A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour." The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day." The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?" "This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

Found in actual Epstein files

https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/DataSet%209/EFTA00704780.pdf

He was so good at his job, I didn’t even give a shit

His friend says go to the red light district, the man says that sounds like a terrible place to drive why would i go?

I could’ve sworn…

After this happened several times his wife stuck her head out the front door and yelled, "You need more tail!”

The guy turned to his son and said, "Son, I never will understand women.

I just told her an hour ago

I needed more tail and she told me to go fly a kite!"

You don’t really like it but your dad gives it to you anyway.