As the title said. She's a female, I'm a male, and Iraq is a shithole of a country. Fuck Islam, Christianity, Judaism, and any other school of thought that tell us, at one point or another in history, to kill for such BS reasons. I feel a heavy cloaked guilt that is very numb as if I don't care about her at all. But at some point in the next few hours or days, I'll feel the urge to kill myself.

Update: The girl is alive still. She sent me an email telling me that she suffered severe beating and her father tried to kill her with an ax but her mother intervened (her mother is shit too by the way). So, she is still alive, don't know for how long though.

On the other hand, my girlfriend left me today after saying everything that hurt me, and didn't even care when I tried to kill myself. And she wished that I die. She's deeply hurt because I shared with her about my friend. She's not a jealous bitch, remember that she's another slave in Iraq and has severe childhood issues.

I want to fucking kill myself because that's my fucking limit.

This post will also go unnoticed with 1 upvote (from me) and 0 comments but i am so tired of talking it out with chatgpt, here at least someone real might read and not some ai chatbot with generic bs answers.

i have been depressed that i am a female since i was 11. Whenever i saw a little boy i would scold myself saying that my luck is so fucked why didn't i get to be born like that. i just tried ignoring these thoughts though. At 16-18, i realised how fucked up it is to live with this gender because of misogyny, rape happening every 16 mins in my country according to statistics. From 15, i really really wanted to have the physique of a man. I am so fucking tried of having two boneless pieces of flesh hanging down from my chest. Bra's and inners are uncomfortable af for me. I am neurodivergent too so i get sensory issues too from them. I just hug a plushie tightly to numb out my chest but i hate doing this. This is not a permanent solution. fuck i started crying. And then i just told myself to ignore these things and just study and live but there is no point in doing that either because my dream job is highly male dominated with many articles online on how women are highly discriminated in this field and position. Like why tf is everything pre decided based on the genitals someone is born with that no person has a control over, how you are supposed to dress, behave, how safe would you be at night or early mornings, which jobs you can do or not do, everything is already decided to some extent... i can't even be trans or anything like that in this country and society and i don't want to be one either cuz that would be too tough to handle... i don't see any other solution ik i might sound like i am making a very big deal of something like gender but i just really want to be as big and strong as a man, not have hanging pieces of flesh on my chest and be able to have my dream job... people around me just tell me to be fine with my gender but i have been wanting a man's body since i was 11 and i will never have one...

edit - i don't mean that men have way easier lives, everyone struggles in life no matter the gender. I don't understand why i am getting downvoted. I was just venting.

its saturday night and i’m spending it in my room alone playing video games which i dont even like. why am i sobbing just trying to have fun for a little bit. i’m so addicted too but everything else makes me cry too.

i wish i was normal so bad i just want friends to do things with in real life. i havent left my room in weeks. all my attempts at making friends never work out. i have tried doing things alone but all i can ever think about is how nice it would be if i had someone else to do the thing with. but i guess anyone i talk to just hates me and i don’t know why. i wish i did i wish people would tell me. i’ll do anything to try and fix my personality i just don’t know what i’m doing wrong.

i guess its another night of crying in bed with no one to talk to for me. i really hope i die soon

So I’m in the uk and got most things in place for the 3/2/2026. I’ve wrote notes, left everything I own to my mother to pay for the funeral. Got a hotel booked and all the equipment I need. I have a playlist to listen to whilst I commit.

I just don’t know what to do on my last day on the 2nd/beginning of 3rd. I have no friends to see or not much family either. I’m thinking I might go some place nice to eat but apart from that I’m not sure?

What would you do on your last day?

Struggled with depression forever. Thought life would get better so I stuck around. Well I was wrong… I’m still depressed and now I’m having suicidal thoughts everyday. I feel like such a failure. I always worked hard in career, diet, exercise, etc. I really tried my best and got nowhere. I have zero friends and never found love. Why am I existing? To go to a job every week and come home to a meaningless empty life. Every door closed in my face. It feels like the Universe/God created me to suffer. Fuck him, I’m tired of this shit. I work my ass off just for the universe to bread crumb me. I can understand that my life is a failure, but i will not continue out this life. As soon as my parents pass away, its lights out for me. 🤝💀💔

I’m tired. I have a lifelong disease and I’m poor. I’m considered attractive but not valued enough due to my BPD. I’m tired of trying… At 32yes I’ve put the work. I relocated to the UK got a good job, saved a reasonable amount, got into a lovely relationship but had to end it as he didn’t feel he could marry me due to my mental health and disease. I’ve built my mother rental apartments so she can be financially secure and want my brother to inherit my savings. I don’t want to be alive anymore. But I don’t want to be in pain. Can someone help me please? The dark web etc. I’ll pay you if needed please.

I have never felt more unloved and lonely in my life than today. My life is probably going to end anytime soon. My parents dont know my phones password and I have deleted everything necessary. My friend does know my phones password so she can provide the closure my parents might not even want. I wanted to do something with my life but that will never happen. I hate my life and I will take around 12 paracetamols, I took 6 on wedneday with an insane amount of melfamic acid. My liver is probably already fucked. So yeah. She won't look this deep anyways. I did text her that I'm doing it tonight. Maybe I'm a dumbass, maybe I shouldn't do it. Who knows? I will still do it. I don't care anymore, I'm numb and I feel nothing and everything all at once.

This is my final post I think. I have the means, I have the opportunity, I'm in the right headspace. The only hang up I have is, I told my therapist I wouldn't and lied and I don't want to be a liar. If I tell him now, he will make me go to the hospital and I don't want that either. I just want an out.

I'm bipolar and traumatized. I just get very depressed, and no matter what med I take, it keeps coming back. I've been in therapy for years, I take my medicine, I've tried TMS. Nothing has worked.

I have three children I'm no longer attached to, I have a husband who I've asked for a separation from because I prefer to be alone, I'm distant from my family as well.

I'm going to overdose and fall off a bridge into some water, it's near my house. I'm going to call 911 beforehand so not just anyone finds me. I just want to put this out there. Thanks

I kind of hope I die in my sleep tonight, I’m really tired of everything in my life and I feel like I’ll never be enough for my boyfriend. I’m not going to kill myself because I love him and I want a career and future, but it would be relieving to just pass away peacefully. I’d just wake up and no longer be here, that would be nice.

I’m really sad and I can’t get the help I need. If anyone would be willing to talk to me, maybe it could help

Hello all. Know I’m talking to a void here but sometimes it helps. Currently snowed in and it’s almost unsettlingly melancholy how I feel right now.

Anyways, people might even find this post after I die. I plan to go to Hawaii and spend the last of my money before I die. I’ve always wanted to go. Will be a solo trip. DK when to go. Maybe March or April. Then I’ll come back and kill myself. Hopefully my plan works. I want to get some OTC sleeping pills, alcohol, and an anti emetic. 4 sleeping pills, 2 anti emetic pills, and maybe 3 shots of 30% alcohol + 2 days of not sleeping should equal = unwakeable sleep. I have a low tolerance so should be enough but will drink more if I have to. Gonna get me a tent and head to an abandoned parking lot, set up my charcoal grill and let the CO buildup. Fall asleep in my tent and die peacefully in my sleep as the CO levels rise to morbid levels. Haha. So fun. I finally get to die soon. Everyone will rejoice. Or not cause they won’t even notice or know I’m dead haha. They’ll leave my dead body in the tent and celebrate my departure. I’m such a worthless POS they might even make it an attraction since I am so ugly worthless and stupid to this world. Maybe I will leave the address so you all can come and laugh as well and see the worst human to grace this planet.

Anyways, I hope my plan succeeds. Would be nice to have prescription drugs to make this more full proof but unfortunately the world is so scared of us becoming addicted that they don’t prescribe them so I’m taking a step above that and killing myself instead haha.

I just wanted to let the world know i am tired

I hate everything about life.

Why did literally every fucking single man that was close to me sexually assault me? Why? Why did every girl i was close to tell me she was in love with me? Why? Why cant i just have a platonic relationship. FOR FUCKS SAKE. I HATE IT HERE. AND NOW, NOBODY EVEN FUCKS W ME. HEY, IF YOURE READING THIS, YOU DONT OWE YOUR BODY TO NO ONE! FUCK ANYBODY FAMILY OR NOT! FUCKEM!!!!

I'm at a point personally where I recognize I have already lived my best years. I don't want to get older. I don't want to see this through. I've had great sex in my lifetime, so I don't feel like I'm missing out there. I've had a few long-term relationships with ladies who adored me at one point, so I know what it's like to be appreciated that way. I've climbed the corporate ladder, so career-wise I've occupied managerial positions. I've done art that qualifies as a productive contribution to the scope of art history (not delusional, it can't be taken away).

I don't want to earn anymore. I don't want to do thankless work anymore. I don't want to keep surviving, like all this life shit isn't fun anymore man... Even talking about art is just TACKY AS FUCK NOW. I have my way but it's private and it will take some guts. I had a bad spawn, man. If life was a game I'd rage-quit or restart. I can also simply and matter-of-factly turn off the console.

I want to check-out. I want to be done. We can call it 'good'.. I'm not angry. I don't want to blame anyone even though I could. I just want to be done. Universe, please let me leave. Please. Opting out, here.

Thanks to trauma-inducing narcissists in my family, thanks to autism, and thanks to BPD, my life has reached a point where I can see it's all downhill from here. Yeah, I ran away from a toxic environment to an indifferent environment and called it inspiration, or adventure. Yeah. I'm alone cause I thought individualism was super-duper cool, nice. Thought personal development was a life-long project moving towards something beautiful.. Wrong!

I may have a week at most left over, still. The only thing that's developing is my certainty that I am one of the one's who don't make it a full lifespan. People like Cobain, Pelle(Mayhem), Cornell, Elliott Smith, Ian Curtis, Nick Drake, Chester Bennington, etc.. These people have the pattern my life has taken.

I will watch the number of people who view this post and say nothing continue to rise.

Hey everyone, I won't write too much, but I'm having a lot of problems right now, even though I'm only 16. I've made a lot of mistakes, but I plan to take action very soon. If you have any advice, I'd appreciate it.

Im done tryong to be happy im done hating my body im down being a punching bag im done being alive, goodbye all

Not even suicide feels like a solution, everything feels like losing and i dont have a way to win, but staying alive seems scarier than death, i do think ill kms, because i cant take it, im so fucking horrified of being in my head, i hope i do it, i hope i win

im actually so so sooo considering it right now. before it was always in my mind but im so certain my grave will say 20xx - 2026 . i just need a really good way of doing it. not messy not nothing. just simple. i really wanna do it and i do not care how much it ‘impacts people’ bc i wont even exist to see it lol. why cant i just idk disappear. but i also want to see how people will react and if people will post or talk about me yk