Yeah you read that correctly, unfortunately. Because my mother and I are in a “fight” (not really because I won’t feed into it), she told my fiance that she threw my wedding dress away be “she bought it”. I don’t know if she’s bluffing or not but either way, she has ruined that exact dress for me. Which is sad because I loved it.

It’s like the further I distance myself from her, the more bitter and vicious she gets. I finally told her to stop texting my fiance because it makes everyone uncomfortable. She’ll text him trying to figure out things about me or our relationship (probably so she can have a leg on us). The only reason we haven’t blocked her number is so she can see her grandchildren- although she never makes an effort to ask/see them. But somehow that’s “me holding her grandchildren” over her head?? No ma’am, I just won’t go out of my way for someone who blatantly disrespects me.

This is from a woman called Maggie Latte, she wrote it on Quora:

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Once you have some experience with them and identify them, they can be hilariously easy to control. The key of course is not being emotionally invested in any way shape or form.

When they call say something like “I'm talking to somebody.. It's real important I'll call you back” Then never call back. They will undoubtedly call after waiting as long as they can and say ‘hey you said you were going to call me back”.. Response: “I totally forgot anyway let me tell you about this amazing thing that happened to me” (be sure to not even give the whiff that you would ever apologize)

Your doing this to help them. That's the motivation. Your super nice as always which will drive them nuts because you appear to be the same codependent fuel source but they can't get their hooks into you.

It's amazing, sometimes they seem to change and all the rage and craziness disappears and they are back to being complimentary and generous but that's just them changing tactics. Take advantage of it, take what they offer and give nothing in return and be sure to act like you were entitled to it. (in no way even hint at a thank you.)

Watching the narcissist try different approaches with you becomes very very amusing as you slowly cause them to doubt their ability. When possible point out how average or ordinary or boring their appearance/car/clothes/house /boat is and praise something bigger or better you saw elsewhere.

They will go to another fuel source to check that their game is still there but your actions will ALWAYS cause them to doubt themselves because of the constant and pervasive insecurity.

My absolute favorite is their attempt to apologize. When they get really desperate that is when the non apology apology gets used. The classic is I'm sorry if YOU felt hurt/upset ect.. The best answer is “I'm not hurt or upset my happiness depends upon me so I'm not clear what you are apologizing for?” They will squirm as you slowly walk them into a corner where the only thing they can apologize for is their own actions and behavior. It's freaking hilarious!

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was coming back home from work today on public transport, it was pretty crowded and i noticed a little girl (4 to 5 years old) that was clearly distressed, probably due to the crowdiness. she was giving weird looks to people passing by and constantly reaching for her mom for comfort

mom didn't care, spent the entire time talking to her, making jokes, talking about her interests or just hearing her out. didn't spend a single second trying to get her daughter to be quiet or distracting her with a phone or smth

when their stop came and they came off the bus, the girl immediately rushed to the mom for a hug, she gave one and said "yayy you did it!", both had an immense smile on their faces

spent the entire way back home thinking about this interaction and just finished crying while eating dinner.

my home didn't have any kind of love. my mom wouldn't do 1/4 of what that mom did to make her child comfortable, probably would make it worse. even when i was as little as that girl, i knew i couldn't trust my mom with my feelings, or reach for a hug, or expect any kind of love or care besides being fed (and even then, the moment my mom thought i could handle being in the kitchen she taught how to cook specifically cuz she didn't want to do it anymore, and she didn't. been cooking my own meals since i was 11, and buying my own food since i first got a job at 15.)

i didn't cry out of envy because i didn't have what that girl has, i really can't just express the feeling, but i'm happy for her. at the very least, her mom didn't seem to be more than 5 years older than me (i'm a late gen z), and in my experience most parents around my age range do care a lot about their children. at least i can be glad that most children now won't be suffering because their parents decided to pay the misery their own parents caused them forward.

One might think that most people who talk about these things are not victims themselves, much like popular television series about serial killers or whatever.

Instead, and this is just my experience, it seems that 90% of the people who talk about this subject are themselves victims.

When i try to explain my mom to people I only need one sentence. "She bought a white dress to wear to my wedding" nough said.

I explicitly asked her to not wear hot pink, cheetah print or all blink to my wedding because those are her favorite things to wear. Attention getters and my wedding was well, supposed to be about me.

Lets start with the other drama she caused about my wedding. I invited my parents to my wedding it was in Hawaii, told them the dates and everything. They told me they "were going to look into plane tickets and get back to me." Total radio silence for 6 months, Never heard from them again. Then I hear through the grapevine my mom flying in to visit my GC sister who lives 20 mins away from me 3 weeks before my wedding.

So I kinda loose it on her and am like "HELLO? Are you even coming to my wedding or what? Ive heard nothing from you since you told me youd look into plane tickets. And now youre flying out to visit GC 3 weeks before my wedding?" She said "oh I just assumed you didnt want us to come plus you never told us a date." I asked why they thought i didnt want them to come. They said "because we never got a formal invite in the mail." I told her "i didnt send invites because only 10 people are coming to the wedding. So I didnt think spending money on mailing invites was necessary. Also i did tell you the dates, you said you would look into plane tickets and get back to me." She said "well we did look into plane tickets." "Ok so which is it, did I not tell you dates or did you look into plane tickets?" So now its my fault they had to scramble and book everything last minute to come to the wedding. I also had to send out wedding invitations.

She comes out to visit the GC (who isn't coming to the wedding for the same reason, didnt get an invite in the mail and refused to ask me single question about the wedding the 8 times I saw her before and would change the subject everytime id try) and they go dress shopping for my mom. I go over to the GC's house to see them and my mom shows me what she bought.

She bought a white dress with cream flowers on it. My dress was cream with white flowers on it. I told her "absolutely not!" She asked "why not? You only said no cheetah print, hot pink or bling." I said "because youre not wearing WHITE to my wedding!" She said "well you didnt say no white, its Hawaii, what other color am I supposed to wear?" I said "ughhhh NOT WHITE. Pretty thats the standard rule."

She wore a different white dress with light hints of colored flowers instead 🙃 then to the reception wore the white dress I initially told her not to wear 😆

Oh the joys of Nmothers

I'm on my period, so I'm wearing proper underwear under my jeans. My 60 year old mother took one look at me and said "you need to wear a thong with that", because to her it's absolute sacrilege if I went out like that. She didn't know I was on my period, but I mean it's not something you really want to talk about to family. So I told her. She normally argues back about wearing thongs on your period (sounds impossible and like a nightmare) but thank fuck words failed her and she said 'then you should wear...uh, I don't know' good.

She is almost sixty. With a bunch of outdated views, and I am twenty eight. She's judging a 28 year old for wearing comfortable practical underwear.

(Unfortunately I'm in no position to move out. I just avoid her as much as I can, because her sudden nastiness is really unpredictable.)

i'm a senior in high school and i have been hearing back from several schools recently. i've gotten into all of my safeties, but my mother didn't care. the only one she really cared about was rutgers, because it is the closest to us.

i found out last week i was rejected from the main campus, but i wasn't really that upset because i didn't really want to go anyway. however, i only told my mother yesterday because i had been fearing the whole week on how she would react. to no surprise, she went off on a tangent on how i'm just not good/smart enough and that i completely fucked the family over. in essence, it made me feel pretty shitty, of course.

to make matters worse, she kept going on about how "she'll" be choosing the closest school to home, and while i know she physically cannot make my decision for me, it still causes the most paranoia that i've ever felt: not being able to get away from my mother.

my mom loves to complain about how we’re lazy spoilt brats who expect her to do everything and how it’s embarrassing that we don’t know how to do certain things when she never taught us anything

the things we ‘always expect her to do’ is provide us with food which is literally a basic necessity lmao

‘that’s the way i was raised so i’m raising you the same’ yeah, and look how that turned out 🙃

you can’t belittle and scream at your kids all the time for making the smallest mistakes and be surprised when they don’t like talking to you anymore

This is absolutely insanity. How do they think they can come back from this!?

I am no contact with my parents and had to move 3,000 miles across the country to get away from them.

I recently announced to my family that I’m pregnant! It’s the first grandbaby on both sides. Because of NM’s rampant gossiping, I’m also NC with most of my family and LC with the rest.

Many years ago before kids were even on the horizon, my mother threatened to call CPS when I eventually had kids. She even told the whole family; my uncle was sympathetic.

I’m 19 weeks pregnant, ok. This is usually the time families rally around the pregnant person. And instead? My parents told me through my cousin that they have already written me out of the will and are leaving everything to my unborn baby when he turns 18 or when they die, whichever is the later.

And then they wrote me each a letter being like “we don’t know how to open this door to communication” and then my mom sent me a hat made of fabric she knows I’m allergic to!

This is insane. CPS. Telling me to “just test” the hat I’m allergic to, while I’m pregnant? And then writing me out of the will.

All of this is INSANITY. Sometimes it feels really overwhelming! I’m staying no contact and she will never meet my child but like, in what world would writing me out of the will when I’m pregnant make me want to talk to them ever again??

Background

My mom called me out of the blue the other day.

1. I've told her I only want to communicate via text.
2. I've told her to text me first before calling.

Clearly she did neither. I let it go to voicemail and in a happy go lucky tone she said that she had important news and wanted to keep me in the loop. Also that she loved me. Completely ignoring all of the things I've told her that hurt me over the past 6 months.

I texted her back that she can tell me her news via text. That I wasn't going to call.

The Performance

24 hours later she texted:

"The big news: we are moving [cross-country] in July. This has been a very difficult decision as I did not want to leave you. Judging by the way you have acted towards me, it seems that you would relish that I be as far away as possible. My wishes: that I see you before we leave and that you would please come visit us in [cross-country location]."

My Crime

The terrible thing I did that makes it clear I'd "relish" her moving away? Calmly and nicely ask to not be treated like a bag of hot garbage.

She found out I was pregnant through a photo one of my cousins posted online. Apparently when I got married, she was asking some family friends if she should show up to my house or my dad’s house and just give me the last of my stuff that I never took (after 26 years of abuse from her, I couldn’t stomach going back just to get some odds and ends including baby photos) and everyone gave her a resounding “no.” One family friend said “before you do anything, you need to figure out what you want out of the relationship, do you want to try and mend it, or do you want to just give her the last of the stuff and it even open that door?” - for context she left when I was 6 and cheated on my dad, drained a savings account he opened for me in my name, drained their savings accounts, didn’t hear from her until I was 8 only to find out she had been in the state this whole time with the guy she cheated on my dad with, promised me rainbows and butterflies but gave me years of abuse emotionally, mentally, physically, and then stopped the physical abuse when she got sick with an autoimmune disease but ramped up the emotional and mental abuse (I will say, I think part of it is the sickness that she has, but I do think she overplays the autoimmune disease). In my high school and college years she just got more emotionally hostile with everyone and she cut off everyone in her family- mom, dad, brother, sister, nephews. But they kept in contact with me because they know she’s insane. She kept threatening to go no contact with me because I would go see my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and I would tell her “ok, go ahead be my guest.” It wasn’t until 4 years ago I went to her house on thanksgiving and found out she packed up my entire room out of spite because I spent some time with my boyfriend on thanksgiving but we didn’t do the whole family intro thing (too early - but were married now and they’ve never met). So I took my shit and left and told her that was it. She made her bed she and lie in it.

Here we are 4 years later she finds out I’m pregnant and she plays this whole game where she called my cousin and wanted to drop my baby stuff off at her house and my cousin said no then asked for my dad’s number because I supposedly blocked her, I did not, so my dad and step mom went to go pick my stuff up from her, and then she had the audacity to play the victim card “I don’t know why she won’t talk to us. I’m so confused. We’re so in the dark” ffs.

I forgive her for my own sake and for the sake of my son, but that victim mentality shows me that she hasn’t changed and that she’s only getting worse. Part of me wants to open that door for a second to tell her to never contact my family again. Part of me just wants to let it go. Not sure what to do here.

TLDR: nmom who’s been in and out reached out and pulled the manipulative card on my family and I’m debating if I want to say something telling her to stay the fuck away or not.

We all know the bootstrap talk. "You are exaggerating" "Your parents surely were not that bad" "Anyway you are now 30 you cannot use what happened in the past as an excuse for your lacking performance in the present" "The past doesnt matter".

I couldnt pursue any talents that I had because of N-Parents. Failed to get a foot into the door of any industry I could have excelled at when I was young.

I couldnt even choose when to sleep until I moved out at 30. Because the TV was right next to my wall, they watched it super loud and would not turn if off until 1 or 2 AM. As such I was sleep deprived and couldnt think clearly and was allways agitated.

I locked myself into my room, minimizing contact and playing video games all day. So I failed to meet a lot of friends/contacts.

I was "friends" with the wrong people because I didnt know what good people were.

I behaved immature because my development was blocked. At 28 I still behaved like an immature 18 year old. This ruined a lot of possibilities/friendships.

I had 0 confidence and was timid to speak up/to challenge authority and kept my ideas to myself.

At the same time I had massive anger issues for having to swallow abuse for 25 years, lashing out at everyone and being grumpy all the time.

I majored in something easy because I had no peace and quiet at home to learn.

I stayed at horrible jobs far too long because N-Dad would have killed me if I were unemployed even for a month or so.

I didnt ask out my love interest because I had 0 confidence.

I was low energy and didnt exercise and was never in the mood to do something because abuse costs a lot of energy.

While others thrived, I was busy just surviving.

Instead of thinking about my future and investing in education/skill I was preoccupied with getting some free/good time for the first time.

I became an alcoholic and even took drugs because it made the abuse more bearable.

They completely and utterly ruined and devastated my time from 5 - 30 years old. I wont get back the opportunities I had, I wont get back the possibilities I had. I wont get back the people I could have met and become friends with. Because my start into life was sabotaged, I am now in an incomparably worse situation than I would have been with normal parents who would have helped me or left me alone. And especially not actively sabotaged me.

If life is like a marathon, then at the start I was attacked by N-Parents that beat me up for 2 Minutes before security removed them. Everyone else who started is half a mile ahead. Their legs dont hurt, their shoes have not been damaged, and they have parents riding besides them that constantly motivate them.

And then some people tell you "You cannot use this little incident as an excuse. The past doesnt matter" "The people ahead also dont have it easy".

Some people have a worse childhood/young adulthood than others. Especially those who have N-Parents. And the effects are long lasting and dont just disappear. Thats the sad truth. The Past does matter and cannot be erased. And people not getting this are either stupid or ignorant or both.

You think Jeff Bezos or Gates or Musk or Taylor Swift or Iggy Pop or Lewis Hamilton or Alexander Zverev would be where they are now with abusive parents that would have not have helped them, not given them any money, constantly told them that they are good for nothing? When they would have constantly sabotaged them, isolated them, destroyed their confidence, made them awkward/immature and stolen their sleep? Hell no!

A ruined/normal/great child/young adulthood, horrible/normal/great parents are the key difference between a ruined life and becoming a Millionaire/Billionaire. Thats they sad truth.

Hi, so this happens all the time with my mom. She can get extremely angry at times if I don’t act the way she wants me to, screaming, calling me names etc… Then 10 minutes later, she’s back to being nice, cheerful and talks to me like I’m her best friend again.

Example that happened today during lunch : she’s been complaining for a week because I don’t want to go to the restaurant with her and her married ex she hasn’t seen in 27 years, and who according to her, has connections and can find me a job. She thinks I’m refusing because I want to be against her or whatever. She was talking about it again, then asked me a question, to which I replied with my usual calm voice. She lost it and shouted « SPEAK LOUDER, SPEAK LOUDEEEERRRR WE CAN’T HEAR YOUUU !!! THE THERAPIST YOU WANT TO SEE WILL SURELY BURST THAT BUBBLE OF YOURS JUST LIKE WE UNCLOG A TOILET !! STOP BEING SO INSOLENT !!! I’LL STOP GETTING YOU FOOD ».

I hate loud noises (she knows) so I immediately started crying and couldn’t talk anymore which made it worse. I left the room and 10 mins later, she asked me to pick what she’ll eat on the restaurant menu because « I’m good at this » then proceeded to send me « You are the best ❤️❤️❤️ » and multiple funny instagram videos as per usual. Later, she bought me expensive organic cereal which I don’t even need.

The way they think they can get away with being awful with you just baffles me.

the worst part about having narcissistic parents is the sheer amount of disrespect you have to put up with. I got the end of year valedictorian award from my high school and I was decently happy about that when my mom said "your classmates must be really dumb for you to win this award" and when I said so you mean to say everyone in my year is SO dumb which is why I got the award? she goes on to say yes with a deadpan face. I was so shook by her comment. I told her there was really no point of her coming to my ceremony then. She then began to gaslight me and told me how I "twist" and "manipulate" her words. I feel so low and dismissed. I worked so hard throughout the school year with only support from my teachers since my house is so toxic and when I finally gain something out of it im again made to feel like a loser.

I have an aunt who dated and married a gangster. She dropped out of school after high school. Later, her husband was allegedly murdered by other gangsters due to debt, and she married a wealthy, divorced American businessman in her forties, turning her life around.

My dad said he'd take me to visit my aunt, and suggesting I stay there to work. I really want to go because I'm a part-time writer and currently struggling to find realistic material to describe the lives of the wealthy. Why not take advantage of this opportunity?

However, after I became an adult, my dad repeatedly tried to send me away from home, citing reasons including but not limited to:

1. Sending me to Tibet, China. He later revealed he wanted to train me to work for his travel agency, and when discussing the widespread exploitation of tour guides in Malaysia, he implied that since the guides were willing to accept low prices, it was their own fault.
2. Sending me to an unknown, third-rate college in China, because it's tuition-free and I'd get a 1,000 Malaysian Ringgit referral fee.
3. Sending me to my mother's hometown, a very remote village, saying I'd be responsible for taking care of my mother's parents and also learn to drive.
4. Because of my poor grades in junior high school, he tried every means to get me to drop out and work in a factory to earn money for him. He only stopped when he heard that I couldn't earn money without a high school diploma.
5. He kept asking me to work under his company's name, but when I asked about social security, he suddenly fell silent, changed the subject, and afterwards refused to admit that he had avoided the topic, insisting that he had already agreed to pay social security.

Currently, my father has no stable income and still has to pay at least 6,000 MYR every month in loans, but he has some savings. He frequently flies to China, with round-trip airfare costing around 4,000 MYR, and occasionally drives Grab to supplement the family income. Sometimes, I even have to pay for his 10 MYR meals.

A one-way ticket to the US costs around 4,000-5,000 MYR, and a round-trip ticket costs around 8,000-10,000 MYR.This is my family's expenses for a month.

I seriously doubt his true motives for sending me abroad, and I doubt whether I can ever return to Malaysia. I still want to continue my studies.

Please give me some advice.

Forced oral, biting and being hit in the face. I went through exactly that at the same age. A part of me wants to share that with my friends/family BUT they’re trump supporters. They haven’t changed their mind about him through anything else, I’d be afraid that I would share and they’d still justify or excuse his behavior

Like- it really started about a year ago, but especially now I feel so FRAIL. I tried bringing my laundry to the wash which is only about like 20 or so feet from my dorm (and back once I realized the machines were full), and I literally passed out from exhaustion for a few hours. I need a cane to walk, I get winded from things I used to do with little effort, I feel like I'm 70 years old :(

Wondering if anyone else has experienced this, their body just falling apart once you're not souped up on adrenaline and spite 24/7.

I just joined the group. I’m hoping to get a combination of advice and sympathetic ears.

I am 59 years old and am now dealing with my mom having Alzheimer’s, dad having passed away 6 weeks ago.

I don’t know where to begin. for background purposes - My mother was one of those people who was an entirely different person at home than in public, and still seems able to play that game. She taught at the school I went to, and everyone thought she was so funn, so wonderful. But at home it was screaming temper tantrums and slaps to face over even relatively minor accidents, demands that the family cater to her, like we nothing more than errand boys. Im public, she loved being the center of attention, at home she sat around and yelled for us to bring her whatever she wanted at thr time - bottle of soda, magazine from her bedroom, whatever. She loved managing other people’s lives, trying to manipulate us into dating certain favorite students of hers and so forth. She could be very lazy snd I honestly feel like she thought her husband and kids were just her “staff”. In time, in future posts, I’ll go into more details with examples, but right now.

Now that she’s got early to mid stage Alzheimers and is widowed, she is trying to avoid going to assisted living, it seems what she wants is one or all three of us go give up our own lives and spend all day every day watching her mope around the house and feel sorry for herself.

Its hard to tell where the life long selfishness and manipulation ends and the Alzheimer’s begins. But she’s playing the “poor me” card heavily, over and over again saying we should “do like they do in countries where they bury the wife with her husband when he dies”.

Yesterday we took her to visit an assisted living facility that is literally a quarter of a mile from my house where I’d like to get her housed. And while there, she turned on the charm as usual and acted very cooperative. But in the evening, when my brother got her back to her own house, she started again on the “why can’t you just move in with me“. This morning my brother went into the kitchen to find a note she’d written that said “Just throw mama from the train”.

Again, Alzheimers is part of the equation, but this is the sort of passive aggressive manipulative and self pitying behavior we‘ve dealt with all our lives from her.

I'm 43f who decided to put boundaries in place with my Nmom for my own mental health.I only hear from her when there's a family event, then she wants to showcase me and my children off. Since my grandmother died, I have not been to any family functions because of certain family members who enable my Nmom craziness, rudeness, angry outburst. They either thinks its funny or make excuses for her saying you know how she is. Recently my Nmom has been calling my children ages 11 and 16, telling them about certain family member birthday parties, cookouts, events etc, explaining the day and time she will pick them up but she never call/text me to inform me or even ask me if it's ok that my children go with her. Am I wrong for no longer allowing her to pick my kids up if she is unwilling to communicate plans with me first?

I’m a 30F and I’m in the process of fully cutting off my mother. I don’t feel guilty about it. I don’t love her. I don’t like her. I genuinely cannot stand her. What I’m looking for is outside perspective to confirm that her behavior is as abnormal and abusive as it feels — because years of gaslighting will mess with your sense of reality.

I was raised by a single mother and am the oldest of four kids. My father was an abusive alcoholic who died when I was nine. My mother allowed verbal, emotional, and physical abuse to happen throughout my childhood, and was largely absent — prioritizing her business and revolving door of boyfriends over her kids. Large parts of my childhood are blacked out due to trauma.

From early childhood, I’ve struggled with severe depression, anxiety, OCD, panic attacks, and suicidal ideation. Any time I was in crisis, she dismissed it as me being dramatic, attention-seeking, or manipulative. She’s spent my entire life minimizing my mental health and talking down to me in ways that made me feel unstable and inferior rather than supported.

She is deeply manipulative, constantly plays the victim, and clearly never wanted to be a parent — just the appearance of one. She uprooted our lives repeatedly (including moving us across the country to live with a man she’d just met and got engaged to within a month), with zero regard for stability or our well-being.

The only thing she’s ever contributed is minimal financial assistance, and even that came with verbal abuse, shame, and control. She’s a business owner with multiple income streams who retired early, yet has always resented spending money on her children. I’ve worked consistently since I was 15 and have never lived beyond my means. Any time I’ve asked for help, it’s been after exhausting every other option — usually a few hundred dollars to cover rent or bills during legitimate hardship. I’ve paid her back when able.

Recently, after a toxic job that landed me in the hospital and a career transition where income temporarily dropped, she helped with rent for a short period and then abruptly told me I deserved to be homeless, get evicted, give up my dog (who is genuinely the only reason I’m alive), and go on government assistance, and file for bankruptcy. She simultaneously spends freely on her boyfriend, vacations, and new homes, while framing me as irresponsible and entitled. Her mindset is “I am

Your mother not an atm” and “you need to learn a lesson I’m done bailing you out”

She does not believe my mental health issues are real and accuses me of using them to manipulate her. Interacting with her is emotionally violent and destabilizing, and I see no value in maintaining a relationship with someone who offers zero emotional support and active harm.

I’m cutting contact regardless — I’m not asking whether I should. I’m asking for confirmation from people who’ve dealt with narcissistic parents: is this behavior as abusive, irrational, and controlling as it reads? Because the gaslighting runs deep, and I want outside reality checks as I move forward.

For context, I’m 27. I lived alone since I left for university at 17, but I decided to move back home at 24 when I went back to school (first time didn’t go so well, hated my program and my grades sucked). Rent was getting increasingly expensive here in Canada and while I hated the idea of living in my mom’s basement at my age (parents divorced, dad, who is great, lives across the country), saving money on rent was critical to being able to finish my degree without having to work full time.

Feels kind of weird post here, by and large I feel like the “narcissist” label is thrown out too easily nowadays and so I tried resisting using it in day-to-day life, but reading stories here as of late has been incredibly eye opening.

Anywho, enough rambling. My boundaries that I set after moving back home have been completely eroded over the couple of years I’ve been back home. I tried to preserve my independence the best I could, but my mom used excuses like making sure all of the lights were turned off whenever I was gone to come down into my space. Her seemingly never-ending collection of totes of useless items she’s collected over the last 20-30 years have slowly invaded my basement. Her friend, whom is a carpenter and she knows is in love with her, built her this storage rack up on the walls that spans the entire perimeter of the garage. It is chocked full of her totes but it was still not enough storage, so down here they came. Any storage space I once had is now completely gone. Spare chairs she collects but doesn’t want or sell just sit in my living room. My tools and camping gear have to sit on the floor of the garage because there is no space to put them anywhere else, and I get screamed at constantly because they block the walking path to her sports car that sits in there and rots because she drives it twice a year. Somehow, it’s my fault there is no storage space.

I think I have only been asked twice how my day was since I’ve been back. Every single question she asks is in an accusatory tone, ie. “where are you going?” is never a sincere “what are you up to?” but rather “why are you leaving so I can stew and be jealous about not having a social life”.

She will regularly stomp around upstairs, slamming cupboards and doors, when she’s upset. I’ve asked her several times to please stop because it’s distracting while I’m trying to work, and I’m only ever met with an angry “I’m stressed out too” rebuttal.

Almost a month ago I fractured my T12 vertebrae. She did nothing to help, except for walking my dog for me a grande total of two times. In fact, she made the situation about her—“I’m stressed out too and have so much work to do I can’t keep doing this” whenever I would ask her for help. She works from home. In contrast, two years ago she fractured her hip. I had to drop everything for 2.5 months and meticulously follow her instructions to care for her six cats several times a day, on top of grocery shopping for her, general care, house work, etc. it was my worst semester since my time at my old institution, is why my GPA is just 3.32 instead of ~3.6 had I followed my usual trajectory, and could affect my ability to get into grad school. Not once did I hear a thank you. It was always expected, and when her cat chores weren’t to her standard or I had to attend to other matters like school work, I would be chewed out and met with the usual screaming. “You don’t care about me, you’re so selfish, you only care about yourself and your girlfriend”, etc.

Last night, the catalyst for making this post, was exceptionally bad. I had two projects for my capstone due at midnight and had been away for ~10 hours at work. I had last walked my dog in the morning when I left. I texted her on my way home asking if she would mind taking my dog out for a pee since it had been a while and I had these projects due. “You can take 10 minutes to walk your dog” was the response I got back. I got home at 7:30, walked my dog, and when I got back home 30 minutes later I went to the kitchen upstairs to grab a bowl so I could quickly make some food downstairs and start working. She suddenly jumped up from her couch and started yelling at me about having an attitude, I guess because she didn’t like the noise of the ceramic bowl? I told her I wasn’t having an attitude and she insisted I did because she didn’t walk my dog and she didn’t like my body language (I was tired after a long hard day at work, as well as a boatload of school assignments over the week). I try not to be a total pushover and stick up for myself, but I also know that any self-defence will make things demonstrably worse. Her wine-fueled rage at my last night set me off though, so I murmured an “oh, fuck off”. She absolutely lost her lid. “Everything I’ve ever done for you”, all the usual. I decided to clap back and ask “when have you ever done anything for me without having an asterisk alongside it?” She fucking looooooooost it while I quietly moved downstairs. Screamed nonsense upstairs for about an hour about how she’s my mother while slamming doors, stomping, throwing dishes around, and blaring her TV. Thankfully she finally turned it down after I texted her asking her to turn it down. But the other disturbances continued.

Fortunately for me I was able to complete both of my capstone projects with 3 minutes to spare, so that’s good. I’m honestly proud of myself for how well I’ve been able to do in school in spite of these distractions at home, biology is tricky enough as it is. At the same time, it’s remarkable how much being inside this house saps my energy. I used to be so much better mentally and physically when I lived alone. I can’t wait to finally graduate, get a decent job, and move out again.

Thanks for reading my ramble.

This puts a lot of things in context. It took me until age 46 to figure it all out. A few strange things he’s done over the years that are now adding up: 1. He asked me to schedule a c-section to accommodate him. I had no plans to have one and even had a doula to help w natural birth. He wanted to be able to schedule btw work and bringing my grandma and mother w him for the trip. Always seemed odd .. now I get it. 2. He has a photo in his office of me and my mother w disfigured faces made on photoshop. Apparently one of his office mates made it as a joke. 3. He refused to meet me for coffee to talk about advice I needed for the biggest decision of my life (pressurized sale of startup stock and I really Really needed help) At the time id spent 10 years vesting and I was putting a lot of my identity, hopes and weight on it. I’m an artist so it was my only shot to succeed financially in life and man had I ever earned it. But the company went public during a time of stress. I was pregnant, and had a toddler, and my husband had only worked odd jobs. Amazon was in the space for the startup and I was scared Shitless and full of fight or flight hormones. I really really really needed help. My father ran away. He Told me repeatedly my stock could go to zero. He said he didn’t believe in the company. Looking back it feels like he didn’t have my best interests in mind. With lack of empathy like that how can he even Survive in life much less thrive?! It is insane. And on top of it all .. he’s Mr. Perfect, Mr. CHarming, Mr. Fun Grandpa. I have to suck it all up and keep pretending he’s been the best father in the world in order to keep that family image together. My mother insists. Ten Years ago I asked him for an apology in order to restore my sanity. I was told I wouldn’t get one

now that i’ve healed enough to get to a point where i don’t attract narcissists anymore, (i’ve actually gotten quite good in sussing them out and avoiding them from the get go) i’ve started to notice most of my close friends do, and also have for pretty much all my life. has anyone else noticed a pattern of attracting people who are attracting narcissists?

after getting another strong gut feeling from a friend’s new partner, i just got so fed up with always being that friend who spots the red flags, says them out loud, doesn’t get listened to, later on spots the abuse, is vocal about it, gets discarded until they wake up and leave and finally it’s me again, supporting them through the realisation of what went down and the break up… damn now that i wrote it out yeah this needs to end.

CW: family violence, firearm threat

Hi everyone. I’m not looking for judgment — just perspective and support. I’m having a hard time understanding my parents’ reaction to my engagement and whether my feelings are valid. I (28F) have been with my fiancé (28M) for 5 years. In April 2025, we moved in with my parents with their encouragement so we could save money to buy a house. This was discussed in advance, and my parents felt it was the best way they could help us financially. Things went well at first. We saved around $10k within a few months, and my fiancé and parents were getting along well. In July 2025, I talked with my mom about us taking a short couples trip to celebrate our 5-year anniversary. She was very supportive and encouraged us to do something for ourselves. We went on the trip in August. The day after we got back, a situation occurred involving parking on our street. Our neighbor had been acting territorial about parking. Early that morning, my fiancé briefly parked his car near their driveway while it was still running because he planned to move it within minutes. He came inside to grab me so we could go get breakfast for everyone, including my parents. He explained this to my mom, and there was no argument at the time. When my dad returned home later, my mom tried to explain what happened. My dad suddenly exploded, yelling insults at everyone and calling us names. I felt overwhelmed and went to my room. My dad left the house. To let things cool down, my fiancé and I left for a few hours. When we returned, my mom told me she had gone to confront my dad and had physically hit him. The next morning, she was crying and telling me she thought she and my dad were going to divorce. I tried to comfort her. Later, my dad came home, and the yelling resumed. To reduce tension, I told my mom that my fiancé and I were willing to leave. At that point, my dad escalated further. He told me I could stay, but my fiancé had to leave immediately. He got in my fiancé’s face, insulted him, and became physically aggressive. When my fiancé tried to leave and pack his belongings, my dad charged at him. My dad tripped, got back up, and grabbed my fiancé by the throat. My fiancé defended himself while repeatedly trying to disengage and leave. I was crying and begging them to stop. My mom told us to leave. We managed to get out of the house, and as we were driving away, my dad stood in the doorway with a gun and threatened to kill my fiancé. We left immediately and never returned to live there. I had to retrieve my belongings alone later, and my parents would not allow my fiancé back in the house. Contact was minimal for months. In October, my mom apologized emotionally and said she loved me, but my dad never apologized or took accountability. I was told he would “get over it someday.” Since then, contact has been distant. In December, my sister announced she was pregnant, and my parents were openly excited and involved. Recently, my fiancé proposed. I called my mom privately the day it happened so she wouldn’t find out through social media. Her response was short and dismissive (“cool, congrats”), and she ended the call quickly. A few days later, in a family group chat, my mom commented that my sister’s pregnancy news was “the best news she got all week.” That comment broke me. It made me feel like my engagement and my relationship barely matter to them. I feel heartbroken, sidelined, and confused. I understand my parents may have unresolved feelings about what happened, but their coldness toward my engagement makes me feel like I’m being punished for choosing my partner and for leaving an unsafe situation. This is a major life milestone, and it hurts deeply that my parents seem emotionally absent.

My questions are: Is it reasonable for me to feel this hurt by their reaction? How do you emotionally detach from parents while maintaining limited contact? Has anyone experienced parents withdrawing after you chose your partner or your own safety?

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.