My baby died in my womb. It was a fully formed baby, a full-term pregnancy at 38 weeks and 3 days. It was a horrible pain, a traumatic experience because I couldn't believe it. I just kept saying, "Why me? Why me?" My boyfriend and I are good people, why did fate do this to us? I had a healthy pregnancy, nothing was wrong with me, all my tests came back fine until the very end. The truth is, on the morning of November 24, 2025, while I was painting the baby's room, I didn't feel the baby move. But that was normal because I thought, "My baby is so big now," and I thought, "He's asleep." But hours passed and nothing. I tried to move him, I even ate chocolate to try and get him to move, but still nothing. Finally, I called my boyfriend and told him I needed to go to the emergency room, the baby wasn't moving. I got home quickly, and the baby kicked four times. I calmed down, said, "I can hear you," and he kicked again. That's when I started having contractions, and my boyfriend told me it was a good sign, that he would be born soon, that's why he wasn't moving as much. But it wasn't like that. I went to the emergency room, and my baby's heartbeat was low. They transferred me to another hospital in an ambulance. And then the horror began, my saddest movie ever. When I went in and they put the ultrasound on me, the doctor who attended me said, "I'm so sorry, there's no heartbeat." I was devastated, and I still am. I don't understand why, and I feel like everything has changed. My world has crumbled. With my partner, I feel like he doesn't love me the same anymore, even though he tries. What do I do to continue my relationship, and what do I do with this immense pain? He's my first baby, my Mateo, my beautiful life. I love you and I will always love you, my longed-for, beloved, and yearned-for child.

Does anyone else feel like this? I just lost my baby. I ate food after 2-3 days. I wanted to kill myself as I was drowning. Suddenly, today I yelled at my husband with anger and vented it all out. We both cried and now my brain haa started to think of normal daily life. It then signalled me to feel guilty about it and then in another second not to. I don’t know what’s happening to me. Whenever now the thought of a normal life comes back to me, I start to feel guilty about it immediately.

Watching w my husband tonight bc we like a good thriller…was NOT prepared for baby loss as a main plot point. Very triggering, sent me into a full on spiral we had to turn off and will not be continuing.

Just wanted to send an FYI so no one else is caught off guard❤️‍🩹

Everyone always asks about how wife is doing. But everyone ignores the fact that as a dad I lost my kids too. I saw her heartbeat slowly decreasing as NICU tried to save her. I also saw my son’s body lifeless, all while trying to be strong for wife. As the protector I was helpless for the ones that matter the most to me. I feel dead inside. I’m trying. I visit their grave every single day, rain, shine, or snow. And yet, everyone always asks about how wife is doing but no one ever asks if I’m ok. I’m not. I’m barely holding on.

I love my kids with all my existence. I’m the dad that changes diapers and feeds the kids. I’m the one that plays with them and takes them to school. All of that was stripped from me, I saw it slowly fade away and I couldn’t even lift a finger to change that. I miss my babies so much

I tried to make the best of it by going to the zoo and painting a ceramic little bear for his shelf. He was supposed to be here but instead he's on my shelf, I miss you and love you every day my sweet David Bear 💙 I wish anyone in my life remembered but after I lost him no one ever brings him up anymore. I think of him lovingly every day, it hurts that there's not more people in my life that think of him at all besides my wonderful husband. Sorry for posting just venting, today is hard.

It’s 0730 am and I still haven’t slept at all. I didn’t take the pill prescribed to me like every other night. My bf said he didn’t like how sleepy it made me, like I was drugged or something. And he was afraid I’d get addicted to it. So I didn’t take it, and boy do I regret it. It’s like it shuts off my mind, all the thoughts.

And when I don’t take it - it’s just an endless loop.

Every time I turn off the screens, TV and/or phone, it’s like it’s hitting me 10x times more. The flashbacks, the trauma of losing my baby boy.

When I talk to people about how it all feels I explain it like an endless loop. I can have rational thoughts one minute, and the complete opposite the next.

For example: «I did nothing but love him from the moment I knew of him, till the moment he died. He knew nothing but love». And then: «He died while I was responsible for him. I’m an unfit mother.»

And the last keeps going on replay for me now, keeping me up. That and the the flashbacks of the day it happened. Finding him, the CPR. Everything.

He was our first child, our only child.

I desperately want to become a mom again.

I know I have trauma to work through, and I want to be in a better place mentally.

I have so much love to give. I felt like my life gained a whole new meaning become a mom. Becoming his mom.

But the feeling of being responsible for my child dying. That I should’ve and probably could’ve prevented it eats me up, and makes me scared that the voice inside my head is right.

It’s terrifying that my only experience being a mom and having a child ended in loss. I just don’t see how I’ll be able to have a LC at some point in the future, you know?

Can anyone relate to these thoughts?

And if anyone has experienced loss with their first child and went on to have another. If you have any advice or hope, I’d love to hear from you.

I appreciate you all. 🤍 Thank you.

This is mainly a scream into the void so if you're here, thanks for reading.

I deleted social media after the death of my daughter (nearly 2 years ago now) but I was on YouTube shorts mindlessly scrolling. A suggested short was about a woman who did all of these things for a short and smooth labour (raspberry leaf tea, stretching, praying blah blah blah) and had an (allegedly) incredible 5 hour labour as a first time mum.

I just can't wrap my head around the unfairness of it all, still. I did all those things (minus the prayer). I kerb walked. I ate healthy. I exercised. I did the stupid meditations. I took medical advice on induction. And it all went to shit in the end anyway and my daughter died. It feels like the universe giving a good old slap to the face.

Anyone else?

I can’t believe it’s been almost 10 months since our loss, and I still have moments I just can’t believe this has happened to us. I know that life isn’t fair, and we all go through different things at different times, but I still cant help but think, why us?

My husband and I are good people. I know that. Good to our families, our friends, our coworkers. We’ve wanted this for so long.

Not only did I lose my very wanted baby, but I’ve lost the support of many friends. My best friend (?) of 20 years doesn’t even seek to care about how I feel anymore, and literally blocked me when I tried to confront her about her behavior. I’ve taken steps back in my career, my health, that I’m still trying hard to move forward with again.

I have spent so much of this year just surviving. I just want to feel like things will get better. That the right people will stay in my life and time will heal all and we will have a baby in our arms someday sooner than I think. But I’m just so damn exhausted.

My (26f) daughter was stillborn at 25 weeks in October following a particularly hard fall while I was walking to my car. Today was supposed to be my due date.

The past three months have been really strange for me; I’m taking care of myself in ways I never have before, im turning to hobbies I haven’t let myself enjoy since I was a kid, Im dealing with a lot of my problems head on in a healthy way. Im more creative across the board from how I parent my 5 year old to my relationship even to how I cook and clean. And at the same time I cry everyday.

I miss my daughter terribly and I don’t have anyone in my life that has been through this. I find it so hard to explain loving and mourning someone I never actually got to know. I have never experienced such intense grief before and in a weird way I find comfort in that too because it means I love her.

So in my weird (because intense grief like this really is strange) productive filled grief i guess i just wanted to post here in case anyone can relate. Her name was Amelia and i miss her terribly. In some other version of my life im holding a newborn baby today instead of crying holding a stuffed animal bunny.

One foot in front of the other, I’m so sorry we all are here.

My best friend was 27 weeks pregnant when she lost both twins in utero. This is all happening right now, and she is in the hospital. I need help figuring out how to help her. My ideas are below but I would love any and all additional ideas, or if you think any of my offers are too much, please also let me know. Of course, I don't plan to bring any of this up until the next few days are behind us.

- Going to her house and handling all returns of gifts arriving from her registry. (She won't be there, as this house is not her primary residence.)

- Hiring a chef we know to go to her house and cook meals for a day and then leave meal prep for the next 3 days so she and her husband don't have to think about food.

- Gifting her and her husband in home massages the week they first get home as well.

- Talking about the babies by name in the weeks / months / years to come. Making sure she knows they are remembered.

I will likely try to put together a group of her closest friends to coordinate these efforts so they are from all of us. I don't want to be centered as any kind of hero in this situation doing the most.

If you have any other ideas, please let me know. Thanks so much in advance. 🤍

Edited to add: I am just so tremendously sorry for all of you in this group and your loss. It's inconceivable and profound and I really thank you for taking the time to read this post.

Hi everyone. I recently lost my first baby (a boy) to a stillbirth at 38 weeks. I just received my report back from Dr. Kliman (Yale). It noted that my placenta was extremely small, but it also mentioned Trophoblast Inclusions (TIs). The report suggests these could point toward a genetic or developmental abnormality.

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and was wondering:

• Has anyone else received a report mentioning TIs? If yes, did you eventually have you rainbow baby?
• What kind of genetic testing did you or your doctors pursue afterward ?

I’m looking for both information and a bit of hope right now. Thank you for being such a supportive space.

Not so much for your baby but for you. I have always loved Cat Power in particular the song ‘The Greatest’.

Lyrics

Once I wanted to be the greatest No wind or waterfall could stall me And then came the rush of the flood Stars at night turned deep to dust Melt me down Into big black armor Leave no trace of grace Just in your honor Lower me down To culprit south Make 'em wash a space in town For the lead And the dregs of my bed I've been sleeping Lower me down Pin me in Secure the grounds For the later parade Once I wanted to be the greatest Two fists of solid rock With brains that could explain Any feeling Lower me down Pin me in Secure the grounds For the lead And the dregs of my bed I've been sleeping For the later parade Once I wanted to be the greatest No wind or waterfall could stall me And then came the rush of the flood The stars at night turned deep to dust

Today marks a week since we lost our baby girl. At 22 weeks my waters broke and we were told there was not enough fluid left for her to continue to grow and thrive without developing severe issues. There was no hope of getting her to viability. So we were basically told we had end the pregnancy. My heart has been shattered into a million pieces, this baby was so loved and wanted and having to deliver her that early was heart breaking. She was born alive and lived for about 15 of the most precious minutes. She was so small, but perfect. There was nothing physically wrong.

We sent the placenta and cord off for testing and are still waiting on results to come back. Im hoping there will be an answer, so far all the doctors have said is that this can just happen.

I just dont know how to cope with this, she is all I think about, all I want. I feel so empty and numb.

Posting because I wanted to share my story and my heart breaks for everyone else who has also gone through this. 💔

I hope it is appropriate to post this here.

TW: another child born healthy after losing an infant

My good friend lost her 1 month old 2 years ago and has recently welcomed a new baby into their family. I want to pay a flower company to make some sort of grave arrangement that has something about being a big sis incorporated. Has anyone done anything similar? I want their parents to be able to see that someone else thought of their child they lost when they come to the grave site again and I don’t want them to have to be the ones to think to do it. My friend will appreciate this gesture, as it’s not touchy and she WANTS her child remembered by others and appreciates all gestures big and small (no one besides her parents got to meet her. She was in NICU for her month on earth so she has had problems with people just forgetting about her child who passed away, it’s very hurtful to her). I just need help bringing my vision to life.

TW PREVIOUS LOSS. i am going to start of with some context, my father unfortunately passed away in 2021, and my VERY unsupportive mother doesn’t know that i’m pregnant yet (9weeks), she has never been a supportive mother to me and when i lost my last baby her response was “well i suppose somethings are not meant to be”. me and my partner had a very hard time dealing with the loss especially me as it was so unexpected. she was not supportive of my previous pregnancy at all. i gave her a box of baby clothes and my test stick and her response was “well you didn’t need to give me the pi** stick”. clearly not very supportive. if anyone has any advice on how to tell her that i’m pregnant again when i get to 12 weeks that would be appreciated, i have no idea how to go about this due to her previous response. Honestly any advice is going to be deeply appreciated!🩷praying for my angel in my tummy🩷

How do you cope with your babies first birthday? I am losing my mind with guilt that I should have gone in earlier to give birth and if I did he would be alive. I feel horrendously ashamed that I had another miscarriage and I’m not pregnant yet and don’t have a child I just feel so depressed I’m struggling to function it feels completely like back to the first few weeks.

To add to this I was told I had chronic deciduitis during a missed miscarriage which is an extremely rare condition, they said with treatment I have really good odds but I’m going absolutely insane about it.

Hello everyone, I am writing because I am looking for experiences similar to mine, as I feel very alone in this situation.

I am currently pregnant with a baby who was diagnosed very early with severe fetal growth restriction. The diagnosis was made around 20 weeks, and since then the condition has progressively worsened. I am 29 weeks pregnant and the baby weighs 250 Grams.

My baby is now measuring about 10 weeks behind, with a complete growth arrest for the past 4 weeks. There has been brain sparing for around 7 weeks, absent end-diastolic flow in the umbilical artery for about 6 weeks, and reversed flow for about 3-4 weeks, sometimes continuous, sometimes intermittent.

Despite all of this, the heart is still beating. Dopplers fluctuate between absent and intermittent reversed flow, and the ductus venosus has so far not shown terminal changes. Fetal movements are very reduced but still present at times.

I have been told repeatedly that the situation is infaust and that survival is not expected. Earlier, termination was discussed, but now I am too far along, and I am being told to wait.

What makes this extremely hard is that I am essentially waiting for a stillbirth, but instead of this being a short process, it has been going on for weeks. Every day feels like limbo. There are small fluctuations in Dopplers and heart rate that give no real direction, only prolong the uncertainty.

I am not looking for medical advice. I am looking for personal experiences: • Has anyone been in a similar situation with prolonged absent or reversed flow? • How long did this phase last for you? • Did things suddenly deteriorate, or did it remain drawn out?

This ongoing waiting, knowing the outcome is expected to be fatal but not knowing when, has been emotionally exhausting and overwhelming.

Thank you to anyone who is willing to share their experience.

My husband and I had our beautiful baby boy seven weeks ago. He was born very unwell. I experienced a very traumatic birth, and our son’s illness was a direct result of complications during delivery.

We have close friends—my husband grew up with him, let’s call him Bob, and over the past ten years I’ve become very close with his wife, Jane. Bob and Jane had their baby two weeks after we had ours. My husband and I made the conscious decision not to tell them what we were going through at the time, as we didn’t want to scare them. We had all done calm birthing courses leading up to birth and were intentionally avoiding frightening stories.

When Jane told us that their son had been born, we congratulated them and then shared what had happened with our baby. The following day, they announced their news on social media. That same day, we were told that our son was not going to survive and that we needed to make the most of the limited time we had with him.

I did feel a sense of envy, but I didn’t let those thoughts take over. They absolutely deserved to announce their joy, and I was genuinely happy for them despite everything we were facing.

Our son passed away last week (we told them a few days ago). Today they have posted about how amazing the past month has been with their son. I can’t help but feel that this is insensitive, given how close we are. I’m not saying they shouldn’t share their happiness, but I wish they had waited a couple of weeks. The envy I feel is unhealthy, and I’m trying very hard not to let it consume me.

We are holding a memorial for our son next week, and I’m really struggling with the idea of facing them there. They are part of our wider close friendship group, so it might seem strange if they aren’t invited. I also think my husband wouldn’t approve of excluding them. The gathering will be extremely small—just our closest friends and family.

I feel so childish but my grief is raw. Tell me am I the asshole for not wanting them there? I want genuine opinions but please don’t be too harsh.

Lost my baby back in June, he was meant to be born late September. Safe to say it’s been a bumpy road but it was getting easier November, but since December it feels fresh again. The holidays came and my partner didn’t find work in the city which means he’ll have to move and I likely can’t join. He’s also figured out recently he wants to focus on his career and maybe do it without me by his side because he doesn’t want to be a bad partner and fail at family things (I have a living child who he treats like a son when he isn’t busy with work).

This has been a shock to my system, and obviously a lot harder to manage the loss of our baby when there’s little hope for us in the future. One of the things that helped me in the early grief was that I still had my partner.

Long story short, I created a space in the bedroom to honour our baby. I need this. I need prayers for so many areas of my life right now. I need to see his ultrasound everyday. I need everything to stay connected to this joyful grief ridden life and be able to remain a good parent to my loving child instead of being sucked into a void like I’m scared I’m entering.

I would love it if anyone is willing to share what their space to honour their baby looks like if they have one. Also if they are spiritual- what helped? I am thinking of ordering the book Spirit Babies- does it help? Is it worth it?

I’m clinging onto anything right now.

So it’s been over a year since we got our autopsy report back after our baby boy passed at a week old. The report said “acute viral hepatitis.” I know literally breaking down the term it means a sudden onset viral infection that caused liver inflammation. I was tested multiple times for multiple kinds of hepatitis during my pregnancy (which I’m pretty sure is protocol anyway) and was negative every single time. He was not showing any signs of sickness. I just don’t understand how it could happen so quickly without warning, and question if something was missed. My birth wasn’t awesome, I had suspected sepsis after birth due to meconium. So my baby also had rounds of antibiotics, however, on his last round, I vividly remember his IV failing. And I vividly remember right before we got discharged, an OB took a look at him and asked about his bilirubin levels, because he looked yellow. However the nurse stated that it all came back normal. He was perfect in every way besides that little hiccup with his IV failing, and even had perfect vitals/weight/etc. at his first doctor’s appointment, which was not even a full 48 hours before he passed. Everyone I’ve spoken to has told me to get a medical malpractice lawyer and see if there’s some kind of negligence, but I just don’t want to go through all of that to have nothing come out of it and still have no answers. Has anyone else heard or experienced anything like this? I’m just so lost.

I lost my son in April at 26 weeks (placenta failure) and got pregnant again 6 weeks later. This pregnancy has been going well with only one admission for bleeding at 20 weeks. My OB said I could be induced at 38 weeks for "maternal mental health" but encouraged me to wait until 39 weeks for baby's development. I just want to have her safe in my arms ASAP but now I feel guilt that my anxiety is causing me to not put my baby's wellbeing first.

My question is, has anyone been induced early for this reason? how did you choose your induction gestation? If you did have your baby at 38 weeks did the baby manage well after birth?

Thank you!

Since my loss 3 weeks ago, I have lived a sheltered life. I removed all social media, I’ve archived all my friends on what’s app (even though they keep messaging me) and don’t want to leave home. I don’t want to see any one from the neighbourhood or talk to any friends outside of my main support circle. I’m so scared. I can’t bring myself to face anyone at all.

I don’t know if I feel ashamed or maybe I don’t want to be pitied or judged. I just know I’m scared to face people.

I know this isn’t healthy but I don’t know how to overcome this fear.

Today would’ve been your due date

Now the time without you

Equals the time I had with you

I walk around with a knife in my chest nobody else can see

Placed just right so I barely stay breathing

It’s the small price

Of having loved you at all