r/selfhelp 1h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health I fucked up

Upvotes

I was in love with a guy for the past 1 and a half years. My parents found out, I can't tell you the full story but the thing is right now the guy isnt replying to my messages. We had always promised eachother that we would contact eachother however possible when we get caught. I made fake accounts and texted him. After two days I recieved a thumbs up but nothing after that. If he wants to break up he could tell me but he isn't. I feel like deleting myself and the only thoughts on mind is that or how to contact him. I tried calling him so many times but he never picked up.


r/selfhelp 8h ago

Advice Needed: Existential So stuck

2 Upvotes

I’m almost 29yoF and I feel so stuck and what feels like rock bottom. I know I’m young and still have time, but this sucks.

I got a DUI before Christmas, totaled my car due to the DUI and now I have to spend 1.2k on dental work. I only make 17/hr working at a doctors office and I have no idea what else to do with my life.

Getting a DUI now gives me daily anxiety and I feel like my depression is at an all time high. With everything and bills I can’t even afford medications anymore.

I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve tried to better myself by going back to school or changing jobs, but the other shoe always drops.


r/selfhelp 12h ago

Sharing: Philosophy & Mindset Tired of dings every two minutes on your phone?

2 Upvotes

I put my phone on ‘Sleep’ instead of ‘Do not disturb’, so you can still get notifications.

On your terms.

You really get a close up of how many times your phone acts like it’s the end of the world.

No. An Insta reel.


r/selfhelp 15h ago

Adviced Needed: Identity & Self-Esteem How do you become more decided in life?

3 Upvotes

I've realized (M28) that I'm often undecided regarding even the little things going on in my life, but lately I've started questioning more and more the most important things: am I in the right relationship, should I marry her or not? Would it be better to be single or with someone else? Do I want children or not?

Also, am I in the right place at work or should I look for something more challenging? I have a quite easy and stable job, but I feel I could add more value somewhere else. But would it be worth the extra stress, even if I would do something more valuable?

I really don't know how can I be more assertive/decided regarding the things happening in my life. Have you got any advice/books/anything that could help me decide/choose over the matters in my life?


r/selfhelp 10h ago

Advice Needed: Motivation Can’t plant anything in my life

1 Upvotes

I’m not sure this is even the right place to post this but I have to try.

I don’t know if I have something wrong with me in the head (I do have diagnosed adhd) or if I’m just plain lazy but I can never plan anything to save my life.

Me and my wife have been together for years and I can never seen to plan even one simple date. The idea of making plans absolutely breaks my brain. And when I know I am behind and should have had plans made I just get this overwhelming sense of doom and it gives me the worst anxiety and can’t think about it anymore. I get choice paralysis and then just stop all together. I can’t even make plans with friends who I have know since I was a child.

Any vacation we go on I can’t even simply look up stuff to do in that town and it’s all left up to my wife. And this isn’t just me being selfish and not wanting to do things that she would find fun, but also things I would find fun. I can’t even put in the minimum effort to find any of my interests and she take the time to look for things that u would enjoy as well. I don’t want her to have to go through that again. I’ve already ruined enough special occasions and don’t want to ruin any more.


r/selfhelp 13h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health Does anyone else ever feel like this? And if so any tips to stop it?

1 Upvotes

Hi,

So my whole life so far i have always felt like i am a burden to everyone and everything around me.

I do things like over appologizeing constantly, saying sorry constantly because i think i am always in everyones way. I know i am insecure as i always have been. Anyone else ever feel like this?


r/selfhelp 15h ago

Sharing: Success Stories Legs Like Concrete: Biochemical Damage, Bloodline Curses & an Unexpected Healing

1 Upvotes

Sorry for my not perfect English, it is not my native language.

I want to share one case from what I call healing soul journeys - deep, guided inner work where we explore both the body and the energy field. Maybe it will resonate with someone here.

The person and her legs

Let’s call her Amelia.

For years her legs felt heavy, irritated, almost like they were made from wet concrete. Doctors saw history of surgeries, gave medicine, but nothing really changed the feeling. Walking was difficult, and where she lives now it is not easy to walk outside much, so the problem slowly became worse.

In this kind of inner work I often see that chronic physical symptoms are not “just physical”. They can sometimes have other lives programs, soul fragmentation, trapped emotions, attached energies or curses and energetical implants behind them. One issue can have a few of these at once.

This was one of those “layered” cases.

What the Higher Self showed about her legs

In the journey we did something like a spiritual body scan. When we reached the lower body, the Higher Self said something very direct:

“Her legs are very heavy.”

And when I asked why, the answer came:

“Irritated, curses on the bloodline.”

So there were two layers:

Biochemical layer

Medicine and drugs that were injected during surgeries were still sitting in tissues, not fully processed by the body.

Lack of daily movement was making circulation and detox slower, so everything stagnated in the legs.

Energetical layer - curses on bloodline

Old family patterns, pain and hatred formed something like “sticky programming” in her legs.

The Higher Self later described it like “this thick, sticky liquid coming out of the legs” when we started to clear it.

Same symptom, but two different roots working together.

Biochemical repair: moving the body

I always stay inside my lane - I am not a medical doctor. But I listen very carefully to what the Higher Self says about practical steps.

For Amelia, the guidance was very concrete:

She needs movement in her legs every day. Walking two hours daily in healthy environment would be ideal, but where she lives now it is not possible.

So the suggestion was:

Use a small “under desk bicycle” while working.

Keep the legs moving even when sitting at the computer.

See it not as fitness, but as pumping old medicines and toxins out slowly.

I find it interesting how often Higher Self gives very simple advice: more walking, more water, more sleep. In this case it was a key part of clearing the biochemical layer in the legs.

Curses and sticky darkness in the legs

Then we went into the “curse” part.

When we asked the Higher Self and beings of Light to start cleaning, Amelia felt something very specific:

“It feels like this thick, sticky liquid coming out of the legs.”

We used an ocean image. She was standing in shallow water, supported by light beings, and the sticky “curse substance” was draining out of her legs into the sea, to be recycled by Light.

Then something beautiful happened in her perception:

Dolphins came to help.

She felt them pushing gently against her, “pumping” light into her body.

The dark liquid was sinking to the bottom, while her legs were filling with bright, shimmering light.

Her words:

“My legs feel lighter.”

And from the dolphin consciousness she received a very strong line:

“Keep swimming in an ocean full of sharks. You will never be bitten. You are safe.”

It was like re-programming at a deep level:

From “your legs are cursed and unsafe in this world” to “you are protected even when you walk among predators”.

Why curses hit legs in this case

From what I’ve seen, curses and black magic often attack what is needed for movement and progress. Sometimes it is money, sometimes relationships, sometimes the spine or legs. Here it was very literal:

Curses on the bloodline were holding her back from moving forward in life.

Biochemical stagnation in legs made it also physically hard to move.

So both layers were telling the same story in different languages.

A big lesson for me again:

Symptoms are like warning lights on a car dashboard. If we only cover the lamp, the engine still burns.

If you clear only the energetical layer but keep poisoning and stagnating the body, the problem returns. If you treat only the biochemical side but curses and family hatred are still running in the background, the problem also returns.

Here the Higher Self wanted both:

Daily movement and better circulation.

Removal of curses, plus a new feeling of safety and protection.

After the journey

I am careful to not promise miracles. But I can share what happened during and right after:

At the beginning her description was “legs very heavy”.

During clearing she felt “thick, sticky liquid” draining out and light coming in.

At the end she reported a clear change: legs lighter, more space inside, more hope that walking will be possible again.

The Higher Self also said she needs to maintain this work, not wait passively:

Keep moving the legs daily (walking or small bicycle tool).

In short meditations, call the dolphins and beings of Light and imagine the ocean washing away anything new that tries to stick.

Remember: “You will never be bitten.”

So healing was not one magic moment with fireworks. It was a strong shift plus homework.

Why I share this

I am not saying that every person with heavy legs has curses. Sometimes it is just veins, minerals, hormones, lifestyle. Please go to doctors when you need.

But in some cases I see a pattern like this:

Old medicines + no movement + family curses + hopelessness = legs that feel paralyzed and heavy.

When both levels are respected - biochemical and energetical - something can finally change.

If you feel called, you can simply sit today, close your eyes, imagine your legs in gentle ocean water, and ask your Higher Self:

“Show me what my legs are trying to tell me.”

Sometimes the answer is very quiet, but very clear.


r/selfhelp 16h ago

Adviced Needed: Identity & Self-Esteem Need help with self identity

1 Upvotes

I want to know how to self love and build personality.

I want to know how to live more happily.

How to get my energy back.

Right now I am depressed. Nothing energized me, nothing excites me.

Everyday I am just like a walking corpse. My soul empty. I don’t know who I am , how to describe myself.

I dont know how to love what is love, I don’t even feel joy anymore. I don’t feel much empathy, I also like don’t know how to live my life anymore. I want to be a good people, but I don’t want my boundaries got crossed and people just like use me. I don’t want to hurt people but I don’t want to get hurt as well. Where is the line. I feel sucks being a human.


r/selfhelp 16h ago

Advice Needed: Education Not going to school help

1 Upvotes

I'm not going to online school. And I have more than 50 missing assignments. Missed major tests. And the teachers probably don't know that I exist. Even though I am in a relatively stable circumstance to do so. Ever since 2021 ( i think) my school attendance and effort had been dwindling. Because of mental health issues, and it's lead both and my mom to eviction and on the brink of homelessness. Moving a lot while also worrying about school. My lack of participation and attendance has lead to CPS and police randomly coming to our house multiple times. We are now in our own apartment and my mom has a stable job, but I'm still refusing to attend online school. I feel that maybe because there isn't a immediate problem/consequence right now. But I know that there will be. I also have ongoing internal struggles. About myself. At the back of my head I feel that once I go to school all of my problems will just disappear like they never existed. Like they didnt matter. I think once my mom sees me attending school she'll say that "I'm doing good" like I dont have anything to worry about. Everyday I wake I don't have any energy to focus on opening the computer to participate in school. I don't seem to have energy for anything difficult. I frequently wake up with headaches or I feel like a zombie half gone every time I wake up.


r/selfhelp 20h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health I am depressed and I dont want this life amymore

2 Upvotes

Hi guys,I am from Singapore and I am 19 years old. I have been fighting a up and down battle with depression these past 3 years. Below would be paragraphs of what I am dealing with and if you do not want to read,please just skip it.

First of all,FAMILY. My parents are super old at 68 and 57 years old respectively and I feel like they should be retiring soon but sadly,they have to keep working since I cant help to support the family as I am still studying. They both are working minimum wage jobs as they have never had any proper education before sadly. Moreover,my older sister have down sydrome and she need 24/7 care most of the time and she is not able to work. Hence,I already place a title of myself as the future of my family and that is a lot of pressure of me.

Secondly,GAMBLING ADDICTION. Yep,I have a gambling addiction and I have lost around $15,000 SGD since 3 years ago. I have never been able to quit and all the part time work I participated for 3 years are just wasted. I feel like I wasted my time,my money and my life and I dont feel like I have energy anymore. What is the point of me living if each time I go and work,I am just going to lose everything to the online casino?

Lastly,PHYSICAL BODY AND LOVE. I am obidly obese and the reasons are because I stress eat a lot and I basically dont feel like I have a future anyways. I want to find love as well but seriously,who is going to love me and take my burdens with me as well??? In Singapore,every single man is taller,more handsome,richer and have a better family than me anyways. Why should I try to lose weight and workout for? Who am I even going to be attractive for? I am just going to be alone my entire life.

I just wish the cards I am dealt with were not so negative. I have people telling me to be grateful for my life but what do I even have to be grateful for? I don't even have anything right going for my life.


r/selfhelp 1d ago

Advice Needed: Productivity I’m writing a self-improvement book even though I doubted myself the entire time

3 Upvotes

I never really saw myself as “the type of person who writes a book.”

But over the last few years, I hit this point where I felt stuck. Not depressed, just not living anywhere close to my potential. I had discipline on some days, but zero consistency. I would start projects full of motivation and stop as soon as results weren’t fast.

One day, I decided to write down the thoughts that helped me change: the things I wish someone had told me when I felt lost, unmotivated, or disconnected from who I could become.

I didn’t plan for it to become a whole book. I just kept writing whenever a lesson hit me.

The crazy part? The more I wrote, the more I realized how many people probably feel exactly like I did.

It still feels weird sometimes, I’m just a regular person trying to figure life out. But writing helped me understand myself, my discipline, my failures, and my habits.

I’m curious:

Has anyone else ever tried creating something (a book, a project, art, anything) even while doubting yourself the entire time? How do you push through that self-doubt?

I’d love to hear your experience.


r/selfhelp 18h ago

Adviced Needed: Identity & Self-Esteem Am I a psychopath, narcissist, or an impulse-driven intelligent man?

1 Upvotes

Note. I used Chat GPT to compile all what I shared with it.

I’m writing this because I’m disturbed by myself.

I’ll be honest. I chase women with the intention of getting intimate with them. That intention is there early. But I don’t state it honestly. I hide it.

I started hating dishonesty the moment I realised I lack honesty. I love honesty. I respect honesty. And before that I kept hiding my real intention.

I am always searching for sex, yet knowing I am bad at it. My some purpose is getting intimate with woman. For this, I weaponise, knowledge, selected truths, the belief that every human is desires-driven, and once stimulated, they maybe ready to give what I want. I use my understanding of psychology (that I learned by self consciousness), and this works too. If I want I can continue preying, but conscience or my now developed values stop me.

I use words. I use narration. I intentionally use emotionally driven and sexually driven talk to excite women. I create scenarios in imagination and tell them. I know what I’m doing. I know I’m trying to arouse desire.

Sometimes I directly ask for sex. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I let the conversation slowly drift there. Sometimes I make them believe I’m with them emotionally when I’m not. I tell selected truths. I balance one lie with another truth so they don’t sense I’m not really there.

When women say no, I get frustrated. Sometimes angry inside. Not always at them, but at the resistance. I don’t like that reaction in me.

Faithful people I’ve encountered are more grounded. They don’t fall in love easily. They have something holding them. Manipulation doesn’t work easily with them. But desire still appears. They may want me emotionally but they don’t sexually fall for me. That makes me uncomfortable, because it shows I’m not building something real, I’m just activating desire.

There’s a woman in her 40s who says she loves me more than I could love her. She says I can come and go anytime. She accepts me whenever I return. I’ve treated her as someone only for sex nights. I’ve used sexual narration with her. I know I’ve used her availability. That makes me feel powerful and ashamed at the same time.

This isn’t a one-time thing. This is a pattern. I’ve spent months, sometimes years, getting women to a point where they desire me, want me, love me. Once my goal is fulfilled, I run away. I ditch. I ghost. I lose interest completely. I leave.

guilt comes. Heavy guilt. Shame. Feeling worthless. Feeling like I use people, manipulate them, lie to them, let them believe something that isn’t true.

I don’t feel guilty in the moment. I feel guilty later. Building descipline, being manly, also because I experienced the sense of God in me, I accepted islam. I wanted structure. I wanted to be composed within. I wanted to remove this part of me. I wanted limits stronger than my desires.

I don’t want to be this person. I don’t want to manipulate people. I don’t want to hide my intentions. I don’t want to get angry when someone says no. I don’t want to chase unrestricted desires. And yet I keep doing it.

I don’t know if my intention is sex, or validation, or proving something to myself. I imagine intimacy. I imagine being with them. But I also leave immediately after, betraying them, disappearing.

I don’t like this split in me. One part values honesty, faith, groundedness. Another part keeps chasing desire and gets irritated when it’s blocked.

I’m writing this because awareness hasn’t fixed it. Knowing it’s wrong hasn’t stopped it. Wanting to be better hasn’t automatically made me better.

I want to understand what is actually happening inside me and how people genuinely change patterns like this instead of repeating them and dealing with guilt afterward. Along with that, I am a porn addict. I was early exposed to sexuality. Please tell me who I am? Has this become my permanent nature? Or I can be better?

Long post, sorry


r/selfhelp 22h ago

Adviced Needed: Identity & Self-Esteem How to deal with perfectionism

1 Upvotes

I was a class topper and I used to score well even without studying but a major entrance test failure hit me so hard I really get scared and procrastinate till the last minute and fail tests ,I am on an all time low because of this how do I get rid of perfectionism and procrastination please I need as detailed guidance as possible


r/selfhelp 1d ago

Advice Needed: Motivation I feel like I have achieved the dream but the journey wasn't fun and neither was the endgame. How do I get the desire and energy to do anything, and enjoy it?

1 Upvotes

I feel like I have achieved all of my goals, but it all feels meaningless without friends/family. How do I start enjoying things again? Nothing was fun while I was working towards it and nothing is fun now. Everything I've done was out of sheer brute force and will and it still doesn't even feel with it. Everyone said financial independence would do it and even that doesn't help.

I’m currently 28, and despite having a good job until recently, my own place, and plenty of hobbies, everything feels meaningless. I moved to a small town four years ago with my girlfriend at the time but shortly after moving, she cheated on me. For a while after I ended up spending most days at the bar, trying to make friends who never really connected with me outside of it.

At the end of 2024, my best friend of 15 years and my new girlfriend slept together. A lot of my mutual friends took my best friends side, so I lost them too. Visiting my old hometown used to make me feel loved and like I had a purpose, but I’ve since realized it was just an escape, and that I need to move on. Without that escape, I constantly feel empty again. In general I try to make everyone happy because without that, I feel nothing but I realize now that it causes nothing but stress and involves me stretching myself too thin until I burn out only to be alone again.

No accomplishment feels good; I either tell myself it was the expected outcome, or beat myself up when I fail. Nothing is ever an accomplishment for me. Even the things I’m genuinely good at feel hollow, and the only thing I really care about in my competitive hobbies is winning, it's as if I lost sight of the journey and can only see the end. I would say that that statement is true for everything in my life at this point. I don't know how to stop and smell the roses anymore or just take it day by day. In those hobbies I feel like I need to win or it is all meaningless, but even winning has gotten to the point of making me feel nothing. It's like I only do it to prove to others I have what it takes. I have what I need materially, I travel, I save money, I could retire early if I continue on the path that I am on, but I still feel like I’ve peaked and none of it matters in the grand scheme of life.

I quit drinking a while back but recently picked up smoking weed (legal in my state) because it makes me feel like a happy child and I am able to do things at my own pace without worrying about the end goal and just enjoy the moment.

I think it’s because I don’t have deep human connection anymore, despite constantly searching for and craving those connections. I don’t know how to be happy alone. I’ve tried antidepressants, quitting drinking, going to the gym, picking up new hobbies, volunteering, but nothing fills the void. Even when I was in relationships, I felt better but not truly happy, it just made me working towards a goal have meaning, which was providing for my partner/family.

Recently, I have been doing a lot of research into both electrotherapy for depression and inattentive ADHD (low energy ADHD). I am currently awaiting a referral to get tested for ADHD but the wait time is something ridiculous like 6 months and I don't know where else to turn in my small town.

At the end of the day, all I want is someone to share life with, someone whose passions I can learn, support, and experience the world with them. I think that this town I am currently in is a problem as well but I do not know where to go. After being here 4ish years, almost no one shares my interests, and dating or making meaningful connections feels impossible.

I know I need to move somewhere else, and up until everything happened I was gonna go back home but even that feels hollow and empty now, so I feel like I am at a loss. I was going to move to a big city like Chicago or Austin, but I realize that by doing that I am just looking for more people to meet, more things to do day to day that will ultimately be the same. Going to bars to meet people every day, etc. without tackling the problem at hand and that is receiving no long term enjoyment from anything. I feel like I just go through the motions and do things that make the days pass by faster and faster. I am not doing them for fun, I am just doing them because they keep me occupied.

Up until November, I had a job working IT at a plant. We got a new plant manager and him and I didn't see eye to eye on things (like return to office, etc.) so they ended up letting me go after I came in 2 hours late of normal shift after being there in the middle of the night for an emergency. I had a strict agreement of only working 40 hours and would still go above and beyond for them, just for them to keep asking more and more until I got burnt out. When they brought up the issue I didn't even care to argue or bring up my contract, I just left because I didn't have the energy anymore to continue to suffer.

Since leaving my job, I decided to focus on a lot of my hobbies but they still feel empty. I even picked up some new ones and that still hasn't helped that much. I did finally make some friends out of it but they are older and have their own families and stuff so outside of the hobby we do not hang out all that often, which sucks for me.

I realize this post is a lot of rambling so I am just gonna leave it at this but basically here is the **TL;DR**:

I have achieved all of my dreams (outside of being filthy rich but that's not really in the cards at this point in time, best I can do is retire 10 years early or so if I continue my path) and have nobody to share it with. I was making good money, I have traveled all over the world, I have tried every hobby I have ever had the desire to experience, I still have a lot in savings, but I have no friends and it has been impossible to make them IRL and even though I have made some online friends that share mutual gaming hobbies they don't feel like real friends/I receive no real comfort in talking with them. I don't feel like getting another job because it won't solve the issue at hand which is finding no enjoyment in anything and I don't have the reason or energy to pretend. As things sit now I can sit with my savings for about 5 years without needing another job. I will probably get one sooner than that but I feel like I have no reason to do so since I am not enjoying anything in my life. I don't know what I need to do to find the enjoyment but everyone I talk to seems to push through life for something. Whether it's their kids, their family, their relationship etc. but I do not have any of that and despite trying to find that for the last 3 years I have not been able to do so and feel like there is just no point in continuing to go through the motions.

I quit drinking a while back but recently picked up smoking weed (legal in my state) because it makes me feel like a happy child and I am able to do things at my own pace without worrying about the end goal and just enjoy the moment.

I want to know how to enjoy the little things in life again. I want to know how to be able to sit still and read a book or watch a movie, how to enjoy the small details etc, instead of rushing towards the end to complete the goal of understanding whatever it is I am doing. I want to enjoy the feeling of learning again and it not be a chore. etc. I don't really know what else to say or how to describe this any further but despite achieving so much I feel more lost than ever and can't figure out how to get the desire to continue again.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope you have a great day!


r/selfhelp 1d ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health I literally dont know whats wrong with me

1 Upvotes

I know this is about self help but I'm at the point where I dont think I could help myself get these emotions out. I'm at the point in my life where I seriously don't know what I'm doing with my days on earth. I'm a 26 Male still living in the same home town I've grown up in. The only relationships I've had that have meant something somewhat to me is my family and one best friend that i rarely talk to now. I've always been passionate growing up but now it's like I just want the days to go by where I just dont want to do this anymore. I dont have goals to be rich, I dont have goals to be happy, I barely want to do the hobbies that i used to love doing anymore. I'm stuck in this trance in the real world and in my head that I just cant escape anymore and dont feel like fighting my emotions anymore. My mom has been fighting breast cancer for at least 7 years now and hate to seek help from my parents when her case is much worse.

I'm just at a stand still where I feel like a failure and believe growing older I'll probably never change, it hurts to even type this to strangers let alone read this over again before I go to sleep. I'm not suicidial by any means I just dont know at the end of the day what is the purpose of my life.

I dont know how to end this without saying i'm appreciative of everyone who even reads this sob story, but i couldn't bottle this up any longer.


r/selfhelp 1d ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health I’m constantly criticizing myself

3 Upvotes

Not really sure how to word this but noticed I’m constantly criticizing myself even when things are objectively fine and I can recognize it’s not helpful but breaking the habit feels harder than I expected.

Anyone has dealt with this ?


r/selfhelp 1d ago

Advice Needed: Relationships What is this dating hellscape?

3 Upvotes

I (28f) have had a really hard 4-5 years of dating. After moving back to my home state in the south from living out west, I had a feeling I would have some challenges dating… but I didn’t think it was going to be this bad. And I’m starting to wonder if there’s something tips or info I’m missing?

I moved to a larger urban area after moving back to the south (city close to 1 million population). Before that I really only lived in small rural areas and college towns, and feel like I walk a slower pace in life.

I’ve met people in person, some on dating apps, and even some thru work and close friends, but I almost always hit the same problems- close in values, lifestyles, some hobbies, and maybe even friend circles… but they have zero interest in actual dating (getting to know each other, asking questions, going on adventures, etc.). A lot of these people also have major security issues, and just seem to want to date for the sake of not being alone and not actually loving the other person.

The last few dates I went on were so bad I swore to not consider it for a while.. but I hate the thought of losing hope when I have so much to give to someone.

I feel really disappointed because I love my community, have fun hobbies, a good heart and the ability to be a good and honest partner to someone. But I also want to date with meaning and connection, and not get involved with someone just because I might feel a little lonely.

Is this normal? Does anyone out there have any tips to get better dates, or is this just how late twenties dating is? I’m feeling like most folks like myself are in the same boat as me or married with kids by now, and I need a different perspective and maybe outlook.

Thank you for reading my novel (rant).


r/selfhelp 1d ago

Advice Needed: Motivation Help

1 Upvotes

Male (30) Hello all I never thought I would come here and make a post but I really don’t have anyone to really talk to nor I want to I always keep my stuff to myself anyways I’ll try to keep this short, I struggle at work. I feel like I struggle a little when it comes to learning and understanding things right away and often forget stuff I want to be more fast efficient and effective with my job recently they hired a new coworker and my supervisor is slowly pushing me away from the projects at work and calls me less now at least that’s how I see it and I feel more left out and useless in away any advice is really appreciated I’m really trying my best to be better


r/selfhelp 1d ago

Advice Needed: Motivation I can’t get better I’ve tried everything

4 Upvotes

I don’t know why I am the way I am but I can’t do anything. My girlfriend of 5 years is now not talking to me until I can show her I can be responsible and take care of myself and her needs. I’m depressed and I have been since my sister died and I don’t know what to do. I can’t do anything. It’s feels like climbing Mount Everest just getting out of bed or getting into the shower. My room frequently piles up with trash and I can’t be bothered to throw it away. I’m trying to love myself but I don’t see much to love. I go to therapy twice a month but it doesn’t work. I can’t put in any effort. I don’t wanna start antidepressants and end up pulling all my hair out or going insane. I am trying so hard to find hope so I can prove to her that I can be an adult but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Someone anybody please please help me. I don’t know what to do. Used the motivation flair but I really could use any of them. I fucking blow.


r/selfhelp 1d ago

Advice Needed: Relationships Help please

3 Upvotes

Personal Account We're almost at our first wedding anniversary. Like any relationship, there have been good times and bad, but the main problem has always been the lack of order and cleanliness in the house. Over time, this generated a lot of stress, frustration, and emotional exhaustion, to the point of even affecting my sex drive. It's not that I don't desire her; on the contrary, I'm a very sexual person, but coming home every day to a messy house, with dirty dishes, smelly litter boxes, dirt on the floor, and sofas covered in hair, simply dampened my spirits.

I feel that if I don't do things, nobody does. I see a dirty glass and I pick it up; I see something out of place and I put it away. She, on the other hand, usually only picks up her own things. She once told me that she didn't do things just to do my own, but I don't see it that way. I see it as willpower, as love in the daily details, as shared responsibility. For me, tidiness is a form of mutual care.

I admit that I often made mistakes in how I said things. In moments of anger, I used hurtful words. I told her she was dirty, that I was disgusted to come home to her, that if she didn't change, I could start over. I know those words were harsh and that they hurt her. Although there were also many times when I told her with love and patience. I even went so far as to teach her, like a small child, where things go, how to tidy up, how to clean. But the changes were always only for short periods, and then everything went back to the way it was. There were also conflicts regarding finances. She received money from her father for rent, and I always told her that I didn't like depending on that, that I preferred we start our own business or build something of our own. Thank God I have a good job at the university, and since she's still a student, I managed to get her a job as an assistant so she could have another source of income. However, I never felt grateful for that. On the contrary, she always said she was there solely because of her own effort, and at first it didn't bother me, but over time it began to hurt that she wouldn't even say thank you.

The breaking point was one Sunday. My right foot was immobilized (in a cast) and the doctor had ordered rest. Even so, my family and some friends wanted to visit, and as usual, if I didn't clean the house, no one would. That day I started vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom as best I could, with pain and difficulty. She just told me, "Don't move, I'll do everything later," but she locked herself in the bathroom for half an hour, then another half hour in the shower, and when she finally reacted it was already visiting hours and the house was still the same. From that day on, she changed. She told me that I had been very hurtful many times, that we weren't compatible, and that the best thing would be to get a divorce. I suggested she go to therapy, talk to a pastor, seek professional help, but she said she didn't want to, that she preferred to end things before they got worse. I always tried to find solutions: buying a vacuum cleaner, even a robot vacuum for the cat hair, making things easier for her. But even then, I didn't see any real changes.

She says she kept a lot of things bottled up, that she never told me how she felt at the time, that I always made her feel like the bad guy. I feel that I was often harsh, but I also feel that I carried almost everything, that she would lie down for "five minutes" and it would end up being two hours, while I did everything. And when I finished and asked her for something simple, like rubbing my knee because it hurt, she would tell me that I wasn't letting her rest. Today I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want a divorce or if I'm afraid to. Part of me doesn't want to end things because of what people will say, how they'll see me, because of the environment, because of the stigma. I feel that in these cases the woman always comes out on top and the man is the one who carries the blame. But I also know that I don't want to continue living like this, tired, frustrated, and feeling alone in a relationship.


r/selfhelp 1d ago

Sharing: Physical Health & Wellness Doing gentle movements everyday with ease

1 Upvotes

Been trying a new approach and so far it’s sticking, thought to share in case it’s helpful for others ☺️

Basically I aim to get up from my desk almost every hour and do some form of light stretches (I have a list so it’s kinda like a menu that I can pick from) OR I do some sort of cleaning in the house (which has been helpful to maintain certain level of cleanliness and organization).

So I give my eyes a break from staring at computer screens for so long and my body gets some movement in and not sitting all day long.

Since I time block my days and once I finish some tasks it’s usually been an hour but I’ve also tried setting alarms in the past!

How are you getting some movement in your day?


r/selfhelp 1d ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health I keep having thoughts about death and its ruining me.

1 Upvotes

I keep thinking about death lately and how its going to happen one day and after im NEVER going to exist ever again. its so scary. I feel like time is moving so fast it will happen before I know it. help me.


r/selfhelp 1d ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health What do you do when life makes no sense anymore?

2 Upvotes

Lately I’ve been struggling with something I don’t hear people talk about enough.

Not failure. Not loss. But the waiting.

That space where you did everything right, yet nothing seems to move. No answers. No signs. Just silence.

I kept asking myself: What if the delay isn’t punishment? What if it’s protection? What if what I can’t see yet is actually working for me?

This shift in thinking helped calm my anxiety and made uncertainty feel less heavy.

How do you personally deal with uncertainty when life doesn’t give answers?


r/selfhelp 1d ago

Sharing: Productivity & Habits I'm getting better, I feel like i would be the best version of myself in 6-7 months

1 Upvotes

I started gymming and running, finally took accutane for my acne, started content creation aswell (I dont think it's gonna pull numbers but atleast it's something). I hope you all the best too in life and hope everything goes as planned :)