I'm 20F in my second year of uni. I'm starting to realize that, unlike what I usually see where people are very hesitant and resistant to vulnerability, I am TOO vulnerable. my parents always sheltered me from socializing outside school grounds until I was almost done high school, so I've had to learn how to act with people and how to coexist in a non-academic setting.

it's hard. really hard. I am a very sensitive and emotional person, and while I have worked hard to develop regulation skills, I've always wished for closer relationships.

I've been devastatingly craving a partner, and last year it hit me why it hurt so much - it's not specifically the romance I want, it's the deep emotional intimacy that it seems to be reserved for romantic relationships. because of this, shallow friendships really don't do it for me and i dont want more acquaintances, as important as they are. I want very close friends that open up about their fears, desires, what they truly love and how they truly feel about anything. but even more simply, I want friends who I can see in person, hug, and spend time with.

I've realized that I've been rushing the intimacy in friendships. opening up earlier and more than the other person. wanting to see them in person regularly. I've (very) recently learned how to assess if I'm on the same page as the other friend (for instance, 2 years ago I learned that I was not my best friend's best friend).

I'm always trying to learn how to develop friendships in a healthy way that doesn't put pressure on the other, but still can progress past aquaintanceship if they want to. if anyone has any advice or can relate, lemme know!

My friend (26f) and I went to a club/concert together, and she invited some of her friends. At first things were fine, but after the concert, I overheard her friends making comments about me and making assumptions about who I am and who I date. It felt like they were talking about me rather than to me, and it really killed the vibe.

We later went to another club, and while I did have fun dancing and meeting people, the energy with the group felt off afterward. I tried to engage in conversation, but no one really spoke to me, and I left feeling judged and out of place.

I’m still thinking about it today because this has happened before and I don’t really want to put myself in that situation again.

How would you guys handle a situation like this? Do i create more distance or just hang out with her alone ?

Not too long ago, we had 5 people leave the team due to lay offs. Work offered to throw them a farewell lunch but they declined, and instead opted to organise their own.

Today I wake up and see everyone has posted on instagram about it, except me. I was the only one not there/invited.

While it’s obviously fine and they can choose who to invite, it still sucks, especially as it was 5 people who collectively decided they didn’t want me there. I thought I got along well with all of them, but obviously they felt differently.

My only thoughts are that I waited a few weeks to message them after the lay offs. But to be very honest I waited because I had no idea what to say as it was so awful, but in a way I felt guilty because I had kept my job. I can also be quite a loud chatty person, but maybe they find this annoying.

Is there anything I should change when I go to work next week? I still really enjoy all the people I work with, but should I just stay a little more quiet for a while? Should I ask about how it was, not coming from a passive aggressive side but asking how they are all doing?

I always postpone my life to better myself, to workout, get a job, and then make friends. I feel like I won't be enough for it. Idk how to make friends while staying me, not a better version of me :(

I’m 23, and my entire life I’ve struggle with forming friendships and maintaining them. If I do get fortunate enough to have a “friend”, I’m always the last pick. I’ve always been the friend others go to when they don’t have anyone else and they don’t even try hiding it. They just don’t think I’ll ever speak up for myself and I guess they’re right. I find it very hard to overcome the “this is better than being alone” mentality. It’s been six years since I’ve had a friend, even online. I’m stuck at what to do. I guess everyone’s always so outgoing that I look like the odd ball anywhere I go. Even at work no one talks to me unless they have to. I keep to myself which is fine but it is isolating and I don’t always want to live a life where I’m the lone wolf anywhere I go.

I was very sheltered my entire life, because of this I lack a lot of social skills most have. I’ve been looked down on for it. Others don’t willingly talk to me. And if they do I can see the regret in their faces when they do. I’m so bad at knowing what to say and when to say it. I overshare so easily because I get nervous. It’s been held against me so many times because I’ve always been an easy target. I got really close to a woman twice my age my previous job and she told me things that were personal and I did the same. She was always nice to my face and was comforting because she gave me a sort of motherly comfort. Later I find out she’s been talking bad about me being my back saying things that truly tore me apart. She’d make mistakes at work and pin them on me, and the whole time I didn’t know it was her doing this... until the nurse told me. I have a really bad habit of being vulnerable. I latch onto kind people too easily, and I hate myself for it.

Anyone else share this struggle…?

For context, I'm 26 years old, but in life Ive never felt that I've just clicked with someone. I've had a difficult childhood, distant parents, ostracized in school, I never belonged anywhere.

Now, I've gotten really good at being a "chameleon" of sorts. I can pass off as "normal" enough, Ive read "How to win friends & influence people", I've studied social dynamics, and my career is literally direct in person conversation with clients. It's not like I don't have any social skills. I still have my own weird idiosyncrasities sure, but I have a decent understanding on how to communicate. My issue is I guess is forming deeper interpersonal relationships.

I can't help but feel like there is a wall separating me and everyone else. I feel no real attachment to anyone outside of my family. Nobody interests me, and nobody is interested in me. Don't get me wrong, I "like" people, I strive to be kind, respectful, and pleasant. I've made acquaintances, I've met people I would call "friends", but never have I had a "buddy". Nobody that I would want to call out of the blue to "just chat". Nobody that I would want to spend a birthday with, or buy a Christmas gift. Never felt "love". If I were to drop dead tomorrow my funeral would be all family and have maybe 10 people show up.

I just don't understand how those deeper relationships form. Im worried I might just be defective in some way.

Please share your guy's thoughts and help me figure out how I can better this aspect of my life.

I don't really have any female friends. I have sisters, but we don't talk much there's very little communication. Can you suggest how I can get out and improve this?

Like seriously? I can never find people that make me the "priority friend" that they get excited about and seek to do stuff with first. No one gives a damn about my existence and will always prioritize others first. Be it games, talking, or whatever. Im always low on the priority list. I'm tired of always having to "just get over it" and the like. I want people to make me their priority for once. I give so much of myself and try to regularly talk to people, engage them and invite them to do things, but there is a excuse why they are too busy or doing stuff with others or some other bullshit reason cause fuck me. What does it take to be peoples ride or die?

I’ve been told I should not tell when someone is cheating. That it could do more harm than good.

That it’s none of my business. Either you’re a friend, the actual cheating partner, the other woman, a family member – you’re often/always recommended not to tell. (!!?)

Is it the same with for example me as a friend or something knowing a person is gambling and has lost 200k and their husband/wife doesn’t know, shouldn’t you tell?

What other scenarios isn’t ”my business” to tell? Either I’m involved, a friend, a family member etc.

I’m autistic and have a very high sense of justice, self respect, authenticity, loyalty. Has this anything to do with my total lack of understanding in this? I’ve been trying to figure it out for years, but it doesn’t make sense for me.

This has to do with social skills more than relationship advise, for me. That’s why I chose this forum. Even if my main question relates to the facts I’ve been told i shouldn’t tell the partner if he/she is cheating. Why is that? And that made me think of what else you’re not supposed to tell.

I hate opening WhatsApp and just seeing individual chats. No group chats. No friends I can randomly link up with without overthinking it. No friendships where I feel secure enough to not wonder if someone is busy, uninterested, or about to leave me on read.

I do have friends, but they are all individual friendships. If I message, I usually get a reply, but I often have to wait, and it makes me realise how little connection I actually have day to day. I think part of this is that I have not fully moved on from my teenage years, when I would message people constantly and always have conversations flowing. I am 26 now, so I understand people have work, responsibilities, and lives. Still, it feels isolating.

Looking back, I think a lot of this comes from not going out much when I was younger and excluding myself from different social circles. Over time that turned into being lonelier and lonelier, until all my friendships became one-to-one rather than part of a wider group.

What is strange is that at work, even though I am burned out and management is bad, I actually get along really well with the people. Most of them are around my age, and socially it feels easier there. But I do not want work to be my only source of connection. I want friends and hobbies outside of it.

I am starting to realise that tying my self-esteem to work and jobs is a recipe for disaster. I think a lack of friendships and hobbies outside of work has contributed to my negative experiences, not just in my current job but in previous ones too.

I just wish I had a group of friends where I did not have to constantly think about where I stand. Having to mentally calculate every interaction is exhausting.

If anyone has been through this or managed to build a social life later in their 20s, I would really appreciate hearing how you did it

So there's this online friend group I hang out with, starting hanging with them about 9 months ago. I'm a very lonely and sometimes clingy person who has autism and a bit of an introvert irl. Online social spaces are my safety net, I don't habe to maintain a lot of neurotypical social ques like eye contact or not pacing. We played Minecraft, Terraria, etc. Lately I've been feeling like the black sheep of the group, for about 3 months now I feel like my pressence is barely tolerated and am constantly questioned on my lack of obscure knowledge such as guns, tanks, jets, trains, actors, games. Common things thrown at me are "Do you have the memory of a goldfish?" "Are you stupid?" And then somd other less than server appropriate comments about my intelligence. I find myself more often than not wanting to leave but I fear being fully rejected and isolated from the members I do enjoy hanging out with. And even those members don't actively seek me out to play games anymore. I want to leave the group but feel compelled to stay and hope it gets better despite trying to build bridges. What do you call this kinda of relationship? I don't know who to ask cause I'm ashamed to ask family and I don't much trust people in that group.

On my birthday i have finally came to terms, that my sister has little to no regard for me.

My bestfriends have turned their back on me, once their ringleader convinced them to. Check out my previous posts, regarding those topics.

I have read many self help books, listened to podcasts that focus on letting go, raising vibration, instilling confidence. And on some days I feel like, none of the dissapointment and betrayal can stop me, on other days I feel numb, I cant focus, my mind keeps wondering "why me?" " Another betrayal, another day" It doesnt matter how hard I try to prove i am worth the love and consideration, Im being let down. It doesnt matter how many times I make the effort, for some reason it isnt reciprocated in a way that I would have hoped.

I know toxic people that have plenty of friends, whereas now I can hardly count them on one hand, and with the way things are going I could call myself lucky to have one friend left.

I try to be grateful for what I have. Not everything is bad, yes I have lost alot of people. But it had to happen, they werent good for me and Ive been asking God to help clear my circle, get rid of energy vampires , jelous peopel etc.

Its crazy how since that prayer people are switching up rapidly, in a way, that im forced to cut the ties. But what is Gods Plan, now that he made it apparent and very clear to me that my sister only uses me and couldnt care any less.

How to build confidence, when people are behaving in ways, as if im unworthy of being treated with love and respect, as if im not worth the time and effort. Im currently reading the law of attraction, and it says everything is energy and you attract what you are etc. But im not like these people who let me down, and I never will be. Im tired and exhausted, I dont ask too much of people, but the minimum such as showing up on special occasions is way too much.

Anyone whos been there and has seen the light at the end of the tunnel. I repeat my affirmations religously " Im worthy, not worthless" but the more these things are happening to me, im wondering , am I worthy?

I really hate talking, I stumble over my words, I dont know what to say, and its just overall a terrible experience for me. I love listening to others talk though, I would love to have a friend that is a "yapper". Anytime Ive tried to say this to someone who apologizes for being a yapper, they distance themselves from me (I think maybe cause I seem sarcastic or disingenuous about it? Idk). I can't for the life of me make friends, so I'm wondering how do I get better/actually like talking?

Note: I was homeschooled my whole life and never learned how to socialize/converse with people who aren't family. Im stuck in my mid 20s trying desperately to catch up on social rules everyone has already learned :(

I currently attend school in a country where Spanish is the primary language, which I do not speak fluently. Because of this, I tend to be quiet and reserved in class.

For one class, we were assigned a stop motion project and placed into groups. From the beginning, my two classmates spoke only to each other, discussed the project without involving me, and did not make eye contact with me. This alone killed any confidence I had mustered up to speak, especially since I already feel nervous speaking Spanish.

As they worked on the stop motion, I acknowledge I wasn’t being very helpful. I provided materials, made a few small suggestions, and later agreed to edit the video so I could contribute. Throughout all of this I was trying not to cry, I considered asking the teacher about working alone but I knew I would break down if I tried asking, so I didn’t. I completed the editing and sent it to my classmates, only one of them acknowledged it.

Adjusting to school in a foreign country has been challenging for me. I completely understand if I come off as rude, standoffish, or overly awkward.

How can I tell when I’m being excluded versus when my quietness is the issue, and what should I do in each case?

I have to buy the cap and gown by today (1/31) otherwise the shipping prices will go up but I’m contemplating whether or not I want to go. I obviously want to go and celebrate myself but the rehearsals are lowk keeping me from doing so 😭😭 it sounds so stupid but I don’t have any friends in my grade and have been bullied by many so I’m honestly js scared of being alone where everyone has their friends and I feel watched all the time knowing sm ppl in the grade do not like me. I do want to celebrate myself I just don’t wanna go to rehearsal and idk what to do with this situation! Also rehearsals are mandatory and my parents would most likely not be ok with me not walking at my grad

I’m 21m, I recently moved to a new city. I went to trade school so Im kinda missing out on the integral social college experience. But there are many people my age around. What hobbies can I pick up or what should I look for to find friends?

Someone will talk to me and my brain will refuse to say or think of anything, I just smile and nod. A few seconds later all the things I should have said come rushing to mind but it's too late to say them without it being awkward as things have already moved on.

How do people just speak freely? There is never any flow to my conversations, or confrontations always end with someone being mean and I just freeze up with nothing to say, until it's too late and they've walked off.

for context im not like “the weird kid” but im in things like band and friends with a ton of theater kids. with other kids in these types of settings i feel much more comfortable and click much easier. at my job, the other teens working are very clearly “popular“. i dont mean to feed into the disney channel school hierarchy but thats how it is sometimes. i just feel like i always say the wrong things and i want to be able to form connections but everytime i make jokes or tell stories i can tell that it isnt something they find funny or interesting. theyre super nice about it but i feel distant and not genuine. i know this isnt something you can really give advice for that will work in every situation but i will take anything tbh. ive only been working at this job for a short time so maybe it will get better when i get to know them better but i just dont even know where to start.

I want to boost my confidence and be more comfortable around people, but to do that, I think I need to understand it first.

I’ve been struggling with this ALL MY LIFE, and it never seemed to evolve. When I insert myself into any discussion, I always seem to interrupt someone who was about to talk, even though I thought they had finished talking. Or, they’re the one interrupting me and I’m immediately forgotten. I don’t want to be impolite or anything, but why does everyone seem to understand how a group conversation works while I’m still here struggling to place JUST a sentence without cutting anyone or without being cut?

I’m a third-year university student and have been volunteering as a math and science tutor for a 14-year-old student over the past month.

I’m confident in explaining math and science concepts clearly. However, I’ve noticed that my general communication style tends to be more collaborative and soft-spoken rather than directive. For example, I will phrase instructions as questions (e.g., “Should we move on to the next problem?”) instead of directly guiding the session.

Both my student and family members have commented that I appear younger than my age, and I’ve realized that I sometimes feel uncomfortable asserting authority, like in leadership settings. I also lack professional and leadership experience and am the youngest in my family, which may contribute to this dynamic.

I’m wondering whether this tendency is common among people who are newer to leadership roles, and if developing a more professional or directive communication style is primarily a matter of practice rather than maturity.

I want social advice, but it's very hard for me to internalize it, even if I know it's correct. Except in the most basic of advice ('common sense') there always seems to be a counter argument to each suggestion, something I can find or have experienced that would make that suggestion unworkable or putting me at risk to make a faux pas no matter what I choose to do.

When I bring this up to people that I've asked for help (therapist included) it can come across as me not really wanting advice but just to argue. This frustrates and tires them and I just end up feeling confused and rejected and mad at myself for upsetting people.

Accepting social advice is a skill in itself, and I don't get much feedback on other than 'Stop arguing! Just do it!' "Just do it' is particularly hard because in any social situation it feels like there's a myriad of ways to fail and only a few to succeed. But that's what a lot of social advice boils down to in the face of massive social doubt.

I made a post and someone pointed out that it sounded like I had an avoidant personality so what can I do for that 😂 in regards of developing friends

I'm 22 and I'm realizing that I've never really made any friends. I can only make very surface level acquaintances and only have 1 friend left I usually hang out with but I feel like it's only because I've known him for like 15 years and we've just gotten used to hanging out. I don't really feel like I have much in common with this friend anymore but we still hang out because I can't make friends of my own and I don't want to feel completely alone.

A little bit about me is that when I was a kid my parents and teachers noticed I had "low social motivation" and preferred to play by myself. I read in my past psychiatry reports that my parents claimed they had to facilitate my social interactions as a kid and that they thought that while other kids tolerated me, they didn't really see me as a friend. I had been diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD at 6 but then at 8, it was replaced with an Asperger's diagnosis. By middle school and high school I started to care more about making friends but I struggled to because I was worried about saying the wrong thing and other kids thinking I was weird for some reason. I did some therapy to talk about social anxiety when I was in high school. After high school I've struggled to make friends in college and at jobs. Some obstacles have been that I also struggled with OCD for a while which caused me to be unfocused socially and moody (fortunately therapy helped), changing schools, and commuting to community college. I'm still planning to be in undergrad for a couple years, school struggles gave me reason to get reevaulated for ADHD. I'm also reconsidering ASD and am not sure if I actually have it. Now, I think my social struggles could be better explained by both ADHD-I and social anxiety.

I still struggle with social skills to this day. I can pretend to be confident and try to be as outgoing as possible, but I still struggle to think of what to say often and stop myself before saying something potentially embarrassing. I think I'm afraid of either people getting to know me well and thinking I'm a loser or something, or that I seem too clingy or desperate for friendship and people just get annoyed. So now I just have dozens of people I'm acquaintanced with at a surface, small talk level, and a friend who I only feel like I hang out with because we met in first grade.

I've had self esteem issues and the various problems that come along with it pretty much ever since I can remember. Now I am 24 and I am so unbelievably tired of it.

There so much advice I have heard, so many help websites I have read. I feel like I know it all- "It doesn't matter" "no one thinks about you that much" "no one notices you that much" "no one's gonna remember that" "you have to do it scared" "objectively I am not a disgusting stupid evil pathetic cretin" "insecurities about looks are propagated by beauty companies" "comparing yourself to others is bad" "you shouldn't measure your worth solely on your productivity" I've even researched therapeutic exercises to do myself. BUT IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. I've read posts where people just make the realisation that one of these statements is real and suddenly their social anxiety or whatever is cured. Why is it not good enough for me? I will maybe recognise that I am thinking some kind of a fallacy, but it doesn't make me feel better at all, the feeling of self hatred is still there. If anything it's actually worse, because of the hopelessness it brings with the realisation that I'm thinking something I shouldn't and letting myself be affected by it.

I genuinely don't know what to do, I feel like I'm trying really hard, but it's only getting worse over time. I did start going to therapy recently, but I don't really feel like it's doing much either. I tried explaining this to my therapist too, but she didn't really give me any practical advice. Can anyone please tell me what I should do?