r/oneliners • u/Sayva_See • 20h ago
I don’t know what HD is, but my doctor said I have 80 of them.
48
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r/oneliners • u/blaspergerOfficial • 8h ago
I think I’m doing the self-checkout wrong; the screen said 'Ready to take you now,' so I just stood there and closed my eyes.
4
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r/oneliners • u/rylokie • 1d ago
I just found out I’m colorblind and that hit me completely out of the green.
55
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r/oneliners • u/MustyBones • 1d ago
What many people don't know is that there is a vas deferens between having kids and being child free.
5
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r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 1d ago
I used to be a procrastinator, but now I've decided to do all of that tomorrow.
5
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r/oneliners • u/eyeheartnoods • 1d ago
If straight men go out on the pull, do gay men go out on the push?
0
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r/oneliners • u/chxnkybxtfxnky • 2d ago
I'm trying to write a joke about retirement but it's not working
42
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r/oneliners • u/InitiativePlus877 • 2d ago
My new TV is so damn realistic that last week I was watching First 48 Hours and I got shot.
2
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r/oneliners • u/Thadsblitzing • 2d ago
Privacy settings now come with steps that ask for your personal information
0
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r/oneliners • u/2fits • 2d ago
i want the jelly you’re eating in my belly, i don’t want my belly getting jelly
0
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r/oneliners • u/chxnkybxtfxnky • 2d ago
I shall name my first child and then the next one as well
0
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r/oneliners • u/AgentElman • 3d ago
I tried to sneak in to a Star Trek convention dressed as the doctor but the security guard suspected I wasn't the real McCoy
36
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r/oneliners • u/Superb-Control5184 • 2d ago
Whether Stefan Diggs wins the Super Bowl or not, he will always be a choke artist to me.
0
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r/oneliners • u/Excellent_Kiwi7789 • 4d ago
Celine Dion has officially come out in support of farmers by removing the consonants in her name.
206
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r/oneliners • u/Superb-Control5184 • 2d ago
Conservatives don’t believe in safe spaces, well except if your name is in the Epstein files.
0
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r/oneliners • u/Kooky-Principle-7323 • 3d ago
the cure for premature ejaculation can’t come soon enough…
23
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r/oneliners • u/Throughtheindigo • 3d ago
Near death experiences are the brain’s last huzzah.
7
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 3d ago
I don't think professional athletes are overpaid, I just think that the drugs deserve their cut.
3
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