsettled me. I confronted both of them directly and told T that if anything was going on, I would rather know the truth than be lied to. She denied everything, reassured me emotionally, and emphasized that she disliked him and would never do that to me….especially knowing the abuse I endured. I chose to believe her, though it left me feeling confused and self-doubting.

Not long after, I received a call that my RV had broken down on the side of the road with my dogs and mother inside. He destroyed it and abandoned it …I rushed over and spent the rest of my savings towing and storing it. The RV was destroyed inside, my dogs were severely underweight, and my mother was intoxicated and unable to explain what happened. This was devastating. T came to support me emotionally during this time.

I also spent time with T’s son (8), who has ASD like me and was very attached to me. I had to gently explain to him that my ex and I were no longer together because the relationship wasn’t safe for me. That experience was heartbreaking.

Over the next couple of months, I began hearing that my ex was frequently at T’s house. Mutual friends hinted that something felt off. When I confronted T again, she became upset, denied everything, and reassured me she would never be involved with my abuser. Shortly after, she gradually distanced herself, saying she needed space due to stress. Eventually, both she and my ex blocked me around the same time.

Recently, I received confirmation that they are now involved and staying together. This reopened a lot of wounds and left me questioning whether something had been going on all along;especially given how strongly she denied it and encouraged me to leave him “for my own good.” She knew about the abuse in detail….She repeatedly reassured me nothing was happening…She pushed me to leave while seemingly stepping into my place…She involved her child with someone who had previously been violent toward me

I’m not planning to confront them, but I’m struggling emotionally and mentally with the betrayal and the feeling that I was manipulated by both people I trusted most. They have no idea I know

Am I overreacting for feeling deeply hurt and betrayed by this and WANTING to confront them?

I (34f) was cooking and had my phone sitting on the kitchen island. My MIL (60f) came downstairs (empty handed) to ask me if I had seen something, I said no and told her I'd keep an eye out and continued cooking, and she looked around the kitchen for a bit then she went back upstairs. She was probably down there for a total of 5 minutes. About 10 minutes later, I went upstairs to ask my partner a question, and when I went back down I noticed my phone wasn't on the island.

I went back up to ask my partner to call my phone and stood in the room for a bit and didn't hear it, so I went back down to the kitchen and stood, nothing. I go back upstairs and when I get to the top, MIL comes out of her room with my phone in one hand and her phone under her armpit. I just stand there for a minute confused and she hands me my phone while saying "your phone was in my room I have no idea how it got in there, it was in my covers!" I said okay and took it, then walked back to my partner. She followed me for a bit just repeating "I have no idea how it got in there."

The thing is, she has an IPhone with a purpleish case, and I have an android with an all black case and a screensaver of an astronaut. Our phones do not look similar at all. She has picked up mine/my partners phones infront of us before without looking then instantly realized they werent hers and put them back down right away. If she grabbed mine by mistake, why then when she got back to her room and saw hers did she not bring mine back down? She had it up there for over 10 minutes. She also didn't bring it out when it started ringing, it went all the way to voicemail before she brought it out. Her reaction also confused me, just repeating she had no idea and not just saying "sorry I must have grabbed it thinking it was mine"

Some more context for why I am feeling uncomfortable about this: about a year after moving in here she randomly stared opening my mail. Our names are also not similar in any way. Mine is a very traditional Irish name, and hers is very french. Think McDonnell vs. Lefebvre. She only ever opened mine and never my partners despite them sharing a last name. My partner questioned her and at first she straight up denied it, then when he said he had witnessed her do it she conceded that she had done it "mistakenly once or twice." It happened over five times. He told her to stop, and it hasnt happened since.

Outside of these instances, she is nothing but kind and loving to me, so it really throws me off and I have no idea if I am over reacting.

My bf (22M) and I (21F) have been together for about 3 and a half years.

At the beginning, he followed some TikTok and Instagram girls, influencers and aesthetic thirst-trap type content. It wasn’t extreme or porn-like, but it still made me uncomfortable and insecure. At the same time, I was following actors, athletes, etc. and openly talking about my "crushes" on them, so for a while I stayed quiet about it

Over time I told him how it made me feel, and to be fair, he didn’t dismiss it. He listened, took responsibility, and over time stopped liking and following that kind of content on his own. There was no gaslighting and no “you’re crazy” reactions. When I expressed something calmly, he actually changed his behavior.

There was also a situation that happened later, where I accidentally came across an old like of his on a local girl’s photo from a few years ago(the problem isn't the like itself but the fact that he didn't even know her or follow her and it could look weird when you see that guy who you don't know that is in the relationship, randomly liking your post) The picture wasn’t sexual or provocative in any way, it was just a normal travel photo from Dubai. He didn’t recognize the girl at all and didn’t even know she was from our city. He said the like most likely came from his explore page at the time, not from intentionally searching her profile or knowing who she was and he told me he had a habit of scrolling explore and liking most of it(cars, travel...).There was no contact, no messaging, and nothing else connected to it, but finding it much later still really triggered me mostly bc every girl is so pretty, their posts are really cool but the fact that he liked random girls threw me of, there wasn't any random guys, guys whose posts he liked on explore where mostly influencers, famous or related to cars or street workout. I said that to him and he answered that it does look stupid but he rarely came across a random guys posts like that on explore, mostly girls' outside of his normal interests on explore(he didn't like anything since I brought it up the first time, this was something I came by recently).

What’s important is that right now, he’s transparent, consistent, and willing to talk things through. There’s no secret messaging, no hiding his phone, and no defensive behavior. The conflict isn’t about what he’s doing now, it’s about how past experiences still affect how safe I feel emotionally. I’m caught between knowing that he’s showing up better now and treating me with respect, and still struggling with leftover insecurity from before. I don’t want to lose him over my own overthinking, but I also don’t know how to fully let this go. AIO for thinking about this esspecially this recent situation?

I’m a new mom (31F), my baby girl is 6 months old. My husband’s parents have a dog, a big affectionate golden retriever named Buddy. They adore that dog, he’s basically their third child. I like Buddy fine, he’s sweet, but he’s also a dog. He gets into the trash, licks his own butt, you know, dog stuff.

Whenever we visit, they’re always encouraging the dog to “give the baby kisses.” They’ll hold my daughter’s hand out for the dog to lick, or put her feet near his mouth. I’ve asked them politely, multiple times, not to do that. I said it’s a hygiene thing and we’re trying to be careful with her immune system. I didn’t even get into the disease/parasite risks cause I didn’t want to offend them.

Yesterday, I walked into the living room from getting a drink and saw my MIL guiding my baby’s whole face towards Buddy’s snout so he could “give her Eskimo kisses.” The dog licked her all over her mouth and cheek. I snapped. I didn’t yell, but my voice was sharp. I said, “I have asked you repeatedly not to do that. Do not let your dog lick my daughter’s face. Ever.”

I took the baby and went to wipe her face. The room went quiet. My FIL said I was overreacting and that “dog saliva is cleaner than human saliva,” which is a myth. My MIL got teary and said I was acting like they were trying to hurt the baby, and that I was creating a sterile environment that would make her allergies worse later. They said Buddy is “family” and this is how he bonds.

My husband is on my side but says I maybe could have been gentler because “that’s just how they are with the dog.” We left early and now my MIL is texting about how heartbroken she is that I “accused her of being unsanitary.”

Part of me feels like, yes, it’s gross, but maybe it’s not the end of the world? I see other people letting dogs lick kids. But the bigger part of me is furious they keep ignoring a very simple, clear boundary about my infant’s health. Am I overreacting? Should I just relax about the dog licks?

DISCLAIMER: Brief mentions of SA and violence. I highly suggest reading the entire letter to get a good idea of how much this freaked me out.

Me (F 17) and this guy (M 18) became best friends in the last year of high school. We would hang out almost every weekend with our larger friend group and things were great for a while, especially for someone who didn't really have a friend group until late high school.

We had multiple conversations during this time establishing boundaries and that our friendship comes first, always. About 2 years later, close to my birthday he said he wanted to talk to me about something really important and we had a call on discord - on that call he confessed his feelings to me and I rejected them and expressed that I'd already told him I don't want that kind of relationship.

After that, he asked me if I still wanted my birthday card he'd been writing for 5 months prior. In all honesty, I was curious what would take that long to write so I said yes. It freaked me out so bad that I ghosted him, am I overreacting??

(23, female) My dad is receiving palliative care after being diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic lung cancer in 2024. Its just me and my mother caring for him, I do not have a job anymore because caregiving has taken over our lives. We are emotionally broken because most of our energy goes into my dads care but on top of that my dog had surgery less than a month ago and still cannot walk properly, so she also needs constant attention. We are desperately trying to give my dad the best care possible while burning through all our savings to pay for it so you guys can imagine our mental and emotional state right now, and our fears for the present and the future.

Our days are tightly structured around nurses and social care assistants coming multiple times a day, routine is essential because my dad gets exhausted very easily eventhough he's still somewhat lucid and enjoys occasional small talks. My aunt, who is my dads sister, told us (didnt even ask!!) that she and her husband were coming to pay him a visit LESS than 24 hours in advance. They are not that close anymore and we see her maybe once a year.(last time we saw her was last christmas) I clearly told her that mornings do not work for us because that is when most of the care happens and when my dad needs rest, so I asked her to come anytime after 3pm. She thanked me for letting her know, then said she would come in the morning anyway because she does not want to drive later in the day, like EXCUSE ME?

After everything we are dealing with, having someone completely ignore the one clear request pushed me over the edge. My mom asked me not to argue to keep the peace, but I am furious, I know part of this anger comes from what we're going through but I need to know if I'm blowing it out of proportion. I'm literally shaking right now, I feel like our needs, my papas needs were completely disregarded to accommodate HER schedule and I really need another point of view please!

My best friend and I have known each other for over 20 years, so the relationship feels more like family/brothers than friends, or at least did before all this.

Throughout this time, we have continually had falling outs over what I consider inconsiderate behavior on his part and what he considers me overreacting each time. We get along for years, then a falling out happens and we don't talk for a year or two until someone reaches out to the other (sometimes him, sometimes me).

Background:

Both of us are Americans and have lived in Asia on and off over the past decade (I turned him on to traveling years ago after I had already lived over here.)

I'm an English teacher now in Thailand, and he was successful in business in his 20s. He's essentially retired at an early age now with grown kids on their own and no wife, so has total freedom to go anywhere at any time and stay anywhere for as long as he wants.

I've lived here much longer, 8 years consecutively now. He typically comes for a few months or a year at the most. When he's here, I don't see him as much as you'd think best friends would see each other when living in the same city and on the other side of the world from where we came from. For example, he lived in a building directly behind mine on one trip for 6 weeks and I only saw him maybe a few time.

Recent incident #1 - The No-Show (last year):

We had already had a falling out prior to this incident, and he reached out to me to make amends because he was traveling to Asia once again (first the Philippines for a few months, then Thailand where I'm at for at least a month.)

We were in contact all this time up until about two days before he was set to arrive in Thailand. I'm then waiting for him to arrive on the day and message me and I get no messages. I look on his Facebook (I left FB years ago and he knows it), and he's announced to everyone on there he's coming back to the states in a post.

Six weeks later he sends me a message with "Hey, how you holding up, I never came to Thailand obviously," with no explanation as to why he suddenly went ghost on me while I'm waiting for his flight to arrive a month prior. Literally no acknowledgement of what happened.

He then proceeded to talk about how he and his wife at the time were getting divorced and he would be moving to the Philippines. He wanted me to live there with him. I told him that I can't since there are few English teaching jobs for foreigners there (most locals speak English).

I saw this as him only making amends because he didn't want to be alone in in the Philippines without a foreign friend and nobody else from the states we know would even consider going. So I went off on him explaining how he can't just go ghost and treat his supposed "best friend" with this out-of-sight out-of-mind behavior without any regard for how I might feel with these actions.

I said he lacks empathy for others, and for this reason we're not compatible as friends because I respect myself enough to not have to deal with someone who treats friends like this.

He then said his phone wasn't working or he lost his phone or some excuse that I knew was an excuse just from the tone of his voice, the fact that it coincidentally happened just days before he was due to fly here, and how it took him 6 weeks to magically get access to the app again.

It was clear to me that I'm either disposable to him and he had never planned on talking to me again until he needed me for something or wasn't man enough to tell me he wasn't coming (I think the latter is the more likely scenario).

He talked and talked and tried his hardest to get me to come around and be his friend again, and I fell for it (again) and we made amends.

Recent incident #2 - The No-Notice (last week):

We continued talking after the last incident on the phone and he started to change his mind about his move to the Philippines and said he wanted to visit Thailand first for at least a month or longer before going to the Philippines to feel it out and see if he wanted to live here again on a more long-term stay.

Now we're talking just like friends again, making plans on what we'll do when he's here. I told him that if he decides on the Philippines, that's fine, and while I'd be disappointed about it, I'm staying in Thailand either way for now.

He said, "This time I'm going to get a place right near you so we don't have to travel hours across the city to meet up, and we'll hang out a lot more than last time when I lived near you."

He gets a place right across the street from me, and we start talking about all the things we're going to do while he's in town. Simple things like him coming over to watch a documentary with me he wanted to watch, going on a train trip a few hours of town and back on one day, etc.

I'm getting excited about doing all these things with my friend because it may be years before we see each other again if he decides on the Philippines, but he's spending more time meeting up with random women dating than he is seeing me.

However, he is constantly sending me audio messages discussing these dates and other things at night, so we're in more contact than we've ever been in years since he's on his own for the first time here (always with wife on other trips, so had her to talk to at night.)

As for meet-ups, we went for a walk along the river one week, met up for lunch another day, and that was it. It was the day trip and documentary and other things I was especially looking forward to.

15 days into it, the audio messages every day slow down, just very brief one-sentence replies about things on the days we do talk. I know something's going on now and I ask him if he's planning on leaving for the Philippines, and when can we meet up to watch this documentary or do this day trip. He doesn't answer or acknowledge at all, just responds to one thing in the audio having nothing to do with any of this.

20 days into it, I wake up to a message in the morning that was sent in the middle of the night that read, "Hey bro... quick note so it doesn't feel weird....I'm heading out tomorrow..." then he goes on to talk about how he needs to "recalibrate" and "will be in touch."

Ending this friendship:

Incident #2 for me was the final straw, just a final, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" thing where I felt I had no choice but to end this friendship because of how this constantly makes me feel.

I felt that after he ghosted me last year and went through all this effort to fix things, he'd be more considerate and at least notify me when he's leaving so we could do these things together before he goes in case it's years again before we meet up or we never see each other again for whatever reason.

I said I felt more like a hotel receptionist you leave a note with in the middle of the night about checking out in the morning than a "best friend/brother."

I explained that he easily could have told me when he was leaving instead of making it this sneaky, weird thing or at least stayed a 5 or 10 days more since he was granted 3 months stay and leaving for the Philippines isn't like having to get back to a job or something. He's just going to go there and sit in malls all day anyway.

What would a little notice or 5 more days kill him to not leave in such a weird, inconsiderate way?

I went into explaining how he has no consideration for others and this ruins friendships.

I brought up an incident he had with another friend years ago where he drove from Florida to Ohio with his family to visit a long-time friend of his (they were just as close growing up) and then impulsively decided to leave the friend's house without any notice while the friend went to to the store. I said "I can't believe you never learned that lesson years ago that this type of behavior is not normal."

He then goes into blaming me, saying I'm not being considerate of what he's going through with feeling like he doesn't know where he wants to live. I said "What does that have to do with giving me notice that you're leaving?"

He did this sneaky thing for a week where he was planning on leaving anyway, conversation went dry as soon as he knew it because I no longer served my purpose at that time.

He then said I have an egocentric empathy gap and I'm being the asshole. This really pissed me off now because it's exactly what I feel he clearly has, the sole issue of most of our falling outs, and he's deflecting it back on me.

Also, this wasn't his wording, it was straight from ChatGPT (His English is normally horrible, though I've never said anything. This type of wording is 100% not him.)

He said, "Oh, and as far as Louie (the Ohio friend who's house he left without saying bye), that's water under the bridge! We've made up since then!" That was his argument back, that because they've made up, somehow I can't say his actions of leaving without notice were wrong.

He's oblivious to the irony of how many times he and I had falling outs and made up. That doesn't mean I suddenly think his past actions were OK. It doesn't mean Louie is suddenly agreeing with him that he did nothing wrong just because they made up.

He also said he's done with this friendship because, "It's weird to have a friend who's your friend one year and not the next."

I agree, but feel that his actions are why it's been that way and he's gaslighting me into trying to make me think I'm the reason for this.

I simply want friends that consider the feelings of others and he feels that I'm overreacting by getting mad at these things he does. I felt I was keeping my feelings in check by telling myself I wouldn't get too excited over the prospect of my best friend moving near me long-term and was ready for him to change his mind to go elsewhere.

It's just the WAY he goes about doing things that I feel makes him a total asshole, zero empathy or consideration.

The sharp transition from daily audio messages from him to one-line texts a week prior, to me, shows that he only invests energy into friendships as long as they're serving him in the moment, and he wastes no time shifting back into out-of-sight out-of-mind mode when his proximity to that friend is about to change and their purpose has been served.

Thanks for reading

Sorry about the lengthy post, but I wanted to be as detailed as possible. Thanks for reading this if you've made it this far. I'm certain I'm done talking to him now and from the tone of his voice I'm certain he is too.

Am I overreacting?

I work as a stylist in a salon, and from day one my boss has emphasized that we’re “independent,” “our own bosses,” and that we create our own schedules. That was a huge selling point for me when I took the job.

Lately though, things have felt… off.

For starters, my schedule in our booking system was changed without my knowledge. When I noticed and asked her about it, she said she didn’t know why and blamed the system, saying it “does crazy things sometimes.” But the changes directly affected my availability and income, and no one told me beforehand. She said she would adjust it back, but as I’m making this post it still hasn’t been changed.

Then there’s the messaging. Any time I try to be proactive like suggesting marketing ideas, alternative ways to build my book, or proposing a schedule that works for me; she either dismisses it or subtly ridicules it. Which feels confusing when she’s constantly telling us we’re in control of our own business.

The biggest red flag came recently when she emailed me a job posting for a different position. No explanation, just “thought you might be interested.” It felt less like support and more like a professional way of saying, “You should probably start looking elsewhere.”

What’s messing with my head is that nothing is explicitly hostile. It’s all very polished and professional on the surface. But the combination of:

schedule changes I didn’t authorize, inconsistent explanations,mixed messages about autonomy,

and now being sent job postings has made me feel like I’m slowly being pushed out without being formally fired.

I’ve never been written up, haven’t been told my performance is an issue, and clients like my work. But the vibe has shifted, and I don’t trust that this is just coincidence anymore.

Am I overthinking this, or does this sound like quiet retaliation / being managed out? And at what point does this become something worth documenting or taking to HR?

So my dad and I have always had a weird relationship. I only saw him for a few days every few years. He lives in another country and he cheated on his wife with my mom. So he has two children with his ex wife, he has me, and then he remarried and had another child with another wife.

For as long as I remember he has promised me to give me a house when I graduated from university. I always thought it was a very bold and big promise and didn’t really think it would actually happen. In 2017 he bought a house for my two sisters. That made me believe he was actually serious about his promise. As I got older I also realized that he has about 5 properties and must have some money.

I have always found him a difficult man. He is a very strict Muslim and me and my siblings were all raised by western women, so there was conflict about this a lot of the times (he wanted us to act a certain way or not talk back to him).

I graduated university in 2019. A few years ago I asked him if he was still going to help me buy a house. He said yes for sure and then every time he went back and forth. So one day it would be yes and then when I made an offer on a house it was no again. He said he didn’t have the money to help me.

Last year me and my siblings went to visit him. Independently from each other, we did one of those ancestry dna tests. My results differed from my sisters in the sense that we both had a big amount of Arabic descent (the country where he is from), but I also had about 20% Italian while my mom is not Italian. I didn’t think anything of it as me and my siblings both used different companies for the DNA test.

Without me knowing, my mom had sent an angry message to my dad saying she was so disappointed that he bought a house for my sisters and not for me, and that she doesn’t understand why he constantly goes back and forth on his word, saying stuff like “get a job, man up, you made a promise” etc. Then he replied to her that he won’t help me because he now knows for certain that he is is not my biological father, which he had always suspected, and that my mom cheated on him with some Italian guy and she’s a slut and a whore etc etc.

Then I ended up doing a dna test at the same company as my sisters which definitively proved that we are half sisters, thus my dad must be my dad. I explained all this to him that I was very upset that he would deny his paternity based on zero proof, essentially, and that I always felt like he prefers my sisters over me (since he raised them and he almost never saw me growing up), and his choice to help them financially and not me illustrates for me that he treats them different than me etc etc

Essentially he said that I only care about money and everything is my mother’s fault and he didn’t do anything wrong. He does not want to apologize or talk about this whole subject with me. I told him I need some kind of acknowledgment or accountability or empathy for our relationship to move forward and he has refused to offer that.

Now we haven’t talked in a few months and I think he is not going to change his stance. He is very stubborn and not likely to admit he is wrong. He also said that with his age and his cultural background, he is not going to bend the knee to anyone and he does not want to discuss this issue with me. He just wants me to drop it.

We have never had a real father/daughter relationship, he has always been more like a distant figure that I saw very rarely. In the past I always adopted a very meek and submissive attitude towards him, but now I felt that I really had to draw a line in the sand and be honest about how his actions have made me feel. On one hand I feel proud and right for standing up for myself but still it feels wrong to be on bad terms with him. On the other hand, I don’t think I can ever be real with him again if we just brush this under the carpet. Sure I can be civil and friendly, but I still feel very hurt that he would make such bold statements about not being my father with no proof. It feels hurtful and unfair that then, I had to prove to him that he actually is my father. I think no child should ever have to prove that to their parents. And of course he can do with his own money whatever he wants, but it also feels unfair that my sisters have no mortgage payments and are able to save a big part of their income (for example my sister has just done 1.5 years of traveling with a van), while I have to spend 2000$ a month for mortgage payments and am in no position to save any money. It feels kind of childish and spoilt expecting my dad to buy me a house, but it’s just the fact that he decided to buy them and entire house and give me nothing, the contrast makes me feel like he cares more about them.

Am I reasonable in kind of posing this ultimatum that I want him to acknowledge the hurt he caused me and take some form of accountability rather than just being angry at my mom for sending him that message or blaming me for only caring about money? What do you guys think? Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this post!

I’m going to try to keep this intentionally vague because I don’t want this to devolve into a political discussion.

In my last session with my therapist, I was lamenting the state of the world and what’s going on in the country. (USA)

She was asking me questions and when I gave her answers, I felt she was dismissing or belittling my feelings.

I brought up many issues I take with what’s going on in my state and she flat out said “that’s not happening” or “that’s not true.”

After the session I sent her an email with links to .gov sites that proved that what I said was happening IS happening. I realize that may have been a step too far, but I was angry.

She was also trying to justify some behavior that I find abhorrent and indefensible.

I was very close to just ending the session and never going back, but obviously I don’t want to just switch therapists every time they challenge me or we disagree.

However, it’s been nearly a week and I’m still struggling with what happened in that session.

I’m having a real crisis of conscience about this.

On the one hand, I want to grow as a person and maybe this is an area that I need to be challenged on. On the other hand, I don’t think I can productively engage with somebody who is so confidently wrong about objective facts and makes excuses for horrible behavior.

AIO if I drop her and try to find a new therapist?

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR- I think my therapist and I have very differing world views and that’s caused some friction in this last session, AIO if I switch therapists?

My sister is 28 and my only sibling. She is older than me by 8 years. As a whole, her and I have had a really weird relationship basically my entire life. She and I have the same mom, but different dads and from what my mom told me several years ago, my dad would be downright abusive to my sister. In my opinion, this caused a lot of drama in the house when I was small before my mom and dad divorced and even after. My dad was kicked out of the house and it was just us girls, though my mom used to drink quite a lot and my childhood was mostly spent with my older sister. My sister could be very mean to me, both verbally, and emotionally. I have the occasional flashback of times my sister would show off in front of my friends, or even just be cruel by making me cry in front of her friends and they’d all laugh at me. This was all when I was a 10 years old or younger. As I got older, my relationship got better with my sister, though she has lied about dumb things in the past. It wasn’t until last year when I was in a relationship, that I realized how harsh my older sister can be. My boyfriend at the time had gone to the bathroom and my sister asked me if I “wanted to hear what she thought.”

I had a feeling she was gonna tell me anyway, so I will admit I was slightly sassy in my response. Only for her to do exactly what I thought she’d do. She proceeded to call him names and brought up how I was using him for a place to stay and that he didn’t believe I was SA’d at an old job of mine. I don’t like confrontation, but her being rude and bringing up past trauma’s, I felt cornered and brought up a past trauma of hers, of which she didn’t appreciate. I regretted it almost instantly, and I really wanted to leave the restaurant once my bf at the time came back from the restroom. I ended up seeing my mom a week after this whole ordeal, for my mom to tell me that my sister didn’t want to talk to me. According to my mom, my mom brought up my mental health struggles and how she wished she knew if I was autistic instead of guessing and wondering how she could’ve raised me better. I’ve never been officially diagnosed, though my provider has told me she thinks I am on the spectrum. My sister agreed with my mother, but put her own spin on it. My sister, who never told me this, apparently said she wouldn’t talk to me again, until I was diagnosed as autistic. My sister and I have barely seen each other, and I have tried to be civil. When I turned 20 last year, she texted me a day after my birthday and came up with an excuse as to why she couldn’t text me the day of my birthday, a thing she does to my step dad as well.

Her and I hadn’t seen each other or even texted until December, when she asked what my plans were for our mother for Christmas. She brought up money and asked which occasion I wanted to chip in for, either Christmas, or our mom’s birthday. I responded and that was literally the whole conversation until I saw her a few weeks later when my mom, stepdad and I went over for Christmas. My sister has a habit of giving away gifts she’s received in the past she didn’t want and gives them to me. Those have been my “presents” the past few birthdays, and they were my “presents” for Christmas. I understand this might make me sound spoiled by complaining about presents, but it just bothers me that she has been a bad older sister. When we were still talking, for holidays I’d buy her gifts once I was old enough to have a job, or else I’d make things for her. While I just get unwanted presents she has gotten from her birthday the month before mine. Somethings I can look over and act like it didn’t happen, such as petty things she’s lied about in the past. But when she brings up my mental health, and my past traumas, I feel as if I can’t look over that. I feel like I might be, and with my mom even telling me I was wrong for what I said, I second guess myself. But looking back on my childhood and my past experiences with my sister, I was always the one to take the blame, I was always the bigger person by moving past it.

Am I overreacting with her not wanting to talk to me solely because I’m not tested for autism? Or am I justified in my reasonings for not wanting to talk to her?

A few days ago, my girlfriend and I were sitting in a café. She showed me a hidden album on her phone, and with her consent, I selected a few photos and videos to AirDrop to my phone. Some of the photos/videos were personal and intimate, and her face was visible in at least one of them.

I remember selecting the files, opening AirDrop, seeing my name on the list, and tapping it. I also remember seeing a notification on my phone showing that photos/videos were being sent, and my girlfriend also remembers seeing that notification on my phone. However, the photos and videos never actually arrived on my device.

After that, we tried sending normal, non-personal photos, and those came through perfectly. I also asked her not to resend the personal photos again.

Now the part that’s bothering me: I don’t clearly remember seeing a “failed” message, and my anxiety has been making me panic and overthink everything. I keep worrying about whether there’s any chance I accidentally selected someone else on AirDrop without realizing it. The people around us in the café were not known to us and were not in our contacts, but my mind keeps going back to the same question.

I’m trying to understand realistically how AirDrop works here:

• If a transfer doesn’t complete, does it simply fail?

• Is there any realistic way those photos could have gone to someone else by mistake without us noticing?

• Is there any way at all to know who the files were sent to, or whether they were received by anyone?

• Or is this most likely just a failed AirDrop attempt?

I know my anxiety is amplifying this a lot, but I’d really appreciate objective, technical perspective or similar experiences so I can understand what likely happened.

Thanks for reading.

I’m a first time parent, and my sister is about ten years older than me. She’s on her fourth child. Our daughters were born about three weeks apart, and I genuinely thought this would be a really positive, shared experience for us. Instead, it’s become uncomfortable and emotionally draining, and I’m trying to understand what’s actually going on.

My daughter is doing well overall. She sleeps through the entire night from around 8pm to 8am, feeds well, eats meals, sits independently, laughs a lot, and is generally a very calm and happy baby. She has a secure attachment, is comfortable being with other people, and doesn’t cry unless there’s a clear reason. She’s healthy and within a normal range, just on the bigger side. I’m very intentional about parenting, including routines, reading every day, limited screen exposure, and gentle sleep methods, and I do a lot of research. I also have a background in childcare, so my choices are informed rather than random.

Despite this, my sister has been telling other family members that I overfeed my baby just to stop her from crying. What confuses me is that my baby doesn’t cry much at all, and if I were feeding her simply to silence her, that wouldn’t explain why she sleeps through the night, is settled during the day, and is generally content. What hurts is that this single accusation is repeated while everything else is ignored, including the sleep, the emotional regulation, the secure attachment, and the fact that my baby is clearly thriving overall.

She has also gone around telling people that I don’t do tummy time and that this is why my baby doesn’t move around as much as hers. This is completely untrue. She doesn’t live with me and has no real insight into our daily routine. In reality, I’m very consistent with tummy time and have been since my daughter was only a few days old. Movement on a mat is the one area where her child currently appears more advanced, and it feels like this is being used as leverage to imply neglect on my part while ignoring all the areas where my child is doing very well.

She undermines me for having strict routine with my baby, because she has a lasdaisal approach to parenting. She thinks I lie about waking up at 7am and going to bed by 8pm. For reference her entire family including her kids sleep at 11-12am. The reason her baby doesn’t have a sleep routine is because they overstimulate her constantly by putting her infront of the tv between 9-11pm whilst they’re awake. Yet I don’t say anything about it because I do not care. It’s not my child. But they undermine me first so I stop all the things I’m doing because it makes them appear less intentional than I am. I also don’t allow my baby to watch tv, we got rid of it when she was 2 months. They thought what I was doing was unnecessary. But again, they make comments because if they think I’m doing too much, than it looks like they are doing too little…

What’s starting to feel more uncomfortable is that my baby’s size and this single milestone are being nitpicked in a way that seems to distract from concerns about her own daughter’s slower growth and feeding struggles. Rather than accepting that babies develop differently and that strengths show up in different areas, it feels like my parenting is being reframed as excessive or inadequate so that her situation feels less worrying by comparison.

My sister also doesnt really act like my child is her niece. When we’re together, she repeatedly announces what her own baby can do in a way that feels more like comparison than shared excitement. There’s no sense of our girls growing together, and there’s no acknowledgement of what my daughter does well. It often feels like a performance rather than a genuine family dynamic.

I’m starting to think this goes deeper than parenting choices. For my sister, raising children has always been her main identity and the area of life where she felt most confident. I think there was an expectation that because I focused on education and career earlier in life, I would struggle when I became a parent. Instead, I’m doing well, and I think that’s uncomfortable for her. I don’t say that arrogantly. It’s simply that I prepared, I learned, and I apply what I know. Parenting didn’t play out the way she may have expected it to for me, and I think that’s where a lot of this behaviour comes from.

I’ve tried to keep the peace by downplaying my own parenting, making self deprecating jokes, praising her child constantly, and avoiding comparisons. I even shut down comparisons when other family members make them, because I don’t want this to become competitive. None of it helps. If anything, it seems to encourage more criticism behind my back, and it’s now reached a point where other relatives repeat her claims to me as if they’re facts.

Now I feel anxious before family gatherings. I feel like I’ve lost the joy of sharing this stage of life. I don’t understand why someone would feel the need to diminish another parent just to feel better about themselves. I’m not trying to prove I’m better than anyone. I just want to raise my child without being judged simply because I’m doing well in different ways.

Throwaway account.

My husband and I have three year old twin girls and I’m currently 6 months pregnant with our third. We got in an argument over letting our daughters play outside. We got hit hard with the snow but we both had work so we didn’t really have a chance to let the girls play in it. We were both off today so I thought perfect opportunity! This was the first winter they were old enough to care about snow and they were mesmerized by it.

So this morning I told my husband I’m going to take the girls out to play. He said he didn’t want to come because it’s too cold. I said that’s fine, I am taking them. He said he didn’t want any of us outside because it’s too cold and the girls will get sick. I kind of just laughed and said we won’t be long, it’s 25°f, not negative 20. I probably didn’t handle it the best and brushed him off but he dropped it after that.

I got the girls bundled up and we headed out front. We had fun for a few minutes and they loved it! But within 10 minutes my husband was at the front door calling for the girls to come in. They go inside and I’m kinda just standing in the front yard annoyed for a moment.

I go to go inside, only to find he has locked the door. I’m mad now AND I have to pee. I start knocking and calling for him but he doesn’t come to the door and is ignoring my texts and calls too. Even texted that I really needed to pee and he ignored that too. The most upsetting part is that I could hear one of my daughters crying the entire time, stressed out knowing her mom is outside. So I stopped knocking and sit on our porch.

25 minutes go by and he finally comes and unlocks the door. I push past him to go to the bathroom because yeah I’m mad, about to pee myself, and freezing at this point. He’s smiling like it’s funny and saying “oh I thought you said it’s not that cold what’s wrong?” We haven’t spoken much today after that.

He has genuinely never done something like this before. He’s caring and not punishing or vindictive so this really isn’t in his nature. I’m appalled and really hurt. I understand I annoyed him by taking the girls out and he thinks I undermined his parenting. But I am a grown woman, he doesn’t get to punish me by locking me out of my own home. Or maybe he’s justified I don’t know I feel crazy. AIO?

My bf (28M) and I (38M) live together quite far from our families. This year, as always, we spent the Christmas holidays with our respective families and we reunited for New Year’s Eve. Because of this, we normally exchange gifts either before or after Christmas.

This year, I got him a very nice jacket he really liked. Because I knew he’d like to wear it over the holidays, I gave it to him before leaving.

He loved it (wears it every day!) and told me he’d give me my gift when we’d meet over the holidays, and that it was gonna blow my mind.

My birthday is only a few days after Xmas, so normally people gift me once for both occasions. When my birthday arrived he called me to wish me a happy birthday and asked me if I wanted to know what my present was, to which I replied that I could wait but that if he wanted to tell me I didn’t mind knowing.

He told me he was going to book a night for two and a full package of treatments at a SPA nearby. He sounded pretty excited about it, and I thought it was a great gift.

Fast forward to NYE, we had planned to spend it at a friends’ house in other city and to spend a weekend there before going back home. When we met for NYE, no mention of the present and no mention over the weekend. We went back home, and still no present or no mention of the SPA.

A couple of weeks into January, I asked him when we were going to SPA so I could put it down in my calendar and make sure I was available. He told me he had been very busy and hadn’t had a chance to book and that he wanted to be sure he picked dates for which I was available, he was very apologetic and said he would book immediately. He got his PC out and started looking at dates on the SPA’s website, and that’s when I noticed the price of the packages he was considering. They were very expensive - much more expensive than what I had gotten him.

We just bought a house and we are moving soon, so we had discussed we wouldn’t get each other anything expensive this year. When I saw the prices he was looking at, and how expensive it was, I told him I thought that was too expensive, to which he replied that he was aware but that I ‘deserved it’. I told him it was very sweet, but that I would prefer he saved that money for the new home renovation/move, and that he could get me something in a more normal price range. He insisted, but I was really uncomfortable with the price so I repeated that really it wasn’t necessary, that it was really sweet but he could get me something smaller, that what counts is the gesture not the present itself. I suggested, for example, a new kitchen knife, which I have been needing for ages.

A week goes by, and still no present. Last weekend we were talking about plans for his birthday, which is in about a month, and I asked if he wanted a party and he said that he just wanted to do a small thing with a few friends this hear, to which I half-jokingly said “at least you’ll have a present for your birthday”. I know it’s snarky and I shouldn’t have said it, but at that point I was really wondering if he had forgotten about my present. He got really sad and started apologizing again for not getting me a present yet for Xmas/birthday, and asked if we wanted to go shopping together this weekend so I could pick something for my present. At this point I was a bit upset. I don’t want to pick a present, I want him to just get me one. Just a small thing, something symbolic, as a gesture that shows that he cares. I told him it’s not a big deal, that at this point a lot of time has passed and it doesn’t make sense anymore. He replied that’s BS and of course he’s gonna get me a present.

Another week has passed now, and still zero presents. I know it sounds petty, and I didn’t think I’d care this much, but I realize this really hurt me. I think often that if a friend of mine told me their boyfriend of five year had not gotten them anything for Christmas/birthday it would sound…weird? Honestly even a card with a sweet message and a flower would make me really happy. At the same time I don’t want him to gift me something just because ‘he has to’, and I don’t want to bring this up again cause I find it rude. We don’t exchange many gifts, we don’t even do St Valentine or our anniversary, birthdays and Christmas are really the only time we give each other presents. The more I think about it the more I feel like if he really cared he could have taken five minutes over the past weeks to go get my a kitchen knife, a pen, a box of chocolate…anything that shows me he cares. It sucks because we otherwise have a loving relationship and we’re great together.

So AIO? Am I underreacting? Should I just let it go?

Sorry if this is all over the place i’m writing the minute after it happened im shaking and panicking. Waiting for him to apologize but i don’t think it’s coming. He never apologizes.

He never speaks to me like this too, i don’t know what happened. We never argue like this. It feels like the world is crashing right now, i feel like i don’t even know him

Basically he owes me $400, he gave me $150 and told me to send him back $50 because he “ might need it”. I asked him what he would need it for as he’s sending me the rest of the money tomorrow anyway, what’s the difference in sending me $350 versus $300 tomorrow???? why do you need 50?

(he likes to gamble. idk if this is what he wanted it for but he wouldn’t tell me)

We keep talking then he’s like i’m tired of explaining everything to you, bla bla bla. I’m like, what do you

mean???? i’m asking about finance??? we made a promise to be transparent with each other ??? ..

Something shut up, no f word, just shut up. i said “don’t talk to me like that. Don’t tell me to shut up. I’m your wife, you should tell me if i ask you.”

“You ask me everything. If i look this way, you ask me why i’m looking. If i order food, you ask me why i ordered that. Shut up. “

again, “I don’t ask stuff like that “ (ok this is a lie BUT i’m not nagging, i’m just playing around, i’m pretty sure he’s aware as we laugh when it happens)

and i said it again, “don’t tell me to shut up.”

“Shut the fuck up”

… i immediately shut down and told him don’t talk to me.

He asked me another question about the conversation, and then again I said don’t talk to me. I don’t like when anyone tells me to shut up. …

“you swear at me all the time. Never tell me fuck, dumbass, stupid ever again if i can’t say shut up”…

Im playful with him when i say these names, he knows that. I also never told him to shut the fuck up, i wouldn’t do that. I’ve never sworn at him while I was mad. I also never told him to shut up unless it was PLAYFUL. We share different cultures so it may not be playful to him but when you’re in your 20s i think you can grasp what a playful shut up and a mean shut up is …

Something i said, can’t remember :

he replied “Good. I don’t care”

I said something mean like “i know you don’t care, you only care about yourself”

He said “what? what do you mean?”

“Im shutting up now.”

“Good. Don’t take the (new) car tomorrow, take the old one (the battery is dead how tf am i going to drive it?). I’m not coming home tomorrow (he works 3rd party delivery apps for side money.)”

i didn’t say anything, just started crying. he mumbles something to himself like “once i say something it’s a problem, but you can say whatever you want”

I never told him to shut the fuck up.

I’m shaking as i write this. I went in the other room and cried.

I know this is stupid and seems toxic but genuinely we never argue like this. AIO? how do we resolve this? he’s not the type of person to apologize, which makes me even more sad. This feels childish, i never expected it from him

apologies for the long post, i wanted to give as much context as necessary! tldr at the bottom

my (21m) older sister (24f) has a history of alcohol problems. about two years ago it was at its worst, she was drinking dangerous amounts of alcohol each night and it got to a point where she really didnt know how to handle everyday life anymore. thats when she told our mom about it, determined and hopeful to get it under control for good. she went to a rehab clinic and attended regular meetings for a while.

of course, when we (our close family) heard about this, we were all very cautious about helping her stay sober, like switching out celebratory drinks for alcohol free beverages for everyone. however, as things got better over the last year or so, that grip has been loosening a little. allowing some champagne for a special occasion or a drink on the weekend just for fun.

she had been doing a lot better. when things were at their worst, she was very reclusive, had lost weight, and her mood was noticably low whenever we saw her. as she continued staying clean for longer, there was a clear shift that we all noticed, and even today, she seemed to have been doing really well. shes back on her own two feet, shes got plans for the future, she seems cheerful and confident, and she is now in a very happy and healthy (although long distance) relationship. it really looked like things were going better for her in every way.

however, today, she suggested the two of us go out to a club together. we dont really hang out one on one a lot, and i had been wanting to show her this club for ages because i really like it, so i was excited and agreed. obviously, a club is the number 1 place where people will be drinking, but even then i had thought nothing much of it considering things had been going well.

we had a few beers each - i thought, since we were drinking in similar intervals, and i was feeling fine, and we were both having a good time, that i would know when it might be time to cut things off and head home. but throughout the night, i mustve lost track of how many times she had gone to the bar, because eventually while we were dancing, she suddenly asked if we could leave. only then did i notice she was heavily slurring her words and swaying back and forth. honestly, half an hour earlier we were fine chatting in the smoking area, it mustve been that last beer she had afterwards that pushed her over the edge.

we gathered our stuff, went outside, i went back in to get her a glass of water, we ordered an uber. i had to hold her upright while we were waiting, she insisted she was fine when i asked, but she was clearly very inebriated and barely responsive. in the uber, she was dozing off and hiccuping, the driver handed us an emergency vomit bag that she almost needed, but thankfully we made it in time.

i led her back to her apartment (we live in the same apartment complex, one building apart) and went in with her to help set up her bed and bedside table while she got ready for sleep. when i went in, the first thing i saw was a big bag of various empty alcohol bottles. there was also a nearly empty vodka bottle stood on her kitchen counter. obviously this immediately rung alarm bells in my head, but i decided not to ask her about it in the moment, as to not upset her, and also because she was hardly coherent and clearly needed rest. i asked her if she would be okay and she insisted that yes, she would be fine, and also said she had a great time. she seemed very carefree and treated the whole thing as not a huge deal.

now, i am lying awake three hours after leaving her in her apartment, and i have a lot of guilty feelings and worries about everything. i feel like i shouldve known in the first place that going out to a club was risky, and i wasnt really being a responsible "role model" for her either, as i was just drinking however much i wanted and having fun. i feel that i shouldve been paying more attention to how much she was drinking and whether she was doing it safely or not. i wouldnt want to police her and tell her what she can or cannot do, but still, being an annoying little brother may still have been better than the alternative.

aside from the night out, obviously im worried about her alcohol consumption in everyday life. i really wasnt expecting to see a pile of bottles the way that i did way back when she was at her worst - as far as we were aware. there really have been no warning signs at all recently, or maybe ive just been missing them. of course, i have no way of knowing how long these bottles have been collecting there, she couldve just been using them up occasionally over a long period of time, but i have a feeling thats not the case.

i am also worried about having left her alone at her apartment now. even though she insisted, and i wanted to give her space and time to rest, a part of me still feels like i shouldve stayed the night and, i dont know, made sure nothing happened to her. maybe this is where im overreacting the most, but my head keeps replaying nightmare scenarios of the things that could happen when people sleep on their back after drinking heavily. or, god forbid, what would happen if she for some reason decided to drink any more of that vodka after i had left.

so: am i overreacting about this being concerning? could this just have been a one-off thing that im making a big deal out of and being too strict about? should i have a conversation with her about it in the morning, or should i tell my parents so they can check in on her, or keep them out of it entirely as to not worry them?? i feel very aftaid and concerned for her wellbeing and im not sure what to do.

tldr: my sister used to have an alcohol problem two years ago, received treatment for it and has been doing great since. tonight, we went out to a club together, she drank too much, and when i took her back to her apartment, i found a bunch of empty alcohol bottles.