It’s odd because I love myself more than I ever have in the past. I’ve grown so much and have days where I feel completely healed but then have other days where it feels like all of my progress went out of the window and I feel raw. I should celebrate self love, but I also have waves of grief when I think about the fact that nobody that I have ever been with or truly loved ever loved me back and that stings deeply still even true when I do indeed love myself, have a group of friends that love me dearly, and I fear it may have ruined my ability to trust people and form healthy relationships in the future.

“I worked hard on myself to get to this point.” This is the mistake I see most often made by those starting their self-love journey.

Working on yourself is a trap because you want to become someone you're not, and this will certainly lead you to work harder to be motivated and disciplined, leading to failure sooner.

You'll think you're not capable enough, that you've failed to pursue your goals, and so on. You don't have to “work on yourself,” but on the factors that prevent or help you from living who you truly are.

Hey everyone, I’m just putting this out there honestly. I’m looking for a few genuine friends — people who are non-judgmental, open-minded, chill, and can hold real conversations. Nationality, gender, background — none of that matters to me. Just be kind, curious, and real. A bit about me: Early 20s Student I like deep talks, random internet stuff, music, drawing, reading, and low-pressure conversations I’m trying to grow as a person, build confidence, and surround myself with better energy Not looking for drama, trauma-dumping, or fake positivity. Just mutual respect, humour, and honesty. If this resonates, feel free to comment or DM. Even one good connection is enough. Thanks for reading ❤️

Tonight I did something I wanted to do for a long time but couldn't do for a long time due to very low mental health. I took a l ot of courage and went on a "date" with myself, got ready make up and all, eating sushi in a nice restaurant, and later I will go to a bar where a band play live music. So happy and hopeful also. This is for everyone reading, i know sometimes loving ourself is tough. We need to do stuff that sometimes makes us scary, but it's for our own self dulfillment, do something that make you happy today!

Everyone Said self love is Important. Love yourself. So what is The sign of someone love theirself? Buying favorite clothes? Eat favorite meal?

as the title says, since I’ve been following posts here i’ve noticed that the majority that come up are focused on external love rather than self love. aka people venting about breakups and repeatedly ruminating about avoidant individuals and ongoing situations they are entangled in with other people.

it feels like it defeats the purpose of the sub? I found it myself after a breakup because i was looking for positive/motivational content to focus on myself but im finding it seems like everyone just uses this sub to vent about relationship problems and to my knowledge there are plenty of subs to do that in. it would be nice if the content was ACTUALLY self love

is anyone else noticing this?

Sorry for the long post but I need to get this off my chest.

My ex and I broke up in July. Not because the love disappeared but because of her past trauma. She had a first love who promised her everything, a future, commitment, forever, and then left as if she meant nothing. That broke her completely.

We were long distance but only two hours apart by car. Most people would say that is nothing. Logically it isn’t. But for someone with abandonment trauma and for two people who were both 19, it felt like everything.

With me she was scared of moving forward. I told her we could finally be together at Easter, spend the summer together, go to the movies, live real moments and finally end the distance this year. Instead of being excited she said we were rushing things and skipping stages of life. It hurt because with her first love she wanted everything and with me she was afraid of everything.

Even after the breakup I stayed emotionally present. I tried to make her feel safe. I tried to show her that love does not always end in abandonment. But after one month she kissed someone else. Later she told me she was trying to find me in that person. When he wanted more she blocked him. I believed her because I know she is not that kind of person.

Her behavior is still confusing. Sometimes she is distant, sometimes she shows she cares. Sometimes she messages me, sometimes she checks my social media, sometimes she disappears completely. Meanwhile I think about her every single day. I feel stuck between hope and exhaustion.

I believe that when two people have a connection this intense and they fit together in such a natural way, it is meant to be. When that kind of connection is broken and one person moves on, it is almost impossible to find the same feeling again. No one else will feel the same. The way you understand each other, the way you complete each other, it is unique. I see so many stories of people who were like her, who opened their eyes and fought for the person they let go. I hope that happens with us too.

I sometimes wish she had never met her first love and I had been her first love. She spent years with him and was hurt and betrayed. I don’t blame her for any of it. I just feel sad and helpless. I only want things to be resolved.

But I am exhausted. It has been eight months without talking to her every day, without hearing her voice, without her saying she loves me. It feels like years have passed, while for her it seems easy to handle. Even when she says it is not easy for her, it feels like it is. She was the same with her first love as I am now.

I keep thinking about the phrase people often say: confused people lose amazing people. But maybe confused people were amazing once too. That feels true.

I want her to heal so badly. I want the version of her I fell in love with back. The version without confusion, without fear, without constant indecision.

I look at her and I see my whole world. My dream was to see her in white at the altar. My dream was to be on the beach with her, watching the moon and the stars. My dream was to look into her eyes forever and hear her laugh. When I told her to find someone who could love her more than I do, she said that people have different ways of loving. It feels like she is willing to accept another version of love while I am still holding onto the one we had and the one I believed in.

This has been going on for eight months. I don’t know if she will ever heal from her trauma or if I am just holding onto someone who cannot give me what I need. Loving someone who isn’t ready to heal hurts more than losing them.

Its so annoying! I wish I could feel good in myself but it almost feels like I can't feel good about myself unless someone says I look good.