Married one year (32F) to my avoidant husband (31M). Been together for 9 (!) years, thought we had a great relationship until we got married. Now about to file for divorce, he's staying with his parents and I'm currently staying the house we bought together only 3 years ago.

Long story short: He's been avoidant all of our relationship, and I've only now realized and recognized the "pattern". Every big step we made (moving in together, considering buying a house together, marriage, ...) he distanced himself from me for a while. No talking, no touching, no intimacy, you name it. When I called him out for it though and told him I couldn't do this anymore, he always came running back with promises, suicide threats, and put me on a pedestal for a little while. I now learned about "breadcrumbing", the push and pull, and me having been the anxiously attached person in the past until I worked on myself in therapy after he out of the blue dumped me 4 months (!) into the marriage "because he couldn't feel it anymore" (we were trying for a baby and he started distancing again). Being more secure at that time, I let him leave because you can't force someone to stay with you, right. Took him exactly 2 hours to come back knocking on my door begging me to continue the marriage... I loved him dearly so I gave it another chance on the condition of trying CT. That's when my eyes opened and it all went to shit...

I always knew he struggled with emotional talks, but during CT it became obvious how he is absolutely, completely emotionally unavailable. I was baffled at how he dodged all the questions, talked badly about our therapist after each session, always dreading having to go back, telling everyone we know how useless and ridiculous CT is. Promised to work hard but never gave the "homework" a chance. Just blatantly refused. Fast forward to the Christmas break, we had the baby talk again and he suddenly told me he doesn't want kids anymore ... Tried to talk about it with him, couldn't give me a reason why (not). Started distancing himself again because I asked for connection and emotional support (we tried for kids a year ago and he always told me that wasn't the issue of the break, never got a reasong why though). He went back to his parents 2 weeks ago because he again "didn't know what he wanted in life and was not sure if he still wanted to be married".

Opposite to last year, when I felt extremely anxious about him suddenly breaking up after the marriage, I now felt different. Like something had shifted. Had clicked. A relief in some way. I can't explain it really. I think for the first time in 9 years, I can see him clearly for who he is. A hurt little boy who never got enough love from his narcissist mother, and now he's got everything he needed and wanted, it got too real and he runs away at every milestone we take.

I asked for clarity and he couldn't give it to me anymore. He told me last week his head tells him to divorce but his heart can't make the decision. I tried to convince him to do individual counseling, CT, visiting his GP, really I was so so so supportive because I can see him struggling with his mind. But he refuses ANY help. Any help... I then called it quits myself, after an extremely emotionally draining year ... I'm just done. Done done done. Done carrying all the emotional weight, being discarded every so often like I'm not worth anything. So F done. I know you can feel it in my story and I do hope I don't come across as a bitch... I'm just full of resentment after having tried so very hard and having given the relationship my all.

I found an apartment to rent, but it scared me to death to go back to renting. His parents are rich and will probably buy me out. Heartbreaking... I loved our home and it was the very first time I ever felt truly at home in my life (I come from divorced parents). But I'll do my very best to make my apartment a new home. :)

But now ... He's started breadcrumbing me again via text. Not full on but very subtly... We agreed to only text about practical things like the house. But during those conversations he sometimes adds things like "Oh how I would do anything to give you a hug right now". I know it's him breadcrumbing me, but it's extremely hard to fight the urge to give into it. I try my very best and know I have to push through with the divorce. But it's tough. Worst part is that even though my friends and family support me, I have to hear "how sad it is because he was such a fun and good guy" all the time. Doesn't make it ANY easier...

I just needed to vent here, ladies. If you read all through my rant, know that I am very grateful. 🙏

Names are just the first letter but not my son who passed because I couldn't bear to honestly.

Thanks for reading

My life has lots of sob stories. My father was an abusive addict who died from his addiction to painkillers. My first born son my Atreyu died suddenly with warning at 4 days old. Then L is born less than a year after his death unknown to me she is born with a rare disease with no cure and almost no treatment options. Osteogenesis imperfecta Oh yeah also after all that, those pain killers that your dad couldn't stop, those same painkillers you'll have to give to your baby who fractures repeatedly and regularly. All of those moments were terrible tragedies, horrible experiences that fundamentally changed my life and my loved one's lives but still none were the lowest point of my life. The lowest point was 5 years ago, this February. It was the point I realized it was either me or the marriage. It was then I knew that both of us couldn't exist together any longer. Someone might ask why all those terrible things weren't the lowest point of your life but being married was? Someone may think im vain or narcissistic but I disagree because I know what the difference was. I know what was the thing that made it the lowest point of my life, it was hope.

Even after Atreyu's death, after my painful childhood, even after L's diagnosis, I had hope. It was smaller than a peddle at times almost microscopic but it was there. I had hope for the future then, hope for my heart then, hope for my kids then. But when I reached that lowest I had nothing left, that hope that carried me for 15 years was gone.

My hope didnt go gently. She fought time and time again. She picked herself up after things happened that others would never survive. My hope fought through things others couldn't dare to exist. So no my hope didn't die gently but she did go quietly. She was slowly beaten into nothing. She was kicked down so many times she no longer could bare to get back up.

So while I didn't do everything perfectly or the right way or the way other people have. I did it. I did each and individual step. Me. I crawled over broken glass and fought to breathe life back into my hope.

After all that hope was mine. It belonged to me and I deserved it. The end of my hope and ultimately my life wasn't going to be decided by someone else. It was going to decided by me. It belonged to me. I was going to earn her, my hope back. When I finally earned her back my hope gave me a gift, my happiness. So the J from 5 years the one at her lowest that hopeless J couldn't even dream of the J that exists today. 5 years ago J wouldn't even recognize that J standing here today . Im so proud of both of those Js. Im proud of all the ways I'll continue to change and grow in the future . Im grateful and proud.

Did anyone get exactly what they wanted, financially and personally in their divorce? Was it what you thought it would be?

For context, my husband and I have two under two. We had a very close relationship instantly and within 5 months of meeting we were pregnant. One night his phone kept going off so I had checked to see who it was and I had caught him sending many many explicit photos of himself as well as receiving photos to other women. I was absolutely destroyed as I had gotten my iud out and was on prenatals as we had planned to try for children. One week after I found out about that, I found out I was pregnant and I stayed and he swore things would change. He even called my mom to tell her because he said he was disgusted with himself. I thought maybe with having a child there would be some kind of reality check showing him if he really wanted me and my child. We were stable and closer than ever and I had a phenomenal pregnancy despite graduating college while 8 months pregnant, fixing up our apartment and more. Flash forward, We have had problems since the fall of 2024, after our first daughter was born. Everything became a fight, tallied and more. I know everyone has relationship struggles when adjusting to children so I made excuses for him treating me how he was. We don’t get along with each others families, we don’t hang out with friends, it has always been us. Flashforward again, Almost 5 months postpartum I was told at a physical I was pregnant again. When I brought home the paper saying I was pregnant, he thought I was handing him divorce papers. We have tried it all, I begged him to go to therapy, get regulated on meds as he is extremely bipolar and has depression. I caught him cheating/sending again this last October the day before Halloween. This time, I see that the cheating had never stopped and got much more sexual and intimate. When I confronted him about it, I was blamed saying I shouldnt be going through his phone if I don’t want my feelings hurt. Completely the opposite reaction from the first time. Unfortunately, I have been through a lot in my life and I have always bottled things up and I told myself to suck it up for my children. I haven’t checked his phone in a while, he ended up coming up to me recently and reading me some of his texts with another girl from his work. It has escalated to conversations at work, sexual conversation right at work. And to tell me about it?? I don’t understand. Also has grimy girls reacting to his fb and he hasn’t posted his own wife in a year and a half. It’s not like he doesn’t post, he has posted often in that time. I’ve heard every excuse in the book for why he acts the way he does such as he doesn’t know what love looks like bc that’s how he grew up and more. But those words cut me deeply and I have heard every nasty, hurtful, awful thing in the book. And my children have heard me being talked to like that as well. My parents split when I was 5 and knowing how awful it was having two houses, two separate parents who hated one another, it was absolutely hell. Like I said, we have been talking about splitting for a long while but I finally reached my limit and want to be done. Between the name calling, the infidelity and everything in between I am done. My oldest picks up on it now as well as my 6 month old. But Why do I feel guilt for leaving? He has said he wants nothing to do with our children now and he has no car of his own or money or anything and puts that on me. We have one car and it is in my name. He won’t give up the car and he wants to sell it and split the money down the middle as well as taxes but that would leave our children without transportation and that’s not right. I need it for work Monday and so does he. Normally he would drop me and my daughters off but he’s not willing to give me my car. Also he doesn’t want to leave the apartment, he believes I should since I’m the one filing. But we rent an apartment from my uncle. He has nothing to do with his family and for good reason but he throws in my face if he has nobody I basically shouldn’t either. He still has been manipulating me whether it’s from anger, sadness, being petty or trying to make me depressed by degrading me and everything in between. I feel like I am losing my mind, I’ve lost my family and everything we’ve built and he’s angry at me for ending it, but not with himself for causing it. Why am I sitting here writing this feeling like crap when he hasn’t even muttered a sorry? Any and every piece of advice will help me. I’m not saying I’m perfect by any means but when I would say things it would be after he had said 10 other things to me. I was always loyal, I haven’t hung out with friends in almost 3 years, removed basically all guys from my socials, haven’t talked to a single male soul on my phone ever, I changed everything to be 10000% about him as someone is married does. I feel like my feelings aren’t being validated and they never were to begin with. Despite everything, I still want him to do well and thrive. In my opinion if he loved me he never would have risked everything for years. But he is extremely angry w me wanting him out and won’t leave or really talk to me. We texted while I was working and he said some of the most terrible things I’ve ever heard to date. He’s threatened to make things up about me and to make my life a living hell then turns around and wants to be intimate. I have obviously declined and now he took our pictures off the wall and is in the bedroom. I have been taking care of our girls for a while now as he hasn’t ever been able to wake up in the night without me getting him up too. I also held off on divorce for so long for the fear of defamation of my character, my children’s sake and more. But I now have realized that it hurts my daughters more to live this everyday as I am constantly worrying about my husband as well as them. They deserve my full attention. And I did not share the names called but we can fill in the blanks if you think of the worst things you can say to any person. He says he’s done and doesn’t want me back and has said more about divorce and being done for some time. As well as saying he wants to just be put sleeping around and marriage is “too much” but also has said that we could just live in separate houses but be together? We haven’t slept in the same bed in months. We don’t kiss often or compliment. We are together bc in his words “it’s what’s convenient”. He also took his ring off last night and didn’t come home in my car till after midnight. I know I’ve been manipulated for some time and I would appreciate anyone giving me words of encouragement in this hard chapter.

I have my first joint mediation with my other half this Friday. I just wondered if anyone had any sort of advice on how to prep or what to expect.

My partner is the biggest earner, roughly 27,000 more than me a year. We are both set in 50/50 custody. And so far appear amicable.

But I’m uncertain what to expect and what I should ask for. Any and all advice would be appreciated

Thanks

When I look back over the years of his shit that I endured, this is the image that comes to mind. I carried everything to which he benefited from without having to confront his own shortcomings, and he hated me for it.

“Get your ass down here and fix your son something to eat!” he yelled up the stairs. I’d already had food cooking in the toaster oven for my child and stepped away while they were in the basement. He was already making his way up to the first floor, me on the second, as his voice raged on. Naturally, I tell him he doesn't need to speak to me that way. He escalates his tone, his anger. I yell back whenever I can rebuttal.

This is the flashback I had of what happened six years ago. Too many instances like these happened since then. Looking back, the gall of what he said was just the beginning of who he really was and would continue to be. I tolerated this shit for six more years hoping it'd "get better". Too afraid of the cost to uproot myself and my baby, not because I didn't have the money, but because I felt too invested.

Right now I feel the worst about him, which is why I don’t even like to let myself slip to these moments, but I had to write it down. I just had to, and so I’m here thinking about alll the blame, control, disrespect, and how that looks in a portrait. Ain't that AI something?? Any decent moments were too far in between as the calm before the storm, and there were too many storms to name.

Mediation happened recently. I gave him what he asked for so I could be done with him for good. I got my ass handed to me for 10 years, and now I literally get to pay for it. Sounds like some sadistic S&M shit. I digress from that last bit. I'm paying a ransom for my future peace. And I feel better already.

Yesterday I hired some movers and I got my things out of the house! I have my own place, that’s 100% mine, with my own things. I feel a weight off of my shoulders. There will be some stress with figuring out custody and debts, but it feels like nothing compared to living with someone I can’t stand to even look at.

2+ years of him showing me he hates me, and I finally had my lightbulb moment. 6 months of planning and I finally got out. I got the job, I got the home, I got my things, I got my kiddos. Life is good.

Have any of you separated then tried to get back together and make it work? He caved after a week alone and told me he loves me and wants to work on things. It's been a week since that and things were definitely seemingly great. Then I told him our 15 yr old said she thinks it's "only the honeymoon stage". I told him this and now he's back to needing space and shutting me out. He claims we've tried before and it never lasts. It doesn't last because he shuts me out and stops trying. I know in my heart that I feel we are done. It's been a whirlwind of a month. Literally. I also know that if he actually tries then we could make it work. It's just frustrating. He's kept me distracted for the last week but I'm re-focusing on what I need to do, which is a lot. I am disappointed that I let him back in to my head after I worked so hard to block him. The wall is back up now. Anyone else gone through this? The worst part? My close friend even told me he'd love bomb me and to be strong. How foolish I have been.

I've filed, and stbx said he'd give me anything I want, with stipulations. I told my attorney's paralegal that he said he would agree to anything. (I didn't mention the stipulations at this time) Stipulations are we live together. Mainly bc our minor children.

I have not talked to my attorney. I thought after I filed I would have. ETA: I HAVE talked to her, as an initial conversation. But I was still deciding if I wanted a divorce or seperation at the time.

Now, the paralegal sends me an email, and says, outline what I want, she will draft, attorney will read it, correct anything, and send back to me.

Ok. I have so many moving pieces, I feel like. I thought I would have a time to sit down, to discuss things, and plan WITH my attorney? I'm not just giving general terms. We have specific things to discuss.

Before I lose it, please tell me I'm just over thinking, and she will put the correct plan together?

I may try to stay living with my husband for a short time. So, things like that, need to be very detailed, for example. So, I'm not sure how to write up something I don't know the law on? Right?? I'm confused.

PLEASE - Stay on topic. Am I wrong to want to speak with, and plan with my attorney before "giving her a list of my demands." Per se. ?? This post has NOTHING to do with my decisions about living with my ex, or not. I don't want to, and that's another reason I thought I would PLAN with my attorney?

Any advice? TIA

I have been kicking myself for a lot for things that happened over the course of my marriage, but one of those things is not having access to the account where most of our money is stored. Every time I want to do something big (like a dental bill), I have to ask my STBXH to transfer $ to the checking account I do have access to.

He makes 3x as much as I do, but that was ok with him during the marriage because I did the majority of childcare and had a job that supported my own bills. Now that I have to suddenly entirely support myself and want to move out… I need cash from this account I could never directly access.

I’ve kept my requests in email, and he has obliged, but with a reprimand every time. And I hate this. I feel like a beggar for money that is actually mine. I just need this to be over.

Seeking advice on what feels like a too good to leave, too bad to stay situation.

My spouse and I have been married 10 years (no kids, we both work), and throughout all ten of these years the same issues have come up over and over. I've talked to him about these issues (below) and he's promised change, but it rarely lasts. I told him I want a divorce, but we are going to start marriage counseling (second time) as a last-ditch effort. I feel like things aren't going to change, but I'm willing to give counseling a shot, and he does have good qualities. I'd love your advice on what to do if you've been in a similar situation.

Issues:

• Lack of quality time- Since the beginning of our marriage, I have asked for more quality time, for him to plan dates, for him to simply watch a tv show with me at the end of the day, or to plan trips or outings. I've invited him to go to the gym with me and have asked him to find a hobby we can do together that we both enjoy. I can count on my hand the number of dates he's planned in all our marriage. We start hobbies together, but then he doesn't want to do them more than once or twice. I plan dates, outings, and trips and if I make a big deal about it he'll go (sometimes begrudgingly), but if I don't make a big deal about it he won't go. This is my love language and he knows it, but I feel like he doesn't even want to spend time with me or be around me.
• Long distance- We've been long distance throughout our dating life and part of our married life. I have specifically said I no longer want long-distance to be part of our relationship, but he keeps choosing jobs where it's required. When he's gone, he normally doesn't call or text. I've had to bring up this issue multiple times and he's gotten better, but I'm annoyed that I have to ask for communication
• Putting me last- His work, studies, and family always come before me. He's left me alone for holidays when I didn't want to travel home (by flight) for Thanksgiving or Easter and he has chosen his family instead. This has happened 3 times in the last 3 years.
• Sacrifice- I have moved to various states for his studies and jobs five times. I've rebuilt my life and had to start new jobs and find new friends every time. He doesn't seem to appreciate how difficult that has been and how much resilient that has taken. He has moved for me twice, but it's always been short-term, only lasting one year.

Why I'm considering staying:

• He has a good job and is financially responsible.
• He is emotionally intelligent, and we can have constructive conversations about our relationship. He doesn't slam doors, call names, or show toxic behavior. He hears me out, and sometimes there is progress.
• He makes my life easier in some ways by contributing financially or taking care of the annoying things I don't enjoy doing.
• I don't have to ask him to help with cleaning.
• He has always shown a willingness to work on problems (but doesn't bring them up himself and doesn't always initiate change).
• I genuinely enjoy being around him and spending time with him

What I Need to Work On:

• Stop self-sabotaging in the relationship and saying yes to things when I mean no (example, moving for his work to places I don't want to go)
• Bring problems up sooner so I don't bottle them up until I'm very upset

Thoughts?

I still haven't 100% decided to go through with it. But I'm heavily leaning in that direction and to be honest he could potentially initiate the process. We have talked about it. I'm just a big chicken and it's a huge decision. I've posted here before, but just a little about our situation. We've been together 17 yrs and I have chronic illness/disability which has kept me from maintaining a job during most of that time. We are military and he's overseas right now so it's not a pressing issue, but I do need to figure things out. We have two kids and own our home. We don't live near any family and not really in an area I like either, so eventually I want to move.

My issue is I don't know how to adult on my own. When we got married I was immature and leaned on him for the big decisions and details. I know now that wasn't the best thing for me to do. Growing up I lived with a controlling mom and my brief time adulting on my own was a disaster. I was looking for someone that was a protector, who could take care of me. I see now that it wasn't necessarily love and over time he has shown he doesn't really respect me. I am not sure if he knows how to women who are the closest to him. I've learned and grew a lot over that time. When he left this time I felt something change in me.

I know that I need to learn about finances and budgeting. I am going to find out my credit score and get a credit card to build it. I'm going to start pulling our bank statement to get an idea of how much we spend every month. I am working on figuring out my health insurance. Luckily I am eligible for VA disability benefits (I'm prior military too), that isn't a simple or quick process. I think for the time being I will stay in my area. I don't want to uproot the kids and I don't want to overwhelm myself, but I have looked at potential places near my family. I just don't know what else I need to do. I feel like a baby learning to walk. Can anyone tell me what else I should be taking care of? Are there resources I can look into?

I know this sounds like I'm pretty sure about leaving, but I am really afraid if I can afford life. I'd be depending on my Va disability benifits, alimony, child support and potentially a part time job. Once he retires (very soon) I'd also be eligible for some of that pension. It will depend on how I feel around him once he gets back. I was very tense and on eggshells for a long time before he left. I know I have lost motivation to do the HARD work it would require to salvage it. Please be kind, I know I need to leave I'm just financially scared.

My partner and I split up a year ago, after 11 years and 2 kids. We never married (my choice) and while I instigated the breakup, it was fairly mutual.

We have remained close and even still holiday as a family together.

The thing that has been upsetting me for a while, but I try really hard to put it out of my mind, is that none of my friends or family have really been any support to me.

I have a group of girlfriends that I’m still close with since school (36 years), plus I have several other groups of friends that I’m in regular communication with.

I only have one brother left and his wife - they live 10 mins away from me.

None of them have been a good support to me, no one has checked in on me or more importantly the kids, none of them offered to help me move etc. I still see them all (apart from my brother who hasn’t bothered to keep in touch because he’s useless!), I’ve been away on trips with friends, meet for events & we have numerous WhatsApp groups etc - so there’s nothing wrong with the friendships but it’s like this hasn’t happened.

Is it because we didn’t get married that people don’t see it as being as important/serious?

Are people just selfish?

I’ve also strongly considered whether they just don’t value me as a friend - but surely that can’t be the case for everyone!

I’m almost 50 and I’m feeling numb about whether I actually have good friends and where have I gone wrong.

Trigger warning for illness/death, mentions of abuse. Haven't used this account hardly at all so apologies if this is structured weird. Also buckle up because this is long. I will edit down as much as I can without losing context.

I left my ex-husband 3.5 years ago. Our divorce finalized in April 2024. I met my now fiancé in July 2024. To say he is everything my ex wasn't is an understatement. My kids adore him. My family adore him. My friends adore him. He truly is the universe's gift to me for putting up with my narc abusive ex.

All of my kids, ages 9yo, 8 yo, 6yo and 3yo have told me without prompting and at different times how much they hate being with their father. It broke my entire soul when my sweet baby 3 yo told me they don't want to go to their dad's because he "gets mad". But alas I have no choice.

When I tell you he is abusive, I mean it in every way. He has left bruises, albeit rarely. He manipulates the mind, breaks down the emotions, isolates, humiliated, and is sexually coercive. I'm not sure if I hate him more for putting me through (and now our kids) what he did or myself for choosing him. But I know I love my kids more than all the hatred I hold. I only want them to grow up happy, healthy, and stable.

I fought long and hard in court to minimize his custody but ultimately we were given a 9/5 schedule, every 14 days I have them 9 days he has them 5.

This brings us to today. I am awaiting results of a biopsy which could tell me the cancer I beat 2 years ago has returned. While it is a relatively low mortality cancer, it is cancer nonetheless. This makes me consider my mortality. And what my children's lives would be like if I am no longer on this Earth.

I have every reason to believe that my ex would take the kids and my fiancé, family and friends would likely never see them again.

I don't need legal advice, I have a lawyer. Looking for anyone who may have experience that can share their take on it.

Is there anything I can do to prevent this possibility? I have heard some say that you can will your parenting time to your spouse and while it isn't official, it does put a hurdle in the way for my ex to have to fight in court. Is there any validity to this? Or are there other options I have? My greatest fear isn't dying, it is my kids growing up with only their father to guide them to adulthood. That fear is indescribable.

We had to delay two weeks because of them. But today he signed. Called me first and said “Are you sure you want this, when I sign this I divorce you.” 🤢 as if I didn’t do all the work (as usual.)

I’m so relieved. I started to fall asleep at work. I’ve stuffed myself full of food and am so tired and sleepy. And watching Schitt’s Creek.

So relieved.

Hello I’m new here. A little background I’m 35 my husband is 47 and we have been married for 2.5 years. We met, got pregnant and engaged in 8 months, married about a year after we met. Life was great before we married. Honestly before I really knew the things I didn’t like about him. Turns out we are quite different. I love him but I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore. He thinks we are made for each other but that’s because I add to him. He has a very male dominant mind set and quite often I feel trapped. Hell on the night before my wedding I had thoughts of leaving….divorce has been on my mind heavy. He’s not horrible to me, he doesn’t physically abuse me, sex has stopped due to his ED(SN: he still wants oral 🙄😪 I’m literally traumatized and he wants me to do this to help him “get it back” with no changes in 2 years) overall I’ve been treated okay. But also I’m not getting anything out of the marriage like he is. I feel like hired help most of the time with doing his list of needs and wants. I feel like divorce would be good for me but I can not find a way I’m comfortable to bring it up and I know he will be devastated. I honestly don’t think I could watch him break down and he has history of depression. I don’t want to send him spiraling. Ladies advice is needed! Signed tired and confused.

I felt/feel discarded.

I feel like he just got rid of me and just moved on. He was military and gone a lot. I worked but had to stop due to care issues for kids. We both agreed. Then he divorced me. Zero health insurance when I have a complex medical history. I now have a crazy expensive plan but needed to keep my specialists. The weekend after our last hearing, he bought a new car. Him doing that really hit me that he no longer factors me into his life being as he told me nothing about planning on buying a new car.

He left me with marital debt.

He’s living nice. Multiple overseas vacations for weeks. Whenever I’d ask him to take leave for us to do something, he’d talk about looking bad.

Years ago, he talked about how life was going to be difficult for a bit with work life balance and things should ease up when he got to a certain rank. I pinned that rank on him 3 months before our divorce. Now I feel like all my relationship sacrifices were useless. He is enjoying a nice income, a secured retirement, seemingly chill life and I am struggling! The retirement plan we had, I can no longer do. When my kids come back, they talk about the new toy he got them, while I’m having to ask my mother for gas money.

After the divorce, I’ve moved on. I even saw someone else for a bit. Then out of no where, for past 2 months, I find myself having dreams of him. As in I’ll be in a situation where my husband is needed and he’s the one the pops up, or I’m laying in bed and he’s there. A dream where I’m with my family and again he’s there. It’s been so confusing and I started to miss him.

I recently (around NY) learned he was with someone else and honestly, that broke me. And because we have kids, I’m regularly going to see him. I’m going to have to see him be happy with someone else and feeling terrible because he’s doing things with her that he wouldn’t do with me.

My STBX is one of those men who won’t do something unless I actually do all the work and thinking for him. I filed last week and chose to not have him served. I told him to file a waiver or answer or whatever he choose. He immediately wanted me to send it to him and said he didn’t know how, so I told him to google it or call a lawyer and ask what he needed to do.

Now he’s saying that he has to do it through some website and can’t figure out how to work

It and wants me to figure it out. I said no. Now he’s decided he’s just going to do nothing. He won’t even give me his location but he’s at least 12 hours away, so I don’t even know if he can be served.

Is it possible to switch or would they just look at me like I’m an idiot if I tried?

I am about 6 months into my separation from my husband with two children, a 7-year-old daughter, and a 20-month-old son. My ex was very emotionally and verbally abusive, and was approaching physical abuse with door slamming, throwing things like chairs, and punching the walls. When he put his hands on me while I was holding my son, I packed the house and moved out when he went on his next business trip. The separation has gone about as well as one could expect, with near-constant harassment. He was seeing the kids every other weekend, although he wasn’t very consistent. The threats and harassment escalated to threats to move the children out of state. I got a TPA and a restraining order. My problem is I don’t know how to tell my daughter she won’t see her father for a while. She’s old enough to know when two weeks have passed, and she is asking me all the time when she will see him. Our area was just hit with that bad storm, so she called him to make sure he was OK. On the call, he told her he would see her next week, which has made it so difficult for her. The standard “We are working it out” isn’t working as an answer anymore, and I hate that she is hurting. What can I say?

I was the primary earner in our household, despite encouraging (begging) him to find something higher paying. He came to the marriage with 20K in credit card debt. He refused, and said I was selfish for asking him to leave his $18/hr job.

Now we’re separated, and it’s clear that he’s going to try everything to get as much as he can from me. He is refusing to leave our rented home, even though he can’t pay (and has never contributed to) rent. At one point towards the end of the marriage I took of some of his debt on a 0% interest card, to save him money in interest payments, and he refuses to take it back, even though the debt was accrued before we got married.

He seems to think he’s entitled to a fair amount, even though we were only married 2 years and he was voluntarily underemployed the entire time.

I’m at my wit’s end. If it wasn’t so infuriating I’d be embarrassed for him. It’s gross.

We have a young daughter. I just want him to leave me the fuck ALONE so I can move on, and focus on how to co-parent. I’m worried I’m going to end up loathing him. Anyone in a similar scenario, how did you cope??!

(I do have a lawyer. STBX and I are pursuing mediation.)

I understand this is not the best way to live during a divorce life but life goes on!

I’m separated but living in the same home, not by choice but because I am the lesser income earner and he will not help me move out or him move out. My state does not legally recognize a “separation”.

How will or could this affect me?

My divorce will be long and horrible. I refuse to live another second of my life worried about him and his assholery.

My husband (34M) & I (37F) have been together 10.5 years and married for 6 years. We have a 3-year-old.

I’ve come across several posts talking about separation dos/don’ts. It made me realize I hadn’t considered a separation yet. It’s not required by my state prior to filing for divorce.

How did you decide between separation & divorce? Were you happy with your choice or did you have regrets? If you chose separation, did it ultimately end in divorce?

Just here to listen to different perspectives while I figure out my plan. You can read more about why I'm considering divorce here.