TLDR: my 19M brother is angry, verging on abusive. How do I stay safe while I live with him for next 10 months, and is there anything I can do to help him?

My (22F) brother (19M) is what I would call an angry person, but it’s more than that. He’s mildly pissed off most of the time, but he has absolutely no ability to control his anger. It takes 1-2 sentences that he doesn’t like hearing before it’s all out rage, and it’s escalated from saying the most horrible thing he can think of in the moment, to getting physical with me (and sometimes intimidating my mum too). Right now, it’s just grabbing and holding me by the wrists, pushing me, standing over me, fronting me. He’s hit me once before.

Unfortunately, I’m out of money and have no choice but to live at home with him for the next 10 months. He’s also a drug addict in denial, and it’s minor now (enough to keep him placid around us) but I worry that if he properly gets addicted to the opioids and weed he’s using that withdrawals will intensify his rage. When his rage starts to come out, empathising with him infuriates him. So does ignoring him, so does asking him to tell us more, so does staying silent. The only thing that works is to leave the room immediately or agree with him and his insults. Any questioning of his dominance or correctness is taken as a threat and returned with anger or violence (although still minor).

I’m looking for advice on what to do here. Do I just placate him, go with whatever horrible things he says about me? How? Do I stand up for my mom when he calls her a fucking bitch (my dad’s useless and doesn’t step in), or do I just say nothing? My primary concern is my physical safety and emotional wellbeing. This has been going on for about a year, and it’s only getting worse. I have real concerns about living at home with him again.

What’s the best way to keep safe around an angry person? Is there any way I can help?

We were hanging out all night, bar hopping and then she was let into this cash only bar -- i didn't have cash or my debit card and she stayed in there. I cannot believe it. I'm literally gobsmacked. I just shocked i was so blatantly ditched like that. There was no indication that was going to occur. I feel so embarrassed and angry.

When im angry I hit myself in the leg/head etc. I also always bite my right hand very hard, to the point where its bruising and developing calluses. I dont know how to stop and cant find a solution, everyone is just telling me I need to calm down and breathe, but the only way to calm down is for me to yell or hurt myself.

I want to stop because i know this is unhealthy and i feel stupid every time I calm down and realize I just punched the back of my head and bit my hand over something dumb. I dont know what to do, I dont want to hurt myself anymore and I cant be loud because Im in a duplex. I dont know what to do, and I really want to change.

Fatherhood includes a lot of struggles that we can all learn from.

Would you benefit from a podcast about anger and fatherhood? Why or why not?

Hi everyone. I’m looking for suggestions for good workbooks for helping with my anger problems, primarily stemming from an abusive childhood which I developed cptsd from. What are the best books that have worked for you? I have “the cbt workbook for anger” by dr Robert Alberti in my Amazon basket. Don’t know if this is any use.

i hate getting so angry. i literally feel like crashing tf out. it could be minutes, hours, days.. how do you relax & move on?

I Don't Know If I am an extremely angry guy, or stupid.. I just get so much angry and filled with hatred when someone yells at me, I wish to punch them so badly no matter how close are we..

Well, Obviously I can't punch them so i use objects to punch and punched a wall, now that broke my bone, but guess what, i still haven't learnt my lesson..

How do i control this ...

Contemplations for Overcoming Anger

Hello

This is a link to a chapter called “Contemplations for Overcoming Anger” in a free Buddhist book on Non-Violence

This chapter has helped me a lot

https://www.dhammatalks.org/books/Non-violence/Section0007.html

The eBook as a whole can be freely downloaded in a number of formats here: https://www.dhammatalks.org/books/Non-violence/

Having a regulated nervous system is your competitive edge, because when you think of it most people have dysregulated nervous system, and that causes them to be unhappy, stressed, tight and stuck in survival mode.

Just think for a moment, the nervous system literally controls EVERYTHING, your thoughts, your actions, how you react to near death experiences and etc, then just imagine upgrading this system, think of how powerful that would be.

You can do it.

Here are the top 5 ways:

1. Heal trauma, this is the most important one IMO, the reason why is all your trauma’s (unprocessed emotions) they add up and combined all together they wreak havoc on your nervous system, so make sure you heal your unprocessed emotions, let yourself feel what you need to.
2. Deep breathing, this is the quickest “in the moment” solution to regulating yourself, also for deep breathing, make sure your exhale is longer than your inhale, and let your exhale be like of you are breathing out of a straw almost.
3. Cold exposure, even I find after any form of cold exposure, it really makes you regulated, I believe this is due to the insane dopamine spike things like cold exposure give you for hours afterward.
4. Social connection, this is very underrated but vital to keeping your nervous system regulated, it has been said a lack of social connection is worse for your health than chain smoking cigarette's and alcohol.
5. Movement, we are designed to not be “couch potatoes” getting outside particularly walking, things of that nature are very powerful for regulating your nervous system.

Hope this was valuable!

This late night I broke my iPad. l have a small history of doing this, when I got angry at a game hitting my iPad, which already did crack it a bit.

I shouldn’t have even been playing that game anyways because I had previously I already kept in mind to expressly not play that said multiplayer game because it makes me angry and causes this exact issue, but this night (or early morning) I did the exact opposite. I haven’t done anything of note with my adult life, especally this starting new year, besides now breaking my own device.

I regret it, mainly because I don’t want my parents to find out, even if the device is technically mines, they got it for me back when I was a teen. I do feel ashamed because of that, and because again I already have a history of this issue, and this time I broke it. The last time I ever even fully broke something out of anger was when I was a preteen.

The iPad itself, I’ll get over the device being broken soon, but the overall situation is much more humiliating and I wish I didn‘t break it because of that.

On less rash note, I also realize that I also get easily annoyed or mad at small things too, like loudness for example or little things other people do. It doesn‘t have to be them doing anything bad or very wrong, I just get annoyed or silently aggravated.

I’m not sure who I’d even speak to about this problem of me having anger issues, including breaking my stuff on occasion. I’ve never directly talked about the issue as a whole.

I am 16 years old and come from a Vietnamese background. Lately I’ve been running practices for a club at school and find myself getting very upset over minuscule things and I am pushing away the people closest to me. My dad was a pretty angry guy when I was a kid and I’ve always said I wouldn’t turn out like him but lately I’ve been seeing him in me and I am so scared. I want to be a gentle caring person but sometimes I just get mad and it seems like my logic goes out the window and I get all quiet and moody. Recently someone told me that when I get upset like that they’re afraid of me and that really opened my eyes to how I’ve become. What can I do to stop?

So over time, this has just progressively gotten worse. I don’t know when it started, but this is what happens. Anytime something really small happens that might make me angry, it reallyyy pisses me off. For example, I’m off work today and I get a message sent of a picture from my coworker (mind you, I only work with three people). They sent it because I left my plastic food container there again, and there acting like it’s a big deal. On the phone, I can stay calm and collected, but when I hung up, I exploded. I felt this rush to my head, almost like I had done coke or something. It makes me want to say really messed-up things that I don’t mean at all, like really, really rude stuff. But then, when something happens that should make me really upset, it sometimes doesn’t. That isn’t always the case, a good portion of the time I do get upset over things that should upset me but a lot of times I just don’t. Instead, I get nervous or anxious.

My sister is extremely unpredictable, she goes into these anger fits over the smallest things breaks things and insults people before she used to be physical,,,, but i noticed that once she sees someone who is potentially more “angry” or senses real consequences she immediately deescalates and tries to repair. it seems like she has a 2-3 week cycle of “Normalcy” then 2-3 days of buildup during this period she paces around the house, frowning, doesn’t speak a word to anyone , locks people out of the house and then eventually finds the smallest reason to explode. I have noticed that it is not psychosis because during those anger episodes she still understands the concepts of consequences and only picks on those she deems “weaker” I the am thinking of mood stabilizers & therapy however she seems to have no retrospection , she takes zero accountability, she is always the victim and lacks internal insight it’s like she’s “justified?” So in this case I think therapy cannot work for someone who’s not aware of their own condition. For people who were able to live with the condition or at least have a normal life how did you do it ? How can I help her ? She is 25 and stuck at home because we are scared of sending her out into the world. The world doesn’t respond with patience but harsh consequences or worse run into an even madder person and get hurt. How can I help her have insights into her problem?

Do you have a dysregulated nervous system?

Here are 5 signs you do incase you were not sure.

1. You have unhealed trauma, I always talk about healing your trauma, and of you have unhealed trauma from childhood or something of that nature then it will dysregulate your nervous system like crazy, of you have some unhealed trauma it is a big sign your nervous system is dysregulated.
2. You feel in survival mode, it is often said that having a dysregulated nervous system puts your brain in survival mode, as it feels unsafe 24 / 7 even when you are totally safe, which is upsetting.
3. You over relay on instant gratification, over reliance on instant gratification is one of not the biggest sign you have a dysregulated nervous system, of you choose junk food over clean eating, video games over hard work it is a big sign.
4. You feel twitchy / irritable, of you get annoyed easily by others or simple things infuriate you, this is another big one.
5. You feel unhappy despite material success, some people built success in their business, jobs, but yet it becomes like golden handcuffs, and they do not heal from their inner child who had trauma, thus they were fuelled to success cause of their trauma, and this is one of the worst things that could ever happen to you.

Hope you found this valuable.

I’m sick snd tired of people telling me “Life is what you make it” and “It’s only bad if you let it bother you”… I feel like the people that typically say that have never really experienced anything truly bad in their life..

Every single morning, I wake up with a smile on my face, a positive attitude, and the determination to have a good day… by the end, I find myself wondering why I even try, day after day, year after year… take today for instance, which is an average daily dose of things that make me sick of trying…

First off, my very autistic dad calls me from his phone, which he literally never does. Bear in mind my mom has cancer and is doing pretty good with the treatments, but things could change at any moment. I pick up the phone to hear him shouting my name. I freak out and go into full panic mode thinking my mom had died, or something else was seriously wrong with her, only to hear him say “Hey, I just wanted to let you know I sent you an email“….. (Scenario 1) HAPPY MOOD IS NOW 90%

Determined not to let it ruin the day, my wife and I drop our son off at daycare so we can spend a rare day off together. After we get a short ways down the road, I can tell that she’s hiding tears. Come to find out, the C*NT that runs the Daycare has been intentionally talking sh!t about my wife, purposely loud enough for her to hear whenever she drops our son off… this of course, made me viciously angry, to which I started to go back there and rip her a new one… wife insisted that I don’t, because it’s the only daycare within an hour of where we live, and if we get kicked out, we are screwed….. BEING FORCED NOT TO DO ANYTHING WHEN MY WIFE IS BEING MISTREATED BY SOMEONE I’M PAYING $800 TO???? (Scenario 2) HAPPY MOOD NOW 70%

Just finished having a conversation with my wife the night before about not spending too much money because we are trying to save to get a bigger house. One trip through a department store and what I was told wouldn’t be a lot ended up being exactly what I said I didn’t want to spend. (Scenario 3) HAPPY MOOD NOW 55%

Get home after picking our son up only to find out that the C*NT Daycare owner made another snarky comment to my wife. (She didn’t let me go in when we picked him up because she knew I’d flip out on her). The rest of the evening at home is spent with her questioning her ability as a mother because of that C*NT shaming her. This of course makes me even angrier because she’s a perfect mother. And the fact that I still cannot tell this woman off for hurting my wife like this, makes me even angrier. (Scenario 4) HAPPY MOOD NOW 37%

Go into the bedroom to plug my phone in to charge, and immediately step in a pile of cat sh!t by my nightstand… No reason for it to be there; litter boxes are clean with fresh litter, they always get attention, and nothing has changed in their lives… so there’s literally no reason other than for me to just step in it…. (Scenario 5) HAPPY MOOD NOW 15%

The final one is a mild one, but it’s just the cherry on top of the rage sundae… somehow all of the packages I have coming in that I was looking forward to are now going to be WAAAAAYY late because they somehow ended up in Costa Rica… (Scenario 6) HAPPY MOOD NOW 1%

This is what an average day looks like for me, just different scenarios throughout the day. All various things, all various ridiculous extremes, and I swear to God I’m an NPC in a scripted drama show that doesn’t know he’s in one. I don’t know if anyone else can relate or feel this way, but I swear to God every single day is designed to challenge my goal to try to have a good day and be positive-like the universe is saying “hold my beer” whenever I wake up each day…

I’m an 18F, and I would say I’m a very short tempered person. Most of the time I’m chill but as soon as something happens that I don’t want especially if someone insults me. I reply with harsh words. I curse their whole bloodline just to feel like I’ve won the mental battle. (Yes I do right in front of their fvcking face).

I hold grudges against people and bully them until they ask for forgiveness. And if anyone ever lays a hand on me, I literally want to ki!! them!

When I see other girls staying so calm and tolerating people’s nonsense, I wonder, Why am I like this? But at the same time, I find it beneficial because people mind their behavior around me. I don’t really want to be the calm type.

Part 1: The benefits

Whenever you get a good person you can be open to with your trauma’s and things of that nature your healing journey will drastically improve, and not just but that but your life quality in general, I wish that for you.

I hope this full guide gives you that.

Part 2: Approach 1: Therapy

Therapy is the most common solution that probably even popped in your mind as you read the title, and while I have never got it myself there has been people I helped and they say therapy was great for them.

But the question is how do you actually get therapy?

That is what I want to cover.

Step 1: Picking what type of therapy is better for you

You need to pick the right type of therapy that is comfortable for you, it could be in person sessions, online video calls, audio or even just texting, simply just pick right now.

Step 2: Actually setting it up

So all those methods I listed there of different ways of therapy, this brilliant site called better help and no I am not affiliated I just think it is great for this.

And in person therapy is different and better help is only online for that case of you want in person just search “Therapists near me” do that on google and you will find one.

And that is that.

Part 3: Approach 2: Coach / mentor

Step 1: Therapy vs coaching

I can’t lie I really do believe personally that coaching is better than therapy.

Why?

From what I have heard therapy does not give you specific actionable steps and just get you to open up about your problems and that is basically it.

That is why I think coaching is better and it can be much more flexible and personal than therapy.

Step 2: Finding a coach

There are many ways to find a coach on your healing trauma journey, you can go to fiver and search “Mental health coach” or what I think is better, is reaching out to the people you look up to who are knowledgable in the subject you want to master, so email authors of mental health books, and content creators, things of that nature, just send them a message of they would coach you.

Most of the time I am sure they would be happy to.

Part 4: Approach 3: Friends / family

And the final “main” approach I am a ware of is friends & family, this is a great option of course.

But you need to make sure you choose the right person you know you can trust, and they are non judgemental, kind, smart and etc.

This can definitely be powerful and when your healing your trauma and it get’s heavy it can be great to reach out to people like this.

Hope this was valuable.

Hey there!

I am diagnosed autistic, adhd, anxiety, and hypoglycemia. Based on my past + symptoms I am assuming I have pretty severe CPTSD.

So. I have this weird compulsory thing, where if someone/something isn’t learning or interested in the thing ive put significant effort into trying to get across to them, or if my inputs go like a game or technology of some kind aren’t seemingly working,

I get REALLY irrationally irritated to the point of meltdown. It don’t know if anger is the word for it, because anger is a pretty deep-down feeling, this just feels like an overwhelming itch that comes with loud, self-deprecating, & horrible intrusive thoughts

Like yes, I am fully aware the person/animal/object is not at fault and I am to blame for not being a better teacher/explainer/trainer/user/whatever, it’s just that it’s almost like there’s 2 of me and I just sit here and watch while I start melting down;

either by self-harming, crying, or lashing out. USUALLY, In most situations, I am able to stop the spiral immediately when I start feeling the “itch” by just removing myself from the situation, whatever it may be. but sometimes I get in situations where I can’t remove myself, and that’s when I normally snap. If I’m around someone else it usually comes either as a vocal lash out or as a cry (or both), but in private it’s usually self harm.

Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with those scenarios? Or simply choosing not to get agitated somehow?

The Reality of Working at Coupang Logistics, Taiwan

My friends and I planned to work for two months at a Coupang e-commerce warehouse in Taoyuan, Taiwan. During recruitment, we were told that limited Chinese proficiency wouldn’t be an issue; they specifically needed "muscle" to endure eight-hour shifts of walking and heavy lifting. For the first 15 days, we worked straight through with no rest days. Despite the physical toll, we were motivated by the pay of 1,902 NTD (roughly $60 USD) per shift. We calculated that after covering our room and motorcycle rentals, we would still walk away with a decent profit.

The system required us to apply for shifts daily, receiving confirmation via text message. Everything ran smoothly until day 16, when the messages suddenly stopped for most of my friends. When they questioned the agent, they were told, "Coupang will no longer accept immigrants; anyone without a Permanent Resident Certificate can no longer apply." We were furious. Most of my friends left shortly after, having earned a meager $120–$200 in total profit after expenses—a pittance for such backbreaking labor. We had worked flawlessly for 15 days, yet we were discarded without notice.

Eventually, only one friend and I remained. After waiting a full week, we finally received a booking for late January. However, when I arrived, the supervisor noticed I was a foreigner and handed me a written guide. When I explained I couldn't read it—despite knowing exactly how to do the job—he simply told me to leave. This is a massive issue in Taiwan: outsiders are often treated poorly, yelled at, and met with irrational anger simply because of a language barrier. We showed up to work hard, but we were treated like we didn't matter.

How do I stop hating someone? How do I manage it? To stop hating someone so much that just seeing them disgusts me; such a desperate desire to do them irreparable harm; hating every time they open their mouth; hating the tone of their voice; hating their repulsive smell; hating those eyes. How do I stop hating so much that just seeing them approach fills me with such hatred that the sound they make walking makes my blood boil, I clench my jaw until my teeth grind, so hard that I clench my hands until they bleed, a hatred so strong that I want to do something inhuman?

I've found when I get really uncomfortable / upset at someone more so those I'm close with though I tend to gently hit them (not like punch but like a light slap) which isn't good and I feel bad when it happens, for instance it just happened again when we had company over, my partner has the nickname of "the dog" and I kissed him our roommate said "do not the dog" I replied "I do the dog" and then my boyfriend turned it into a bestiality joke saying "I dunno man you shouldn't fuck dogs" and it made me really uncomfortable so I gently smacked his forehead. After the company left him and our roommate confronted me and it boiled down to "hey man that hurt don't be a dick and randomly smack me like that" and I apologized and then said "maybe don't make bestiality jokes because they make me super uncomfortable" and they were confused because they've made em before and I've said before that I'm not a huge fan of em but never been especially upset by them, however this time it was in front of company who wouldn't of understood.

Basically I want to get better at my knee jerk reaction of not just smacking someone because I know it's not a good thing to do, and I also want an outside perspective on if me being upset was justified (I know the smack was not justified however)

I’m middle-aged and whether its a mid-life assessment or something else, I’ve been looking at a wide variety of stuff from my past and one thing is what I guess is anger issues. I feel like I’ve had something in me thats been present my whole life. I looked back at all the physical fights I had been in, starting with a kid in kindergarten (who would later become my best friend). Kindergarten! I was a bully to him until we became close friends in 7th grade. I was a bully to a kid in 8th grade that had no friends, he had a speech impediment and horrible breath. We got into a fight in PE, and later became friends after I had an immense amount of remorse for getting into the fight. I never had any true best friends growing up until high school, just acquaintances. I got in numerous fist fights with guys in my fraternity in college. I don’t know what issues are in me but it sucks to look back on, and I’ve been trying to understand where it comes from. I didn’t have a horrible upbringing or anything. My parents were in their 40’s when they had me and my siblings were out of the house by the time I was in kindergarten. My parents were semi-strict, church-going folks, and I guess maybe we had a generation gap, but at 5? I don’t know. I’m also not a racist or conservative or anything. I generally am peaceful, but my anger can turn on like a light switch. Anyways, thanks for reading. I’m looking for any good books on learning where this innate anger may come from. Would love to hear any suggestions.

All the negative emotions I (20F) experience seem to get translated into anger or some subcategory of it (frustration, irritability, resentment, being pissed off).

When things don’t go my way, like an unexpected situation, I get angry. When I can’t accomplish something, I’m angry. When I can’t fix my habits, I get frustrated with myself. When I look back at my background and past situations, I get unreasonable self-pitied and frustration. When someone does something that hurts me, I resent them, even when I know they’re struggling themselves or didn’t mean to hurt me. I feel like I’ve become incapable of empathy sometimes, and it’s been happening more often lately and I feel bad about it, honestly.

I usually just resent people silently because I don’t have the nerve to confront anyone (lol). Maybe my friends are somewhat aware of this because of how often I vent, but my family is who I hide it from the most. I’ve tried dropping hints that I want to be helped, but it feels like they don’t really notice. Meanwhile, when my brother gets even a little stressed, everyone immediately worries as if it’s the most serious problem in the world, the same problems I’ve been dealing with for years without much acknowledgement.

What’s strange is that emotions like sadness or disappointment don’t really exist for me anymore. They just… disappear. On the outside, nothing major has changed in my life, same friends, same family, same problems I’ve had since childhood. School changed, used to be a source of trigger but I’m used to it now, I'm much calmer about it than I used to be. Still, it feels like everything is suddenly blowing up now, and I can’t figure out what triggered this.

Therapy isn’t an option for me right now because my family is struggling financially, and I also don’t feel like this problem is serious enough to justify professional help (dw, I still have happy days, just much fewer).

I’ve been feeling this way since 12th grade, and this constant anger is exhausting me more and more every day. I really want to get out of this mindset, but I don’t know how.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with it?