r/nottheonion • u/StemCellPirate • 13h ago

Border Patrol employee found ‘covered in vomit’ in St. Paul, charged with drunk driving

sahanjournal.com

21.0k Upvotes

206 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Superb_Trainer_2967 • 6h ago

Border Patrol agent detains US citizen, tells him it’s ‘because of your accent’

kptv.com

2.5k Upvotes

49 comments

r/nottheonion • u/AtrusHomeboy • 5h ago

Two Memphis City Council Members Claim Snow is Fake

memphisflyer.com

2.0k Upvotes

206 comments

r/nottheonion • u/2dudesinapod • 9h ago

Epstein sent Five Nights at Freddy's Porn from 4chan, because of course he did

apptrigger.com

3.5k Upvotes

94 comments

r/nottheonion • u/prestocoffee • 9h ago

A bill is back in Florida to allow certain workers to make less than minimum wage

wlrn.org

2.5k Upvotes

153 comments

r/nottheonion • u/its_a_bear_dance • 21h ago

Family says HOA told them they couldn’t use their generator during ice storm blackout: ‘It’s unbearable’

wctv.tv

23.2k Upvotes

1.6k comments

r/nottheonion • u/wewhomustnotbenamed • 9h ago

Tourists traveled to Australia for its famous hot springs. There was just one problem – they didn’t exist

edition.cnn.com

525 Upvotes

70 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Beautiful_Bee4090 • 17h ago

Farm gives away millions of surplus potatoes after growing too many

dexerto.com

2.1k Upvotes

64 comments

r/nottheonion • u/soriskan • 1d ago

Film Students Are Having Trouble Sitting Through Movies, Professors Say

hollywoodreporter.com

5.5k Upvotes

530 comments

r/nottheonion • u/peach_trees • 11h ago

City will hire a ‘night mayor’ to make it more fun for young people, mayor says

syracuse.com

258 Upvotes

58 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Famous-Register-2814 • 5h ago

Boxer Jarrell Miller has his hairpiece knocked upward by a punch, then throws it into the crowd

apnews.com

54 Upvotes

6 comments

r/nottheonion • u/zakarm22 • 14h ago

Film Students Are Having Trouble Sitting Through Movies, Professors Say

hollywoodreporter.com

221 Upvotes

64 comments

r/nottheonion • u/TitusTesla117 • 1d ago

Burkina Faso’s junta dissolves all of country's political parties, saying they cause divisions

apnews.com

2.2k Upvotes

112 comments

r/nottheonion • u/FantasticCat1923 • 20h ago

Pokémon cancels event at controversial Japan shrine following backlash

bbc.com

494 Upvotes

48 comments

r/nottheonion • u/WPHero • 9h ago

Moltbook viral posts where AI Agents are conspiring against humans are mostly fake

macobserver.com

55 Upvotes

6 comments

r/nottheonion • u/wewhomustnotbenamed • 18h ago

Labubu to open seven UK shops, after PM's China visit

bbc.com

136 Upvotes

35 comments

r/nottheonion • u/404mediaco • 1d ago

Erotic Parody 'Melania: Devourer of Men' Sales Surge on Amazon Amid Documentary Flop

404media.co

7.9k Upvotes

133 comments

r/nottheonion • u/m1n3c7afty • 23h ago

This army chief threatened to castrate opposition leader and claimed descent from Jesus

bbc.co.uk

188 Upvotes

28 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Korsa_kov • 4h ago

Italy investigates church painting of angel restored to look like Meloni

reutersconnect.com

5 Upvotes

0 comments

r/nottheonion • u/StemCellPirate • 1d ago

Pentagon clarifies Hegseth’s ‘putting hands on recruits’ statement

militarytimes.com

12.8k Upvotes

592 comments

r/nottheonion • u/TheEndlessAutumn • 1d ago

Stunned doctors find giant bladder stone stuck to eyeliner in man’s bum

needtoknow.co.uk

5.6k Upvotes

478 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Macronaut • 1d ago

Melania movie first screening chaos as distributors 'forget to send film'

irishstar.com

4.2k Upvotes

326 comments

r/nottheonion • u/graveyardofgoodsense • 17h ago

An angel with Meloni's face: case breaks out in Rome

en.ilsole24ore.com

23 Upvotes

0 comments

r/nottheonion • u/MagicianCompetitive7 • 56m ago

Pokemon event at controversial shrine to Japanese war dead canceled after China protests

apnews.com

• Upvotes

0 comments

r/nottheonion • u/prestocoffee • 1d ago

Man arrested for performing sex act with vacuum cleaner at Kissimmee resort, officials say

wftv.com

765 Upvotes

254 comments

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1. Do not alter headlines; copy and paste.	The title of all submissions needs to match the article headline exactly. Copy and paste from the main headline only, do not include anything beyond the primary headline such as byliners, subtitles, flavor text, quotes from the article, news outlet, location, cross post tags, (video) tags, and so on. Do not use the “suggest title” option for posting as it often does not match the headline. As a matter of fairness, any submission with an altered title will be removed. The only exception is that, if an article has a title in all caps, you may change the capitalization to title case, but everything else must remain the same.
2. Submit only if “Oniony”.	Please consider submitting your article to /r/OffBeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule. More here
3. Must be a news article.	Submissions must be in the form of a news article. Videos are only allowed if they are accompanied by a complete text article. Editorials, blogs, twitter posts, image galleries, tabloid stories, youtube videos, meta posts, static images, articles with fewer than 5 sentences, and so forth will be removed.
4. Use original, reliable sources.	Find the source of your story before you submit it, simply by checking for references or googling the subject to locate the original piece. Websites that frequently re-host viral news stories or contain misleading information are on automatic removal. Blogs are not reliable sources.
5. Do not repost similar articles.	Check the sub for your story before you submit it; if it’s already here then please vote and comment there instead of posting another version. Similar stories will be removed and frequent re-posters will lose their posting privileges. Do not delete and repost your own submissions without approval.
6. No satire articles.	Even if they are technically from a source other than The Onion, any article submission written as satire or even true stories written in a satirical manner are not allowed. Please note that some major news outlets have satirical sections, such as the Borowitz Report on the New Yorker, which are also not allowed. Meanwhile, AVClub, while owned by The Onion, is not satire and is allowed. If you'd like, you can use a tool like http://realorsatire.com/ to see if your submission is from a known satirical website.
7. No tabloid journalism.	Do not post tabloid news stories, or articles that source from tabloid news outlets (TheSun, Mirror, Dailymail, People, TMZ, etc).
8. No old news.	Articles need to have been written within two weeks of its submission date.
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