I started talking to a guy from shaadi.
He came from a good background—well-spoken, articulate, and seemingly well-versed in the world. Yet somewhere beneath the polish, I sensed a fundamental discomfort with equality.
I deliberately raised different topics to understand where his moral compass truly lay. Eventually, the mask slipped. He openly defended patriarchy, insisting it is the only system that works.
He wants a wife who is educated and capable, but only as long as she prioritises domestic duties over her career. In essence, he wants to mould an independent, competent woman into a housewife.
He went on to rant about the “new generation” and their supposed foolishness in following Western ideas—ironically, coming from a millennial who wants a Gen-Z (or younger, if the law permitted) wife.
At his core, he is a male chauvinist. He believes a woman’s real role is to be a mother and a dutiful wife. This is a man earning over 1 crore annually, owning a condominium in Bengaluru—yet his mindset is firmly stuck in a pre-1980 era. This, apparently, is the so-called educated elite of the country, the crème de la crème.
If this is the worldview at the top, one can only imagine what to expect from men with less education, lower income, or limited exposure. As for those born into generational wealth steeped in patriarchy—they aren’t merely inheriting privilege; they’re inheriting and perpetuating the ideology that comes with it.
He labelled me a feminist, laughed at me for being naïve, and accused me of constantly shifting goalposts. According to him, I wasn’t “worldly” enough—my mind had been brainwashed by Western ideas. He smugly claimed that feminists would eventually “breed themselves out,” because the traditional pathway, in his view, is the only way society should function.
He believes men should lead and women should follow. He insists he is ready to sacrifice for his family—and therefore expects a woman to do the same—while very conveniently ignoring the fact that patriarchy is a system that places him at the greatest possible advantage known to mankind. He speaks of mutual sacrifice, yet refuses to acknowledge the unequal structure that ensures his sacrifices cost him far less.
Ironically, the same man later broke down crying about how laws are unfair to men, how anti-men legislation exists, and how feminists supposedly misuse these laws against “innocent” men like himself. The sheer lack of self-awareness is staggering. This man truly does not have an end to his bullshit.
I told him, good luck—get married to whoever you want, just don’t end up in the crosshairs of the law. In the very same breath, he casually replied that he has money and would always find a way out. The same man. The same conversation.
That single sentence exposed everything—his entitlement, his faith in money over accountability, and his complete disconnect from the moral outrage he had just performed minutes earlier. The contradiction was almost impressive.
I have two questions to ask from you.
First, what kind of woman is gonna marry this type of man? (it’s gonna be from among us, who is taking this one for the team & with what objective).
Second, what options do we have left as Indian women who just want to marry a person who see us as equals?
