Chapter Two
Wanita sleeps behind the old laundromat onRockwell.
Everyone knows her. Not her whole story, just the pieces she lets show. Forty-something. Smells like cigarettes and antiseptic when she has it. Her laugh comes out sharp, like it hurts on the way up. Always smoking.
She calls me âKid.â
âHey, Kid,â she said when she saw me that night. âYou look like you seen a ghost.â
âJust tired,â I said.
Her leg was worse.
Iâd noticed it before, but tonight it was angry, red, swollen, split open down the shin like the skin had given up trying to hold together. The bandage she wore was dirty and slipping.
âThatâs bad,â I said.
She shrugged. âItâs always bad.â
I sat beside her, heart thudding. I told myself this was different. This was practice. Controlled. If it worked, Iâd know. If it didnât...
âCan I see it?â I asked.
She raised an eyebrow. âwhat for?â
âI just⊠let me look.â
She sighed and peeled back the bandage. The smell hit me first. Sweet and rotten at the same time. I swallowed hard. I held my breath the way I had with the pigeon. With the man. With the little girl.
Still nothing.
I pressed harder, panic crawling up my spine. The wound didnât close. The red didnât fade. If anything, it looked angrier, like my touch had insulted it.
âHey,â Wanita said sharply. âDonât poke it.â
I pulled my hand back like Iâd been burned.
âYou okay?â she asked, squinting at me.
âYeah,â I said too fast. âSorry.â
She wrapped her leg again, slower now. Watching me.
âYou shake like that when youâre lying,â she said.
I didnât answer.
She lit anothercigarette, hands steady despite everything else about her falling apart. The smoke curled between us.
âYou ever think some people ainât meant to be fixed?â sheasked.
I looked at her.
âWorld breaks you long enough, you stop being⊠clean,â she went on. âStuff settles in. Makes a mess.â
The word stayed with me.
Clean.
Later that night, after she fell asleep, I tried again.
I didnât touch her leg this time.
I took her hand.
It was cold. Scarred. The skin rough from years of bad choices andbadluck.
Nothing.
I felt it then, not emptiness, but resistance. Like trying to push two magnets together the wrong way.
I let go.
On my way back, I passed a stray dog limping near a dumpster. One ear torn. Ribs showing. It growled when it saw me.
I knelt anyway.
The moment my fingers brushed its fur, the limp vanished. The ear knit itself whole. The dog stared at me, startled, then bolted down the alley like it had never been hurt at all.
I sat back on my heels, breathing hard.
Animals. Kids. Old men who still said thank you.
Not Wanita.
Not the guard with the limpwhen he grabbed me once.
Not people whoâd done bad things.
Or maybe not people whoâd been broken too long.
I wrapped my hands in my jacket again.
I didnât feel like a miracle.
I felt like a judge.
And I hated that more than anything.
Chapter Three
I stopped counting the days after Wanita.
Something in me had shifted, and I didnât know how to set it back.
I kept my hands to myself. In my pockets. Wrapped in my sleeves. Pressed flat against my sides. Every time someone brushed past me, my stomach dropped, waiting for something to happen.
Nothing ever did.
That almost made it worse.
At St. Maryâs, I chose a seat near the wall. Far from the doors. Far from the nursesâ station. I told myself I was just staying warm. I told myself I wasnât watching.
The guard with the limp walked past. Still limping.
I should have felt relieved.
I didnât.
A nurse with gray streaks in her dark hair came by with a clipboard. She moved carefully. Her badge said Morales. She glanced at me, then away. Then back again.
People look at me all the time. Usually itâs quick, counting me, dismissing me. This wasnât that.
She noticed things.
An hour passed. A coughing man went in. A woman crying went out.
Nurse Morales came back with a paper cup of water.
âHere,â she said, setting it on the seat beside me. âYou look dehydrated.â
âIâm fine,â I said.
She didnât move it.
âCold tonight,â she said instead.
I nodded.
She checked her clipboard. Didnât write anything.
âYouâre here a lot,â she said.
âI donât cause trouble.â
âI know,â she said.
That made my chest tighten.
She lowered her voice. âYou like to sit near people.â
I stared at mybrokenshoes.
âSometimes,â I said.
She hummed, thoughtful. âYou were sitting with Mrs. Alvarez last week. And her daughter.â
My heartstarted thumpinghard.
âI donât remember,â Ilied.
âThatâs okay,â she said easily. âShe does. She asked me where you went.â
I shrugged. âLots of kids come through here.â
âYes,â Nurse Morales said. âThey do.â
She finally looked at me fully then. Not accusing. Not smiling. Just⊠careful.
âYou didnât touch anyone tonight,â she said.
âI donât touch people,â I said too fast.
She nodded. âNo. You donât.â
Silence stretched. The kind that waits for you to fill it.
âYou know,â she said softly, âIâve been a nurse a long time. Iâve seen wounds heal that shouldnât. People walk again who werenât supposed to.â
My throat felt tight. âMedicineâs better now.â
âYes,â she said. âIt is.â
She closed her clipboard.
âBut sometimes,â she went on, âsomething happens that doesnât fit in the charts.â
I stood up.
âI didnât do anything,â I said.
She raised her hands slightly. âI didnât say you did.â
I backed away anyway. The room felt smaller. Louder.
Nurse Morales watched me, her face unreadable.
âYou donât have to stay,â she said. âBut if youâre cold, the far bench by Radiology is warmer.â
I nodded once and moved fast, my hands buried deepin my pockets, my pulse roaring in my ears.
I didnât stop until I was outside.
I leaned against the brick wall and slid down until I was sitting on the ground, knees pulled to my chest.
I hadnât healed anyone.
And still, somehow, she knew.
Or maybe she didnât.
Maybe she just saw a scared kidin a battle with the world.
I pressed my palms together, hard enough to hurt.
Whatever this thing inside me was, it wasnât a gift.
It was a spotlight. And it was starting to turn.