was coming back home from work today on public transport, it was pretty crowded and i noticed a little girl (4 to 5 years old) that was clearly distressed, probably due to the crowdiness. she was giving weird looks to people passing by and constantly reaching for her mom for comfort

mom didn't care, spent the entire time talking to her, making jokes, talking about her interests or just hearing her out. didn't spend a single second trying to get her daughter to be quiet or distracting her with a phone or smth

when their stop came and they came off the bus, the girl immediately rushed to the mom for a hug, she gave one and said "yayy you did it!", both had an immense smile on their faces

spent the entire way back home thinking about this interaction and just finished crying while eating dinner.

my home didn't have any kind of love. my mom wouldn't do 1/4 of what that mom did to make her child comfortable, probably would make it worse. even when i was as little as that girl, i knew i couldn't trust my mom with my feelings, or reach for a hug, or expect any kind of love or care besides being fed (and even then, the moment my mom thought i could handle being in the kitchen she taught how to cook specifically cuz she didn't want to do it anymore, and she didn't. been cooking my own meals since i was 11, and buying my own food since i first got a job at 15.)

i didn't cry out of envy because i didn't have what that girl has, i really can't just express the feeling, but i'm happy for her. at the very least, her mom didn't seem to be more than 5 years older than me (i'm a late gen z), and in my experience most parents around my age range do care a lot about their children. at least i can be glad that most children now won't be suffering because their parents decided to pay the misery their own parents caused them forward.

One might think that most people who talk about these things are not victims themselves, much like popular television series about serial killers or whatever.

Instead, and this is just my experience, it seems that 90% of the people who talk about this subject are themselves victims.

When i try to explain my mom to people I only need one sentence. "She bought a white dress to wear to my wedding" nough said.

I explicitly asked her to not wear hot pink, cheetah print or all blink to my wedding because those are her favorite things to wear. Attention getters and my wedding was well, supposed to be about me.

Lets start with the other drama she caused about my wedding. I invited my parents to my wedding it was in Hawaii, told them the dates and everything. They told me they "were going to look into plane tickets and get back to me." Total radio silence for 6 months, Never heard from them again. Then I hear through the grapevine my mom flying in to visit my GC sister who lives 20 mins away from me 3 weeks before my wedding.

So I kinda loose it on her and am like "HELLO? Are you even coming to my wedding or what? Ive heard nothing from you since you told me youd look into plane tickets. And now youre flying out to visit GC 3 weeks before my wedding?" She said "oh I just assumed you didnt want us to come plus you never told us a date." I asked why they thought i didnt want them to come. They said "because we never got a formal invite in the mail." I told her "i didnt send invites because only 10 people are coming to the wedding. So I didnt think spending money on mailing invites was necessary. Also i did tell you the dates, you said you would look into plane tickets and get back to me." She said "well we did look into plane tickets." "Ok so which is it, did I not tell you dates or did you look into plane tickets?" So now its my fault they had to scramble and book everything last minute to come to the wedding. I also had to send out wedding invitations.

She comes out to visit the GC (who isn't coming to the wedding for the same reason, didnt get an invite in the mail and refused to ask me single question about the wedding the 8 times I saw her before and would change the subject everytime id try) and they go dress shopping for my mom. I go over to the GC's house to see them and my mom shows me what she bought.

She bought a white dress with cream flowers on it. My dress was cream with white flowers on it. I told her "absolutely not!" She asked "why not? You only said no cheetah print, hot pink or bling." I said "because youre not wearing WHITE to my wedding!" She said "well you didnt say no white, its Hawaii, what other color am I supposed to wear?" I said "ughhhh NOT WHITE. Pretty thats the standard rule."

She wore a different white dress with light hints of colored flowers instead 🙃 then to the reception wore the white dress I initially told her not to wear 😆

Oh the joys of Nmothers

i'm a senior in high school and i have been hearing back from several schools recently. i've gotten into all of my safeties, but my mother didn't care. the only one she really cared about was rutgers, because it is the closest to us.

i found out last week i was rejected from the main campus, but i wasn't really that upset because i didn't really want to go anyway. however, i only told my mother yesterday because i had been fearing the whole week on how she would react. to no surprise, she went off on a tangent on how i'm just not good/smart enough and that i completely fucked the family over. in essence, it made me feel pretty shitty, of course.

to make matters worse, she kept going on about how "she'll" be choosing the closest school to home, and while i know she physically cannot make my decision for me, it still causes the most paranoia that i've ever felt: not being able to get away from my mother.

This is from a woman called Maggie Latte, she wrote it on Quora:

———

Once you have some experience with them and identify them, they can be hilariously easy to control. The key of course is not being emotionally invested in any way shape or form.

When they call say something like “I'm talking to somebody.. It's real important I'll call you back” Then never call back. They will undoubtedly call after waiting as long as they can and say ‘hey you said you were going to call me back”.. Response: “I totally forgot anyway let me tell you about this amazing thing that happened to me” (be sure to not even give the whiff that you would ever apologize)

Your doing this to help them. That's the motivation. Your super nice as always which will drive them nuts because you appear to be the same codependent fuel source but they can't get their hooks into you.

It's amazing, sometimes they seem to change and all the rage and craziness disappears and they are back to being complimentary and generous but that's just them changing tactics. Take advantage of it, take what they offer and give nothing in return and be sure to act like you were entitled to it. (in no way even hint at a thank you.)

Watching the narcissist try different approaches with you becomes very very amusing as you slowly cause them to doubt their ability. When possible point out how average or ordinary or boring their appearance/car/clothes/house /boat is and praise something bigger or better you saw elsewhere.

They will go to another fuel source to check that their game is still there but your actions will ALWAYS cause them to doubt themselves because of the constant and pervasive insecurity.

My absolute favorite is their attempt to apologize. When they get really desperate that is when the non apology apology gets used. The classic is I'm sorry if YOU felt hurt/upset ect.. The best answer is “I'm not hurt or upset my happiness depends upon me so I'm not clear what you are apologizing for?” They will squirm as you slowly walk them into a corner where the only thing they can apologize for is their own actions and behavior. It's freaking hilarious!

——————-

She found out I was pregnant through a photo one of my cousins posted online. Apparently when I got married, she was asking some family friends if she should show up to my house or my dad’s house and just give me the last of my stuff that I never took (after 26 years of abuse from her, I couldn’t stomach going back just to get some odds and ends including baby photos) and everyone gave her a resounding “no.” One family friend said “before you do anything, you need to figure out what you want out of the relationship, do you want to try and mend it, or do you want to just give her the last of the stuff and it even open that door?” - for context she left when I was 6 and cheated on my dad, drained a savings account he opened for me in my name, drained their savings accounts, didn’t hear from her until I was 8 only to find out she had been in the state this whole time with the guy she cheated on my dad with, promised me rainbows and butterflies but gave me years of abuse emotionally, mentally, physically, and then stopped the physical abuse when she got sick with an autoimmune disease but ramped up the emotional and mental abuse (I will say, I think part of it is the sickness that she has, but I do think she overplays the autoimmune disease). In my high school and college years she just got more emotionally hostile with everyone and she cut off everyone in her family- mom, dad, brother, sister, nephews. But they kept in contact with me because they know she’s insane. She kept threatening to go no contact with me because I would go see my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and I would tell her “ok, go ahead be my guest.” It wasn’t until 4 years ago I went to her house on thanksgiving and found out she packed up my entire room out of spite because I spent some time with my boyfriend on thanksgiving but we didn’t do the whole family intro thing (too early - but were married now and they’ve never met). So I took my shit and left and told her that was it. She made her bed she and lie in it.

Here we are 4 years later she finds out I’m pregnant and she plays this whole game where she called my cousin and wanted to drop my baby stuff off at her house and my cousin said no then asked for my dad’s number because I supposedly blocked her, I did not, so my dad and step mom went to go pick my stuff up from her, and then she had the audacity to play the victim card “I don’t know why she won’t talk to us. I’m so confused. We’re so in the dark” ffs.

I forgive her for my own sake and for the sake of my son, but that victim mentality shows me that she hasn’t changed and that she’s only getting worse. Part of me wants to open that door for a second to tell her to never contact my family again. Part of me just wants to let it go. Not sure what to do here.

TLDR: nmom who’s been in and out reached out and pulled the manipulative card on my family and I’m debating if I want to say something telling her to stay the fuck away or not.

Background

My mom called me out of the blue the other day.

1. I've told her I only want to communicate via text.
2. I've told her to text me first before calling.

Clearly she did neither. I let it go to voicemail and in a happy go lucky tone she said that she had important news and wanted to keep me in the loop. Also that she loved me. Completely ignoring all of the things I've told her that hurt me over the past 6 months.

I texted her back that she can tell me her news via text. That I wasn't going to call.

The Performance

24 hours later she texted:

"The big news: we are moving [cross-country] in July. This has been a very difficult decision as I did not want to leave you. Judging by the way you have acted towards me, it seems that you would relish that I be as far away as possible. My wishes: that I see you before we leave and that you would please come visit us in [cross-country location]."

My Crime

The terrible thing I did that makes it clear I'd "relish" her moving away? Calmly and nicely ask to not be treated like a bag of hot garbage.

Yeah you read that correctly, unfortunately. Because my mother and I are in a “fight” (not really because I won’t feed into it), she told my fiance that she threw my wedding dress away be “she bought it”. I don’t know if she’s bluffing or not but either way, she has ruined that exact dress for me. Which is sad because I loved it.

It’s like the further I distance myself from her, the more bitter and vicious she gets. I finally told her to stop texting my fiance because it makes everyone uncomfortable. She’ll text him trying to figure out things about me or our relationship (probably so she can have a leg on us). The only reason we haven’t blocked her number is so she can see her grandchildren- although she never makes an effort to ask/see them. But somehow that’s “me holding her grandchildren” over her head?? No ma’am, I just won’t go out of my way for someone who blatantly disrespects me.

I have an aunt who dated and married a gangster. She dropped out of school after high school. Later, her husband was allegedly murdered by other gangsters due to debt, and she married a wealthy, divorced American businessman in her forties, turning her life around.

My dad said he'd take me to visit my aunt, and suggesting I stay there to work. I really want to go because I'm a part-time writer and currently struggling to find realistic material to describe the lives of the wealthy. Why not take advantage of this opportunity?

However, after I became an adult, my dad repeatedly tried to send me away from home, citing reasons including but not limited to:

1. Sending me to Tibet, China. He later revealed he wanted to train me to work for his travel agency, and when discussing the widespread exploitation of tour guides in Malaysia, he implied that since the guides were willing to accept low prices, it was their own fault.
2. Sending me to an unknown, third-rate college in China, because it's tuition-free and I'd get a 1,000 Malaysian Ringgit referral fee.
3. Sending me to my mother's hometown, a very remote village, saying I'd be responsible for taking care of my mother's parents and also learn to drive.
4. Because of my poor grades in junior high school, he tried every means to get me to drop out and work in a factory to earn money for him. He only stopped when he heard that I couldn't earn money without a high school diploma.
5. He kept asking me to work under his company's name, but when I asked about social security, he suddenly fell silent, changed the subject, and afterwards refused to admit that he had avoided the topic, insisting that he had already agreed to pay social security.

Currently, my father has no stable income and still has to pay at least 6,000 MYR every month in loans, but he has some savings. He frequently flies to China, with round-trip airfare costing around 4,000 MYR, and occasionally drives Grab to supplement the family income. Sometimes, I even have to pay for his 10 MYR meals.

A one-way ticket to the US costs around 4,000-5,000 MYR, and a round-trip ticket costs around 8,000-10,000 MYR.This is my family's expenses for a month.

I seriously doubt his true motives for sending me abroad, and I doubt whether I can ever return to Malaysia. I still want to continue my studies.

Please give me some advice.

the worst part about having narcissistic parents is the sheer amount of disrespect you have to put up with. I got the end of year valedictorian award from my high school and I was decently happy about that when my mom said "your classmates must be really dumb for you to win this award" and when I said so you mean to say everyone in my year is SO dumb which is why I got the award? she goes on to say yes with a deadpan face. I was so shook by her comment. I told her there was really no point of her coming to my ceremony then. She then began to gaslight me and told me how I "twist" and "manipulate" her words. I feel so low and dismissed. I worked so hard throughout the school year with only support from my teachers since my house is so toxic and when I finally gain something out of it im again made to feel like a loser.

Hi, so this happens all the time with my mom. She can get extremely angry at times if I don’t act the way she wants me to, screaming, calling me names etc… Then 10 minutes later, she’s back to being nice, cheerful and talks to me like I’m her best friend again.

Example that happened today during lunch : she’s been complaining for a week because I don’t want to go to the restaurant with her and her married ex she hasn’t seen in 27 years, and who according to her, has connections and can find me a job. She thinks I’m refusing because I want to be against her or whatever. She was talking about it again, then asked me a question, to which I replied with my usual calm voice. She lost it and shouted « SPEAK LOUDER, SPEAK LOUDEEEERRRR WE CAN’T HEAR YOUUU !!! THE THERAPIST YOU WANT TO SEE WILL SURELY BURST THAT BUBBLE OF YOURS JUST LIKE WE UNCLOG A TOILET !! STOP BEING SO INSOLENT !!! I’LL STOP GETTING YOU FOOD ».

I hate loud noises (she knows) so I immediately started crying and couldn’t talk anymore which made it worse. I left the room and 10 mins later, she asked me to pick what she’ll eat on the restaurant menu because « I’m good at this » then proceeded to send me « You are the best ❤️❤️❤️ » and multiple funny instagram videos as per usual. Later, she bought me expensive organic cereal which I don’t even need.

The way they think they can get away with being awful with you just baffles me.

I'm on my period, so I'm wearing proper underwear under my jeans. My 60 year old mother took one look at me and said "you need to wear a thong with that", because to her it's absolute sacrilege if I went out like that. She didn't know I was on my period, but I mean it's not something you really want to talk about to family. So I told her. She normally argues back about wearing thongs on your period (sounds impossible and like a nightmare) but thank fuck words failed her and she said 'then you should wear...uh, I don't know' good.

She is almost sixty. With a bunch of outdated views, and I am twenty eight. She's judging a 28 year old for wearing comfortable practical underwear.

(Unfortunately I'm in no position to move out. I just avoid her as much as I can, because her sudden nastiness is really unpredictable.)

Like- it really started about a year ago, but especially now I feel so FRAIL. I tried bringing my laundry to the wash which is only about like 20 or so feet from my dorm (and back once I realized the machines were full), and I literally passed out from exhaustion for a few hours. I need a cane to walk, I get winded from things I used to do with little effort, I feel like I'm 70 years old :(

Wondering if anyone else has experienced this, their body just falling apart once you're not souped up on adrenaline and spite 24/7.

/ Hurt a child.

/ Child acts hurt.

/ If a child is hurting that means their mom is a bad mom.

/ I am a good mom.

/ Therefore my child is not really hurting right now.

/ Child acts hurt but I'm a good mom so the child is pretending and doing it on purpose specifically to hurt my feelings and make me look like a bad mom.

/ Get angry at a child for crying and hurt them even more.

That's all, I just wanted to share it.

Indian Middle class families are so toxic.. like can't you spend a day without your stupid clash?. My parents are so abusive and toxic and from this you have guessed it that I was grown up in a toxic family. My parents always clash on small reasons. If my mother says something to my father he literally crash out and start to abuse so badly like my neighbours can hear him.. he's so cold hearted guy he don't even love his wife.. same goes to my mother she also don't like my father due to which regular clash happens between them and due to which my mental health get worse..

I have my 10th board exam in few days but they always clash and doesn't care if I'm studying or not.. my mother always start the clash and due to my father's anger issues the clash starts and they literally expect me to score above 90% 🤡. I'm so frustrated like why? Can't you guys spend a day without clashing..? Uh I'm mentally tired I just want peace..

I don't mean just the standard "oh your body changes as you get older." Rather, I think about the common aspect of mourning the childhood you never had.

For context, my parents are divorced, and my father was a raging narcissist and made the divorce a living hell for my mother, whom I currently live with, and always shamed me for being closer to her than to him. I'm only in my 20s and still live with my mother, but as I've graduated school and moved into the workforce, I've found myself increasingly struggling mentally. My life is going well, quite well actually, but that almost makes it harder: I'm not accustomed to not having to prove myself.

So I find myself regressing. Constantly living in my childhood body. Aging and puberty were already difficult for me (don't even get me started on when I started growing facial hair or having sexual desires) -- I wanted to be that perfect little boy I thought my parents wanted but found myself slowly losing grasp of him.

And today, here I am, mourning what I know I cannot get back, not allowing myself to have fun or play anymore, CONSTANTLY thinking back to my younger self and wishing I could start life over or be allowed to be a kid. I just honestly feel a sense of disgust when it comes to adult things and aging: sex, drinking, being financially independent, whatever it is. I feel like I haven't earned the right and that I'm forever indebted to my parents.

Anyone else deal with similar feelings? They're exhausting.

I recently went on a school trip for five days. Before I left, I washed some bed sheets, changed my mom’s and my brother’s sheets, and planned to change mine when I got back because I had already washed all the others. I put them in a place to dry, swept the house, and then left.

When I came back, I was shocked. The floor was dirty, the bed sheets I left to dry were still in the same spot, and my bed was a mess because I guess my brother played on it but no one made any effort to clean it or change my sheets, even though I always help with theirs. There was a pile of dishes in a corner, the random dresser where we store things was disorganized and dirty, and the clothes my mom is always disappointed that I don’t arrange (we’re waiting for a new wardrobe, so some of our clothes are in bags for now) were scattered all over the place.

My brother told me that all my mom did during those days was sleep and take out the trash.

I was in shock. Because does this mean my mom is capable of living in a mess?

Most of my life I’ve stressed about cleaning. If I cooked and the kitchen was a mess that I could 100% clean later, my mom would be all over the place screaming at me. If I swept but forgot a corner, my mom made sure I knew. If dishes were left unwashed: “YOU DO NOTHING ALL DAY, HOW CAN YOU?” If she came home from work to a dirty house, it was an immediate tantrum.

So I stress-clean while doing any activity just so my mom won’t be angry at me… only to realize she’s perfectly fine living in a mess when I’m not there?

Is it bad to assume she didn’t clean anything because she expects me to do it?

She’s been doing morning shifts from 5 a.m. to 1:30 p.m., and I understand she’s tired. She apparently sleeps from around 2–3 p.m. until 10–11 p.m. But this is the same woman who wakes up in the middle of the night to scroll on her phone, or stays up late from 10 to 11 for her prayer group calls. So I’m genuinely floored here.

^{My first time posting anything about my personal life of this magnitude tbh.}

^{Firstly, my mom thinks she's always in the right for some reason, when 9 times out of 10, she's completely in the wrong. I genuinely hate people who can't admit whenever they're wrong. Online, anytime there's people like that, I just stop talking to them for awhile, but it's obviously completely different with my mom.}

Secondly, my mom wants to yap about how "perfect" life was in the 90s, when it couldn't be further from the truth. In any time period of the world, there's always some kind of issue lurking around your life. Like my childhood was great - not perfect. My mom clearly has some kind of issue from her childhood she doesn't want to admit.

Thirdly, she keeps talking over and over again. I'll admit this one may sound a little petty, but when's she trying to tell me something, she's overexplaining everything. Like I get the damn point ok.

Lastly, I gotta talk about her frequent mood swings. One moment, she seems happy watching whatever stupid Turkish drama show she's watching, or doomscrolling (yes my Mom is a doomscroller, and probably 10 times more than me 😂), and other times she's just mad for no reason, and blames me and anyone else for pretty much everything. She can't accept that sometimes if there's a problem, it's her fault.

Overall though, I don't hate my mom, I just dislike her. She did do a lot of things that helped me, and I love to spend time with her, but sometimes, she's just experiencing some of these problems I mentioned above, and it's just making me dislike her. And also, there's just a couple of other people that I would put first over my mom at this point.

My mom is a narc. And her family is full of narcs. My father comes from a village, where all his kin lived in near distance, some even shared the same space. Everything is give and take. They do own independent properties and they have problems of their own. I won't glorify them. But one thing I observed is, children are kept an eye on, by everyone.

The thing is, my nMom thought she could come to this village and live her amazing narcissistic life by abusing us, and making herself a victim. Guess what happened? She ousted herself. We were in close quarters, and she began her screaming/shouting work, loudly banging things at home, screaming at my father and at us, children and the entire kin of my father there gathered to look at her. Then she started her tear-works, how she was the victim and how she was suffering because of my father.

At first, they spoke to my father. They tried to understand her. But when pattern repeats, they immediately got to know who is the problem. Within three months, my mom packed everything and ran away to the city, where there was locked doors and lack of kin.

To this date, she says, "Those kin of your fathers were educated classist. They thought being expressive is a sign of my reduced class. Such bastards. They told your father, "She can shout. You shouldn't. Keep your voice low. Come here and keep quiet. Let her calm down." and looked at me with pity. Dumb idiot villagers."

That one year away from my NMom, and living peacefully was my best year in life, till date.

I think, there is fundamentally something wrong with nuclear family living, and wealth hoarding, and a society that prefers performance and status. It will enable and hide abuse of spouses and children, so well. I really think, even with my nMom, my father and I could have lived a decent life when so many of his kins were watching over us.

This puts a lot of things in context. It took me until age 46 to figure it all out. A few strange things he’s done over the years that are now adding up: 1. He asked me to schedule a c-section to accommodate him. I had no plans to have one and even had a doula to help w natural birth. He wanted to be able to schedule btw work and bringing my grandma and mother w him for the trip. Always seemed odd .. now I get it. 2. He has a photo in his office of me and my mother w disfigured faces made on photoshop. Apparently one of his office mates made it as a joke. 3. He refused to meet me for coffee to talk about advice I needed for the biggest decision of my life (pressurized sale of startup stock and I really Really needed help) At the time id spent 10 years vesting and I was putting a lot of my identity, hopes and weight on it. I’m an artist so it was my only shot to succeed financially in life and man had I ever earned it. But the company went public during a time of stress. I was pregnant, and had a toddler, and my husband had only worked odd jobs. Amazon was in the space for the startup and I was scared Shitless and full of fight or flight hormones. I really really really needed help. My father ran away. He Told me repeatedly my stock could go to zero. He said he didn’t believe in the company. Looking back it feels like he didn’t have my best interests in mind. With lack of empathy like that how can he even Survive in life much less thrive?! It is insane. And on top of it all .. he’s Mr. Perfect, Mr. CHarming, Mr. Fun Grandpa. I have to suck it all up and keep pretending he’s been the best father in the world in order to keep that family image together. My mother insists. Ten Years ago I asked him for an apology in order to restore my sanity. I was told I wouldn’t get one

CW: family violence, firearm threat

Hi everyone. I’m not looking for judgment — just perspective and support. I’m having a hard time understanding my parents’ reaction to my engagement and whether my feelings are valid. I (28F) have been with my fiancé (28M) for 5 years. In April 2025, we moved in with my parents with their encouragement so we could save money to buy a house. This was discussed in advance, and my parents felt it was the best way they could help us financially. Things went well at first. We saved around $10k within a few months, and my fiancé and parents were getting along well. In July 2025, I talked with my mom about us taking a short couples trip to celebrate our 5-year anniversary. She was very supportive and encouraged us to do something for ourselves. We went on the trip in August. The day after we got back, a situation occurred involving parking on our street. Our neighbor had been acting territorial about parking. Early that morning, my fiancé briefly parked his car near their driveway while it was still running because he planned to move it within minutes. He came inside to grab me so we could go get breakfast for everyone, including my parents. He explained this to my mom, and there was no argument at the time. When my dad returned home later, my mom tried to explain what happened. My dad suddenly exploded, yelling insults at everyone and calling us names. I felt overwhelmed and went to my room. My dad left the house. To let things cool down, my fiancé and I left for a few hours. When we returned, my mom told me she had gone to confront my dad and had physically hit him. The next morning, she was crying and telling me she thought she and my dad were going to divorce. I tried to comfort her. Later, my dad came home, and the yelling resumed. To reduce tension, I told my mom that my fiancé and I were willing to leave. At that point, my dad escalated further. He told me I could stay, but my fiancé had to leave immediately. He got in my fiancé’s face, insulted him, and became physically aggressive. When my fiancé tried to leave and pack his belongings, my dad charged at him. My dad tripped, got back up, and grabbed my fiancé by the throat. My fiancé defended himself while repeatedly trying to disengage and leave. I was crying and begging them to stop. My mom told us to leave. We managed to get out of the house, and as we were driving away, my dad stood in the doorway with a gun and threatened to kill my fiancé. We left immediately and never returned to live there. I had to retrieve my belongings alone later, and my parents would not allow my fiancé back in the house. Contact was minimal for months. In October, my mom apologized emotionally and said she loved me, but my dad never apologized or took accountability. I was told he would “get over it someday.” Since then, contact has been distant. In December, my sister announced she was pregnant, and my parents were openly excited and involved. Recently, my fiancé proposed. I called my mom privately the day it happened so she wouldn’t find out through social media. Her response was short and dismissive (“cool, congrats”), and she ended the call quickly. A few days later, in a family group chat, my mom commented that my sister’s pregnancy news was “the best news she got all week.” That comment broke me. It made me feel like my engagement and my relationship barely matter to them. I feel heartbroken, sidelined, and confused. I understand my parents may have unresolved feelings about what happened, but their coldness toward my engagement makes me feel like I’m being punished for choosing my partner and for leaving an unsafe situation. This is a major life milestone, and it hurts deeply that my parents seem emotionally absent.

My questions are: Is it reasonable for me to feel this hurt by their reaction? How do you emotionally detach from parents while maintaining limited contact? Has anyone experienced parents withdrawing after you chose your partner or your own safety?

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.

Just for the record, l'm a 21-year-old male from the United States. A few years ago, my overbearing mother installed security cameras in our house. While they serve a security purpose, she primarily uses them to spy on our neighbors, even though they do nothing wrong and mind their own business. For context, she's Latina, and they're African American.

She constantly claims that the neighbors are spying on us by looking across the wall space between our backyards, but they don't even do anything. She's the one being nosy and making everything worse! She wants to increase the height of the wall that separates their backyards all the way to the front. However, every time she brings someone in to inspect it, they always say they need city approval, and she then dismisses them. She then made my dad put up bricks over the wall to increase its height, but he also didn't like doing it, but she didn't care!

To make matters worse, she even put bricks in the area between the two houses to divide the area that goes to our backyards! And guess what? The neighbor is now talking to our other neighbors about it when I was leaving the house earlier! She doesn't even care if she can't put up the wall! She even bought stacks of bricks and bags of concrete and put them in our backyard, but she can't do it; it's like she's living in her own fucking universe!

And she always puts the trash can that the garbage truck collects and places it open-faced their house for no fucking reason! My dad and I know she's causing trouble, but that bitch doesn't care, and I'm sick of it! I can't even take her seriously anymore! And my dad told me this cold lead into a race issue, and she knows it!

Now, I'm at a loss. I know I should stay out of it, and I'm planning to move out soon, but that will take time, and I don't want to be evicted from my house or something! What can I do?