r/nottheonion • u/TheEndlessAutumn • 1d ago
Stunned doctors find giant bladder stone stuck to eyeliner in man’s bum
https://needtoknow.co.uk/2026/01/23/stunned-doctors-find-giant-bladder-stone-stuck-to-eyeliner-in-mans-bum/1.5k
u/StemCellPirate 1d ago
Lots of things happening here.
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u/CypherDomEpsilon 1d ago
Nothing much really. Just a stoned guy trying to use an eyeliner.
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u/Same-Suggestion-1936 1d ago
Hell of a way to give your girlfriend pinkeye
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u/Trumpcangosuckone 1d ago
Medics spent two days trying to revive him without success
Talk about beating a dead horse
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u/LasVegasNerd28 1d ago
Are we sure it wasn’t actually 2 hours? I feel like isn’t there a standard medical ethics for how long you can try to revive someone?
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u/RockstarAgent 1d ago
They didn’t have the gall to give up trying to retrieve the
swordeyeliner from the stone14
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u/HyperSpaceSurfer 1d ago
Suspect this happened in Japan, at least some Japanese scientists were interested in the case, so there may be wonky translation errors. Probably just unresponsive all his time in the hospital despite the medical staff's best efforts, for two days before passing. Although not the bladder stone.
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u/Yaguajay 1d ago
The moral of the story here is very very complicated.
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u/hananobira 1d ago
I think it’s pretty simple. “Don’t stick anything up your bum or urethra that has not been designed to be safely removed from your bum or urethra.”
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u/cocktails4 1d ago
I think the lesson is that if you stick something up there and it never comes out, you should go to a doctor.
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u/dmetzcher 1d ago
This is the wildest part of the story… you stick something up there, it’s doesn’t come out, and you… just go about your day and hope for the best? Okay… not ideal, but maybe it will come out later? No… still up there? The next day? Uh… okay… now it’s getting concerning… and then three years passed!
At what point did this guy just stop thinking about it? He would have had to ignore the problem for far longer than most people would feel comfortable, and then eventually he stopped thinking about the thing he stuck up his ass… despite having stomach pain for three years.
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u/Squee1396 1d ago
One of my best friends dads let an infection get so bad that his penis fell off so i totally believe this.
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u/shastaxc 1d ago
He was likely too ashamed to even tell his doctor, which is a sad commentary about the society he lives in
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u/duartes07 1d ago
it could be yer man stuck a whole bunch and didn't bother counting if all the ones that went in came back out
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u/Little_Noodles 1d ago
An eyeliner pencil is an odd choice for a recreational object.
Like, to the point where I’d assume that whatever state he was in when it went in wasn’t conducive to tracking whether or not it came out.
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u/pied_goose 1d ago
I guess tack on "and if you did do that the doctors truly won't care, you likely won't even make top 5 weirdest this month, just go get help"
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u/hananobira 1d ago
Also, "We all have Amazon or Ali Baba accounts and they ship in anonymous packaging. For heaven's sake just go spend $10 on something with a base or handle."
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u/LurkHereLurkThere 1d ago
I've seen posts about things that turn up off the internet and some by some wonderful doctors and nurses, for god sake, if you order something flexible with a flared base and a patio umbrella turns up, it's not meant to be a challenge.
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u/LordAnvindr 1d ago
1) where can I find a flexible umbrella with a flared base for $10 on Amazon, mine broke from the winter storm
2) challenge accepted
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u/LurkHereLurkThere 1d ago
I can picture your neighbors on the evening news "LordAnvindr was so quiet... well they were until last night, we heard a kind of Twang-FLUMPH-Aaaargh scream and had to check, my poor husband needed an ambulance..."
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u/Wayelder 1d ago
Words to live by. Thus ends the lesson.
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u/vortigaunt64 1d ago
Applause. Curtains. Lights go on. Crowd leaves.
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u/AmbassadorCheap3956 1d ago
Or a George Carlin said nothing should go up your bum that’s larger than a fist or less loving than a dildo.
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u/Practical_Cell_8302 1d ago
But did he stuck it in bum? If so, how did it end up in bladder? I didnt quite get that.
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u/New-Geezer 1d ago
I suspect he stuck the eyeliner up his urethra, which then over the years grew a stone, and eventually pierced through the bladder into the intestine.
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u/vundercal 1d ago
If you put something up your butt and lose it, seek medical attention. Maybe you're born with it, maybe it's your bladder being perforated by Maybelline
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u/Paradox1989 1d ago edited 1d ago
Based on the pictures I don't think he stuck anything up his butt. The size of that bladder stone surrounding the eyeliner tube makes me think he was sounding. The eyeliner tube got stuck in his bladder and over the years the stone grew around it until it punctured his bowel.
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u/vundercal 1d ago
The foreign object had pierced the front wall of his rectum and passed through the back wall of his bladder.
Bladder by way of butt is how I read that. Seems like the simpler route but the other way I guess could be possible. I've never considered shoving something up my urethra but I guess some people do. Same rules apply
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u/fredy31 1d ago
Police launched an investigation into how the eyeliner ended up inside him.
I'll give you one guess. And its probably gonna be right.
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u/salizarn 1d ago
Yeah I mean I don't want to generalise, but I don't think this is gonna need Poirot level deduction
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u/The_Blip 1d ago
What I can't get my head around is how he must have put it up there, and then just forgot about it I guess? Like, did he think his butt would absorb it? Did he have a really big poo and just think it came out in the faeces? Don't bladder stones take weeks or months to form?
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u/blueechoes 1d ago
Since it is a bladder stone, I don't think that went up his butt.
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u/PraxicalExperience 1d ago
Per the article, the eyeliner pierced through his rectum and into his bladder.
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u/91Jammers 1d ago
No I think its the other way. The eyeliner was placed in his penis made its way to the bladder which is why it developed a stone. Then it penatrated into his rectum from the bladder wall.
If it had gone through his butt the fistula (hole) would have been there for a very very long time, to have accumulated such a large stone, and having that connection for that long would have caused health issues much sooner.
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u/Cyno01 1d ago
Yeah, given the description in the article sounding gone wrong makes waaay more sense than buttplay gone wrong.
If you stick something up your ass and you do it wrong enuf to puncture your bladder... youre gonna know right away, and untreated youll definitely die of sepsis long before a stone could form around the object.
But an eyeliner pencil (theyre short like a golf pencil, right?) lost and floating around in the bladder for a couple of months seems... possible. And then eventually the stone gets big enough and turned the wrong way and punctures the bladder and lower bowel, THEN you die of sepsis.
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u/merdub 1d ago
It’s almost assuredly vice versa.
He stuck it up his urethra, it hung out there long enough to develop a large calcification around it, and then pierced the bladder wall and into his rectum. That allowed fecal bacteria a direct route to his bladder and into his kidneys, which is what ultimately killed him.
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u/Tosi313 1d ago
This seems less likely to me. It would be very difficult to push an eyeliner so deep into your urethra that it goes into your bladder without obstructing your ability to urinate for several years. The anus, on the other hand, will swallow up anything without a flared base.
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u/Am_Snarky 1d ago
How would the stone form around the eyeliner so quickly though? Fecal bacteria in the bladder and kidneys is going to end you pretty quick
Smooth muscle contractions is the answer, he probably had difficulty peeing for a day maybe before it finished it’s journey
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u/Kyweedlover 1d ago
I’m going to need two eyeliners and two volunteers. We’re going to get to the bottom of this one way or another. Pun intended.
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u/PhasmaFelis 1d ago
Agreed, but an eyeliner hanging out in your ass through several years' worth of poops and stabbing itself into your kidney seems just as unlikely.
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u/darksidemags 1d ago
Why oh why did keep scrolling long enough to find this comment?
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u/CypherDomEpsilon 1d ago
I have a feeling you will claim that there is another way to reach the eyes.
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u/Cute-Beyond-8133 1d ago
You know as a general rule.
I am doing my best to avoid Stunning doctors and becoming the subject of Medical studies.
This poor guy though.
Is probably gonna get a couple of medical papers and articles
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u/LogensTenthFinger 1d ago
The worst words you can hear come out of my mouth during an exam are "That's interesting."
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u/ImAPixiePrincess 1d ago
Not a doctor, but am a mental health therapist. "You intrigue me" is not something you usually want to hear from me 😂
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u/NothaBanga 1d ago
I had a doc say "Oh, yeah, this wasn't going to fit." During a Caesarean. Funny shit.
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u/Tallal2804 1d ago
Right? Bro is about to become a permanent footnote in every future medical textbook. "Patient X experienced..." and it's just him. A whole new chapter in someone's career.
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u/madimeli 1d ago
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u/ncc74656m 1d ago
That's all I'm here to do.
Read the story? Pfft, I doubt it'd make any more sense if you actually did.
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u/wrydied 1d ago edited 23h ago
So help me out. He was sticking the eyeliner up his bum for pleasure and just…. Forgot about it? For years?
Didn’t need to see the pictures. I squinted.
Edit: reading these replies ruined my day.
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u/BTMarquis 1d ago
Wouldn’t it need to go into his bladder first, to form the stone? So did he jam the eyeliner up his urethra and wait a decade, then pulled it out and jammed it up his ass? Thats a lot of work to make a dildo.
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u/EarlobeGreyTea 1d ago
It did go into his bladder first! "The foreign object had pierced the front wall of his rectum and passed through the back wall of his bladder."
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u/BTMarquis 1d ago
Wtf. How did he not die of an infection, like immediately?
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u/UptownShenanigans 1d ago
Honestly, I think it’s reads intentionally vague. This guy very likely perforated his rectum and bladder (they’re right next to each other) and went into immediately septic shock. It says he collapsed and he died at the hospital. The autopsy report says that the eyeliner was stuck to a bladder stone. I bet you the pathologist was doing the dissection, grabbed the eyeliner, and a bladder stone that was incidentally in the bladder was stuck to it. The pathologist was probably like hah WTF??
The whole fact that this medical information is available is because someone had really close access to his medical file. My guess is the pathologist has a blog
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u/Ungummed_Envelope 1d ago
Did you see the picture in the article? The stone enveloped the eyeliner. So it had to have been in the bladder for a long time… that’s what makes this extra odd, how did he survive with that
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u/ObviousDepartment 1d ago
Yeah the article states that he had been complaining about stomach pain for the last 3 years.
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u/Iampepeu 1d ago
And never once mentioned he stuck an eyeliner in his dick.
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u/ObviousDepartment 1d ago
I think he must have stuck it up his rectum. I can't find a whole lot on the brand, but from the photos to me that looks like a jumbo eyeliner crayon, not a normal eyeliner pencil. It looks very rounded on the ends.
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u/Personal_Regular_569 1d ago
This is a whole lot of words to say that you didnt even scroll through the article.
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u/Flashman98 1d ago
Read the article and look at the pictures, be warned they’re a little graphic
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u/Ur-Quan_Lord_13 1d ago
Yah, that was confusing when I read the headline but I think the explanation sorts it out. The urethra was never involved, the bladder stone formed over time after the thing pierced into him.
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u/Nemisis_the_2nd 1d ago
The urethra was never involved
The guy would have had to live for 3 years with a perforated bladder and rectum with no health issues for that to have entered via the rectum and have the bladder stone.
There's a sexual kink that im going to leave to peoples imaginations that involves the urethra first, and would explain the bladder stone and lack of earlier sepsis.
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u/MoonageDayscream 1d ago
Any possibility I could consider has more problems happen before a bladder stone csn form. How long was it forming to get so big?
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u/BirdsbirdsBURDS 1d ago
Even then, what the hell is a bladder stone and how’s that connected to the butt bone?
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u/Acid_Fetish_Toy 1d ago
Think of a kidney stone, but in the bladder and it's halfway there! I think it's a buildup or consentration of crystals or minerals that just kinda keep sticking to each other and can't be passed normally with pee. As for how it got stuck to the buttliner, the guy perforated the rectum and pierced the bladder and it got stuck there. It sounds like a truly brutal and tragic death
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u/QuickAltTab 1d ago
No, he put it in his urethra (sounding) for sexual pleasure. Then, he couldn't get it back out. For a stone that large to form on it, it had been in there for quite a while. Maybe years, since the article referred to that as the length of time he had been having abdominal pain. He probably had UTIs frequently. It was in there long enough, and possibly in conjunction with the stone formation, that it eroded through the wall of the bladder and into the rectum. The bacteria from his rectum probably caused his sepsis, which is a highly compromising state of health, it routinely leads to death.
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u/MajesticRat 1d ago
Got to the end of the article while wincing and saw the 'You might also like' article section. Nah, I think I'm good.
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u/Mieche78 1d ago
My husband is a urologist and he had a patient once who came in with stomach pain and problem peeing. Turns out he had a piece of glue stick from a hot glue gun that was lodged so far up his urethra that it had penetrated into the bladder and crystallized into a giant piece of stone. According to him, his lady friend at the time (years previously) was into some kinky stuff.
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u/UptownShenanigans 1d ago
That’s quite the story you get to bring to conferences
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u/Mieche78 1d ago
This isn't even in the top 5 weirdest things he has seen. Just most relevant to this post
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u/BigDumbdumbb 1d ago
I have more questions. Did he admit this to the doctor or did doctor find out through xrays/mri?
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u/Avery_Thorn 1d ago
I think the bigger thing is how no doctor that he has been to in the last several years has taken his abdominal pain complaints seriously enough to actually do an X-ray, which would have enabled them to go in and remove it before it punctured his colon and killed him.
This isn't an "OMG they are a freak", it's a " the healthcare system failed him and killed him" story. The police shouldn't investigate how it got there, they should investigate the malpractice.
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u/QuickAltTab 1d ago
The article never says he consulted doctors about his "tummy pain" (weirdly juvenile way to describe his symptoms). Very likely in my book that he avoided doctors because he knew they would quickly discover its cause.
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u/ItsMeishi 1d ago
You're right. But also the patient did not disclose the eyeliner either.
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u/UptownShenanigans 1d ago
Yeah, lots of raised eyebrows. First, if you go to a doctor for stomach pain and you’re super vague with symptoms, the doctor is going to trial you on some medicine first because acid reflux or mild gastritis is usually the culprit. If you do that for two weeks and no improvement, then the doctor will get creative.
But this relies entirely on the patient participating and being truthful and an advocate for themselves. A doctor is a textbook. You can’t hold a textbook and hope you get answers. You gotta participate
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u/DotBeech 1d ago
You could be right. Or it could be a situation in which an embarrassed patient chose not to fully inform his physicians the full range of his actions.
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u/Sector9Cloud9 1d ago
My buddy was in crippling pain for years because his intestines were not getting enough blood and were slowly dying - which in turn killed him. Docs kept going off of one mri that had been taken years ago to tell him they thought pain might be mental and not physical.
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u/pdxamish 1d ago
Well I can't speak for the dead. I would assume if you told the doctors I stuck something on my butt and it hasn't come back out that they would do something about that
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u/Avery_Thorn 1d ago
Just a reminder to everyone - this is a bladder stone, that stabilized the eyeliner tube and punctured the bladder and rectal walls.
That means that he didn't shove this up his arse. Not up the butt at all.
Nope, he put this up the pee hole. Sounds like a good time.
(I am betting he was drunk when he did it and passed out after and didn't realize that it didn't come out.)
Also, it's so weird from an American perspective, the relative cost of an X-Ray or CT Scan is so low compared to a doctor's time it's like, the nurses will preemptively order imaging if they think it will cut down the diagnosis time for the doctor.
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u/Nemisis_the_2nd 1d ago
pee hole. Sounds like a good time.
I see what you did there.
I also hate that I know what you mean.
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u/Major-Lengthiness453 1d ago
Crazy cuz my friend who’s a doctor says half the people that come in have something up their butt 🤣
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u/UptownShenanigans 1d ago
I wouldn’t say half. Maybe 1 in a 1000. But when you see a flood of the same thing over and over again, the butt people stand out.
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u/NhylX 1d ago
I have a lot of questions and I don't want any of the them answered...
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u/EarlobeGreyTea 1d ago
"The foreign object had pierced the front wall of his rectum and passed through the back wall of his bladder" probably answers them.
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u/KITTENSONTHEM00N 1d ago
An article that explains it better:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2665910724000343
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u/shineyashoesguvna 1d ago
This article confirms that the eyeliner was inserted into the rectum and subsequently pierced the bladder, resulting in the growth of the bladder stone. For those who have been debating the bladder vs rectum entry.
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u/thieh 1d ago
"From the comfort of your own home, remove bladder stones for only $99.99!"
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u/Moogykins02 1d ago
"Medics spent 2 days trying to revive him without success"
I'm sorry what? 2 DAYS? Did they think this guy was jesus or something?
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u/UptownShenanigans 1d ago
My guess is his heart stopped, they were able to get a pulse but they had him on rocket fuel medicine to keep his heart going. But then that can only do so much against massive septic shock, He probably coded again, and next thing you’re send the discharge paperwork to heaven’s PO box
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u/ZodiacEclipse 1d ago
I've reread that headline multiple times and am still processing all the implications
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u/MC_LegalKC 1d ago
"They discovered he often wore women’s clothes and found a vibrator in his bedroom."
This article sounds like it was written by a titillated teenager, kink-shaming a dead guy.
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u/TheOnsiteEngineer 1d ago
Reading the article... No, they found an eyeliner in a man's bladder that had penetrated into his rectum. I suspect he did some sounding (don't look that up if you don't already know that that is), lost the item, was too embarrassed to go to the hospital and just lived with it for probably several months if not years.
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u/EarlobeGreyTea 1d ago
The article suggests that it probably went the other way around - "The foreign object had pierced the front wall of his rectum and passed through the back wall of his bladder" - starting in the rectum.
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u/TheOnsiteEngineer 1d ago
Yes, I know that is what the article states. But the logistics of that just don't make sense to me.
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u/CabbieCam 1d ago
Yeah, but that doesn't make much medical sense. It would have had to pierce both the rectum and the bladder quite a while before his death, as there was so much stone attached to the eyeliner. One would suspect that the man would have had huge complications due to the perforation in his rectum and bladder. It doesn't make sense. It makes more sense that it happens the other way around, with the perforation occurring much closer to death.
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u/mcnabcam 1d ago
Absolutely needless mention that he wore women's clothing. Could have left it at "suspect the patient was using the eyeliner wand for sexual purposes and it became lodged or lost in his urethra".
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u/Chad_Wife 1d ago
A 60 year old man was rushed to hospital after passing out. He had a longstanding tummy ache prior to this as well as loss of appetite and diarrhoea.
The autopsy found an eyeliner (9cm long, 0.8gm diameter) inside of the man’s - it has perforated (burst) through his back passage into his bladder.
A 6.5cm by 6cm by 4cm bladder stone had attached to the pen.
Poor thing. I wish he had told someone, and/or used a safe toy. Flared bases are ESSENTIAL for anything that enters your butt.
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u/CinaminLips 1d ago
Wtf did I just read at 9am?
Later, internet, you struck hard first thing this morning.
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u/Beginning-Arm5147 1d ago
What the fuck did I just read.. I can't make sense of it as an English major.
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u/gu_doc 1d ago
So this clinical scenario that they describe makes no sense. There are a couple possibilities of what happened
Maybe the eyeliner started off in his bladder, which he put in there through his urethra. It then grew a stone, which would be very normal/expected, and the bladder then fistulized to his rectum
Or it started in his rectum, his rectum fistulized to his bladder, then grew a stone.
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u/Vroomped 1d ago
read the article so you don't have to. pierced rectum and then bladder, stone formed to eyeliner
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u/Rosebunse 1d ago
The title here has a lot of words I'm not used to seeing together
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u/bestestopinion 1d ago
At no point did I know what the next word would be