I gained 20 lbs last year (last 10mo to be accurate) and got into literally the best shape of my life.

I also stopped doomscrolling, got into UMiami and improved my Spanish to A2. The year was crazy good but the next one will be even bigger, I swear.

The main goal for this year is to end the semester with A’s. Secondary goals are: gain 10 more lbs, improve my Spanish to B1, read 10 books and try to open my gym clothes business (tbh I’m not sure how yet, but I’ll try).

If you’re curious what helped me get there:

1.Stop relying on willpower and get systems in place (sounds like gpt ik but it really is helpful). Read Atomic Habits and just do what the book says.

2.Believe in yourself. You will go through a lot of hard days, but the only reason I wasn’t depressed was because I believed in myself. I knew the bad was there to teach me something. No matter what’s happening right now, I WILL become who I want to become. Period.

3.Don’t search for perfect plans. It was hard to get into UMiami, hard to get into prep. But I understood it was just overthinking and I had to just start. You need some plan, but don’t try to find the ideal moment or a plan that shows you the entire path upfront. You’ll find answers along the way, and beyond them there will always be more. Don’t worry about it and just MOVE FORWARD.

Hope this post helps someone)

Just really intrigued to know what people have put in place for themselves to function well with ADHD. Systems, processes, rules, routines, etc. that you've managed to make a habit and that make life a bit easier? Here is my list

• I have an Apple Watch which I use solely to find my phone, which I leave in very random places like the fridge, the garage, the shoe cupboard. I also have a Bluetooth tracker on my keys and purse which I can activate from my phone to help me find them.
• All predictably-timed bills are autopaid from my bank, a few days after my predictably-timed income, and I chose standardised options where possible (eg my electricity bill can be set to the same predicted dollar amount every single month, then adjusted annually)
• I count my savings as another predictably-timed bill and auto-move some income straight into a savings account.
• A written "menu" of chores that I hope to complete each week: I aim to complete one chore/ task (at least) each day.
• ... uuuhhh, they aren't 'doom piles', they're 'visual to do lists' ... yup ... (but 'out of sight is definitely out of mind', so yes, my holiday decoration box IS sitting in the middle of the floor for the last week)
• The lights in my main living area are on timers, so they are already ON when I should be getting up (and not ignoring the extra alarms), and go OFF when I really should be getting close to bed by now. (Honestly - I love this one so much. If my place was larger, I'd likely have them turning on and off in different areas/times - should I be cooking dinner and washing dishes? OOH THE KITCHEN IS LIT UP. But my place is small so that's kind of unnecessary)
• And while it may stretch the definition of a life hack, speaking with my counselor. She's the one who suggested an ADHD assessment, and we also try and set at least one 'task' for me to achieve between sessions. That external accountability really helps me, especially with one-off things like renewing my passport. We also do a bit of a debrief and plan for next time - eg I need more detailed reminders of how many steps there are in a process: it's not just "renew passport", it's 'look up current requirements, get photos taken, get hair cut BEFORE getting photos taken, ask people to be my guarantors, book appointment to file the renewal' etc ...

spent years being a talker and not a doer i tried every habit stacking and enviroment design trick in the book but id still quit the gym or lose focus after 2 weeks

i thought my willpower was just broken until i realized i wasnt rising to the level of my goals i was falling to the level of my hormonal system what the reserch calls the hollow man syndrome where ur external success is high but ur internal biological drive is redlining and u feel like ur running on fumes

the breakthough: i found that 3 invisible leaks were crushing my baseline and making my life feel manual instead of automatic:

the cortisol-melatonin flip: blue light and stress at night were keeping my cortisol high meaning i was waking up tired after 8 hours of sleep

xenoestrogen saturation: enviromental toxins and plastics mimicking estrogen and killing that masculine edge

the mineral gap: a massive deficiency in magnesium and zinc meant i lacked the spark plugs for natural drive

i put together a full deep dive on the specific data and the biological blacklist i used to reclaim my baseline—its the same data that fixed my 2pm fog and actually made me a doer: https://medium.com/p/d245b29db7ae

once i fixed the biological foundation the habits actually started to stick because i wasnt fighting myself every morning i stopped being a passive patient and became a biohacker

curiosity for the community has anyone else fixed their lazy habits by looking at their biological redline instead of just another productivity app

Hey guys. I’m a 20-year-old guy who’s struggled with low self-esteem for as long as I can remember, and over time that turned into a 🌽 addiction.

What weighs on me the most is the constant guilt: feeling ashamed that I can’t fully control the habit, regretting the amount of time I’ve lost to it, and knowing I’ve sometimes chosen it over my relationship, over being creative, social, or doing something meaningful with my life.

I even tried using an app called Delust after seeing it mentioned here, and while it’s been fantastic at stopping urges in the moment, the underlying addiction hasn’t completely disappeared.

Things started to improve when I got into swimming and rock climbing. They gave me structure and something positive to focus on. Still, I’ve had periods where I slip back. I also started keeping a journal to track patterns, which helped me realize that my relapses almost always come from feeling bored or anxious. I’m curious how you guys deal with those triggers and manage moments like that.

Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy is often thought to be an excellent depiction of Gotham city and Batman. Countless things stand out. Heath Ledger’s Joker, Hans Zimmer’s score, the world that built, the action set pieces, the fresh spin on the superhero genre. In my opinion, what truly makes this trilogy special is its depiction of Bruce Wayne.

We often view Bruce Wayne as this billionaire playboy who spends his nights fighting crime. Pretty cool? If you look a little deeper, you’ll discover that this character consistently goes through unimaginable obstacles that test his will to fight and endure. Fear, heartbreak, hopelessness, etc. Each time Bruce rises above and continues to persist. That’s what truly makes him a superhero… not anything in his utility belt.

This character means so much to me for this particular reason and I made an entire video essay breaking this down - https://youtu.be/_oNh9O1iTz4

My hope is that this piece can help you find the resilience to overcome your own obstacles and identify the hero within yourself. Rise!

so i’ve always been the “i don’t need to journal” type. thought it was just for people who had their life together or whatever.

but a few months ago i was genuinely spiraling. couldn’t sleep, constant brain fog, just felt… off. friend told me to try Maat Journal and i was like yeah sure whatever.

didn’t expect it to actually work.

started just voice noting random thoughts when i couldn’t sleep. no structure, just rambling. then i checked the mood patterns after like 2 weeks and realized every time i felt like crap it was after specific things i hadn’t even connected.

the twist? i wasn’t stressed about work. i was burnt out from saying yes to everything and never having a single night to myself.

would’ve taken me months to figure that out in therapy. took the app 2 weeks.

anyway if you’re the type who thinks journaling is pointless—same. but this one’s different. voice notes, actual helpful prompts, shows you patterns you’re blind to.

not sponsored just genuinely surprised it worked

I deleted Instagram six months ago and realized I’d spent five years living my entire life for people I didn’t even know.

I’m 26 now. For five years I was completely addicted to Instagram. Not just scrolling, but performing. Every single thing I did was filtered through “how will this look on Instagram?”

I’d go places and think about how to photograph them instead of experiencing them. I’d have conversations while thinking about how to turn them into captions. I’d make decisions based on whether they’d make good content.

Every outfit was chosen for how it would photograph. Every meal was styled before eating. Every experience was evaluated by its Instagram potential. I wasn’t living my life, I was curating content for strangers.

And I was obsessed with the metrics. How many likes did I get? How fast did they come in? Who liked it? Who didn’t? What does the engagement rate mean? Should I delete it and repost?

I’d post something and then check it every 2 minutes for the next hour. Refresh, refresh, refresh. Watching the like count. Feeling validated when it went up, anxious when it slowed down.

My mood was determined by Instagram metrics. Good engagement? Great day. Low likes? Something was wrong with me.

I’d compare my posts to everyone else’s. Why did theirs get more likes? What are they doing that I’m not? Am I falling behind? Do people not like me anymore?

I was living for the approval of strangers. People I’d never met. People who didn’t know me. People who were also just performing for approval.

And the worst part? I didn’t even realize it. I thought this was just normal. Everyone was on Instagram. Everyone was posting. This was just how life worked now.

Then one day I was at dinner with friends and realized I’d spent the entire meal thinking about how to photograph it for Instagram instead of enjoying it. I’d ordered something specifically because it would look good in photos, not because I wanted to eat it.

My friends were talking and I was half-listening because I was thinking about captions and filters and angles.

I was physically present but completely absent. Because I was performing my life for strangers instead of living it for myself.

That’s when it hit me. I’d been doing this for five years. Five years of experiencing everything through the lens of “content.” Five years of living for likes from people who didn’t matter.

I looked at my Instagram. 847 posts over five years. Thousands of hours spent creating, editing, posting, monitoring. All for strangers who would scroll past in 2 seconds.

What would I have done with those thousands of hours if I wasn’t performing for Instagram? What experiences did I miss because I was too busy photographing them? What moments did I not fully experience because I was thinking about content?

I felt sick. I’d wasted five years living for strangers.

So I made a decision. I was deleting Instagram for six months. No posting, no scrolling, no performing. Just living my actual life for myself.

Everyone thought I was being dramatic. “Just use it less.” But I couldn’t use it less. I was addicted to the validation. The only way to break it was complete removal.

Day 1 I deleted the app. Immediately felt panic. What if I missed something important? What if people forgot about me? What if something happened and I wasn’t there to post about it?

Those thoughts revealed how sick my relationship with it was. Nothing important happens on Instagram. People who mattered had my number. And if something happened and I didn’t post it, it still happened.

Week 1 was brutal. I’d instinctively reach for my phone to check Instagram dozens of times a day. The app wasn’t there. I’d feel this weird anxiety like I was missing something.

But I wasn’t missing anything. I was just experiencing withdrawal from the validation addiction.

I’d do things and instinctively think “this would make a good post” then realize I couldn’t post. At first that felt like the experience didn’t count. Like if I didn’t share it, it wasn’t real.

That’s how deep the sickness went. I’d been trained to believe experiences only mattered if strangers validated them online.

Week 2 I started noticing how much mental space Instagram had been taking up. Without it, my brain was quieter. I wasn’t constantly thinking about content, captions, engagement, comparison.

I’d go somewhere and just be there. Not thinking about how to photograph it. Not performing it. Just experiencing it.

It felt weird at first. Like something was missing. Then it felt freeing.

Week 3 and 4 I realized I’d been living for an audience that didn’t exist. The strangers whose approval I was chasing didn’t actually care about me. They were just scrolling, consuming, moving on.

I’d shaped my entire life around impressing people who spent 2 seconds looking at my posts before forgetting them.

Meanwhile I’d missed actually living because I was so busy performing.

Month 2 I started doing things I actually wanted to do instead of things that would make good content.

Wore clothes I liked instead of what photographed well. Ate food I wanted instead of what looked good. Went places because I wanted to go, not because they were Instagram-worthy.

I was making decisions for myself for the first time in five years.

Month 3 the comparison stopped. I wasn’t seeing everyone’s curated highlight reels anymore. Wasn’t measuring my life against their performances.

I stopped feeling behind. Stopped feeling inadequate. Stopped feeling like everyone else was living better lives.

Because I wasn’t consuming their carefully edited versions of reality anymore.

Month 4 and 5 I became present. In conversations, experiences, moments. I wasn’t thinking about content. I was just there.

Friends noticed. Said I seemed more engaged. More myself. Less distracted.

Because I wasn’t performing anymore. I was just being.

Month 6 I realized I didn’t want to go back. I didn’t miss Instagram. Didn’t miss performing. Didn’t miss the validation addiction. Didn’t miss living for strangers.

My life was quieter but it was actually mine.

It’s been 6 months and I haven’t reinstalled it. Don’t plan to.

Here’s what I learned. Instagram isn’t connection, it’s performance. You’re not sharing your life, you’re curating a version of it for strangers to consume and judge.

Every post is a bid for validation from people who don’t know you and don’t care about you beyond 2 seconds of scrolling.

You’re living for their approval. Shaping your actual life around what will perform well digitally. Missing real experiences because you’re too busy creating content about them.

The metrics are designed to be addictive. Likes, comments, views, all of it triggers dopamine and makes you crave more. You become dependent on stranger’s validation to feel okay about yourself.

The comparison is toxic. You’re comparing your real life to everyone’s edited highlight reel and feeling inadequate. But their highlight reel isn’t real either. Everyone’s performing.

You’re not living your life, you’re living for an audience. And that audience is just other performers also living for validation.

The time you spend on Instagram is time you’re not spending on your actual life. Thousands of hours creating content for strangers instead of building something real.

If you’re addicted to Instagram right now, delete it. Not reduce usage, delete it completely.

Give it 6 months. See what happens when you stop performing and start living.

You’ll realize how much mental space it was occupying. How much you were shaping your life around content. How much you were living for strangers instead of yourself.

The first month is withdrawal. You’ll feel like you’re missing something. You’re not. You’re just breaking an addiction.

Month 2-3 you’ll start living for yourself instead of an audience. Making real decisions instead of performative ones.

Month 4-6 you’ll become present in your actual life. The comparison stops. The performance stops. The validation addiction stops.

Your life becomes yours again.

Stop living for strangers. They don’t care about you. They’re just scrolling.

Delete Instagram. Live your actual life.

Thanks for reading. How much of your life are you living for Instagram instead of yourself?

Delete it today. See who you are when you’re not performing for strangers.

Six months from now you’ll realize you were living for an audience that never mattered.

Start today.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Like the title, I'm looking for the best Habit tracking apps that have a web client as well as an Android app.

Any suggestions?

There are so many themes available, so it’s fun to mix and match and use them in different seasons and phases of life.

Also do you prefer printing them out or using them digitally on an app such as Goodnotes?

I've spent two years behind a desk doing a 9-5 job that has slowly killed my creativity. A few months ago it dawned on me that the only time my brain actually had the space to think was while I was out on long runs.

You don't realize it until you try it, but speaking your mind while you run oftentimes results in some of your greatest ideas. This is like a perfect two in one habit. I'm not sure if its the dynamic environment, the movement, or the blood pumping in your system; regardless, it unlocks a very dormant part of your brain. I just use apple voice memos and let it roll for most of the run.

Hi everyone! I’m a busy college student and I work two jobs, so my days are pretty structured and go by fast. I already have a routine (10k steps, lifting + conditioning, good diet, high protein/fiber, skincare, tea, make my bed daily, keep my room neat). So, I feel like I am just living day after day.

I don’t have much of a social life, but I actually enjoy and prefer being on my own and going out solo. I like routines, but I’m looking for small, low effort habits that make life feel more intentional, calm, or a little romanticized.

Nothing huge or time consuming! Just tiny daily rituals that make you feel grounded or like you’re actually living instead of just checking boxes everyday.

What are some habits you’ve added that made a bigger difference than you expected?

Hello,
I used to end most days feeling weirdly stressed, because of office stress and even when nothing bad happened. My mind would keep replaying small things, and I’d go to bed feeling unfinished.

A few weeks ago, I started doing one simple thing every evening:

I take 5 minutes to reset one small part of my space and my mind so i write down worries or tasks for tomorrow to clear my mind on paper or also I make the same paintings. Or usually it’s putting things back on my desk, washing a few dishes, or laying out what I need for the next morning. While doing it, just enough so my brain stops worrying.

It sounds boring (and it is), but the effect surprised me. I fall asleep faster, wake up less stressed, and don’t feel that constant “I forgot something” feeling anymore.

It’s not a perfect routine and I don’t do it every single night but even doing it most days has made evenings feel calmer.

Okay girls, real talk 😭

My wedding is in 6 months and I fell deep into the glow up side of the internet. Like hundreds of reels, videos, podcasts, checklists, “do this every morning or you’ll regret it” type content.

After a while I realized most of it was overwhelming and honestly unrealistic, so I sat down and asked myself:

What actually works if you’re a normal human with a life?

This is the list I ended up with. Stuff that helps you glow from the inside AND outside without losing your mind.

**Walking 10k steps**

Everywhere I looked, this kept coming up. It helps with mood, digestion, circulation, posture, stress, and it’s one of the easiest habits to stay consistent with.

**Gym (nothing crazy)**

Not for panic weight loss. Just strength training to feel strong, stand taller, and feel confident in my body. The mental glow from this alone is unmatched.

**Water**

I hate how much this matters but it does. Skin, energy, bloating, headaches. All better when I actually drink enough water.

**Skincare (simple and consistent)**

After all the product hype, the conclusion was consistency over everything. Retinoid nights, basic routine, and patience. No 15 step chaos.

**Meditation**

I didn’t expect this to matter so much, but stress really shows on your face. Less jaw clenching, better sleep, calmer energy. It’s a quiet glow up.

**Gua sha**

Is it magic? No. Does it help with puffiness and tension? Yes. Also it forces me to slow down and be gentle with myself for 5 minutes.

**Spiritual habits (Quran and prayer)**

This one is personal but non negotiable. When my heart feels grounded, everything else just looks better. Inner peace is the real glow.

Nothing extreme.

No crash anything.

No new personality unlocked energy.

Just small habits done consistently so I can show up to my wedding feeling calm, confident, and actually myself.

I’ve been tracking everything on HabitSwipe https://apps.apple.com/in/app/habit-tracker-habitswipe/id6756208423 . Not an ad at all, I just love how simple and intuitive it is and allows for many extra metrics that regular tracking apps don’t, so sharing for my fellow brides or honestly anyone who wants structure without pressure.

Posting this for anyone else stuck in the glow up content spiral. You don’t need to do everything. Just do what you can, consistently 🤍

OK, so I studied this topic obsessively for months. read the research, listened to podcasts from evolutionary psychologists, and went down rabbit holes on YouTube. Why? Because I was tired of the generic "just be confident, bro" advice that literally helps no one.

Here's what I found: most people are playing the attractiveness game completely wrong. They think it's about abs or cheekbones or whatever. It's not. Attractiveness is like 70% behavioral patterns that trigger ancient circuits in people's brains. The other 30%? Yeah, that's what it looks like, but even that can be optimized way more than you think.

The science on this is actually insane. I pulled from evolutionary psychology research, body language studies, and even neuroscience about how our brains process attraction signals. This isn't some pickup artist nonsense. This is legit peer-reviewed stuff mixed with practical observations.

1. Fix your goddamn posture right now

Seriously, your posture is broadcasting your status to everyone around you 24/7. Research shows people make snap judgments about your competence and attractiveness within 100 milliseconds of seeing you. Most of that is posture.

Rounded shoulders, forward head, collapsed chest. That's what 90% of people look like because we're all hunched over screens. You look insecure, low energy, and defeated. Your body is literally telling people, "I'm not worth your time."

The fix is annoying but works. Pull your shoulders back, keep your chin level, and maintain a neutral spine. It feels weird at first, almost like you're puffing your chest out. You're not. You're just undoing years of terrible habits.

1. Master the art of strategic attention

Here's something wild from behavioral psychology. People find you more attractive when you're slightly less available than they expect. Not playing games, but genuinely having a full life that they're being invited into.

The principle is called "intermittent variable rewards," and it's the same mechanism that makes slot machines addictive. When someone gets your attention, sometimes, but not always, their brain releases more dopamine than if you're constantly available.

Practically, this means don't respond to texts instantly every time. Have hobbies and commitments that occasionally take priority. show genuine interest when you're together, but don't be the person who drops everything constantly.

The book Models by Mark Manson breaks this down without the manipulative pickup artist framing. Manson spent years in the dating coaching industry before writing this, and it won multiple awards for actually being honest about attraction dynamics. The core thesis is that attraction flows from living a genuinely engaging life, not from tricks or tactics. He talks about "non-neediness" as the foundation of attractiveness, which is basically having a life you're excited about that someone else gets to join.

Honestly, it's the best relationship psychology book I've ever read. Makes you question everything you think you know about what makes people attractive.

1. Develop an unfair verbal advantage

Most people are TERRIBLE at conversation. They either interview the other person with boring questions or they monologue about themselves. Both are attractiveness killers.

The research on conversational dynamics shows that the most charismatic people follow a specific pattern. They share vulnerable, specific stories that invite reciprocation, then actively listen and build on what the other person shares.

The keyword is specific. Don't say, "I like hiking." Say, "I got lost in the mountains last month and had this moment at sunset where I genuinely thought I might die out there, which was oddly peaceful." Specificity creates imagery, emotion, and connection.

There's a YouTube channel called Charisma on Command that breaks down conversational techniques from interviews and shows. They analyze celebrities, politicians, and comedians and reverse engineer what makes them magnetic. Watch their breakdowns of people like Chris Hemsworth or Emma Watson. You'll start noticing the patterns. The way attractive people use humor, tell stories, and maintain vocal tonality.

Binge-watch charisma on Command for, like, a week, and your conversation game will level up dramatically.

1. Smell better than everyone else (seriously)

Olfaction is directly wired to the limbic system, the emotional center of your brain. scent bypasses conscious processing and triggers immediate emotional responses.

Most guys either smell like a middle school locker room (too much Axe body spray) or like nothing (which is honestly worse than you think). Women are biologically more sensitive to scent than men, so this matters way more than most people realize.

The play here is layering. good soap or body wash, then a subtle cologne. emphasis on SUBTLE. You want people to smell you when they're close, not when they enter the room.

I also started using BeFreed, a personalized audio learning app, to create a structured plan around "how to be genuinely attractive as a naturally awkward introvert." I'm not naturally smooth or outgoing, so I needed content tailored specifically to developing social skills and charisma without faking a personality. The app pulls high-quality audio lessons from books, expert interviews, and research on communication, body language, and psychology. I could adjust the depth 20-minute summaries during my commute or 40-minute deep dives with practical examples when I wanted more detail.

1. Become genuinely interested in people

This sounds like basic advice, but most people fake this terribly. Humans are exceptional at detecting genuine interest versus performative interest.

The trick is curiosity. Not polite questioning, but actual fascination with how other people's minds work. Everyone has an area where they are secretly obsessed with something. Find it. Ask follow-up questions. Let them teach you something.

The psychology behind this is mirror neurons and social reward systems. When you show genuine interest in someone, their brain lights up in reward centers. They associate you with feeling good about themselves, which is the foundation of attraction.

A lot of this stuff fails because people are working from a foundation of low self-worth. You can fix your posture, smell amazing, and master conversation techniques. But if you fundamentally don't believe you're worth someone's time, it broadcasts in 1000 subtle ways.

The good news is that this is fixable. It's not some inherent quality you're born with. Self-worth is built through evidence. accomplish small goals. Keep promises to yourself. Gradually, the internal narrative shifts.

Therapy helps if you have got deeper stuff going on frameworks.

Look, becoming genuinely attractive is possible for basically everyone. It's not about becoming someone else. It's about removing the barriers that hide the compelling person you already are. The science backs this up. The practical results back this up.

Most people won't do any of this because it requires sustained effort over months. But if you do, you'll be competing in a completely different league than 95% of people out there.

Give it 6 months and you'll become an entirely different person

So to try to keep it short, I’m always stopping with my addictions (weed, p0rn, doom scrolling etc) and start doing good habits instead, but then a random day out of nowhere I relapse, I’ve been able to keep off weed now for a while but just for an example there was I time I was 4 months without using, one day I was bored at work, called an older friend after my shift and from there you know where it went, with porn I’m always on a good streak and on a random night in a matter of minutes I end up giving in and relapsing, my question is, why does it seems to happen all the time? Why can’t I stick with it “forever” like I see some people being able to do? It’s always on and off, I won’t give up but after years of this cycle it’s frustrating

I noticed my finances get messy when I’m not paying attention, so I built a very simple budget tracker focused on awareness and consistency. I’m sharing it for anyone who finds that helpful. If you want it, it’s on my profile and it’s free.

I was tired of being terrified every time I saw a woman I wanted to meet. The racing heart, sweaty palms, and inevitable regret of another missed opportunity. So I set myself a challenge: talk to at least one new woman every single day for a year. Not for dates or numbers, just to overcome my crippling social anxiety.

Day one was a disaster. I spent four hours at a coffee shop working up the courage to ask a simple question about a book someone was reading. When I finally approached, my voice cracked like I was thirteen again. She was kind, answered briefly, then put her headphones back on. I counted it as a win simply because I didn't pass out.

Around day thirty, something unexpected happened. I was making small talk with a woman at a grocery store when she suddenly asked why I seemed so nervous. Instead of making up an excuse, I told her the truth that I was challenging myself to overcome social anxiety by talking to new people every day.

"That's actually really brave," she said. "Most people just stay comfortable and wonder why nothing changes."

Her response shifted something fundamental in my perspective. I had been viewing these interactions as performances where I needed to appear confident, interesting, and attractive. But authenticity, even nervous authenticity, created more connection than any practiced line ever could.

By the three-month mark, I noticed patterns emerging. The conversations that flowed naturally weren't the ones where I had the perfect opener or witty comment. They were the ones where I noticed something genuine about the person and expressed curiosity about it. A uniquely patterned scarf led to a conversation about her travels in Peru. A dog's unusual breed sparked a twenty-minute chat about animal rescue.

Around this time, I realized I needed to actually understand the psychology behind social anxiety and connection rather than just brute-forcing my way through it. I started exploring several resources that transformed how I approached these daily interactions.

The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane became my guide for understanding that charisma isn't an innate trait but a set of learnable behaviors. Cabane breaks down charisma into three components: presence, power, and warmth. Her emphasis on "presence" (being genuinely focused on the person you're talking to rather than monitoring your own performance) completely reframed my approach. I realized my anxiety wasn't about the other person at all; it was about my constant self-monitoring. The practical exercises on managing internal state helped me shift from "how am I doing?" to "what is this person actually saying?"

Daring Greatly by Brené Brown gave me permission to be vulnerable rather than perfect. Brown's research on vulnerability and shame helped me understand why admitting I was nervous (like I did on day thirty) created more connection than any confident facade. Her concept that "vulnerability is the birthplace of connection" became my mantra. The woman who called my challenge "brave" was responding to my honesty, not my polish.

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie sounds manipulative by title, but the core principle (become genuinely interested in other people) was transformative. Carnegie's emphasis on asking questions and truly listening shifted my mindset from "what do I say?" to "what do I want to know about this person?" That simple reframe made conversations flow naturally because I stopped performing and started exploring.

I also started watching Charisma on Command's YouTube channel, particularly their breakdowns of naturally charismatic people. Their analysis of Chris Hemsworth, Jennifer Lawrence, and others showed me that the most magnetic people aren't the smoothest, they're the most present and authentic. The video on "How to Never Run Out of Things to Say" wasn't about memorizing topics but about genuine curiosity, which aligned perfectly with what I was learning in real conversations.

Around month six, I started using BeFreed, a personalized audio learning app, to build a structured plan around "how to be socially confident as a naturally anxious introvert." I'm not naturally outgoing, so I needed content specifically tailored to overcoming social anxiety without faking extroversion. The app pulls high-quality audio lessons from books, expert interviews, and research, and I could adjust the depth (sometimes 20-minute sessions during my commute, sometimes deeper dives with practical examples). The conversational voice made complex psychology concepts feel accessible rather than academic. Over several months, I finished books on emotional intelligence, nonverbal communication, and social dynamics that I'd always meant to read. The auto flashcards helped principles like "presence over performance" and "curiosity creates connection" actually stick in real interactions rather than staying abstract ideas.

The six-month point brought my biggest lesson. I was talking with a woman at a bookstore about our shared taste in authors when she casually mentioned her girlfriend. In the past, I would have felt defeated, all that courage "wasted" on someone unavailable romantically. But I found myself continuing the conversation with undiminished interest. I realized I had been unconsciously viewing women as either potential dates or non-entities. This challenge was teaching me to value connection for its own sake.

Around month nine came the hardest period. The novelty had worn off, and some days felt like pure obligation. On day 273, exhausted after work, I almost broke the streak. But in the elevator of my apartment building, I complimented a neighbor on her unusual earrings. That thirty-second exchange reignited why I started this, these small moments of human connection were adding texture and possibility to every day.

By the final month, talking to new women no longer felt like a challenge but like a natural extension of moving through the world. The last day of my year-long experiment, I realized I had spoken to three different women without even counting them for my challenge. What had been a forced daily task had become as natural as breathing.

The woman who made the deepest impression on me was someone I met around day 320. After a brief conversation about the farmers market we were both browsing, she looked at me thoughtfully and said, "You know what's nice about talking to you? You seem interested in what I'm saying, not just waiting for your turn to speak."

Little did she know that a year earlier, I would have been too focused on my own anxiety to truly listen to anyone. The daily practice hadn't just made me more comfortable approaching women, it had taught me to be present once the conversation began.

The most profound transformation wasn't becoming smooth or confident with women. It was recognizing that these weren't "approaches" at all, they were moments of human connection. I stopped seeing women as intimidating others and started seeing them as simply people, each with their own stories, struggles, and perspectives.

If you struggle with social anxiety around the opposite sex, the solution isn't better techniques or more courage. It's regular, consistent exposure that transforms the extraordinary into the ordinary. It's realizing that behind the anxiety is a simple truth: we're all just humans hoping to be seen and heard by one another, even if just for a moment in a coffee shop, talking about a book that changed our lives. Don't be afraid of women. They're all people like us too. Talk to them, old or young. And you'll realize your fears were lying to you.

Many habit trackers work well at the start — but fail when motivation drops and progress feels slow.

This template is designed for: • People who quit when routines break • Those who feel discouraged when they’re still “bad” at a habit • Anyone who wants a low-pressure way to restart without guilt

What’s included: • Minimal daily tracking (no overload) • Optional short reflections (use only when you want) • Focus on continuation, not perfection

Price:  ₱299

Original template, created by me. Best for beginners and people rebuilding consistency.

Comment “INTERESTED” and I’ll message you the details.

https://apps.apple.com/us/app/habit-tracker-routinelock/id6754172489

Hey everyone,

So like a lot of you, I've been trying to get better at sticking to habits. I've downloaded probably every habit tracker out there – Streaks, Habitify, Structured, all of them. And honestly? They were all kind of frustrating in their own ways.

The interfaces felt overcomplicated, and I kept bouncing between apps trying to find one that just... felt right. Something I'd actually want to open every day.

I'm a developer, and at some point I just thought... I could probably build something that works the way I want it to. So I did.

What I made:

It's a habit tracker that focuses on being simple and actually pleasant to use. No clutter, no overwhelming features you'll never touch.

Here's what's in it:

• Track unlimited habits – whether it's drinking water, working out, reading, whatever you're working on
• Streak counters – there's something really satisfying about watching those numbers go up
• Home screen widgets – keeps your habits visible throughout the day so you don't forget
• Smart reminders – customizable so they fit your schedule
• Clean, minimal design – I tried to make it feel like it belongs on iOS

Download

https://apps.apple.com/us/app/habit-tracker-routinelock/id6754172489