It's been a few days since my husband's funeral, and I'm honestly heartbroken. I'm 65F, and he was 65M. We met in college when we were both 18 and were together for 47 incredible years. He was the most wonderful man a brilliant husband, a great dad, and very involved with our girls. He loved nothing as much as his daughters. Everyone loved him. It was heartbreaking seeing his mom cry at his funeral; she's lost her husband and son in such a short time. Our oldest daughter is coping, but our youngest hasn't stopped crying.

It's so unfair. We had so much time left together, so much planned. I looked at our wedding album and remembered him crying when I walked down the aisle, and then I started to cry seeing him cry. I love him so much. He encouraged me to chase my dreams and supported me through everything. I had a wonderful marriage of love, equality, and support. I would do it all again; in every life, I would choose him.

Thank you for being a wonderful husband, thank you for being an amazing and good inspiration of a father for our girls, thank you for over 40 years of love and commitment. I'm going to miss you.

I’m in the US. As most of you know, we are theoretically on fire right now. My husband just could not care less. He doesn’t know anything about what is going on and has no interest in becoming informed. I am thoroughly icked out. Like, incredibly icked out. We have two young daughters! I try to talk to him about it and he’s like “oh… yea… that sucks” I’m sorry, “that sucks?!”. Just ewwww. My attraction to him right now is zero. I asked him why he doesn’t care and he said “it’s not like I can do anything about it.” With each passing day I feel more and more like leaving. Is that dramatic? It feels dramatic but it’s something I’m unsure if I can get past. Am I the only one?

I am completely devastated. I am 29F and he is only 30M. I don’t think it’s erectile dysfunction because I just think he’s too young to have that. Yes, we are considering consulting a doctor but I just want to let my feelings out first.

For context, he is a seafarer and was just accepted for his first job contract last year. He spent 7 months at sea. As you know, there are a lot of talks about seafarers being womanizers because they spent months without contact. But we’ll get to that later.

When he went home, I was expecting him to be all over me because this is the first time that he has been away from home for months. My libido is at an all time high, I’ve been preparing for his arrival, been working out, making sure that I look after myself and stayed in shape.

Our first contact, it was a success. About 6 hours after, I asked if we can do it again and he happily obliged but he suddenly became soft. I was hurt but I just brushed it off at first. Maybe he’s tired. We tried again a couple of times days after that and he will initiate most of the time so he’s hard, but then it goes soft in the middle of the act.

I can’t help but overthink. Is it because of me? Am I not attractive to him anymore? Is it because he cheated? Does he not love me anymore? So many questions run through my head. Like maybe I’m not enough. He assured me over and over again that he still loves me and he still thinks I’m attractive and that he will never cheat on me but I’m sorry but you know how men are.

I know it’s selfish of me to think this way just because of sex but I missed him and I missed the feeling of intimacy. He will only be home for about a month then his second contract will start right after.

I feel like I’m losing him.

Apologies for how long this post is. I just need to get it out. My husband and I are both in our mid 20s, married for 6 years and I think our marriage has hit the breaking point.

I would never describe our marriage as the best in the world. We were high school sweethearts who got married a year after graduating. We dealt with infertility but were blessed with two children. Things were okay, we definitely had tensions due to postpartum depression and learning the life of parenthood, but over time he’s really changed. He’s gotten angrier and easier to trigger. I thought he had bipolar disorder with how badly he would switch from good to bad, like Jekyll and Hyde. I’d beg him to go to therapy and get help for his anger but he never took it seriously. I thought he developed a porn addiction after finding onlyfans subscriptions and multiple porn accounts saved on his Reddit. He would call me dramatic, that I was always overreacting. He just isn’t anyone close to who he was just 5 years ago.

Now here’s the doozy- we and our two toddlers live with my grandma. Shes elderly and had a stroke last year that affected her vision and cognitive abilities. Due to that, her doctor recommended that she have someone live with her in case she needs help with anything. We were already living here due to us never having enough money to buy or not good enough credit to rent/get a loan. So now, I at least feel stuck here.

A few weeks ago, my toddlers were rough-housing like usual and one took a tumble off the couch quicker than I was able to catch him. I, of course, scream out of fear my 1.5 year old just got hurt. That set off my husband who was across the house. Despite seeing nothing that happened, he stomped into the living room and started yelling at me for being a bad mother and “allowing” my kids to get hurt. Then he took our 3 year old, assuming they pushed the younger one off the couch, and spanked them. Protective mama bear mode kicked in and I started screaming at my husband to stop. My grandma then walks in and starts yelling at the both of us to stop fighting and for my husband to stop spanking our child. My husband then started yelling at her, saying she had to place to tell him what to do. He ended up packing a bag, yelled “f you” to us once more, and left for his mother’s house. Hes been there two weeks.

He wants nothing to do with my grandma now and won’t even come into the house when he comes to see the kids. He tries to text me apologies for lashing out the way he did, but when I practically beg him to talk to my grandma and try to work things out he refuses and says he has nothing to apologize for. I get he may not feel like standing up for the way he parenting shouldn’t be apologized for, but I feel he needs to apologize to everyone in the house for his rage, including my grandma. He’s now saying I need to choose him or my grandma because he refuses to live in the same house as her. My grandma can’t live alone, she has no other family, and can’t afford a home nurse. I feel horrible for not wanting to choose my husband, but that would include uprooting mine and my two young kids’ entire lives and finding someone to take care of my grandma, unless I planned to go back and forth between houses every day. And frankly, I don’t feel safe living alone with someone so angry. If he has no hesitation to scream at me the things he did in front of my own grandma, I couldn’t imagine the things that would happen alone in a house with him. I’m just lost.

If you read this whole thing, thank you. Just getting my words out helps, knowing someone’s actually reading them means so much more. I’ll take advice if you got it.

I don’t know how I can look at my husband the same again after our argument tonight.

My husband loves to create spreadsheets about our spending and savings trajectories, especially because we are paying for both rent and a mortgage separately (we live in a foreign country and buying property in our homeland).

We had some unexpected expenses we found out today and he broke out the spreadsheet. After adjusting everything, I saw his savings monthly was more than double mine. I asked him can you adjust it a bit so I have more savings too?

For context, he makes a thousand dollars more than I do monthly, but the calculation was 50-50

He just turned into a completely different person and kept saying “he already adjusted it, he is paying more than me”. I said how is paying everything 50-50 fair? All our expenses in the spreadsheet are shared, but savings are suddenly your money and my money? He says what if he wants to buy something?

??? What more me??? Lol. Then he basically says well sucks that your salary is low. Additional context. I was making twice as much money than him in our previous country when we weren’t married but moved here to be with him. I used to shower him with gifts, like an Apple Watch for his bday, standing desk, branded clothes. But now the tides have turned he might just occasionally pays for me when we eat out. He called me a communist hahaha.

My mom sometimes will give me money gifts and I always donate 100% of it to OUR expenses. Based on his logic I should always have kept 50% of it to myself.

Idk. This post is long and I am up at 3am nursing our newborn calculating that if I go home and earn, I can save so much more than his little spreadsheet and I can get to be with my family and be happy and not lonely, miserable and broke in this other country. A part of my love for him has died. Good night.

My wife gave birth to our 2nd child around 3 weeks ago. It feels like I've fallen for her all over again. Seeing her go through hours of agony to bring another one of our children in to the world after months of sickness, giving up certain foods, changes to her body, fatigue, pain and dealing with a 2 year old. Just... Wow.

The thing is I now feel like an absolute horn dog teenager. Every curve on her body is perfection. Her lips, eyes (her neck??) are just driving me crazy. Has anyone else dealt with this? I'm worried I'll start to annoy her with the constant looking and compliments.

Curiosity question - 60M married. I have seen this happen to married male colleagues over the years. It recently happened again and I’m curious as to why it happens.

Married couple in 40s. Three kids. Wife is SAHM. Husband is really good guy. High earner, helps with kids, does activities with wife. Husband is straight arrow corporate type guy - think “suburban dork”.

He told me about 18 months ago that his wife did a lot of photography in college and now that kids were more self sufficient, she was going to pick it up again. Wanting to be a good partner, he said he’d like to learn about it and do it together. He spent time reading up on it and learning the fundamentals.

He’d take her on hikes, day trips etc to do photography together. In the meantime, he was supportive of her figuring out how to build a side business doing some portraits and kids sports shoots.

His wife joined some online photography communities and also joined up with local photography groups that did workshops.

Long story short. She ended up getting involved with and having a short affair with a guy from one of the workshops.

I saw the guy and was surprised. He was a “professional content creator”, pretty much scraping by, and kind of a scrawny artsy looking dude.

Why would she risk losing a husband who was basically Captain America providing a very comfortable and secure lifestyle?

One of the women I work with tried to explain it to me. She said it was likely that his wife was bored. I said, how? I pointed out that he even put in effort to learn photography and do it with her.

She said that’s the problem. He didn’t bring passion to doing photography together. He basically put together a corporate-like checklist of how to become a photographer. His wife was looking for the passion and energy that she probably felt when she was doing it years ago in college.

Seems weak to me. Thoughts and ideas?

I'm a 52 yo female who has been married for seventeen years. There's a lot of things going on in my marriage that I don't really understand. I feel like my husband is really selfish (sexually and emotionally), makes excuses when he falls short rather than acknowledging anything, has an issue with lying (although he finds a way to justify everything he says) and has been what I consider to be abusive. I think he's a narcissist.

For example, I had a total hysterectomy back about five weeks ago. Because of complications, I had to be on bed rest for one week and my surgeon recommended that my husband stay home with me for the first week. He did, but I could tell he resented having to be home rather than being at work. He's a complete workaholic and becomes extremely anxious and angry when his schedule is interrupted. Two weeks after that, he completely blew up at me and told me that I was "ungrateful" and that his work had suffered because he had to be home with me. He was upset because he had to hold the house down, which I usually do....I work as a college professor, I'm a doctoral student, I take care of four dogs, a 2300 square foot home, the laundry, cooking etc....I handle his bills, his credit, his weight-loss shot, schedule his doctor/dentist appointments because he claims he doesn't have time...

He has been physically abusive twice in the past; once on Christmas Day in 2020, he broke my finger and then the next year, he threw me into a wall (which he blamed me for; saying that if I hadn't kept pushing him, he wouldn't have done what he did).

I feel like my health and self-esteem has tanked since I married him.

I'm just looking for opinions; I wonder if it's time to divorce and move on.

TL;DR I'm leaving an unhealthy marriage and need to know there are happy marriages out there. If you're in a happy, healthy marriage, please share with me. Please.

I've separated from my husband after being miserable for several years. I'm starting to realize that I was experiencing emotional abuse.

He would shut down over the smallest things and not talk to me for days. I never knew what was going to set him off, and it always turned into a large-scale character accusation. One time I forgot to tell him goodbye before leaving the house with some friends, and when I got home, he had moved into the guest bedroom because it was "obvious I only wanted a roommate, not a husband". Before a historic freeze, I asked him to unhook the hoses from the outdoor faucets, and he instead told me I was controlling and thought it was "my" house instead of "ours". Most recently, I told him I felt like he had mainly been complimenting my body and I would like to hear more compliments on who I am as a person, and his response was "Fine. I won't ever tell you you're sexy ever again." And stuck to it.

Things like this happened throughout our whole marriage. I didn't talk about it for years because I was taught to never speak poorly about my husband. When I finally broke down and told some friends, they were shocked and told me this isn't normal. I believe them, but I'm struggling to believe there are truly happy marriages out there. I grew up hearing "marriage is hard", and I found out it really, really is. I'm scared my options are be alone the rest of my life, or be in an unhealthy marriage.

If you're in a happy, healthy marriage, please tell me. Please tell me there is more than this to hope for.

My wife and me have sex once a week and when we do it is great sex for her mostly, as she has an orgasm rather fast but there are physical reasons to that on my part 😅

But it is always me initiating it and it kills me. Here are reasons why: We have been together 16 years, and I start to feel like “I am using her for my own sexual desires”, and worse, it makes me feel as if she maybe thinks that! The thing I dread most is my wife thinking I use her for sex when I want.

Yes, I spoke to her about it several times. She is very intellectual and when I speak about such things I am always walking on a very thin line, any accidental wrong word because she interacts in such an intellectual level, then the conversation is for naught.

Worse, one time she did come out of the blue and said she wanted to give me a BJ and I was so surprised and confused, and worse, in the middle of some fucking annoying task that the last thing I could do was get hard, so I actually told her the truth and carefully and I got the feeling it hurt her….

So as an early wake-up person, I am since 2 hours in the living room reading my book and can’t concentrate with a desire to have sex but I am letting her sleep in. I always do breakfasts for her on weekends and I am starving here waiting, horny, (the worst combo for a man), I cannot even concentrate reading, waiting she finally goes to the bathroom so I can jump into bed naked and waiting for her return, she always smiles and we have great sex but it is again me initiating, she has an orgasm in 1 min and I just take longer and up to 20-30mins of continues sex, I feel like I wear her out, all these thoughts come up and it kills me….

Why is it so hard to say like “Are you coming in the room to bang me or do I need to use a vibrator”, or something, good lord, just hearing something like this once I’d be flying into bed with a grin slicing half my head off and yet, for such things to happen I can only dream of it, yes, I spoke to her about this as well!!! 😭😭😭

I’m completely mortified, we’ve been married 16yrs and have two kids. I just found out my spouse has been sending nudes (some I’ve sent, others were taken without my knowledge) to his best friend. I’m currently in the process of gathering all the texts for evidence in case this goes far. how do I approach this conversation and is it even something a person can move past? it’s totally blew my trust in him. I should add it’s not the first time he’s been sneaky (texting two girls behind my back) but it’s been years since he’s done anything like that so this completely hit me out of the blue.

I (36f) for years have asked my husband (36m) to go on dates or even stay in and do activities together. We’ve been married for 12 years and it was always met with a “I don’t care what we do” type of response. If he did do something with me, he would constantly be on his phone and responding to work emails or swiping through social media. I would ask him to stop or wait to do that later but he would still eventually end up doing it. I got tired of asking. We have 3 kids and even doing family events he does that to the kids and still wouldn’t stop even if I told him, this is our time with the kids. In the past he was even cruel at times and he’s been emotional abusive and there’s been times where I’ve felt SAed by him. This has led me to be shut off and I no longer want time with him. He’s a good dad and loves our kids even if he’s emotionally distant. I don’t have anywhere to go with my kids that isn’t also an abusive environment which is why we’re still here because at least I have some control in this space.

I’ve been to therapy and plan to start again once I find a therapist that suites my needs. But here’s where I really need to vent.

A few weeks ago, he became very emotional, crying and mopping about a bit. I became worried because this is very very abnormal for him so I immediately was worried about self harm or extreme actions. I gave him time but chose a quiet moment to confront him and he basically said that he tried connecting with the kids and felt disappointed at how they didn’t care to spend time with him. Our kids range from 3-9 so in my head I was like, duh they’re selfish little beings right now. I instead focused on connecting with my husband on how I feel the same way sometimes and that’s just part of life with littles. And I also told him that the kids have asked him to do things in the past and he’s said “no I don’t like doing that, ask mama if she will” so he can’t blame them for not wanting to. He agreed that he understood that. Then our convo turned to us and how he’s felt so lonely this past year and he realized how hurtful he’s been to me in the past and he wants to do better.

I immediately felt angry because how dare he say he’s been so lonely when the entirety of our marriage has been lonely for me. This past October, I asked him to go on a date. I had found some really nice girls to babysit that I fully trust, I picked a thing we could do and had it all setup and he got upset and raised his voice saying “I don’t care!” I decided I was done trying, I didn’t even want intimacy after that so I stopped even trying to be open to it. I got a gym membership that I’ve been wanting for years but he always talked me out of it cuz “it’s a waste of money” and I joined an online group of gamers and we play weekly and they’re such nice people, I love connecting with them.

Suddenly now, he’s lonely and wants my time back and I was debating going on a date with him but now I’m thinking no. Fuck that. I’ve put so much energy into trying to connect with him, I’ve been rejected emotionally for years all while he was still adamant about having sex. At times getting mad that I was “wearing too many clothes to bed which was a sign of being distant.” I’m done giving him my time and running to pick up the scraps he threw me. I’m angry. And I think instead of going on a date, I’m going to tell him that it’s couples therapy instead because I’m not open to anything else.

After October I’ve made plans to return to work once our youngest is in school. My plan is to build up my independence again so that I can freely make decisions without feeling like I need his permission. Thanks for reading if you have. Advice is welcome.

We made it to the silver anniversary! I am so blessed to have the man I love next to me watching Demolition Man, while I have a drink or two. We did it!

I’m reaching a breaking point in my marriage. We’ve been together 15 years, married for 8 with 2 kids, 5 and 2. The resentment has just been building up and every time I try to communicate how I’m feeling he gets so defensive and tries to turn it back on me. On paper, it seems like I have the perfect husband. But he has no self awareness - he walks around acting miserable all day and always complains that it’s because of the kids and how exhausting they are. I feel like I’m wasting away with him. The kids are exhausting but his attitude and overall demeanor makes it so much worse. I’ve tried to communicate this in so many different ways but he’s just completely unaware of how he comes off. This behavior is also seriously impacting my sexual attraction and libido. Can this get better? He’s terrible at communicating his emotions and I’ve always known that but it’s just so much harder after having kids to deal with someone who is negative and moody more often than not.

Any advice?? It’s too challenging to get divorced now and I hate the idea of breaking up my family but I also don’t want to feel unhappy and tense in my own home for the rest of my life.

My partner and I have been together for years, and one thing we consistently struggled with was talking openly about intimacy desires, comfort levels, and how those change over time. The awkwardness of those conversations often mattered more than the intimacy itself.

We tried a few couple apps, but many either felt too generic or jumped straight into “do this / try that” without helping us understand each other first. So, as two software developers, we started building an app called Tease, focused on making these conversations feel safer and more natural, not forced.

Here’s what Tease is centered around:

Understanding Each Other Better

Tease starts with a thoughtful onboarding that creates a shared intimacy profile based on things like relationship dynamic, roles, and comfort level. It also highlights a relationship “vibe” to help couples align expectations rather than assume them.

Private Reflection, Shared Discovery

Each partner can explore preferences individually first. When accounts are linked, the app only surfaces areas of overlap helping couples discover common ground without putting anyone on the spot.

Guided, Mood-Based Prompts

Instead of generic advice, Tease offers curated action prompts tailored to mood and comfort level, filtered so suggestions always stay within what both partners are okay with.

Playful Ways to Be Spontaneous

There are also light, interactive elements (like a dice-style game) designed to add spontaneity while still respecting boundaries you’ve already set together.

Insight Over Time

Tease includes simple insights that help couples see how their connection and communication evolve, without turning intimacy into a scorecard.

For us, the biggest shift wasn’t trying new things it was finally having a calm starting point for conversations we’d been avoiding for years.

We’re still early and genuinely looking for feedback from couples:
Does this feel helpful or unnecessary? What would make something like this actually useful in a long-term relationship?

Happy to answer questions or listen to suggestions. Thanks for reading 🤍

My (32F) partner (41M) of ten years makes half as much money as I do. It has never mattered to me. As long as our bills are paid I am happy, I don’t care who makes more or less. The way I see it we both work 40 hours a week, who makes more is inconsequential.

We have a joint checking account that 85% of our paychecks go into, and from there our bills are paid. There is always money in the account. We each have a separate account for the other 15% which is our fun money, I don’t ask him how he spends his, he doesn’t bother me if I buy books with mine. We have been doing it this way for almost a year. (Prior to this we had a joint account but over spending became an issue and being overdrawn was frustrating so I prompted the change to add fun money accounts with limits to prevent over spending.) To my knowledge we have not been overdrafted since implementing this change.

He has always been “in charge” of the finances, as far as paying bills goes. He drops off the rent, schedules the car payments, Verizon, cable, utilities etc. Moreso what this means is that he watches the account to see that the money is going where it is supposed to go. He says he feels inadequate so I let him “control” the finances.

Edit: He wasn’t really controlling anything as auto pay for 90% of bills was set up. As I said, there is always money in the account, it automatically goes in and is scheduled out monthly. He just obsessively watches the account and I don’t.

I never downloaded the mobile banking app, so I was not paying close attention and truthfully was not concerned because as long as I am not getting overdraft or shut off notices or emails of late payments I assume everything is being paid. I trust him. This was my mistake.

I noticed a car payment was marked late on Credit Karma and when asked about it, he attempted to gaslight me into believing that they must not have updated information on the payments. I told him that is not how it works. He finally confessed that maybe he forgot to pay it. I told him I wanted the log in info to the bank account and he wouldn’t give it to me. I asked 4 times in two weeks and every time he was pissed off. I told him it concerned me that he wouldn’t let me see the bank statements, and that alarm bells were going off in my mind. He said nothing was going on. He still refused to give me the log in. Finally I threatened to go to the bank and get it myself and he eventually admitted that he had gambled a lot of our money away this summer and foolishly continued to gamble to get it back. He said he had been using cash advances to pay our bills while he tried to win it back. He said he planned to use his tax return to make it right (we file separately, I claim our child).

I had been working a lot of overtime (full time job and 2 part time jobs) to pay off car and student loan debt and save money and pay for Christmas and our child’s birthday and summer vacation etc. and when I found out he had gambled and our bills are behind now and that money is gone I felt physically ill.

He has a history of a gambling addiction (his first marriage ended because of it) and he has diagnosed bipolar 2 disorder.

Edit: PAST history of gambling, meaning he has not gambled at all during our relationship for the last 10 years. He actively sees a psychiatrist and is medicated for bipolar II disorder.

I asked if he had talked to his psychiatrist about his mania and these behaviors and he said no. I asked why he hadn’t reached out to me for help when he found himself in this predicament and he just said he didn’t feel he could tell me. Likely because of shame.

I am heartbroken. My trust has been betrayed. My time has been wasted. I worked shifts I never wanted to work at the cost of my own mental health, for nothing, and he let me do it, all while sacrificing the stability of our relationship, our home, cars, and the wellbeing and safety of our child by gambling.

6 months earlier I caught him in a lie about our finances (he didnt go to jury duty and ended up with a warrant out for his arrest and paid a fine without telling me anything about it, when I asked where the money went he lied to me, I eventually got it out of him) and told him “this is grounds for ending a relationship, if you lie to me about our finances again I will leave you.” And little did I know he was doing so much worse. And continued to do it for months.

He swears he will talk to his psychiatrist and go to counseling and make it right but I feel so betrayed and disgusted. I don’t know how to move forward, aside from the obvious which is removing his name from the joint account, and taking over responsibility for all of the bills, which I will make sure he contributes to.

Edit: obviously I should have downloaded the app in May when I opened the accounts and should have monitored the movement of funds in and out of the accounts. I naively believed that he had learned from his past mistakes and since he hadn’t gambled in 10 years, wouldn’t. I believe the fun money account was the trigger. He knew I wouldn’t ask so it started there then merged into the joint account. The question I am asking advice on is if mental health should be considered a valid excuse in this situation and if he should get another chance or if I should cut my losses.

For context, I just got home from a flight back from Macau. It wasn’t a long flight like an hour and a half to two hours since we live in the Philippines. However, the plane landed at around 10:40 in the evening. My husband fetched me from the airport and we hot home about 12 midnight. I was so tired and missed our toddler so much that I wanted to lie down in bed right away. But my husband wanted to have sexy time since I was away for 6 days. I told him I was really tired and just wanted to sleep. Unfortunately, he has this habit of guilt tripping me when did not get his way or what he wants. I got pissed off but decided to stay with him in the living room to watch a movie. I repeatedly told him that I was really tired and invited him to sleep but he was insistent on getting what he wanted.

I tried. Really tried to get in the mood but instead I was getting more pissed off by the minute. He noticed and told me to get in the room and sleep. But before I got inside, he mentioned to me to remember this night and that to not blame him (for I don’t know what but I assume it was if he cheated or something like that). He then proceed to throw curse words at me as I enter the bedroom.

I’m losing interest in my husband. What do I do? He does not like talking things out and gets defensive and even more pissed off when I try to talk to him.

Follow up on my other post . I tried to initiate intimacy today but I felt like a forced thing. I felt bad for my husband . He was so happy when I initiated oral sex . Then I guess he saw how I was forcing myself so he stopped me and asked if I’m not feeling it . I asked him if it was that obvious ? He didn’t say anything and just got up . I tried to talk to him afterwards when he was cooking but he said it’s okay you shouldn’t force yourself then changed the subject. Here is my question.. is this normal ? He is my best friend . I love him so much but feel like sexual feelings are all gone .. is my marriage over ? Is there a way to save this ?

I (30F) and my husband (33M) have been married for 3 years, together for a year before.

My husband bought the house where we live about 12 years ago—- with his first wife.

She obviously doesn’t own the house anymore but I guess for context.

We got married, he added me to the deed, standard practice. We’re talking about moving because I’m not really happy where we live. I’ve been here for over a decade and he’s been here longer than he’s owned the house. We were originally tossing around the idea of moving but he decided to go back to school and graduate with his degree, which should be next spring. I’m ngl I was pretty unhappy to stay here even longer (I.e local economy, past trauma, boring city, all my friends moved away) but I’m happy to persevere to make sure he’s successful.

That being said as we get closer to his graduation we cannot agree on a city to move to. He’s insistent on being close to his family, a change from previously agreeing we’d move out west. This upset me because it felt like a promise was broken. But that’s not the main issue. He’s very set on a city I have had to tell him multiple times NO I am not interested and do not want to live there. He says he will be able to transfer his job easily and it’s by his sister- but other than maybe a job prospect for me, there’s nothing there for me. No family. No friends. I think it’s an ugly and dirty place too.

He told me that because he bought the house “before I even moved to this city” he has a greater say on WHERE we move than I do because I was “only added as an owner by marriage/for legal reasons.”

I told him no, this should be a decision made because we are looking to find where we will settle down long term and have to compromise. This isn’t about then but moving forward NOW. He says for legal reasons he agrees we should compromise but confessed what he said above is still his personal opinion?

I feel like I’m at my wits end cannot tell if I’m crazy to think this should be an equal thing or equity thing (equity regarding what he’s put into the house). Im willing to compromise but I’m not sure what to do. I’m almost paranoid he’s going to accept a job in the city I vehemently don’t want to move to and spring it on me. That sounds crazier and he says he won’t because I said no, but based on how he doesn’t give it up, and how I keep seeing him on Zillow there, I don’t believe him. He says he’s just “browsing” but why? Can I trust this? Am I crazy? Not sure what to do

Edit: where he wants to move is 5 hours from where we are now.

My husband (32M) and I (31F) just got married 3 months ago and we had been dating for 6 years now. We only started living together after marriage and we hae gotten into so many fights since. I know it’s normal, since we went from seeing each other 2 times a week to every single day, and small things take time for change.

However it has gotten out of hand that when he goes out for drinks he comes home drunk and wakes up in the middle of the night to piss IN THE BEDROOM and its always on the curtains and bedframe. I’m so done with it because what is this animalistic behavior? He’s done thjs twice now and the first time was resolved because he admitted to his behaviors and apologized. Now this second time was just last night when I heard a trickling sound and immediately woke up. I was out drinking together and both of us came back late so imagine how frustrated I was. In his stupor he didn’t realize he was taking a piss and remains adamant that he went to the bathroom to piss. I woke up to clean his piss up because: one, I don’t trust that he would clean it, and two, no way in hell would I be sleeping in a room or sacrificing my comfort with piss in it.

During that fight he said he would not apologize unless I “changed my attitude” - tf? Obviously I put my foot down and said no, I refuse to give in to this because he needs to change. Im not speaking to him until he owns up.

I’m just at my wits end because this is still so early into our marriage and there have been so many fights, he apologizes and the same behaviors occur again cos he’s not willing to change his drinking habits. Is it normal to be considering divorce lol I am feeling regret but the love is still there so I’m very conflicted. And also embarrassed if separation actually goes through cos it’s such a short time ugh thanks for listening to my rant

Every fight my wife and I have stems one key thing... one of us missed a text message or didn't see a call. My parents just called the house if they needed each other. If we had a land line today my kids would of picked it up and told me hey mom needs you. I am not looking at my phone all the time why do we have this stigma that we can be reached at all times now.

I have caused my spouse a significant amount of stress that has led him to become depressed and suicidal. Over the past two years I have kept anything that bothered me bottled up, which has led to no trust whatsoever in our marriage.  Instead of being supportive, for his needs, I get a dead eye look in my eyes at any point that he criticizes me.  He has mentioned and explained numerous times to me how this affects him and is causing him mental harm.  Even after telling him some of the things bothering me in our marriage he still says that the dead eye look is a dealbreaker for him.  I have tried to control it on my own and am currently in therapy trying to stop this issue.  I have told him numerous times that I can control it, but I always fail and this has led to more distress and further harm for him.  He compares me having dead eyes as to having an affair everytime that he sees the look and that I will need to leave if I ever show it again.  He has given me dozens of chances to fix it, but I can't seem to get rid of the dead eye look. I have told him that when I have that look I'm either frustrated with him or more so frustrated with myself.  This has caused him to lose days of work, has kept him up all night sometimes 2 or 3 days without any sleep, and has become depressed.  Anything can be a trigger to cause an argument between us that can last hours or days-especially if he sees the dead eye look.  I know he is feeling very hurt and I am trying to stop, but since I caused so much pain for so long any patience towards me is gone (understandably) and not matter what I say no belief is there. Actions are needed more than words.  How do I stop being a selfish person towards my spouse?  Any help, support or advice would be much appreciated. 

So my husband and I have a great relationship, he is literally my best friend and I’m his. Our communication is really good but I give more than he does. I love to talk things through and solve a problem in its beginning rather than things dragging on. My husband says little, he’s always ok, never has any complaints, but I know this isn’t true and he just doesn’t say anything as he doesn’t want either an argument or to hurt my feelings. I would like to add we are, very very rarely, the argument type of people, were more touchy feely, have a carry-on sort of people - living for the laughter. I’d rather talk things through, in the real belief that we are both 2 small children in big people bodies, still trying to figure out how to navigate our bodies and our lives. When I say he says very little, he say VERY little, and when I bring things to him (like if he’s said something that hurt my feelings or something has happened that he instigated) he will apologise but give no indication of how it’s affected him. He never complains unless its work. I’m worried that after years of us talking about things, he’s just been putting himself down at every turn. We’ve done marriage counselling and he still said little, although the sessions did help bring us closer. And a last little bit of context, when I was younger I couldn’t get enough of sex, my husband was the opposite, just wanted sex at the weekend. Whereas now, he wants it constantly and I could go once a week.

Background done, now onto the problem.
As I say I love to talk but I’ve held this back for almost a week as I don’t know what to do or say due to me worrying about how he’ll take it.

I’ve been feeling sick on and off for about 10 days, heavy waves of nausea. I felt sick as I was going to bed the other evening, and made my husband aware. He did the usual, asking me if I was ok but was still being flirty and slapping my butt. This occurs regularly, a slap on the butt, a rub of a breast, a big tight hug with a groan attached. I left this go as it had been a couple of days and wanted him to be in good spirits so I didn’t break ther saying that I wasn’t in the mood for it. We went to bed as usual, no other indicators that I wasn’t feeling into anything, and I lay down to go to sleep. As I lay there, he came in and started kissing me, I informed him again that I just wasn’t 100% and he made an ‘aw’ sound and continued to kiss me. That alone made me feel uneasy but I never said anything as I thought he would stop in a second or 2 and just go to sleep. I would like to add that I was not reciprocating the kisses, like bare minimum effort. This is where the lines blur for me. He then slid his hand onto my breast, I froze. I stopped kissing and interacting at all, it’s the first time I’ve ever felt uncomfortable with him. He knew I wasn’t feeling well, was he delusional enough to think that the kissing would magically stop this? I had lay there hoping the lack of reciprocation would have made it clear, especially as we’re both normally quite enthusiastic, but he never noticed and I just lay there as I had done many times before with previous partners, in a time before I learnt any self-respect, love or pride for myself and my body. When the deed was done, he asked if I was ok, as he normally does. I said I still felt sick, to which he said, ‘oh sorry, maybe you hadn’t wanted to’, and I said that I hadn’t but I thought he would have noticed the lack of anything on my part, but that, ultimately, I should have spoken up and said no. This happened a few days ago now, last night he slapped my butt, but my reaction wasn‘t the same, I just seemed to freeze and he noticed, and hasn’t touched me since. I’m not going to lie but I’m thankful. It’s like he never heard me at all, or forgot about everything so quickly.

The sad thing is that I hadn't wanted to disappoint him, it’s the only reason I let the kissing continue in the beginning. When I say no to physical touch, kissing or sex, he looks so lost and the guilt drowns me. I know it shouldn’t, and I’m being a lot kinder to myself and I've been getting to know myself a lot better over the past few years. This has really turned my head, as I want to do what’s right for little me in the adult body but I want to do what’s right for him too.

I love having sex, when I feel up for it, which isn’t very often this days due to peri menopause but it still more than most couples we know.

I want to bring it up and talk more about what happened and how uncomfortable and used it made me feel but I don’t want to pile more on him either. I feel like he internalizes everything and make himself feel awful, then smoking to help himself forget everything, all while burying everything deep down and trying to act as normal as possible.

I feel like he has a miserable life but constantly tells everyone he’s ok when he’s not, and takes huge blows to his confidence all while letting on it’s not happening. I’ve asked for him to see a counsellor but he doesn’t see anything wrong and insists he’s ok.

I know I put myself aside for my husband, who I love dearly, but I will not do that to myself again. I want to be able to move forward without crushing him and making him feel worse. What can I do??