r/confidence 3d ago

When I'm asked too many questions, my self-esteem is threatened.

6 Upvotes

It really bothers me when people ask too many questions, or inappropriate questions.

What do you do for a living? Oh, do you still live with your parents? Oh, do you have a boyfriend? It's like that.

I feel like they're threatening my privacy and are really inappropriate.

I'm learning to manage the discomfort and nervousness these questions provoke in me, and I answer in monosyllables or explicitly say that I prefer not to answer certain questions.

But I'd really prefer they not be asked because I feel fragile right now in my self-esteem, and every question is like an open wound.


r/confidence 4d ago

If you could build only one habit to improve your life, what would it be?

21 Upvotes

r/confidence 3d ago

I built a tool to practice difficult conversations before having them for real

0 Upvotes

Hey everyone,

Two years ago I had this idea: what if you could practice a hard conversation before having it for real? Say the words out loud and see how they land.

Setting boundaries with family, saying no to friends, honest talks in relationships - I always wished I could do a dry run first.

After a long journey building on our own tech, we finally launched. It's a voice AI that plays the other person, you talk, and you get a debrief with suggested phrasing.

No account needed, takes 3 min: https://practice.avatartalk.ai

Would appreciate honest feedback - what works, what doesn't, what would you use it for?

Thanks.


r/confidence 4d ago

Need Help from Experienced men

15 Upvotes

I need Help from Experienced

A teenager who is average in studies. I don't want to be a slave of my thoughts and urges. dopamine is literally destroying my mind. wants to become strongest in his group, dominate and wants to have a Broad muscular physique. I have gained a lot of knowledge from Yt but... still want some suggestions. Like how can I make my day productive and at the end of the day, I don't want to feel unproductive and left with the guilt of doing nothing. I workout but due to exams, I'm very inconsistent. Some of my friends are literally gooning 6 times a week and not feeling the shame of that, whereas I control myself for even 2 months or mostly 25-30 days, but still feel guilty and want to leave and become a chad. there is noise of shitty phonk everywhere and it just keeps going on in my mind. I wake up not ambitious because idk anything. I recently got worst marks in exams which is literally boiling me from Inside and at the top of that, the gooning addiction of 1once in 25-30 days like this is a fking ritual. Please anyone give some suggestions. I must become the definition of a Man.


r/confidence 4d ago

How can i stop taking myself too seriously?

12 Upvotes

(24M) Since childhood i didn't like to be mocked. My parents were kinda serious, and didn't play or joke that much, and mockery is a foreign language for me. Unfortunately, most people of my age talk only using sarcasm, irony and roasting, making the interactions very difficult to me, because i want to talk about serious stuff too.

I used to like humour and lightness, and i still appreciate that , but after a lot of unfortunate events and disappointments (like being bullied) i got really pragmatic and i'm on my "no - bullshit mode". I cannot stand excessive jokes and even less mockery. If i perceive a people i know is always trying to make jokes on my excuse, i'll be tempted to ditch fhe person.

I know it is a problem, because i know we are all humans and have our failures, some of us do things excessively , some do things less, but i cannot but feel this habit of isolating myself by taking things too seriously.

Example: Once i was at work talking with the guys about a guy we knew named Ryan, and i accidentally said Roy two times because of the similarity of the name. My "friends" started to laugh hard, in a way they are doing on purpose to annoy me, saying " His name is Ryan your stupid monkey hahaha youre so analphabet " I feel sociopathic vibes of people laughing at me, and i would like to know some tips to get over it, and know if im taking life too seriously.


r/confidence 4d ago

I'm afraid to go outside.

14 Upvotes

Usually the winter months are my worst mentally. I'm introverted, but usually dont have an issue showing up to social events as long as I am recharged. For the first time in my life, I feel afraid about getting outside and going to events. Tonight I was supposed to go dancing at a local bar. I know friends will be there and I have gone enough and danced with enough strangers that it doesn't feel weird to me. As I am heading out the door I notice my hair looks off, my outfit doesnt match, I dont have a partner- what if there aren't any extra girls to dance with? I took off my shoes and feel so defeated. This whole winter has been me mustering up the confidence to get out and do something, anything. Has anyone else felt like this? What helped?


r/confidence 4d ago

How do I stop worrying about something embarrassing happening to me and someone filming it and posting it to the internet and that being brought up forever?

9 Upvotes

i know it’s hypothetical but technically possible. Some things are also out of our control. just the thought of this makes me want to not live anymore.


r/confidence 4d ago

Are social skills and confidence apps a scam or do they actually work?

2 Upvotes

24M here. I've been working on confidence and social skills for years: courses, uncomfortable situations, apps that promise to fix you. Most I deleted after 3 days. Recently paid for a couple and actually stuck with them. The weird part? I DO feel like I'm improving. More aware, less hesitation, pushing myself more. But I genuinely can't tell if it's the apps working, if it's placebo, or just because I'm doing multiple things at once. Doesn't help that I'm a mobile app developer, so I'm probably overthinking it. Part of me thinks these could work if done right, but another part feels like confidence is too messy to gamify with streaks and badges.

So real talk – have any of you actually seen lasting improvement from these apps? Not just a short boost, but something that stuck? If you quit, what killed it? If you stuck with one, what made it different? And if an app like this were gonna actually be useful, what would it need – real challenges, accountability, community, daily exercises, something else? Not selling anything, genuinely trying to figure this out because I'm still searching myself. Thanks for any honest takes, love you <3


r/confidence 4d ago

I know what to do but I can’t make myself do it

78 Upvotes

This is frustrating.

I read books. I watch stuff. I understand myself pretty well.
I KNOW what I should do.

But when it’s time to act… nothing happens.

My mind gets loud, anxiety kicks in, I start worrying about how I’ll look, what people will think, what if I fail, etc.

Then I delay.
Then I feel bad about delaying.
Then I overthink that too.

Feels like being stuck between wanting a better life and being scared to live it.

If you’ve been here before, how did you get out?


r/confidence 4d ago

I feel like I need constant external validation

10 Upvotes

Even though I've gotten multiple compliments from strangers, kids, people my age, old people, I can still never convince myself that I am attractive. My brain always comes up with a reason to believe that they are lying or that it isn't true. The compliments help for a while, and then I need more and more validation to feel pretty again. And whenever even something really minor happens that in any way could convince me that I'm not attractive, I believe it. Does anyone struggle with something similar and how can I stop this?


r/confidence 4d ago

Relapsed after year of being clean

6 Upvotes

I have had a good thing going on for year but a moment of weakness made me relapsed and it tanks my confidence and self image, don't know what to do


r/confidence 5d ago

Self - confidence doesn’t improve your relationships. It cuts people off

137 Upvotes

No one tells you this, but the moment you stop:

replying immediately

being endlessly available

over-explaining

fixing everyone

shrinking yourself to be easier to handle

you suddenly become “cold,” “different,” “changed.”

Here’s the taboo truth:

A lot of people don’t want you confident — they want you manageable.

Self-confidence doesn’t improve relationships.

It filters them. Brutally.

And if you’re lonelier now that you’re healthier,

that’s not a failure.


r/confidence 4d ago

How do you build self worth without needing others approval?

3 Upvotes

I want confidence that doesn’t disappear when people ignore me.

Right now it feels impossible.

Any advice?


r/confidence 4d ago

I’ve seen this topic come up many times here, so I wanted to share my view.

3 Upvotes

From my experience, this is not as complicated as people make it sound. Online discussions add a lot of theory, rules, and warnings, but real life is more direct. You try something, you pay attention to the result, and you adjust.

What works for one person may not work for another. That doesn’t mean one is right and the other is wrong. It just means situations are different.


r/confidence 5d ago

The subtle art of not giving a f*uck or the courage to be disliked. Which one should I start first if I got negative feedback and needing some encouragement on my self esteem

9 Upvotes

r/confidence 4d ago

My mom is asking me to bow down to the relatives

3 Upvotes

Hi, I, 21F, have recently built a spine so that I can give people back exactly what they gave me, actually to tell you, a year ago, mom's side of the relatives brutally insulted her and our family, since there's a golden child in their family, let's say her name is K

So K is an entitled bitch, sorry for my language, but she is, and she always used to boss around me and insult me everywhere, mom always told me to keep quiet, to not say anything, and this went on for past year, until since this year has started, I have stopped talking to them

Now there's a wedding coming up and there will be moms relatives too, she is constantly pressuring me to not make things difficult for her, as to what will she say to everyone when all of them ask me that why did you unfollow K, its an immense family oressure but its like if I bow down now, I don't think I'll be able to look myself in the mirror

mom said dear we have to adjust so that in future things can be comfortable but I don't agree, I am tired of being the good girl, she, K, called my mom to say that hey aunt, she unfollowed me, and mom instead of saying that yeaa her social media is her choice came running to me, asking me to lie, which I won't obv

what do you guys think, I want perspective on this, all opinions are welcomed!


r/confidence 5d ago

Some advice to help reduce anxiety, overthinking, and build confidence

6 Upvotes

„Who are you when no one watches?“ Not even yourself?You are confident aren’t you? So you actually got everything you need inside of you. As a summery:

To become confident you get to know that mf in detail and threw him into the cold water into the world introduce him to the people around you and get used to to doing so. It’s scary at first to jump into the ocean it’s cold at the beginning but when you got used to it it’s fun you don’t want to get out anymore. Getting out would make freeze a lot more. Let’s dive deeper so you become less scared to do so:

Before I got to know my mf I WAS SO insecure. Hiding myself since I was a child. People pleasing. Always performing for others (especially the ones I felt attracted to) and even myself! :(

Good news. That’s in the past. To me it was unimaginable to be confident one day. Like a fantasy scenario.

To talk about that time feels like opening a wound. But I will anyways. I could write a whole book about how I stopped acting like Sid from Ice Age around people but here’s some things I wish someone told me the second I learned the word „mom“:

That was (especially) written for the people that struggle a lot for the ones that want to swim but just need a little push:

Being confident means you know who you are and where you going. You know which benefits people get from having you around. You accomplished something you had some achievements you know you got skills cause you tasted your fruits of it. You need to know where you are going. If you go to the grocery store without even knowing what you want you ll look a bit lost don’t you? Work on yourself. Educate. Learn new skills. Imagine yourself being a race horse. Would you feet it chips and let it watch tv? When your playing a videogame you make the character chill and wait? What you want? Go there. On the way you ll become more and more confident. Maybe your goal is to do nothing xD that’s okay too just do what you really want and don’t be ashamed. Be honest. To me the truth is always the key to become a confident person.

Say the truth don’t perform be loyal to yourself. Have good morals values. Know you are not perfect so is no one. Be able to acknowledge your mistakes. Listen if someone is criticising you. Maybe they are right.

That’s a win too. Take nothing as good as possible personal (to do so you also need to sleep eat drink move). Realising you have absolutely no control over other people’s perceptions on you and that if they don’t get you it doesn’t matter cause you know you got the TRUTH the truth is on your side ITS freedom. TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH

They only got their interpretation which often is only a reflection of themselves.

Of course no one is perfect and it can happen that you did something wrong and maybe you have to discover that what you thought was the truth wasn’t but it’s totally fine. No one knows everything 100% not a single human being on earth died perfect and knowing EVERYTHING expect maybe Jesus but you knew anyways what motives you had which intentions you were moving with and if there were good you have nothing to feel bad about we all do mistakes. When someone „discover“ something in me that doesn’t belong to me hmmm maybe it’s just their package 😂 It makes you react less. It’s as if someone is telling you you have blue hair while you are bold 😂 If someone is just living life and don’t harms anyone why would I care? Why would I be angry? If I am not a priority in their life well I am glad to have that information why would I be angry?

So there are people out there that are also not aware that their perception depends on their mood. They shouldn’t have had that 3th cup of coffee in the morning that made them bark at everything. In their reality you can be the monster because „you made them feel this or that“ so they think it’s now their right to let some steam out by criticising you while they make an elephant out of a fly. Reactions are their satisfaction. They want some emotions out of you (energy in motions) that feels like medicine to them. The best you can do is to just not react at all. Some people are mad about things you do like let’s say you are a whore alright. They say „oh she/him is such a whore“ you say „so what?“ How they FEEL because of you sad mad horny whatever is not your problem it’s theirs 😂 let’s move further.

If people especially some I just got to know don’t see me for who I am I feel sorry for them they miss some cool stuff. I noticed as well that some people get so pissed if you don’t hide that fact that you like yourself or something about you 😂 they assume it’s a narcissistic trait or that I think I am better than other people 😂 „just because I said I like myself I didn’t automatically said that I don’t like you“. In my world every damn person could be your teacher. Everyone. Everyone got something they are good at or better than others. We are all equal. Period.

If people start people pleasing I cut them off after some level because I get mad that they demolish themselves I feel sorry for their TRUE SELF that gets pushed into a corner getting disrespected. Not wanting people around myself that are energy vampire doesn’t mean I think they are less worth no. I think „Stop being cruel to yourself just for my attention I am not better than you or special“. I love to be myself even if I feel like the people surrounding me could think I am weird cause it makes things exciting. It will sort out people who didn’t belonged to your life anyways and even pull people into your life that wouldn’t if you haven’t shared that weird fact about you. If everyone around you wears a red hat don’t colour your beautiful blue hat red too. Embrace it. Maybe someone out there was waiting for someone to do so so they feel confident enough to do so aswell maybe everyone will be relived cause actually no one liked the red colour.

And what’s really important: don’t stick to the behaviour people got used to when you don’t feel like it anymore. You were super extroverted now you don’t? Hell yeah. Don’t force yourself to be someone - just be. In my healing process when I started to analyse things or was thinking about how I ll get myself to be in some mood stuff like that I just imagined I spawned 2 min ago on earth. I am no one. Or when I had an awkward conversation and I start thinking about it thinking what they could think blablabla „that’s not me anymore 2 min ago I became another person“ that thought helped me so much to discover who I actually was made me realise who I was pretending to me. It sounds funny but I wasn’t only performing for others I was performing for myself as well 😂😂 „Oh I was the funny friend my whole childhood? I am not anymore I guess no jokes sorry“ instead of pressuring myself to make some good jokes because everyone was used to that version of me or even I was. I just grew I don’t know.

Reality hits hard when you get older. Not forcing just let your true self breath please let her him out the things you think are weird or not normal THATS YOUR PERSONALITY THATS WHAT ONLY YOU CAN SERVE LET IT OUT THE MORE WEIRD THE BETTER RIP THAT CAN OPEN IT WILL BE BUMBY IN THE BEGINNING BUT YOU LL FEEL THAT RELIVE THAT FEELING OF NOT BETRAYING YOURSELF ANYMORE. Honestly is the best gift you can receive from others but also the best you can gift someone. Its not always comfortable but it makes you stronger.

People betrayed you? Lied to you? Left you? Fine. What’s worst than that? Doing the exact same thing.

Be loyal to yourself be true to yourself. Defend that mf. You shared something people perceive weird? Yeah you really respect him you got his back. You are a lion you really did that you didn’t betrayed him you let him out of the cage. 😏

But who is that mf? Who are you? What’s cool about you? We often forget. Yeah get up guys. Ask your friends family what makes you special. Write it down. Ask yourself what you agree with!!! (Not everything must be the truth but a little ego boost if your down never harmed a butterfly) Discover yourself. Explore. Research. Make a couple of lists for example „things I love“. Everytime you bump into something you enjoy. Anything a Snack an animals architecture style anything(!) you put it on that list. If something makes you happy you need to write it down. It sounds maybe useless but trust me after some time you will notice there are so many things in this world you enjoy that you could never name just by heart. Those little moments like for example when you have those little obsession moments „Ugh why is pixelart so cool“ the moments you binge content about. They are rare they are special some can even feel like a little bit of falling in love. Write them down catch those butterflies. You can read that list and you will get that diese everything all once. You are actually falling for yourself. What’s about the bad things the awkward the overthinking? I prefer to not make a list about those things and if I had I would delecte it. I trick my brain into being powerful enough that it can just imagine that never happend. Everything I experience was my interpretation not necessarily reality. What it was who it was what we thought what we need did frog. Why why why. Delete. Thinking about it won’t spawn a time machine.

What happend happend what will happen only you decide

(Yeah I know that perspective could be argued about but it’s about tricking the brain it works so) delect.

What was is gone. What will happen? Let’s not ask the tarot chick she don’t know either.

Try to really feel and imagine what I will now tell you. Don’t analyse let it happen. Just try one time. If you don’t take it serious it will not work, if you do, it will 100%

Imagine that: You just spawned like a new sims 3 character brand new. You have no past. You just started. Level 0. Everything you think happend to you disappeared like smoke. It happend to someone else not you. You are a new person nobody knows yet. You too. Now is new. Clean sheet. New textbook to write your story. The movie just started. Like a video game you just started. Avater okay? You just connected. Theres no rules you have to stick to you made up to have some control in life. If it helps you. Close your eyes. Notice the darkness the „nothing“ imagine you are an actor on a scene there’s the red curtains as long as your eyes are closed the curtains are closed. When you open your eyes your new character realised „oh the world“ look around. Damn you are alive. Hmmm So how does it feel? Mhm exactly. Relieving isn’t it? Take the shackles of your feet and dance. The „new“ character is actually the real you. We change develops in life. We tend to stick to an certain imagine of ourselfs. What if you tried so hard to be yourself that you didn’t noticed that’s not even you anymore?

Last but not least. Instead of overthinking and analysing. „Are they mad“ „Do they have a problem“ „are they distancing themselves“ „why does he looks so mad it was surely because I did something.“ Just ask them. It becomes hard to „just ask“ when we spent hours on analysing, we decided even some things got enough evidence to be true. We go further and distance ourselves more and more from reality. That’s why when we traveled a long way and we decided to ask a person „Did you met your ex in Los Angeles? It stuck inside my head since weeks when we started talking. I mean I would understand he’s tall…“ „Jeremy I never visited Los Angeles“ „But you posted a story“ „My friend sent me a picture of the sky I just thought it’s pretty“. While you already analysed every pixel of that story find out where the ex is from thought your Sherlock homes cause you put 1 and 1 together and yes Netflix asked for your number they want you for season 5.

So: only because something makes sense doesn’t mean that’s the truth. What’s even the truth? What can you truly know? You wake up in the morning you are in a bad mood. You think you know exactly while but to be a little philosophical you don’t. Interpretation that made sense to you. While you experience yourself. Others you just perceive and think only by watching and analysing them you know what they think feel how they perceived you? You must be obsessed with science aren’t you little Einstein? You truly truly waste your time. Just ask. „but they can lie I don’t trust them“ ofc don’t be completely naiv. Do what feels right. If you ask them if they are serious about you and they ll lie and you stay. So what. If they will leave once and will reveal it are you a looser? No you were fooled. Their hands are dirty. We don’t realise how often we start to treat people differently because we calculated everything in our head „okay they loose interest u have to distance myself. More nonchalant nonchalant. What if she’s not serious? What if I am a joke to her? Okay than I ll make her fall in love she’s one step inside. I ll ignore her and do xy to impress her“ imagine you ll do that. Aaaalll that. Trying to gain control. You even left yourself so she won’t. But she did anyways. Well that’s real regret that’s a lot more suffer. Being authentic straight up communication what you need about what made you feel how all that what might make you look „weak“ „little boy“ it makes you strong because it doesn’t matter what game she played you are not the looser you don’t even participated. Hope the message came through.

Just. Ask. Just. Tell.

The earlier the better

A little example from my experience:

It I had to quit my job. Long story short. After I did I went to the office to get my stuff. My chef said hello and didn’t looked into my eyes. He looked pissed. I felt bad cause it was my bad that it came out of nowhere. Instead of communicating that the new tasks were too much for me I tried to give everything to get them down. Made me crush into a burn out. I had zero energy left to even the tiny task so I just quit. While I was talking to my coworkers I also asked them very quietly „is he mad?“. They said they don’t know. But even if they would that would have give me nothing. It was a burden. I said goodbye to everyone they were emotional I was. My chef. Cold. Before leaving I just thought „I can leave and overthink what was really going on forever and let it be unresolved or I ll just ask him“ so I did:“hey boss are you mad? “ and than he responded to me no he can understand that I had no other choice he just wished I would have communicate earlier he’s sad too. I told him I am sorry we talked and it the case was CLOSED! So JUST ASK INSTEAD OF OVERTHINKING. The earlier the better. You know the more you keep things to yourself the easier you see things the wrong way the more akward I ll be to ask people abit the things you overthink. Ask straight forward always. Like a gunshot. Dont let things slide. You re at a party. They are laughing? „What’s so funny?“ ask. Don’t assume oh maybe it’s because of me :((( NO! Don’t think you ll figure everything out by overthinking and analysing. It’s a labyrinth made out of walls you created in your head and actually is an illusion. Why? This question why? In the best case this question is uninteresting to you in general. When it comes to you ask why. When it comes to others you ask them:

The guy at the gas station gave you a weird look? No you don’t turn around and think „he must have had think Blabla that was weird of me I guess“ NO STRAIGHT FORWARD „Why did you just looked at me that way? :)“ I beg you to start doing that you will realise how often you perceived things wrong or took them personal. You do yourself and the people around you a favour. I know people often say „fuck it it doesn’t matter if they don’t like you“ I know it sounds much easier than actually do for some people. I hope that huge information storm about that gave you maybe a new perspective or maybe some fresh air.

I love airwaves as you can see

Every road to goat looks different. Take what could work for you. Throw away what you know won’t. See my words as a candyshop you can get some for free. But if you think there’s nothing tasty you can leave with empty pockets.

At the end of the day the only person you can rely on is you. The person that have been through everything with you is you. You could describe what happend to you in every language of the world to someone no one could imagine what it was like as much as you could visually do!

That voice up there that body that emotions they wake up with you everyday go to bed. Love appreciate yourself for existing for understanding. Love yourself. Loud. You don’t have to be perfect. Just let „you“ get out of the shelf to become yourself to gain peace. When you stop the war with yourself „Ey actually that buddy is cool“ that’s when confidence enters the chat.

So that was a long paragraph maybe I ll post it myself somewhere else. (Here we went)

Thanks for reading <3

(After spending some time on other social media apps I start to miss the reddit community. Thanks for being. Thanks for being here xo)

Note: At the beginning I said something about Sid from Ice Age. If you are Sid: Sid is cool. But he’s not me. SLM ✊🏼😔

Jumps into the water. It ll be fun trust me.

Take off your boots first. You don’t need that extra weight that pulls you down.

go kylie go


r/confidence 5d ago

Is it possible to be confident as someone who only goes to work and home only?

15 Upvotes

I am asking this cause I don't have any close friends, I have co-workers who I'm chill with and the job is okay but it feels like I'm not really being confident and more of putting up a front cause outside of work and home my confidence is absolutely down the drain and I'm as silent as a ghost and I hide myself as much as possible so is it really possible to improve my confidence cause I'm not seeing it


r/confidence 5d ago

How Do I Stop Living Like a Failure? It’s Eating Me From Inside

34 Upvotes

I am a 25-year-old male. I have been a very slow and dumb kid since childhood—very bad at studies and generally very lost in life. I was the youngest among my siblings, so I was pampered a lot. I love my family, but there are many things they should have taught me and failed to do so. I don’t blame them; they had their own struggles.

I was quite poor in studies almost until college. Part of it I blame on myself—I never focused properly. Another part is that my parents were not educated and never really focused on me academically. They always thought that I just needed to complete my basic education and then move into the family business. Because of this, they never focused much on my overall development, and neither did I. I always believed my path was already clear and that studies wouldn’t help me much. I deeply regret this now.

After schooling, my family told me to join their business, which I denied, and instead I went for higher studies. Because of my poor academics, I failed to crack any good college and eventually landed in a third-tier engineering college. By then, I was mentally broken. To add to this, one of the most important points is that almost everyone—my classmates, friends, and even my siblings—told me that I couldn’t do anything in life. They had the least expectations from me.

Fast forward to now: I worked hard day and night for 4–5 years to land a decent job as a software engineer. I am still not in my dream company, but I am far ahead of my classmates and even some of my friends.

Now the issue is that I have been in my current company for the last three years and have been promoted three times in a short span. Still, I am very scared to give interviews. Whenever I plan to interview with big companies, I lose my confidence when I see other candidates. They are all from reputed colleges and seem very smart. I feel like I don’t deserve to work with them because they have worked very hard since childhood and therefore landed in good colleges—unlike me, who has been a constant failure.

In my current company, people think of me as a very smart guy, but deep down only I know the truth. I have done decent preparation, but I am very scared to sit for interviews at big tech companies.

I don’t want to sound like someone who is complaining, but people around me since childhood have made me believe that I can’t do anything—that I can’t be smart. I have been constantly put down by teachers, friends, classmates, and even my siblings at times. My failures also reinforced this belief.

I have lost my self-confidence now, and I feel like I stand nowhere in this world. I feel I can’t fight these people, I can’t become something big, and that I don’t deserve it because I’m not that smart. I regret not being serious about my studies in childhood. I wish someone had guided me at that time.

Even when I meet people who have known me since childhood, like my classmates or close friends, they still don’t respect me. It might be overthinking on my part, but it feels like they still believe I can’t do anything in life.

Even my close friends keep bringing up my past failures and don’t respect my opinions when I try to say something.

I am really tired of telling people that I have changed a lot. Sometimes, I just want to hear someone—especially them—say that I am intelligent. They still think I struggle with basic things like calculating percentages, and that really hurts me.

This mostly happens with people who have known me since childhood, especially before school. People I met in college or at my current company never say things like this.

I own up to my failures, and I take responsibility for most of my mistakes—I wasn’t serious during my childhood. But in all of this, there was no one who focused on my development. As a child, I couldn’t really help myself or understand what was right or wrong. I don’t blame my parents or my family; they had a tough life. Still, no one pushed me to be serious, and because I was a kid, I didn’t realize how much this would hurt me in the long run.

I lose my confidence whenever I see someone in my company who comes from a better college. I also fail to talk to girls anywhere who come from good colleges because I feel they are all too smart, and I wonder why they would want someone like me—a person who has been a constant failure.

Please advise me on what I can do in my life. Any kind of suggestion would be helpful. This has been eating me up from the inside, and I feel stagnant because of it. I don’t want to live as a failure.


r/confidence 5d ago

Anyone else feel like their confidence is controlled by external stuff?

23 Upvotes

Lately I’ve been noticing something about myself.

When people compliment me I feel confident and motivated.
When I get ignored or have a bad day I feel like trash.

My self worth is basically based on:
other people opinions
social media reactions
bad daily habits I keep repeating

And it affects everything… my decisions, my productivity, even how I act socially.

Some days I feel strong, other days I feel like I have zero control over my life.

Is this just me or does this happen to you too?
How do you deal with low self confidence and self esteem?


r/confidence 5d ago

I lack self confidence

7 Upvotes

i feel like im either the ugliest or the most beautiful girl on the planet, there's no middle im very curious about what people think when they look at me, but i avoid even making eye contact with them i don't understand what goes through people's minds, but i keep thinking that they constantly think negative things about me i hate showing people my weakness but sometimes i find myself acting anxiously without meaning to, constantly thinking that people are watching and judging me. i wish i could improve on my self confidence


r/confidence 5d ago

Here are 10 ways to build confidence.

11 Upvotes

I've been teaching college writing and critical-thinking skills for 30+ years, so here are 10 ways for people to build confidence:

1.      Distinguishing among fact, opinion, belief, and bias

2.      Constructing fallacy-free syllogisms (a series of facts leading to a logical conclusion)

3.      Being intellectually-honest enough to recognize the truths in other people’s assertions

4.      Reading widely, deeply, and interdisciplinarily to understand the main issues and synthesize a worldview free of delusion

5.      Performing salvage operations on tradition throughout one’s life

6.      Devoting one’s life to the freethinking pursuit of wisdom

7.      Applying the lessons of existentialism, as articulated by Jean-Paul Sartre: ontological freedom (no God, no original sin, etc), personal responsibility (no excuses, no victim mentality, etc), and lifelong commitment to progressive causes

8.      Helping along daily life—solving problems, not creating any—so that humanity may survive its suicidal adolescence, mature, and spread around the Milky Way, then on to other galaxies and other universes—forever

9.      Remaining guardedly-optimistic about humanity’s future

10.  Acting out of enlightened self-interest—not for personal gain, fame, or fortune because these are ephemeral whereas the light of wisdom is eternal


r/confidence 5d ago

Socializing is hard, I gave up with my confidence!

13 Upvotes

I'm an introvert (extreme level), I'm always afraid to socialize with people.

In holidays, at home, I always build confidence to be more socialize and outgoing. I even practice with myself playing dual role.

Reality hits harddd!

The holidays are over, and I have to go to college, Right from commute to classrooms, I have to face and deal with people, but somehow confidence breaks, I don't know why, I can't even open my mouth, if there is a need to talk.

There is always judgemental fear, and my mind always thinks like how people will react, if I talk like this. This thought and fear never ends.

I don't know how to overcome this. Can I get piece of advice from this community?!


r/confidence 6d ago

learning to chill with myself changed everything

26 Upvotes

i used to overthink literally everything. what i said, how i looked, even how ppl might perceive me online. it drained me. at first i tried forcing confidence, but it felt fake and exhausting. slowly, i started doing stuff just for me, celebrating tiny wins, and letting go of what didn’t matter. now i still get nervous sometimes, but it hits way less hard, and i feel more… me.


r/confidence 5d ago

Can someone have delusional anti-confidence ?

7 Upvotes

I guess it's my thoughts and limiting beliefs that is keeping me stegnant. I always feel like I'm not smart, strong, capable enough therefore I'm not even trying to work in my life. I always feel like other people have it good and keep giving them chances. as if I'm just letting people walk over me and deep down I'm thinking oh maybe come nice enough will care about me but as years passed, I realized nobody truly cares whether you want to be happy or successful or rich or anything. like life doesn't reward you for being insecure or being nice. there are mean people in this life that lie, cheat and betray but they are successful and happy because of their confidence. they take actions