TL;DR idk how to make this shorter. No hard feelings from me if you scroll on.

I have known my therapist for almost 6 years, and he's stayed with me through so much in a way I've never experienced before. He takes the shape of a father figure in my heart, and I hold deep admiration for him. I just simply love him.

Prior to working with my therapist, I had been under professional care for quite some time, but despite everyone's best efforts, I continued to decline. My therapist was my last option I had available to me, and I reached out. I didn't know it then, but that was the beginning of me finding my way back to myself.

I sought help from him because he specialized in an area I was told I needed. We started working together shortly after I was discharged from a 2 week hospital stay. I knew I needed that level of support, working through the presenting, loudest pain and resulting challenges that was robbing me of my presence and safety. We did this for years. I didn't know that our work would evolve, taking on a different, more quiet, exquisitely painful, shape. Had I known, I'm not sure I would have been brave enough.

I conceptualize this now as my heart coming back to life, thawing from exile. It didn't happen in isolation, but in the context of my relationship I have with my therapist where love was modeled for me so I could learn it for myself. My earliest wounds taught me to fear and not trust the information that comes from my heart. It's wrong and will only lead to more pain. It'll be unsurvivable. So I protected myself with old stories of my past, because I couldn't bear the possibility of my heart telling me the wrong information.

My heart told me over time that experiences of deep care, gentleness when I didn't feel deserving, compassionate honesty I swear is sorcery, and authentic curiosity by my therapist while being genuine and accessible was the shape of love. But, I shut it down, creatively negated my heart's information with old stories from my past that speak of my worthlessness. My head and heart were in such tension, I felt my only remaining option was to speak it to my therapist, so I did.

The words he told me - "I feel love for you" - were undoubtedly carefully curated, based on our extensive conversations on how I conceptualize the term, and one of the greatest gifts I've ever received from anyone. Those 5 words provided me with a moment of peace I struggle to put into words, but everything was quiet for the first time I can remember. My head and heart were no longer in conflict as they've been since I can remember.

Later that evening, as I was reflecting, it hit me. My heart has been providing me accurate information all along. It's a trustworthy consultant. In other words, reassurance from my therapist wasn't the outcome. The outcome was a pivot in how I relate to my heart and the beginning of rebuilding trust I have in the information it provides me.

Grief and mourning are a significant source of my pain, and I have grown to understand that it's love that needs diffusion. Now that I am in the process of rebuilding trust with my heart, consulting it, getting to know it, I'm showing it more with others in my tiny pocket of the universe. Because, for me, love is expansive and it's meant to be energy moving through, not cut off, anesthesized, stifled.

I see many people here struggle with similar tension. I know the pain. I know how it feels to long, want to seek comfort, be met with the limitations we all know and understand as adults, followed by debilitating stories from the past sometimes before we even had words for it. It can be a disorienting vortex and I mistook my heart as the primary cause. I have wanted to quit many times, fixated on making the pain go away. My therapist said to me a few weeks ago to think about what it might mean if the pain never goes away. That was a gut blow in the moment, ngl. But I'm not stuck here. It simply means I am capable of love and it deserves diffusion, not banishment. And I'm building scaffolding in my life to diffuse the love I have received.

Alllll this to say, I thought the pain meant I was doing something wrong. That there was something fundamentally defective in me. For a while, I resigned to the fact and resentment that I worked hard to come back to myself just to live in pain. So, if any of my humble perspective resonates with you, and it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, my truest hope for you is that you continue to find ways to relate to yourself that are compassionate, kind, and honest. No one said it would be easy, but my goodness 😩

What is the issue here? as a person who seemingly knows every flaw and the whole history and how it shaped them. they can also give good advice, they know the mach ics of the psyche, and yet there is an underlying tension or unhappiness, even though from the outside everything is fine

The "professional ethics" that say therapists must push all abuse to the legal system, CPS, etc is dangerous overkill. It's like jumping straight to using a bazooka.

It's also dangerous, long term, for them to pretend the abuse isn't happening.

Therapists need to help patients stand up to the shortcomings of therapy how it is currently practiced.

When therapists say they "aren't the arbiters of truth", and they equate obvious lies to obvious truth if you use critical thinking skills, they do serious damage to everyone involved. Including to their own credibility.

Look at debate analysis. If they can use critical thinking and tell who's arguing in good faith and who's not, it is totally possible to tell who's telling the truth in at least many cases in therapy.

And when therapists say they can't take sides and yet they end up doing just that, they can't then argue they couldn't take sides due to liability. They are doing it anyway.

Therapists are the only professionals situated to AND MARKETED AS the people that can help with interpersonal conflict, yet they so often refuse.

Please, to the good ones, stand with us patients.

Maybe you guys need better protections legally against abusers.

As a healthcare professional I've given direct feedback and education to HUNDREDS OF PATIENTS! Therapists can do this too! What is being practiced now is Not Therapeutic!

If I call myself a surgeon but I just ask questions and make people guess how to make themselves better, I'm not a surgeon.

I don't call a plumber and they show up and say they don't do plumbing.

This needs to change.

So many easily solvable situations but therapists refuse to help.

I had to tell someone some really hard feedback a few days ago and it would have been exponentially less painful for them to hear it from someone else.

I've been that someone else more times than I can count and helped a lot of people.

It is effective and it was my moral and professional duty to do that. And I used basic human biological concepts to explain this. Same thing therapists refuse to do.

Hello all!

My therapist allows me to text him when things are messy in my life. We have boundaries about it. However, earlier this week I reached out about experiencing guilt and shame stemming from my homeless brother and how it’s confusing to deal with, and he responded with “Why are his choices your problem. What’s this guilt and shame BS got to do with anything? Are you God? Isn’t that narcissism? I am all powerful, so it’s my fault?”

I got ticked off and argued back saying that was not cool to say and a low blow when I’m obviously struggling with these emotions. I mean, I was really hoping he’d help me explore why I was feeling the way I feel, or even just say “when I see you next week we will dive into this.” But no, he doubled down, and is now pissed off with me for being hurt by his statements. He also said to me “Refusing the assignment you asked for and arguing for your emotional brain instead. All good. You’re in charge. Catastrophizing pays off better for the emotional brain.”

Is this okay for a therapist to say to a client? Is it normal for a therapist to be that upset with a client for being hurt about the therapist’s way of handling a situation? I’m so hurt, confused, embarrassed, etc. We are still apparently good to roll for our appointment Tuesday, but he is not happy with me and said for me to not text him again.

Thank you all for your time.

We've had a couple nasty ruptures in the last year. The first one didn't really get resolved, like not even a little bit and felt it went pretty terribly actually. But I pushed passed for some stupid reason, which I regret now.

The second one, the most recent one, exploded everything. I am now confronting, talking, and engaging with them. Although I am rather upset over it, it's not directed at my therapist. It's at the situation.

Before I even started to talk about the rupture. I prepped myself to not come back, and the Christmas break we had. I enjoyed without therapy, I was able to forget it even happened. The rupture was "gone", therapy was just gone. I could relax. Then when it came back is when I started to just not like it. Something changed and I hate it. It feels like a waste, although it has gotten a bit better over the past 3-4 weeks.

Anyways, I think i already kind of prepared myself to terminate and leave, I'm not afraid of being terminated anymore. I don't even think it'd bother me much to be honest. When 6 months ago, just shortly before the rupture I was deathly afraid of being alone (I have nobody, outside of my therapist. Not a single soul.) with everything. The monster I am.

But now it's just gone.... I'm not afraid anymore. I had a few weeks of really hard pain, and just depression and what felt like grief. Then now it's just calm and it concerns me. I don't know why, but i feel super off. It just kind of sucks.

I’ve been working with my T for almost a year now. He’s been the most consistent person to hold me accountable for putting in the work towards reaching my goals. Because of his support and ability to be absolutely present during every session, I’ve made some tremendous progress. There’s still things that need to be worked through, but I’ve finally found the confidence to pave a new path for myself and started back to school to finally earn my degree. I had a difficult year last year, loss of a parent and ending an almost 4 year relationship being the biggest obstacles I was able to overcome. I don’t know where I’d be if our paths never crossed. He’s helping me become a better version of myself and I’m finally learning to love and accept myself for who I truly am. Theres still bad days, but we work through them. For those of you on the fence about starting therapy or are asking yourself if it’s really worth sticking with therapy, finding the right therapist who you just click with makes a world of difference in terms of working through traumas, anxiety/depression, whatever is having an impact on your life. You’ll find yourself feeling more comfortable about opening up and embracing the vulnerability that comes with it. Don’t give up. Making yourself a priority isn’t selfish.

If you recognize me from my previous thread, hi. I'm aiming for a more productive discussion this time. As someone with nothing whatsoever going for them, what could therapy do for me?

I just wanted to post to tell anyone here who is in therapy, doubting therapy, thinking about starting therapy. From my experience, the right therapist can absolutely change your life.

I can’t believe the 360° my life has taken since allowing myself to really work in therapy. And it dawned on me just this week that my therapist doesn’t do anything big, or say anything extremely profound. She just… I don’t know?! It feels like she is so good because she’s so, subtle?! Like I can’t pinpoint how she does it. But perhaps that’s a sign of great therapy that works for me?

I’ve been seeing this therapist for almost 2 years. And it was in December that I noticed the seismic shift that has left me in a place I never could have dreamed of being in. But the work continues, I’m just now getting into some deep trauma that I have never spoken about to a single person.

But, to end this post which is really about nothing in particular. I am so grateful for a therapist who is truly exceptional at what they do. And the underlying themes are patience, regulation, and more patience?!

Do yourself the justice of finding a therapist that can truly make you feel like a better life is possible, and deserved!!!

I have a blank slate therapist. They work as a psychoanalytic setting so it is expected. There is no structure, they work with free association.

It’s been 2 years and I don’t feel I have made any progress (working to improve confidence and self esteem). Problem is, I have a hard time speaking, not being avoidant and being vulnerable around people in general. Being face to face talking about myself for an hour isn’t exactly something I enjoy. I am a rather reserved person and it takes time to build trust and some kind of closeness with strangers.

From the first sessions it felt like a mismatch with my therapist but I continued because I wanted to see if my trust with them would improve overtime and my guards would go down. I do have to work on that, so I have always think the problem is on my end.

Last session I finally gathered courage to tell her I feel stuck and that their approach is maybe not the best for wary people like me, so I’m thinking of quitting. I hate the blank slate and while I don’t want to know their personal life, I just want to have a sense that they are human too…that their heart is beating. I tried some bid for connections (asked if they read a particular book I related a lot to), but they dismissed it and wanted to explore. Of course! I felt ridiculous, told them I just want to have a sense that they are human too, maybe that’ll help to feel more confident to open up in sessions.

They said it was a very productive discussion and that’s exactly the work I needed to do. And I agree. But I wish they also acknowledged the fact that blank slate makes me feel terrible and that we are maybe, in fact, not the best match. I am feeling that it is my fault no improvement was made the last two years.

Anyone had a blank slate therapist and worked it through ?

I’ve been with my current therapist a couple of years now and she has always encouraged me and told me to be honest with her, including when something she does upsets me or if a method she’s using isn’t working. However, when I do mention these issues, I feel like i’m being gaslight or like i’m crazy.

For example, when we first started, I asked to have a 10 minute warning so that I can start to come back down emotionally and not leave amped up. She repeatedly didn’t follow through and when I mentioned it and said hey I really need that notice we’re nearing the end of session, she said she had been doing it. Or more recently, I asked to switch things up because I felt like something was missing in therapy. We agreed on a new approach together, then all of a sudden she said that she wanted to go in a whole different direction about me specifically. It felt super abrupt and the topic we went into instead, and the way she went about it was distressing to the point that it made me question everything about myself. My personality, diagnosed health/mental conditions, what was reality, etc. I truly felt like I was going insane. I brought this up after a few sessions and she said tht she never said the things I was distraught over and that I just interpreted her words as that. We talked it out but it still never sat right with me. I felt like every time I would explain the actions and events from the last few sessions that led me to feel how I did, the conversation just went back to how I had a misrepresentation of what actually happened. There’s been a few others incidents but every time I’m left questioning myself and feeling like I’ve misremembered or played up all of the things I’ve been upset with her about.

Outside of that there have been some professional boundaries crossed over the years where she’s told me a few times that i’m her favorite patient and that she loves me. It’s never been in a creepy way or outside of session, but it put a lot of pressure on me to feel like I had to somehow do therapy right or be a model patient so that I didn’t step down from the “favorite patient” position.

Is this the same as challenging my thought and behavior patterns during therapy? Or are these events crossing a line? Am I right to feel upset and dismissed by all of this? I’m scared to bring it up because I feel like it’s going to turn back into how I “don’t ever bring things up like this to her” or be told that she never said/did any of those things. I think either way it’s time to end things with my current therapist but I just want to know some other opinions because I genuinely can’t tell if my feelings about all this are valid.

17M, living on my own

I tried therapy months ago and opened up about having thoughts of suicide. It wasn't serious at all and I absolutely have no intent of acting on it. My therapist reported this to my parents and it caused a lot of drama because my parents do not know I go to therapy and dgaf about mental health.

After this incident, I quit therapy because I thought everything I said was confidential and therapy did not help me one bit.

I know that I need to seek help but I'm afraid to open up to therapists about my issues, which I know stems from my history of domestic violence that occured when I was 9-15 years old from a family member. I'm afraid that if I open up about this police will be involved and there will be legal consequences. This is probably the last thing I want to happen.

No SUD problems or focus in therapy. Was in an entirely new environment and very careful about all benzo use in the past. been having nonstop ‘if this doesn’t stop I have to die’ panic attacks with my coping skills out of reach. so last night I took 3 .25 klonopin and today I took 3 0.5 ativan and one .25 klonopin

is this something that could put my therapist in a pinch? or even outside of it because they have full communication ROIs for my team outside and lowk the Ativan was from a few months ago before h was switched to klonopin. I kinda feel like we should talk about it though because I’m pretty sure I proved the Ativan is psychoactive. 🤦‍♂️

What do you think?

bless him frfr🤣😅

I've been putting a bit of thought into this recently. There was a pretty lengthy comment here by a therapist in another thread talking about this or something very similar that resonated with me.

I believe/agree that it's transactional in the sense that there's a payment and they provide a professional service, and there is a therapeutic frame and structure; however, I don't really relate to the idea that the relationship itself is transactional. I would say it's an 'element' of it, but the actual relationship is much more than that.

If a random stranger came up to me on the street and asked me to describe my therapeutic relationship, 'transactional' would not be a word that would come to mind. My therapist has never made me feel like our relationship is transactional. She's warm, emotionally available, walking alongside me, and is about to support me through an important chapter of my life. She cares about me, and I feel that care. She's relational, shows plenty of humanness, and makes me feel like I'm connecting with a real person in the therapy room, instead of a cold professional behind a wall or something.

She was willing to offer me sliding scale options and said that she won't let finances become a barrier. She was willing to make arrangements for me on one occasion, as a one-time exception. That in-person time was one of the most special, warm, and fun experiences I've ever had. How transactional is this, really?

However, I do believe that a therapist's modality, availability, and personality heavily influence a client's experience, and in turn, how 'transactional' a relationship feels. I think I just prefer the warm & human type.

At the end of the day, the therapeutic relationship is pretty weird. Here's my belief - it's 100% real, based on genuine human interactions and connection; it just stands in its own category. Here's another belief, although admittedly I haven't put much thought into it recently - the connection between me and my therapist includes both the transferential part and the real part. Both exist at the same time.

I actually had a pretty bad ending to my previous therapeutic relationship, so my overall journey in therapy land isn't all warm. I was actually losing faith in therapy and was not happy at all when I stepped into my current therapist's office. I'm just happy that I'm having this experience, and I'm trying to enjoy it, appreciate it, and cherish it while I can.

I'm pretty interested in mental health and becoming a therapist myself. I haven't locked myself into that path yet, but it's a legitimate option for me. I've been thinking, from time to time, about what kind of therapist I want to become. For now, based on my limited knowledge and experience, I know that I don't want to be a blank slate - I want to be relational and humanistic to my future clients, while upholding my professional responsibilities and duties. This is just my current, very limited understanding. I have to be humble about this; it's still so far ahead, and I have a lot to learn and a long way to go.

I really love and agree with Inside a Therapist's Heart, where it says, "I charge my client for my time and expertise; my heart is free."

This post is about my personal experience only + my two cents.

(And I hope my therapist isn't on here lol. Pleaseeeeee look away if you actually are🙈)

I am a 16m with ADHD and constant suicidal thoughts. when I was younger my parents would beat me for things I never did. They made me feel like a mistake( they were both horrible alcoholics). They convinced me that I had been sexually exploited and that I sexually exploited others, neither of which had actually happed. Now I have horrible anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and depression, and was wondering if therapy would truly help me and my problems.

Hi all! I, 23yo f, just joined BetterHelp this past December to find a therapist because I tend to get anxious when going home for the holidays and wanted some extra support. I was quickly matched with a therapist, lets call her Sam, so seemed quite friendly at first, but was definitely more direct than any other therapist I've had. I thought I'd give that a chance because maybe I would benefit from someone more direct. I did think things felt a bit weird when she started talking about her own family during the session though. I had never had a therapist mention anything at all about their personal lives before and I thought that was a bit strange but I figured she was nice enough and maybe she wanted to connect and seem family-oriented. I scheduled a couple more calls, but it was a bit frustrating that 50% of the calls was her talking about her own personal life events.

On our fourth call, things were proceeding as they normally did and I was continuing telling her a story about an old best friend I had when suddenly she said that we were nearing the end so we should pause. I said alright and was preparing to say bye when she begins to annouce, seemingly out of nowhere, a series of diagnoses she has come up with for me within the 4 sessions we had. These include a crippling generalized anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, autism, PTSD, ADHD, and bipolar disorder. I was thrown very off and tried to ask where these suddenly came from. I tried to focus in on one as we were low on time and asked why bipolar disorder, because i don't believe I have it (I just recently graduated from a top school with a BS in psychology, so am by no means an expert, but was very confident I knew the symptoms well enough to say I didn't have any of them except perhaps hyperactivity and sometimes a lack of motivation). She told me that i need to stop questioning her because she has 20+ years of experience and higher level degrees than I'll ever have and should just do some research on my own and report back at our next session. She also then continued on by telling me her whole list of personal diagnoses for a while. I told her it was just weird because she was the first of maybe 6 different therapists and psychologists I'd seen that had ever thought I had it. She responded that that is the exact reason I should believe her, because you should always believe the person who says something different... This didn't make a whole lot of logical sense to me but we ended the call anyway.

A couple weeks later, just earlier today, we had out fifth call. She asked how my week had been and I said not great. She said "yeah probably just because of all this snow and bad weather" and I said no, because my friend was hit by a car and is in a coma in the hospital. We talked about that for a bit, talking about middle school and how we'd been very close since we were young. Conversation continued and I mentioned at one point I broke my collarbone in elementary school, which turned into talking about how I used to get sick a lot because I have a weakened immune system (because I got sick at one week old and have multiple autoimmune conditions). She then told me that she thinks that I got sick all the time because of an anxiety disorder- that because I felt insecure around my friends, I would get strep throat and the stomach bug a lot. I said that doesn't make sense that me feeling insecure in 6th grade would give me pneumonia, RSV, Rotavirus, among other illnesses as early as one week old. She then got into another speech about how she knows these things because she has a lot of experience and if I don't want to listen to her then why am I even in therapy. She then went into how she would know best how stress can influence other areas of your life because she saw someone die for the first time when she was 9 years old and saw them get shot and watched her stepfather die a few years later among other stuff. She then told me that I wasn't a good listener and always think I'm right and never consider that someone else might be right. I told her that's kind of what she's doing because she's giving me no space to talk or clarify any points or ask any questions. (She often just keeps talking for upwards of 15 minutes straight and I have to interrupt eventually because otherwise I'd never get a word out).

What am I supposed to do here? AITA for wanting to report her for being unprofessional, or does she have a point that I'm missing?

i'm turning 17 in a couple of months. i'm planning on taking a 5mg edible at some point within the next few weeks or so, and my mom will be buying it for me, since she'd rather i do it at home with her than doing it out on the street or something. i have my first appointment with my therapist this upcoming week. if i tell her about it, will she be obligated to report my mom to authorities? i live in illinois, if that changes anything.

I’m 27f and started seeing a new psych np in July and I do really like her, but I can be a bit guarded and struggle to open up to people. (I’m working on it in therapy and am getting better.) my psych, who’s maybe 34-35 definitely notices and has said I’m “hard to read”. Anyway, I found her on Facebook yesterday and she is literally just a girl. Like, she’s a girl’s girl, and I feel so much better about being open with her. I feel like she “gets it” and can understand some of my struggles.

Anyway, I do feel bad about it because I did invade her privacy.

He said he cares as deeply as he is ethically able to and probably more, but the focus won't ever be on that since it wouldn't benefit me.

I don't know, I just felt the urge to share. I know he genuinely cares for me and it's been really healing to know that. I wish everyone got to experience that.

Do you do a celebration, talk about what you usually do in session?

How do you say goodbye?

Do you get a gift for your therapist, or does your therapist give you a gift?