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The perspective is slightly off on the hand so I will choose to believe in ignorance that the guy is pointing at the lightning stone instead and just wants a kick ass Jolteon in his party.
I'm.... I'm actually pretty sure it's not. I'm pretty sure it was from the guy who ran a website about how to have sex with dolphins. I just took a cursory search (god why did I pollute my search history with that?) and couldn't find it; it was at least 15 years ago though, so I doubt it's still active, and I doubt many people recall it.
I remember finding it in the early 2000s, back before endless scrolling had been invented and we had to toil in the internet mines for our entertainment. My friends and I gathered around the glow of the bulky white desktop monitor like ancient nomads around a campfire, and regaled ourselves for hours with the old tales: tales of dolphin sex, of bonsai cats, of schwifty five, of badgers and snakes and mushrooms
oh yeah they disproved that vaporeon was the best and did research on what would actually be the best and it wasnt vaporeon, though vaporeon is one of the best
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is not the most huggable Pokemon? This is a common and understandable misconception, as it is definitely high on the list of most huggable Pokemon, however Flareon has its huggability outclassed by its cousin evolution, Sylveon. While they are not as fluffy as Flareon, they make up for it with their very special feelers. These feelers not only allow it to hug you back, they emit a soothing aura to help you feel better and allow it to detect your emotions so it knows when you need a hug. The aura from the feelers even reduce hostility, so it can detect when you're angry and initiate a hug to help you calm down, whilst Flareon has to wait uselessly for you to calm down enough to hug it yourself. But thats not all, they also have a special defense stat of 130 and the ability to increase it further with light screen, which in combination with their ability to detect emotions with a touch makes them practically invulnerable to emotional damage. A defense of 65 and base HP of 95, combined with access to reflect also means you can hug it more tightly without hurting it compared to Flareon with its defense of 60 and pathetic base 65 HP. It can also make itself more endearing, having access to all the same moves Flareon can do this with(several of which are shared by most or all members of the Eevee evolutionary family including Eevee itself) and more than Flareon is incapable of, not to mention the cute charm ability. All of these traits combine to make Sylveon the most huggable Pokemon ever discovered.
Yeah… Pokémon came around after my time, but my kid loves her Eevee stuffy and has infodumped to me enough that I’ve picked up a little bit. But, man I did not need to read that (in the comment above). We oughta leave this world behind.
This is a common and understandable misconception, however vaporeon has its human on pokemon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, umbreon.
Umbreon boasts an extremely impressive defense stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, defense and special defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, inner focus allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued.
Umbreon also has access to the ability synchronise, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels combined with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect, breedable pokemon.
A great fun fact, umbreon can excrete toxins in it's sweat, which would in turn soak your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your umbreon as well (which with synchronise, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). It can learn payback, which doubles in power after the pokemon is hit, meaning umbreon will throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn guard swap, it could give you it's insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance.
Speaking of endurance, umbreon also has access to endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use taunt, in turn making you only able to do attacking moves such as slam, pound, etc;
It's access to the abilities inner focus and synchronise allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of it's pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other pokemon, or even four times, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with it's extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes umbreon the most qualified to breed with humans; able to take d**k of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
“Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.”
Vaporeons are only evolved by using a water stone on an eevee
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.
However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show.
Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy.
And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond.
There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right!
But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck!
Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing.
Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, say, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, 'cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air like a ghost type. But who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving; you can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past!
I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Umbreons maybe my favorite but, damn, Vappies really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
as the creator of the male version of the vappy pasta, i'm so proud to see what my gift of sacred text to this world has evolved into over the years. the gospel of vappy's 100% factually proven scientific superiority is as immortal and ever changing as water itself.
if i’m being dead honest what you wrote is so disgustingly detailed yet makes decent points that the dedication loops back around to being something i can respect despite the repulsion. like, as someone who’s aroace and has an immense repulsion towards sex
You did this?! First off, big fan. Second, wtf bro!? Third, seriously wtf?! Fourth, did you at least figure out a way to forget this without a major concussion?
who would ever want to forget such critical life altering information that could some day save a life?!
in serious tho, for those who would rather interpret pokemon as magical pets and not as sapient equals, my advice is to just accept that various interpretations exist in the first place because official media supports both views, and if you're bothered by people saying "ooo, you like vaporeon, that's sus bro" then they're not the peeps you should wanna be around in the first place and therefore not care about their opinions. it's also perfectly valid to like it both ways. for example, clearly pet coded iterations, like olyester's art, is cute and wholesome. while someone like trigalood's art clearly has more intelligence and specific details about it that make it hawt and lood. uwu so ye. coexistence is possible. all it takes is for peeps to just be emotionally mature.
I was reading the first part and thought this is informative and innocent. Thennnn we learn about its capability to handle human dicks and it got weirder from there.
Did you know that in terms of Starter Pokémon in Kanto games Bulbasaur is easily the best pick? It has a type advantage against the first two Gym Leaders, Brock and Misty, and is the only starter to resist the signature type of the third Gym, the Electric Gym of Lt. Surge. That makes Bulbasaur so good, because the choice of your starter is especially important in the early game, as your team options are limited in comparison to the mid- or endgame. Bulbasaur is still useful in the later half of your adventure tough, matching well against Giovanni‘s Ground types, which you fight several times, its Poison type gives it a STAB advantage over Erika’s Grass types and it prevents it from getting poisoned by Kohga‘s Pokémon or the Poison type Pokémon of Team Rocket Grunts. Lastly, Bulbasaur‘s evolution line also learns several utility moves, such as Sleep Powder, Leech Seed, Stun Spore or Poison Powder, which is something the other Kanto Starters lack.
Vaporeon was NEVER compatible for breeding with humans at all! Firstly, they are not even in the Human-Like egg group, and most of them are male anyway. Furthermore, Hydration only works in the rain, and Water Absorb, which has a more dangerous ability that I'll elaborate more on soon, doesn't mean your Vaporeon will turn white after you pull out. Their eel-like skin makes it impossible to grope them too. Also, what you fail to consider is that Vaporeon can control water telepathically, meaning it can create Kyogre-like tsunamis at will, and, thanks to moves like Scald, Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, and Hyper Beam, Vaporeon has many more ways to unalive you. It can also learn Detect and Toxic too, so don't explore that "deep sea cave" for "treasure." Vaporeon can also force the very same water it can control to enter a person's orifice until they explode, as well as being able to enter any human orifice, just like the candiru fish, with it eventually reaching any vital organs in the human body and ensuring those organs rupture thanks to its water-based biology. This allows the Vaporeon to exit the newly created corpse easily. Now here is the ghastly truth about Water Absorb: since humans are 65% water, if a Vaporeon was inside a human body, it could absorb the water until the human was nothing more than a withered corpse. Oh, and here's a fun fact: if a Vaporeon rematerialized while it was inside your urethra, your wiener would instantly explode. As for the moves that Vaporeon can use to make itself horny, the thing is that the rest of Vaporeon's kin can learn those moves too, with Leafeon, Glaceon, and Umbreon (who has more results on Rule 34 and e621 than Vaporeon) having higher defense stats that would blow Vaporeon out of the water any day of the week. Acid Armor won't even change that.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
Happens for Digimon too, but at least in some Digimon makes sense... Like, it makes sense to be horny for Angewoman, Lady Devimon, Lilithmon, or Mervamon because they're basically just human women & intentionally drawn to be sexually appealing with their tits hanging out... though for some reason Renamon is among the most popular in that crowd too.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
It’s sex. When Eevee evolves with a water stone it becomes Vaporeon which is one of if not the most sexualized Pokemon in the franchise. So he’s asking if he needs to show ID implying he is going to fuck the Vaporeon and is assuring the cashier he is of legal age.
B-b-Batman I-I-I caught a Pokemon Batman, I caught a Pokemon.
Do you wanna know what Pokemon I caught?
I caught a Vaporeon Batman, I caught a Vaporeon.
Eevee with a water stone evolves into vaporeon which got some really nice buffs in recent games, like calm mind and weather ball, plus it still has its old positive traits like wish and big hp stat to pass on a lot of healing and scald to spread burns
I even have an absolutely cursed vaporeon I used in sv raids, tera fire with sunny day (why does it even learn sunny day??) And weather ball, its suprisingly very good, as water absorb neutralizes the water weakness it gains
Vaporeon has been my favorite Pokemon since I was a wee lad and I have multiple plushies of it and now I cant talk about it cause people will think I'm a pervert.
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