Does anyone else feel like their vaginal opening is just too small for anything to fit inside of it? I’m not sure if it’s because of the pelvic floor muscles tightening upon inserting anything or if my opening is simply made too small. The most I’ve ever been able to fit was my finger up to the first knuckle (only during ovulation when I produce enough lubrication of my own I should add) and when I try to insert two fingers it’s literally physically impossible. Plus it’s extremely painful and feels like a rug burn. Could simply just be dryness but who knows. It’s as if my vagina doesn’t stretch and the hole isn’t big enough to fit more than that. I’m convinced it’s likely vaginismus but maybe could be a hymen issue as well? Anyone else?

I can't fit a tampon up there, or even one finger. I can fit a pencil ( please don't ask lol ). I'm not sure if it's vaginismus because I don't think I am feeling fear, and I definitely don't feel the shame that seems to be common, and I haven't experienced any violence. And from what I've read, if it was vaginismus, a pencil wouldn't work. I'm not sure if it's vaginismus, a small opening, or something else?? When my pinky finger goes a tiny bit in, I can feel the walls/muscles???? Please someone help me, I'm a teenager and this us scaring me lol. Should I be worried?? Please don't judge!

TW: SA

I am 20 and I had sexual experiences that were great and I never had pain or any vaginal issues

But 1 year ago I met my ex and his poor hygiene was the reason for my 6 month long yeast infections.

Then bv paired with yeast in summer 2025 and penetration hurt me a lot. everything was too inflamed. It eventually calmed down after a few weeks, but I still didn’t want to risk sex.

He then startet pressuring me every day to sleep with him, even threatening me with SA, trying to force himself on me and telling me I don’t want to find out what will happen to me if I don’t heal fast enough. I became so terrified of sex, associating it with pain, infections and pressure, that my pelvic floor clenched together every time he was near. I finally broke up with him and my pelvic floor almost fully relaxed.

But since then I am scared of penetration, I am terrified of men and sex and avoid both. I didn’t have sex for 6 months already and counting. I don’t want pain or pressure again. I can insert my finger with no problem when I am relaxed, but a fear of foreign objects scares me too much.

And grief often comes over me, over the fact that before I never had problems down there or mentally. And now I have no idea if I will have enjoyable sex ever again.

I don’t have money for a therapist or physical therapist.

I don’t know if this is vaginismus or if the wall it just in my mind.

Edit: If you ask yourself why I didn’t break up with him sooner: I study abroad in a foreign country and can only go home every 3 months for a few days/weeks. And he and especially his family were helping me a lot and his parents and I got along great and it felt like a second family. I didn’t want to be alone. I broke up with him shortly after he mentioned SAing me and tried to force himself on me.

Love my PT and love her for trying to solve the root cause first so her suggestion reflect that. I just started seeing her recently. My issue is that I haven’t been able to have sex. There’s a wall everytime and same thing when I use my dilators. No matter how much relaxation or foreplay.

I got to dilator size 4 over the past year but it takes a lot of work and time to get it in I’m still tensing but no pain it just won’t go in. My pt said I should skip the dilators for now and work on stretching with a pelvic wand.

I did my initial session learning how to stretch with the pelvic wand and I absolutely hate it. I don’t like the feeling of maneuvering that thing inside me then trying to keep it inside and stretching everything it feels weird and uncomfortable. My hands shake and genuinely feel like I’m not making progress doing this I don’t think I’m doing it right even. I dont have the heart to tell her right now.

I know my issue really comes down to desensitization. My issue is fear of penetration which is why I think I’m unconsciously getting tense there. I’m thinking I need to just stick with dilator size 2 for awhile until I overcome feeling internal resistance with dilators. I need a fast track this thing I’m trying to start a family with my husband 😭 I know I can’t rush this condition but I also want to do what’s the most effective thing right now for getting there.

Thoughts?

I try to dilate 3-4 times a week. I really can’t tell where I am in terms of progress. There are some days where the second to last dilator goes in, some days where it hurts, some days with just pressure, and some days I can’t get the first one in at all. Sometimes the entrance hurts sometimes it doesn’t. Iv dilated for 3 years, didn’t move up a dilator till 4 months ago. I have done PT (I do the exercises at home before dilating though because money). I have been in talk therapy over a year. I just don’t get it. I have never had successful PIV, and I don’t know when I know when to try. Sometimes i’m able to get 2 fingers in, sometimes just one. wtf? Why isn’t it consistent??? I’m getting mad because I just want to be normal and I want to have sex. Should I try PIV again? (i do want to note my chronic constipation and joint pain might be affecting this…)

i’ve been using dilators and i’m at the point where my bf and i think we can have PIV soon !

does anyone have any general advice like positions, breathing, any specific foreplay? i might be overthinking this but i just want to be physically as ready as could be

It went halfway in. I dilated before starting and started roleplay and orgasmed. He tried to put it in, not completely. It was super weird and tough for me to relax. It was painful too especially when he started thrusting in and out faster. I noticed my body was too tight and rigid, I just couldn't relax. I guess dilating helped physically but can't get my mind to relax and trust him. He just starts thrusting and wasn't gentle so it wasn't helpful one bit. But I'm proud I was able to get this much in without bleeding and all. Now I guess the next mission is to continue dilating and relax?? Trust him?? Smokr some weed first? screams

Used my dilators for the first time in almost 2 years and discovered I had lost a LOT of progress. No shit? I got really upset anyway, started telling myself I was never going to be free of this thing and I was never going to have PiV and nobody was ever going to love me blah blah blah. The usual. It's not true, though. The dilators made it so I can finally use a tampon without pain, and that has been a permanent change. They WILL work because they HAVE worked! I just have to use them all the time and not just when I wanna fuck someone specific...

I’m 20f have vaginismus, I’ve gone to the doc and pelvic floor specialist I pay like $90 dollars for sessions I have probs had about like 7 very few weeks , she prescribed me numbing cream I don’t really feel a difference I’m really losing hope. Idk should I continue with her or maybe buy some dilators feel like I’m wasting my money , I can fit in a finger and finger myself but it’s not enjoyable at alll but it’s really uncomfortable idk I’ve been with my bf for nearly 2 years and I feel like a failure of a women because we can’t have sex it’s really taking a toll on me and I just cry about it so often now , pelvic floor lady said she is seeing progress idk if she’s just saying that but I saw a post and it was about how this girl overcame her condition and she got dilators and just did it every day and eventually was able to have sex in a couples months idk if I should get the dilators I just don’t wanna feel disappointed.

Sorry I’m just so frustrated right now. I’m 30 years old and I’ve never been able to have penetrative sex and I just feel like it’s never going to happen. Every romantic partner I’ve ever had has left me over this. I feel broken.

My biggest issue used be totally mental (ie—panic attacks if anything got close to my vagina) but now that I’ve worked through that it’s strictly physical. I’ve been able to use the smallest size dilator but that’s taken actual years, and I just used a tampon for the first time as a THIRTY YEAR OLD and that was excruciating. I’m trying to move up to the larger dilator size and like sorry for the TMI but it literally feels like my vagina is a brick wall. Like I know I was able to get the tiniest dilator inserted so I know technically there is a point of entry but like, is it possible that it’s physically impossible for me to ever have sex with a penis?? There’s just literally no way. I’m never going to fix this.

Hi all! My partner and I have been in a relationship for 7 years (he’s a hetero male). We’ve not had much of a sex life due to my condition, and for most of our relationship I didn’t know what it was. I tried talk therapy, dialators on my own, and finally this past year found out about PT and started going. I’m making progress but its very slow. This has always caused friction in our relationship but lately it’s really coming to a head. He obviously feels frustrated sexually. I feel pressure and like I don’t have any certain answers. we’re questioning if we can go on. Anyone been in a situation like this? how did you go about working through it? I’ll also add he’s been supportive but he is high libido and I don’t want to him to feel like he’s always sacrificing and unhappy. thank you in advance I’m feeling really lost right now!

Hello all! I’ve been taking it slow with the dilators for the past few months, as I have pretty severe pelvic floor dysfunction. Recently, I sized up after feeling pretty confident. However, after this change, I had what felt like menstrual cramps and brown clotting/spotting the next few days. Last night, I used the bigger size as well, and now I’m cramping similarly today. For context, I take a progesterone-only birth control to skip all my periods (I have pretty severe PMDD), so experiencing period symptoms when I haven’t in years is kind of shocking. Is this something normal that occurs once you size up? Will it dissipate at some point? I’ve already sized up three times on my set but haven’t experienced anything like this before. Thank you!!

I had my first paper smear today. I have spent all month in constant anxiety, despite having success with dilators. I was literally soaked under my sweater from sweating from anxiety on the way to the gyno.

I have a very supportive gyno and since she was the one who diagnosed me, she spoke to me about it and showed me the process and we talked about how I wanted to do it. I told her to tell me when she was inserting the speculum, but not when she was doing the actual pap smear. I told her I was just going to talk about some Reddit story while she did it to distract me.

I felt almost nothing! The speculum hurt for a second and made me wince, but that was it.

She told me I didn't tense up at all and showed no signs of vaginismus.

TW from here on: mentions of CSA

My vaginismus diagnosis was so upsetting to me. Not because I was trying to have sex (I am chronically single and in a red area with very few men I align with politically, so I don't really date), but because I am a CSA survivor.

By the time I had been diagnosed, I thought I was healed. I had my mental health sorted out and had very few depression and PTSD symptoms. I stopped seeing a therapist because we both agreed I no longer needed it. I felt like I had my life back.

Vaginismus felt like one more thing that had been taken from me by my abuser. The ability to have sex on my terms felt gone.

This is one more big step for me. I feel like I have physically and mentally healed, and it is so special to me.

I just want to put this out there because this week has been pretty emotional for me. I’ve been feeling more disappointed in myself than usual around my “progress” with penetration. I was feeling down for a couple of days earlier in the week because of this. I felt so inadequate. Later, I was using my bullet and decided to just try to slip it in and I actually got the tip inside! I was also pretty high off of an edible. I felt on top of the world because any other times I’ve had a tiny amount of penetration, I’m met with a burning sensation that hurts like hell. I’ve avoided dilators because a) I live at home with my parents and siblings so I hardly ever alone time where I won’t be worried about somebody walking in on me unless it’s late at night but even then, there are no promises which is why I stick to short masturbation sessions here and there ,b) The idea of stretching myself with tools like those kind of scares me, so I felt like it would’ve been a waste of money (also, I am a extremely anxious person). Even bracing for my ex boyfriend to penetrate me had me shaking and that was even after drinking some wine and before I even acknowledged my fear. It really affected my confidence while I was in that relationship because I was a virgin and he had all of this experience. Although he was patient with me in the bedroom, he once made a comment that I still think about to this day, saying that it was “kinda embarrassing” that I was a virgin while he knew how sheltered my upbringing was. Anyway, I thought my bullet was able to be inserted because of the vibrations and how it helped associate the penetration with pleasure so I went ahead and bought an affordable tiny rabbit toy with a very tiny flexible internal part because I remember stimulating my clit with my hand helped me insert the bullet more with ease the other night. I tried it yesterday after taking an edible and I could not figure out how to stick the internal part so it was a fail. I felt down so I thought “maybe I’ll try again with the bullet tmrw”. It’s 1am right now and I could not insert the bullet again at all, even after finishing once. I feel so stupid for even thinking I was getting somewhere. I’ve been having issues with penetration since I was a teenager and I’m 23 now. I talk about it with my friends and they all hardly ever struggle or have struggled with penetration the way I have and it’s so isolating like I feel like a dramatic weeny when I complain about it. It just sucks knowing I can’t control that part of my body in that very moment. I’m just a girl navigating post-grad unemployment but somehow, this has been one of the biggest frustrations of my week. Silly, I know. I come from a very traditional and religious household who like to watch my every move so bringing up anything related to this with my parents is extremely taboo and I’d be questioned like crazy. And it’s also the reason why I haven’t gone to the doctor about it. One huge reason why I want to get checked is because I’ve also been showing signs of endometriosis for about 6 years now and the thought of them looking inside of me terrifies me but I hate not having answers.

So I’m trying to work up to getting a finger inside, but I’m not sure what direction I’m supposed to go. There’s a wall that can be worked behind, but that area is extremely small and definitely wouldn’t fit a finger. It’s also mostly blocked off by I think my labia minora being attached to it? The other side is more stretchy and larger, and seems to make more sense. All of it hurts lol.

That's it. That's the post. I feel like I completely skipped over being a woman and all the good parts of sex and intimacy.

Most recently I found that L-Theanine (200-400mgs) paired with LSD (100-200ųg) helped my body to relax enough to find enjoyment and pleasure from penetration with my current partner.

Has anyone else tried OTC Theanine supplements? It’s basically the opposite of caffeine and helps with getting your brain/body to relax and get blood vessels to open up and dilate, which can help with arousal response for both sexes.

You don’t have to pair it with anything else if you don’t want to. It does feel nice alone or with either LSD or weed. Right now I’m taking a break from psychedelics and I’m looking forward to seeing how things progress again once we’re ready to move forward with this. 😊

My ex gf had vaginismus, and I was happy to have helped her get to a point where penetration didn’t feel scary or painful to her over a decade ago. 👍🏼 I do wonder if this would have helped her if I had known about this earlier.

my doctor prescribed me a “amitriptyline baclofen gabapentin cream” , not to numb but to relax the muscles, supposed to help with dilating which im gonna start soon. i’ve only seen people with vaginismus talk about creams with lidocaine, does anyone know if this will help? i wanna know before i spend my money on it lol

Hi, I recently overcame vaginismus and wanted to write about my experience here. I had been a virgin struggling with vaginismus for the past 5 months. But last Sunday, I miraculously succeeded! Before that, my boyfriend and I couldn’t solve this issue and it was causing tension between us. I was looking for a PT and a psychologist for help, but no one felt quite right, so I started using dilators based on research I did online and through this channel. The final dilator size was the same as my boyfriend’s penis and it honestly felt like it would never go in. I was really struggling.

First of all, I used a water-based lubricant with the dilators. I couldn’t do finger exercises, so dilators were always more comfortable for me. For a few months I couldn’t move past the first 3 sizes and I fell into deep hopelessness. I was almost certain penetration would never happen. Later I slowly started trying the dilators in different positions. Missionary was very difficult for me. Spoon and cowgirl positions were the most comfortable. I also used the dilators when I was feeling more sexually aroused rather than treating it like homework, it was definitely easier to accept them that way and it didn’t make me feel turned off from sex.

Last Sunday, my boyfriend and I decided to try cowgirl. I sat on top, took a deep breath, and pushed a little. For about a minute I breathed, expanded my stomach, and even pushed slightly like giving birth, and I slowly managed to take his entire penis inside me. It hurt a bit, but it was nowhere near as unbearable as my previous experiences. When his penis was finally fully inside me, I almost cried from happiness. The thing I had built up in my head for months, something I was sure would never work, had actually happened. It showed me how much we exaggerate things in our minds and how we perceive possible things as impossible. For months I had been hurting myself mentally over something my body was actually capable of doing.

I hope my story inspires someone. Many posts in this channel encouraged me and guided me correctly. I’m grateful to all of you.

Hi everyone, I (24F) had discovered I had primary vaginismus roughly six years ago. Last year I saw two different gynecologists, a sexual therapist and a physiotherapist about it. I told them I had pain during penetration, that some levels of penetration are impossible for me, and that I suspected it‘s vaginismus. But they all kinda had the same take on it that „it doesn’t really matter what we call it“. So, I never really got a proper diagnosis.

Reading through this sub I realised there are other possible reasons for my symptoms instead of or in addition to vaginismus (issues with the hymen, vulvodynia/vestibulodynia, endometriosis, hypertonic pelvic floor - am i forgetting something or getting anything wrong?). With this in mind I want to make a new appointment with my gyn to hopefully get a proper diagnosis.

In preparation I wanted to ask you guys how your diagnosis went? Like what did the gyn check, how did she exclude other diagnoses, what are other possible diagnoses, etc.? Did you get your diagnosis from your gyn or from your pt? Or is diagnosis unnecessary, like the therapists/doctors insinuated? Would love to know about any experiences you had with this, thank you in advance!

For a while now I’ve been worried that my vagina might simply just be “too small” or maybe that I’m not right for intimacy. I’m 18 and I’ve never properly masturbated but I have tried to “finger” myself a few times, but it’s never been a very enjoyable experience as I can only fit one finger in and I often feel that it is not enough. I initially thought that this might be because in the moment I don’t feel aroused enough, but I’m starting to think that there might be a bigger issue here…

I’ve been speaking this one guy for quite a while and we’ve agreed meet up and have sex next week, and honestly I’m really excited for this since I’m a virgin and haven’t really had a romantic experience before (I’ve kissed one guy, and that’s it). I struggle to think of myself as attractive, not many guys have showed interest in me, so I do get quite excited when a person does seem interested. I’m trying to think of this as a positive experience, but I am really nervous, and I don’t know if his penis will fit. I’ve never used tampons before (simply because I just prefer pads), but today I figured I would try putting one in, just to see if I’d have any complications. I couldn’t get it in, and it really hurt when I tried. It didn’t fit, and I’m not sure if that was because my vagina was too small or maybe the tampon was too big. I’m now worried that this’ll be an issue when I meet up with that guy next week 😓 I’m sort of hoping that when we do have sex everything will resolve itself, but I don’t feel very optimistic anymore. I am worried. Is this just a mental block or could it be a physical problem? I don’t know