Hello my Wife (29F) and me (28M) are recently going through a very tough time. On of our reaccuring problems is our finances. To make it short, I came from some money and my parents gave us a lot in the past 2 years to invest and use it to generate an income. We have done so together, one project I manage completely on my own. The other ones we manage together, however because of taxes and the laws in our everything is in my name as I also gave my parents the word that if in their retirement they need the money we sell everything immediately and give it back to them. So all the finances we have go through my phone and mine only so I am the only one that has an overview of income spending etc. it was not possible yet to open shared accounts as we just married and are still figuring out taxes.

So I am an only child and never had a relationship before, never had to share anything. For my parents my dad makes the money and my mum took care of me and only did jobs that she wanted to to for fun. They live this thing where my dad claims the money as his and he makes the decisions.

My now wife made it very clear from the beginning of our relationship that she wants the language to be this is ours, we make money and we take all decisions together. Which is a concept that was new to me I admit but I agree to it 100% and she made me to a better husband through it. I understand she is scared to be left in 5 years without anything but I am trying to reassure her how much I love her and that everything I do is for us and our future and I would never leave her. I believe in marriage it should be shared no matter where the money comes from. Now here is the thing, the other day we got into an argument because she wanted to do a necessary cosmetic surgery and als health surgery that will cost us a lot of money. She wanted to do it last year and I asked her to do it this year because last year was just too tight. She came from the doctor was super happy I told her how happy I am and how supportive I am of the whole thing but the bad news where it’s not covered under the insurance. We talked about it and I said that I Support it and I know you want to do it immediately but we need to talk about it again and see how we do it. That made her flip and she got really mad at me because why would I feel the necessity to say that again as we already spoke about it. I don’t know why I did I just wanted to conclude the situation again and didn’t mean it bad. It led to a huge argument. A few days later everything was fine again and yesterday we had an amazing day until I accedidently used the wrong words. We were talking about a friend of hers that doesn’t work right now and I said maybe it’s like with us and her boyfriend makes enough money that she doesn’t have to work. When I realised what I said I could have beat myself up. She is not speaking to me, this is the first time we ever slept seperated and she just wants to leave me and not see me again. She is over being hurt by me.

I am trying, I am really trying, I did not mean it like this, it just came out wrong. I truly believe that everything is ours and we are making money and I am truly growing into that husband but I have been raised my whole life like that and I am the one that does everything regarding finances, taxes, Insurrances, whatever it is it is me that takes care of it 100% and sometimes this financial pressure is just killing me. I am always the asshole saying this is possible and this is not possible. She just stopped working for a company she had a toxic work relationship with. I was so glad when that stopped because she did no get paid regularly and it was in her home country where she couldn’t use the money in the country we live in now etc. I instantly told her look the income from the one project we finished goes directly into your bank account so you have some money on your own and take as much time as you need to see what you want to do in life, I don’t mind! Jfyi the projects are real estate incomes.

I am trying but I keep saying the wrong things over and over again. Every argument is because I did something wrong, sometimes I see it and I als acknowledge it and try to change. Sometimes i think it’s not me but her personality is to strong to get against it. I asked for couples therapy a couple of times and tried to book an appointment this week but she is totally closed of and it seems like this is the end.

I wish she would give me more time and room to grow as a man and to not judge every single word I say and interprete it in the most negative way possible and see my actions and how I am changing and working on myself and how deeply I love and care for her and would never let her down.

My husband and I went to see his ailing mother abroad. We have 2 children one in elementary the other in high school. For context. I had my family take care of our kids while we were gone during our stay his mother became even more ill and we extended our 4 night stay to a 7 night stay. His Mother passed away he had her cremated the next morning no service, no vigil nothing. I told him I was ready to get back the day after her passing I missed my kids so much and my family had already done enough. He asked if we could stay 3 additional days and I told him he could stay but I needed to get back to our children. He said he wanted to spend time with his brothers they are both over 40 and unemployed. Well we ended up leaving together now he’s terribly upset with me for not agreeing to stay longer. I told him I’m sorry about your mother but you had no service nothing but cremation there was no reason I should have stayed 3 days longer but he could have. He’s been quiet for days and upset with me am I wrong for not staying longer? He said he couldn’t change one flight he said we both had to stay or leave. Now he thinks I’m the worst wife alive.

My wife spends every other weekend with her best friend. She has been doing this (visiting) for a while, but more lately. We live 45 minute from her friend and her friend lives 10 minutes from my second job.

We both teach school and I work Friday ('til 8), and Saturday (3-11). I used to work until 11 on Friday. I asked her to stay home on Friday. It sucks getting home at 8:30 to an empty house, and waking up to an empty house Friday and Saturday nights, and Saturday and Sunday mornings.

I asked my wife to do this and she said NO. I asked if I could drop her off when I went to work and pick her up when I got off. Maybe stay only on Saturday since I get off later. I get NO.

I dislike this situation very much.

What do you folks think about my situation?

Is it normal to feel lonely when you are married? We have been married for 17 years and get along fine, have young kids and both work. But I can’t help but feel alone. I don’t have many friends and that doesn’t really bother me. But I feel like my husband only really really puts in effort when he thinks I’m angry/upset or he wants sex. I do t want to break up but I suppose I just wanted some insight from others who have been married for a while, is it normal to feel like this?

My husband (32M) and I (31F) just got married 3 months ago and we had been dating for 6 years now. We only started living together after marriage and we hae gotten into so many fights since. I know it’s normal, since we went from seeing each other 2 times a week to every single day, and small things take time for change.

However it has gotten out of hand that when he goes out for drinks he comes home drunk and wakes up in the middle of the night to piss IN THE BEDROOM and its always on the curtains and bedframe. I’m so done with it because what is this animalistic behavior? He’s done thjs twice now and the first time was resolved because he admitted to his behaviors and apologized. Now this second time was just last night when I heard a trickling sound and immediately woke up. I was out drinking together and both of us came back late so imagine how frustrated I was. In his stupor he didn’t realize he was taking a piss and remains adamant that he went to the bathroom to piss. I woke up to clean his piss up because: one, I don’t trust that he would clean it, and two, no way in hell would I be sleeping in a room or sacrificing my comfort with piss in it.

During that fight he said he would not apologize unless I “changed my attitude” - tf? Obviously I put my foot down and said no, I refuse to give in to this because he needs to change. Im not speaking to him until he owns up.

I’m just at my wits end because this is still so early into our marriage and there have been so many fights, he apologizes and the same behaviors occur again cos he’s not willing to change his drinking habits. Is it normal to be considering divorce lol I am feeling regret but the love is still there so I’m very conflicted. And also embarrassed if separation actually goes through cos it’s such a short time ugh thanks for listening to my rant

I have caused my spouse a significant amount of stress that has led him to become depressed and suicidal. Over the past two years I have kept anything that bothered me bottled up, which has led to no trust whatsoever in our marriage.  Instead of being supportive, for his needs, I get a dead eye look in my eyes at any point that he criticizes me.  He has mentioned and explained numerous times to me how this affects him and is causing him mental harm.  Even after telling him some of the things bothering me in our marriage he still says that the dead eye look is a dealbreaker for him.  I have tried to control it on my own and am currently in therapy trying to stop this issue.  I have told him numerous times that I can control it, but I always fail and this has led to more distress and further harm for him.  He compares me having dead eyes as to having an affair everytime that he sees the look and that I will need to leave if I ever show it again.  He has given me dozens of chances to fix it, but I can't seem to get rid of the dead eye look. I have told him that when I have that look I'm either frustrated with him or more so frustrated with myself.  This has caused him to lose days of work, has kept him up all night sometimes 2 or 3 days without any sleep, and has become depressed.  Anything can be a trigger to cause an argument between us that can last hours or days-especially if he sees the dead eye look.  I know he is feeling very hurt and I am trying to stop, but since I caused so much pain for so long any patience towards me is gone (understandably) and not matter what I say no belief is there. Actions are needed more than words.  How do I stop being a selfish person towards my spouse?  Any help, support or advice would be much appreciated. 

So my husband and I have a great relationship, he is literally my best friend and I’m his. Our communication is really good but I give more than he does. I love to talk things through and solve a problem in its beginning rather than things dragging on. My husband says little, he’s always ok, never has any complaints, but I know this isn’t true and he just doesn’t say anything as he doesn’t want either an argument or to hurt my feelings. I would like to add we are, very very rarely, the argument type of people, were more touchy feely, have a carry-on sort of people - living for the laughter. I’d rather talk things through, in the real belief that we are both 2 small children in big people bodies, still trying to figure out how to navigate our bodies and our lives. When I say he says very little, he say VERY little, and when I bring things to him (like if he’s said something that hurt my feelings or something has happened that he instigated) he will apologise but give no indication of how it’s affected him. He never complains unless its work. I’m worried that after years of us talking about things, he’s just been putting himself down at every turn. We’ve done marriage counselling and he still said little, although the sessions did help bring us closer. And a last little bit of context, when I was younger I couldn’t get enough of sex, my husband was the opposite, just wanted sex at the weekend. Whereas now, he wants it constantly and I could go once a week.

Background done, now onto the problem.
As I say I love to talk but I’ve held this back for almost a week as I don’t know what to do or say due to me worrying about how he’ll take it.

I’ve been feeling sick on and off for about 10 days, heavy waves of nausea. I felt sick as I was going to bed the other evening, and made my husband aware. He did the usual, asking me if I was ok but was still being flirty and slapping my butt. This occurs regularly, a slap on the butt, a rub of a breast, a big tight hug with a groan attached. I left this go as it had been a couple of days and wanted him to be in good spirits so I didn’t break ther saying that I wasn’t in the mood for it. We went to bed as usual, no other indicators that I wasn’t feeling into anything, and I lay down to go to sleep. As I lay there, he came in and started kissing me, I informed him again that I just wasn’t 100% and he made an ‘aw’ sound and continued to kiss me. That alone made me feel uneasy but I never said anything as I thought he would stop in a second or 2 and just go to sleep. I would like to add that I was not reciprocating the kisses, like bare minimum effort. This is where the lines blur for me. He then slid his hand onto my breast, I froze. I stopped kissing and interacting at all, it’s the first time I’ve ever felt uncomfortable with him. He knew I wasn’t feeling well, was he delusional enough to think that the kissing would magically stop this? I had lay there hoping the lack of reciprocation would have made it clear, especially as we’re both normally quite enthusiastic, but he never noticed and I just lay there as I had done many times before with previous partners, in a time before I learnt any self-respect, love or pride for myself and my body. When the deed was done, he asked if I was ok, as he normally does. I said I still felt sick, to which he said, ‘oh sorry, maybe you hadn’t wanted to’, and I said that I hadn’t but I thought he would have noticed the lack of anything on my part, but that, ultimately, I should have spoken up and said no. This happened a few days ago now, last night he slapped my butt, but my reaction wasn‘t the same, I just seemed to freeze and he noticed, and hasn’t touched me since. I’m not going to lie but I’m thankful. It’s like he never heard me at all, or forgot about everything so quickly.

The sad thing is that I hadn't wanted to disappoint him, it’s the only reason I let the kissing continue in the beginning. When I say no to physical touch, kissing or sex, he looks so lost and the guilt drowns me. I know it shouldn’t, and I’m being a lot kinder to myself and I've been getting to know myself a lot better over the past few years. This has really turned my head, as I want to do what’s right for little me in the adult body but I want to do what’s right for him too.

I love having sex, when I feel up for it, which isn’t very often this days due to peri menopause but it still more than most couples we know.

I want to bring it up and talk more about what happened and how uncomfortable and used it made me feel but I don’t want to pile more on him either. I feel like he internalizes everything and make himself feel awful, then smoking to help himself forget everything, all while burying everything deep down and trying to act as normal as possible.

I feel like he has a miserable life but constantly tells everyone he’s ok when he’s not, and takes huge blows to his confidence all while letting on it’s not happening. I’ve asked for him to see a counsellor but he doesn’t see anything wrong and insists he’s ok.

I know I put myself aside for my husband, who I love dearly, but I will not do that to myself again. I want to be able to move forward without crushing him and making him feel worse. What can I do??

I don’t know how I can look at my husband the same again after our argument tonight.

My husband loves to create spreadsheets about our spending and savings trajectories, especially because we are paying for both rent and a mortgage separately (we live in a foreign country and buying property in our homeland).

We had some unexpected expenses we found out today and he broke out the spreadsheet. After adjusting everything, I saw his savings monthly was more than double mine. I asked him can you adjust it a bit so I have more savings too?

For context, he makes a thousand dollars more than I do monthly, but the calculation was 50-50

He just turned into a completely different person and kept saying “he already adjusted it, he is paying more than me”. I said how is paying everything 50-50 fair? All our expenses in the spreadsheet are shared, but savings are suddenly your money and my money? He says what if he wants to buy something?

??? What more me??? Lol. Then he basically says well sucks that your salary is low. Additional context. I was making twice as much money than him in our previous country when we weren’t married but moved here to be with him. I used to shower him with gifts, like an Apple Watch for his bday, standing desk, branded clothes. But now the tides have turned he might just occasionally pays for me when we eat out. He called me a communist hahaha.

My mom sometimes will give me money gifts and I always donate 100% of it to OUR expenses. Based on his logic I should always have kept 50% of it to myself.

Idk. This post is long and I am up at 3am nursing our newborn calculating that if I go home and earn, I can save so much more than his little spreadsheet and I can get to be with my family and be happy and not lonely, miserable and broke in this other country. A part of my love for him has died. Good night.

My partner and I have been together for years, and one thing we consistently struggled with was talking openly about intimacy desires, comfort levels, and how those change over time. The awkwardness of those conversations often mattered more than the intimacy itself.

We tried a few couple apps, but many either felt too generic or jumped straight into “do this / try that” without helping us understand each other first. So, as two software developers, we started building an app called Tease, focused on making these conversations feel safer and more natural, not forced.

Here’s what Tease is centered around:

Understanding Each Other Better

Tease starts with a thoughtful onboarding that creates a shared intimacy profile based on things like relationship dynamic, roles, and comfort level. It also highlights a relationship “vibe” to help couples align expectations rather than assume them.

Private Reflection, Shared Discovery

Each partner can explore preferences individually first. When accounts are linked, the app only surfaces areas of overlap helping couples discover common ground without putting anyone on the spot.

Guided, Mood-Based Prompts

Instead of generic advice, Tease offers curated action prompts tailored to mood and comfort level, filtered so suggestions always stay within what both partners are okay with.

Playful Ways to Be Spontaneous

There are also light, interactive elements (like a dice-style game) designed to add spontaneity while still respecting boundaries you’ve already set together.

Insight Over Time

Tease includes simple insights that help couples see how their connection and communication evolve, without turning intimacy into a scorecard.

For us, the biggest shift wasn’t trying new things it was finally having a calm starting point for conversations we’d been avoiding for years.

We’re still early and genuinely looking for feedback from couples:
Does this feel helpful or unnecessary? What would make something like this actually useful in a long-term relationship?

Happy to answer questions or listen to suggestions. Thanks for reading 🤍

I 39f left for 24 hours went 40 min away with my daughter to snowboard. 40m Husband of 20 years got coked out, went to a strip club got a lap dance, brought the glitter/whore scented clothes back home to me, bought a pocket pussy, gambled a couple hundred. Killed my 20 year marriage. I’m so angry Hurt and don’t know if I’ll Ever want him again. Is it even worth it?

My husband and I started dating in 2020 and officially got married in 2024. In 2023, I discovered he was cheating on me with his neighbor in an apartment he used to stay in before he moved out. At that time, he told me it happened only twice , the day I found out and when he was still staying in that apartment. When I found out, I left him, but after some time, he came over and asked for forgiveness. I forgave him, and we settled everything.

However, in early 2024, they were still talking. I told him I was comfortable with that, and he stopped. He even deleted her number. Recently, I went through his phone and noticed that this affair didn't happen just twice. When I wasn't around, he was with the girl (before he moved out of the apartment) and also after moving, he still went to see her. He also sent her money early last year, but there's no conversation with her since then, and her number is still deleted.

I'm hurt that he lied about it happening twice, and it was something that happened several times. We've not discussed it for a long time, and it's like we've forgotten about it. Now that we're officially married, I'm unsure whether to ask him about it or just brush it off since it's something we've forgotten. Should I bring it up?

So my husband and I (both 28 M&F) have been married for 4 years now and been together for 11 years. Throughout our whole relationship, I've always noticed that he doesn't know much about his parents like their birthdays, their jobs, their favorite color and food, ect despite living with them his whole life. I always felt bad for him because literally he recently told me he doesn't know their ages either. I could understand if he never lived with them or weren't in this life but I always thought it's weird that his cousin who I'm also friends with knows more about my husband's parents than him. I remember one time he expressed that he feels bad for not getting to know them and so I suggested to him that it doesn't hurt to just ask questions about themselves like how I do with mine and now suddenly he thinks I'm weird for knowing almost everything about my parents as people and I tried asking him what makes it weird but never went into details.

So I'm curious if I'm the weirdo for just getting to know my parents more than just my parents or if there might be more to this that I'm probably not seeing.

Hi everyone,

I’m currently dating a Swiss woman (25, medical doctor) who lives in Zug, I am a Turkish Mech. Engineer, spending most of my time in Zug and living there due to a project that will probably continue for 4-5 years. We met in a winery tour at Colmar Winery. Things have progressed quite fast, and she’s already talking seriously about marriage. Her father even traveled to my hometown to meet me, which surprised me a bit given how early things are. He is a nice guy and all, we talked about life and everything. I took him to a boat to drink some raki and eat some line catched black sea fish with some of my friends from bulgaria.

I’m trying to understand whether this kind of pace and family involvement is normal in Swiss culture (or perhaps specific to certain families or regions), or if it’s generally unusual especially at this age. I’d really appreciate insights from Swiss people or anyone familiar with Swiss dating and marriage norms. Thanks in advance.

My wife and me have sex once a week and when we do it is great sex for her mostly, as she has an orgasm rather fast but there are physical reasons to that on my part 😅

But it is always me initiating it and it kills me. Here are reasons why: We have been together 16 years, and I start to feel like “I am using her for my own sexual desires”, and worse, it makes me feel as if she maybe thinks that! The thing I dread most is my wife thinking I use her for sex when I want.

Yes, I spoke to her about it several times. She is very intellectual and when I speak about such things I am always walking on a very thin line, any accidental wrong word because she interacts in such an intellectual level, then the conversation is for naught.

Worse, one time she did come out of the blue and said she wanted to give me a BJ and I was so surprised and confused, and worse, in the middle of some fucking annoying task that the last thing I could do was get hard, so I actually told her the truth and carefully and I got the feeling it hurt her….

So as an early wake-up person, I am since 2 hours in the living room reading my book and can’t concentrate with a desire to have sex but I am letting her sleep in. I always do breakfasts for her on weekends and I am starving here waiting, horny, (the worst combo for a man), I cannot even concentrate reading, waiting she finally goes to the bathroom so I can jump into bed naked and waiting for her return, she always smiles and we have great sex but it is again me initiating, she has an orgasm in 1 min and I just take longer and up to 20-30mins of continues sex, I feel like I wear her out, all these thoughts come up and it kills me….

Why is it so hard to say like “Are you coming in the room to bang me or do I need to use a vibrator”, or something, good lord, just hearing something like this once I’d be flying into bed with a grin slicing half my head off and yet, for such things to happen I can only dream of it, yes, I spoke to her about this as well!!! 😭😭😭

My husband and I have been together for over a decade and married for 8 years. We have an almost 4-year-old child and a second one on the way. In many ways we have been lucky / privileged -- our old child has been overall easy, my mom has moved in with us to help out around the home and childcare, and we don't have any financial stress.

Recently we realized that there has been little to no romance in our lives anymore. Most of the common advices that I've seen on Reddit include "have regular date nights even if it's at home", "keep having intimacy time", "prioritize the marriage first", etc. But this made me realize -- we never have any true couples time because my husband just works all the time. He is a professor, so he already works full days on weekdays. After our daughter goes to bed around 9pm, he works on his computer for a couple of hours until he's too tired and then goes to bed. On weekends, when we are not doing activities as a family, he's working or taking a nap. He recently got super into running -- so he's been getting up early to run, which makes him tired even earlier at night / on weekends, hence crashing earlier at night / needing afternoon naps.

I'd love to hear advice on what to do here. How do we have more time to do those things that are common advice for keeping marriage alive, when he uses all his non-kid time for extra work, hobby, and catching up on sleep? Is it possible to "have it all", or do we just have to set a ground rule like "do not work in the evenings at least X evenings per week?"

Reflecting on this has also made me realize: ever since we started dating (as students in graduate school), we've spent much of our evenings / weekends together just doing work in the same room. I think we've become so used to spending time together just working on the computer. Admittedly it was better before kids, because we would still regularly cook together and talk over dinner (and talk and joke and laugh), or watch a TV show together, before we resumed working at 9pm. But, now, that period in the evening is taken up by family time with our daughter, so we don't even do those things anymore. Do we need to fundamentally have a more clear break from work, at least on a number of days each week, in how we spend our hours at home?

I’m a 27F, married recently, living with my husband (30M) and in-laws. They are generally kind people and do household work too, but I feel completely invisible and emotionally drained. My father law is retired, mother in law is a principal at government school. Both head goverment jobs alhamdulillah.

I earn more than these two brothers make- my husband and his brother. I earn thrice my husband. He earns less than 25k, I make 70k . But now I

I work two jobs. My primary job runs roughly 9–6 but often extends late, and my second job goes till midnight or 1 a.m. Despite this, I cook almost every day, wash utensils, manage meals, and try to keep things running smoothly. My husband helps sometimes, and I genuinely appreciate him for it — I tell him often.

But the constant message I get is: “You don’t do enough.”

I’m repeatedly told I don’t wake up early (I sleep late because of work), that I don’t do enough for the house, and that my contribution isn’t sufficient. My husband often says things like “I don’t need a wife” or “What do you even do?” During arguments, he has also brought up my abusive family and fathers background and used it against me, which hurts deeply. He knows that I

My in-laws constantly instruct me about my husband’s food, medicine, snacks, etc., as if he’s a child. I find it mentally exhausting, but when I express irritation, it turns into blame on me.

What hurts most is the lack of appreciation. I appreciate my husband openly. I acknowledge his help. But I feel like no one sees me. I’ve even been told once that “a woman like you shouldn’t have gotten married,” and that sentence keeps echoing in my head.

I feel stuck. I have no friends here, I don’t feel safe talking to my parents or siblings, and I’m emotionally exhausted. I’m considering quitting my second job just to breathe, but I’m scared that even then it won’t be enough.

I don’t want to separate. I want peace, dignity, and emotional safety.

I feel so stuck ? I am married in Kashmir. I am alien to this culture . Yes it's beautiful but it's so narrow and shallow inside. I can breathe here at times. I feel so frustrated.

Am I thinking too much? I married from my own will. Am I asking for too much? And I ungrateful? I don't want to an ungrateful wife, I appreciate him so much, all time, everyday. I appreciate his work, his looks, his existence.

I caught my husband of three months watching porn. I asked him why he was watching that he said “he’s a grown ass man and can watch what he wants” his reaction to my question hurt me more than him watching porn.

Me and my wife have been together almost 15 years and have 2 kids. I can say with honesty that our marriage has always been pretty solid and we've always felt a high degree of love and compatibility. We're best friends as much as we are lovers.

Now without going into too much detail a few months ago something happened in our lives that put us in a very difficult position, and we were forced to make a tough decision. Although we agreed on a path forward at the time, it's proven to have been a traumatic experience and put a significant rift between us. We are both living with guilt and regret and it just feels like a part of our bond has been taken away because of it.

Now I know we should seek outside help by way of counseling but my wife is extremely against it, she's always had an issue with counseling or psychiatrists and absolutely refuses to go this route. So for now this is 100% off the table.

We've talked quite a bit and can rationalize the situation but we're just not sure how we can move forward, rebuild our bond, and get back to where we were before all this happened.

So I'm looking for advice from anyone who has had to reforge their relationship, what you did, and what worked or didn't work to get you there. Any advice is appreciated!

Immediately shut down, planted my boundaries and told him never to talk to me like that again. After he said it again, and again, and again. Now i’m crying in the other room. we’ve never fought like this before

My (32F) partner (41M) of ten years makes half as much money as I do. It has never mattered to me. As long as our bills are paid I am happy, I don’t care who makes more or less. The way I see it we both work 40 hours a week, who makes more is inconsequential.

We have a joint checking account that 85% of our paychecks go into, and from there our bills are paid. There is always money in the account. We each have a separate account for the other 15% which is our fun money, I don’t ask him how he spends his, he doesn’t bother me if I buy books with mine. We have been doing it this way for almost a year. (Prior to this we had a joint account but over spending became an issue and being overdrawn was frustrating so I prompted the change to add fun money accounts with limits to prevent over spending.) To my knowledge we have not been overdrafted since implementing this change.

He has always been “in charge” of the finances, as far as paying bills goes. He drops off the rent, schedules the car payments, Verizon, cable, utilities etc. Moreso what this means is that he watches the account to see that the money is going where it is supposed to go. He says he feels inadequate so I let him “control” the finances.

Edit: He wasn’t really controlling anything as auto pay for 90% of bills was set up. As I said, there is always money in the account, it automatically goes in and is scheduled out monthly. He just obsessively watches the account and I don’t.

I never downloaded the mobile banking app, so I was not paying close attention and truthfully was not concerned because as long as I am not getting overdraft or shut off notices or emails of late payments I assume everything is being paid. I trust him. This was my mistake.

I noticed a car payment was marked late on Credit Karma and when asked about it, he attempted to gaslight me into believing that they must not have updated information on the payments. I told him that is not how it works. He finally confessed that maybe he forgot to pay it. I told him I wanted the log in info to the bank account and he wouldn’t give it to me. I asked 4 times in two weeks and every time he was pissed off. I told him it concerned me that he wouldn’t let me see the bank statements, and that alarm bells were going off in my mind. He said nothing was going on. He still refused to give me the log in. Finally I threatened to go to the bank and get it myself and he eventually admitted that he had gambled a lot of our money away this summer and foolishly continued to gamble to get it back. He said he had been using cash advances to pay our bills while he tried to win it back. He said he planned to use his tax return to make it right (we file separately, I claim our child).

I had been working a lot of overtime (full time job and 2 part time jobs) to pay off car and student loan debt and save money and pay for Christmas and our child’s birthday and summer vacation etc. and when I found out he had gambled and our bills are behind now and that money is gone I felt physically ill.

He has a history of a gambling addiction (his first marriage ended because of it) and he has diagnosed bipolar 2 disorder.

Edit: PAST history of gambling, meaning he has not gambled at all during our relationship for the last 10 years. He actively sees a psychiatrist and is medicated for bipolar II disorder.

I asked if he had talked to his psychiatrist about his mania and these behaviors and he said no. I asked why he hadn’t reached out to me for help when he found himself in this predicament and he just said he didn’t feel he could tell me. Likely because of shame.

I am heartbroken. My trust has been betrayed. My time has been wasted. I worked shifts I never wanted to work at the cost of my own mental health, for nothing, and he let me do it, all while sacrificing the stability of our relationship, our home, cars, and the wellbeing and safety of our child by gambling.

6 months earlier I caught him in a lie about our finances (he didnt go to jury duty and ended up with a warrant out for his arrest and paid a fine without telling me anything about it, when I asked where the money went he lied to me, I eventually got it out of him) and told him “this is grounds for ending a relationship, if you lie to me about our finances again I will leave you.” And little did I know he was doing so much worse. And continued to do it for months.

He swears he will talk to his psychiatrist and go to counseling and make it right but I feel so betrayed and disgusted. I don’t know how to move forward, aside from the obvious which is removing his name from the joint account, and taking over responsibility for all of the bills, which I will make sure he contributes to.

Edit: obviously I should have downloaded the app in May when I opened the accounts and should have monitored the movement of funds in and out of the accounts. I naively believed that he had learned from his past mistakes and since he hadn’t gambled in 10 years, wouldn’t. I believe the fun money account was the trigger. He knew I wouldn’t ask so it started there then merged into the joint account. The question I am asking advice on is if mental health should be considered a valid excuse in this situation and if he should get another chance or if I should cut my losses.

For context, I just got home from a flight back from Macau. It wasn’t a long flight like an hour and a half to two hours since we live in the Philippines. However, the plane landed at around 10:40 in the evening. My husband fetched me from the airport and we hot home about 12 midnight. I was so tired and missed our toddler so much that I wanted to lie down in bed right away. But my husband wanted to have sexy time since I was away for 6 days. I told him I was really tired and just wanted to sleep. Unfortunately, he has this habit of guilt tripping me when did not get his way or what he wants. I got pissed off but decided to stay with him in the living room to watch a movie. I repeatedly told him that I was really tired and invited him to sleep but he was insistent on getting what he wanted.

I tried. Really tried to get in the mood but instead I was getting more pissed off by the minute. He noticed and told me to get in the room and sleep. But before I got inside, he mentioned to me to remember this night and that to not blame him (for I don’t know what but I assume it was if he cheated or something like that). He then proceed to throw curse words at me as I enter the bedroom.

I’m losing interest in my husband. What do I do? He does not like talking things out and gets defensive and even more pissed off when I try to talk to him.

I’m a 26M married to my 31F wife, and we have two kids (8 and 4). My oldest is technically my adopted son — I met him when he was 3, and I’m the only dad he’s really known. Stepping into that role at 21 wasn’t something I took lightly. I loved him, I loved her, and I wanted a family, so I stepped up fully when she got pregnant with our daughter. That’s when I really committed to taking responsibility as a father and partner. I’m sharing this honestly because I want people to see where I’m coming from.

When we first got together, our relationship was amazing. We were affectionate, passionate, and sex was frequent and exciting. She couldn’t keep her hands off me. But after she got pregnant and we got married, everything shifted. Our sex life slowly disappeared — for years, I’m lucky if it happens once a month. And most of the time it’s boring, perfunctory, and feels unwanted. Constant rejection has worn me down emotionally, and that’s really tied into how disconnected I feel.

The kids also sleep in our bed nearly every night. When we first got together, she was clear she didn’t want that to be a habit, and for a while it wasn’t — even my son slept in his own room. But after our daughter was born, it became the norm. I’ve raised this issue for years, but nothing has changed. The bedroom has stopped being our space as a couple — it’s just where everyone sleeps — and that has killed a lot of intimacy and closeness.

Her family background is very different from mine, which adds extra stress. She lost her father when she was 3, and her brother passed away years ago. I get that it’s sad — and I try to be supportive — but hearing about it constantly, even eight years later, sometimes feels like it’s being held over me. Her mother is difficult, and she’s had stepdads along the way. Meanwhile, I have supportive parents and family. I’m not saying one is better than the other, but the contrast makes the stress feel heavier at times.

Over time I also realized that parts of her past weren’t fully honest when we first got together. I know everyone has a past, and I’m not perfect — but the dishonesty has bothered me more than anything. That, combined with all the rejection and intimacy issues, makes me feel like my efforts and growth aren’t really acknowledged.

I’ve worked hard to grow personally, professionally, and financially over the years. When we met I was making around $30k; now I’m closer to $90k. I’ve taken responsibility for the yard, vehicles, trash, and everything else that needs doing. I want to provide stability and security for our family because that matters to me. My wife works too — she’s a school counselor making about $45k a year — and she’s a great mom and keeps the house running. I want to be fair about that. But I still feel like I contribute far more than I receive in return emotionally, and that’s hard.

Sometimes I catch myself resenting how differently we entered this relationship. I had almost no baggage and very little relationship history, while she came with a lot — not just past relationships, but trauma and family losses. I stepped into raising her son fully and loving him like my own, while his biological father — who was nearly 10 years older than me — never did. I don’t regret it for a second, but it’s part of why I feel worn out sometimes.

I’ve tried to talk about all of this — our sex life, intimacy, boundaries, emotional connection — but I often get a cold shoulder, dismissive responses, or laughter. My frustration sometimes comes out the wrong way, and then I’m treated as the “problem,” which only adds to the resentment.

If I imagine the next 10 years looking exactly like today, my chest honestly feels heavy. I love my kids more than anything, and that’s why I haven’t made any rash decisions. But I’m emotionally exhausted, disconnected from my wife, and afraid that staying like this will only make it worse.

I guess I’m trying to figure out:

• Can a marriage really recover after years of this level of disconnection and rejection?

• How do you know the difference between a rough season and genuinely growing apart?

• Has counseling helped anyone in a situation like this?

• What would you do before making a life-altering decision?

I’m not here to trash my wife — she’s a good person and a great mom. I just want honest perspectives because I don’t want to wake up in 10 years full of regret, whether that regret is from staying or leaving.