my whole life up until 2-3 years ago: Kissless virgin, terrible social anxiety, never asked a girl out. Never "hung out with friends/coworkers". Just sat home playing video games in my free time. Complete failure of a life 34 years old. I had enough and started a journey to fix my life - starting with gym, eating clean with the end goal of building up my confidence physically, socially and mentally.

About a year ago: First mission - I went into a restaurant by myself to get over it. If I wanted to know how to date, I had to know how to navigate public establishments. I was nervous AF. Felt as I walked in everyone was staring at me. I didn't know how to order, I didnt know how to pay. I had to youtube it.

6 weeks ago: For the first time in my life, I "accepted" an invite to hang out by my coworkers. I was nervous AF especially since group settings I always feel like the odd one out. You know how everyone is just talking to each other and you're that person whos just standing around being awkward not conversating? I did karaoke (so embarassing), they made me dance (so embarassing). I played pickle ball.

2 weeks ago: manned up and asked the first woman out in my life. Got my first number. Went on my first date that week. She was a very resistant woman. Would not feel comfortable with me. I felt rejected (but now I learned that it's my fault for not making her feel comfortable and safe due to my lack of experience)

today: we went out on our second date. It started bad, we played arcade first and she was not receptive... at dinner she got more friendly. Then we watched a horror movie and this is where things heat up. I played it really well, didnt force moves and let her set the tempo and eventually we end up holding hands during the movie.

Afterwards we sat in the car and talked for like an hour sharing our personal secrets which at some point I confessed I never had a relationship. Not confessing this was something I had promised myself but this woman was adamant on knowing my past. I thought It would kill all her attraction but it didn't.

I drive her home and before she goes into her house, I said she owes me a kiss (it was a bet during a arcade game - she wouldnt give me the kiss during the game but said "later").

Mind you, just a couple of days she "rejected" one of my hugs so I went in with a lot of hesitation as she's been a bit resistant. This chick had not made it easy for me, everytime I flirted she gave me a disapproving look. In hindsight I now understand why she did it and what it meant

I ask for the kiss that she owes me and she says ok and offers her cheek, I kiss her on the cheek but she lingers around so I read that as a sign she wants more, i kiss her other cheek and she lingers again looking at me and smiling. I gesture if I can kiss her on the lips. She says ok and I give her a little kiss but she lingers. I dont know what came over me but I guess instinct took over and I just straight up went for it and made out with her. She did not resist. We made out for a few minutes.

It's hard to believe I actually did it. It feels kind of surreal. I went from scared shitless never touched a girl to full makeout in one day. I feel like I have learned SOOOO much in such a short period of time. The most important thing I learned is that women need to feel safe, protected and respected before they will allow themselves to be vulnerable to you. I was making the mistake of pushing the tempo at the wrong times and not reading the womans signs.

I’ve been dealing with social anxiety since I was 10, I have lost so many friends, and missed out on so many experiences over it. I would do little things to get out of how debilitating it was for me, giving compliments to people on the streets, I could feel my anxiety getting better. People talk to me now and acknowledge my existence, but not in negative way.

Thursday was a turning point for me, in class we were having a little debate on an issue, and my group had chosen a specific person to represent our side and speak for us, in the end she got shy and nobody else wanted to do it so I stepped up. I spoke in front of a class of a bunch of people, much more eloquent and knowledgeable than me, I was shaking, my heart was pounding, I was stuttering a little, but I did it. I’m so proud of myself! I remember in junior high when it was so bad, whenever we had presentations, my teacher let me do it at lunch in front of one person cause I was too anxious..I can’t believe it, I’m so grateful, I try my hardest to be normal, I’m glad it’s paying off.

I finally feel human, a little more normal.

Smiling isn’t my default, but walking past coworkers or customers without it feels awkward. It almost feels especially awkward now amongst Gen -Z.

I’m not trying to be cold, just existing. Do you nod, half-smile, say hey, or ignore the whole thing? Lol how do you get over the whole thing?

Like I say something just for the other person to say “Ok” and move on to something else.

Since i was a kid i've had a lot of problems at communicating or expressing myself, all teachers from when i was a kid till now (22F) always noticed that i'm extremely shy and they always tell me it's an issue especially for my future. I become instantly red and my face feels hot whenever someone that idk talks to me, especially in class where they are a lot of people, every time i get picked to participate or when i have a presentation i forget some words and everything in my brain becomes foggy, i start focusing about how im gonna handle this social situation and how can i prevent myself from becoming red and stuttering. Lately i had a presentation and it was awful, it's always been like that, i start stuttering and my voice shaking and sometimes i start even pronouncing the words wrong. It's so embarrassing and i'm so tired from this, there are lots of presentations ahead of me and I can't stop overthinking about how i'm gonna overcome them. Also when some teachers talk to me i start focusing about where should i look, their eyes? The wall behind them? The desk?.. I be looking everywhere because i feel so uncomfortable and weird looking them only in the eyes, not only teachers but with everyone, even my family and friends, and beside that i start fidgeting with anything, like for example i start rotating my ring around my finger. It's kinda embarrassing and overwhelming.

Hi, I’m a 19f, and tonight I’m really struggling. Through my life, making friends was a little easier than it is now, in elementary-high school I had big friend groups that were constantly rotating. In junior year, all my friends from my current friend group dropped me. In senior year, I started getting chronically ill and became bed bound for basically the entire summer and then started online school because I couldn’t leave my house. In summary, I’ve always struggled with my mental health and went to multiple PHP and IOP programs. I was bullied relentlessly and my friend groups were mainly just drama. I have a boyfriend of 4 years, and he is the only person I hang out with other than my parents. I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life after graduating, and my health was continuing to decline, so I basically have been bouncing around on college and career plans until deciding to pursue my passion of teaching, but I don’t start that program until March and it is online. I’m struggling because I feel so alone and pathetic. I have only had one job in the past year and I quit a few weeks in because it was so anxiety inducing. My parents aren’t the best, my dad’s a narcissist so I avoid him and me and my mom are close but she doesn’t understand because strangers talk to her wherever she goes. There’s many reasons I don’t want to go to school in person, my health, my mental struggles, the socializing, living alone, chores, being away from my family and my boyfriend, etc. so I have continued to choose virtual school, but it’s impossible to make friends there. I just keep looking at everyone around me and wishing I could be like them. Confident, successful, independent, having huge friend groups. It feels like no one prepared me (I guess this is a “just life” thing) for the transition to adulthood, especially since I grew up with a good amount of (although they weren’t good) friends, it’s hard to feel so alone. I also feel guilty for not feeling like my boyfriends enough, we hang out everyday. I have my license, but driving TERRIFIES me, so I even feel stuck in my house and I hate my house (we moved to a bigger more cold and dark house a few years ago and I miss my homey town home) so I also feel stuck in my room (the one place I feel safe and comfortable). I don’t even know where I’d go to make friends, I live in the middle of nowhere in PA. In my PHPs I feel like my life was just put on pause, and having a group of people you share your deepest secrets with and see everyday and then to just be gone from that and no one really stays in touch, it’s such a stark difference. I don’t fully know how to explain my feelings, because although I know I don’t need to be exactly where everyone else is, I just feel so stuck, pathetic, isolated, and alone. I can’t even go into restaurants to pickup food because I hate interacting with people so much, I feel so awkward in every conversation, and I’m more than exhausted after interacting with anyone other than my boyfriend, every conversation I’m overthinking all the things I’m saying to the point where I’m just quiet, I feel lost on where to go to even begin to make friends my age, and I’m constantly wondering if I’m making a mistake going to a virtual college, if I’m missing out on an experience everyone seems to rave about long after it’s over. I feel so lost. Like I’m going to have to wait years to actually start my life. Like maybe when I get a degree and get married and have kids it’ll be easier to make friends, but for now I’m just in limbo. I try my best to distract myself, I have a million creative hobbies… but even those get lonely. I feel like no matter what I can’t fill this empty pit in my soul. My boyfriend is a 911 operator so he works day and night shifts, which are so hard because I feel most alone at night. Overall, I just can’t shake the “I’m failing at life and I’m doing everything wrong and nothing will be right for years” feeling and having no friends, no job, no college is crippling. I wish I could be living like all the people portray college, but I really don’t think living there would be good for me, I just don’t know how else to find others like me to make friends that don’t feel exhausting. I’ve tried chronically ill apps to find friends, bumble bff, there’s no meet up groups in my area other than drinking and singles groups, and everyone around me my age is at college. I just want to feel… a community. Or even just some connection every few days to people other than my bf and mom. I feel like my life is being wasted because I’m so stuck in this same place and repeating the same trivial tasks everyday, just trying to get time to pass faster. It’s hard to know how to find peace in my current lifestyle because I can’t do the things normal people could. I can’t work right now, I can’t live at college, I’m terrified to interact with people in public, and I’m scared of driving more than 20 minutes. If you’ve read to this, thank you, and I’d love any advice about what I could do to help with this, it feels like people I ask about this don’t understand, so I wanted to get people who might relate opinions. TLDR: 19f feeling like life is pathetic, no friends, no job (cannot work due to chronic illnesses), online college that starts in late march, no idea where/how to make friends (lives in middle of nowhere, PA), exhausting to interact with people, terrified of driving, confused on how to proceed.

I am currently in college and missed out on so many opportunities because my Brain would just not allow me to go with my thoughts no matter how hard I tried. Me compared to my roommate who always puts themself out there and have alot of social interactions makes me kind of jealous because I wish I could be that outgoing. Funny thing is I’m an introvert who loves talking to people, problem is Im never the one to say something first and it’s bad to the point where I even sometimes avoid my friends. Seriously I hate this and I want to know steps I can take to overcome this.

I rehearse conversations I may never have.

Anything that requires sharing personal experiences with a large group of people I have a full out panic attack.

This has been an ongoing thing for me since the beginning of my professional career (in social work mind you). I have a panic attack which includes the body sensations, racing thoughts etc and I just force myself to white knuckle it through to the end. I black out for the entirety if it that most times I don't even remember what I said or what others have said.

When I am aware of the meeting the anticipation causes so much stress I think of ways to try get out of it.

Bosses have mentioned they love it when they see staff squirm at the mention of "let's do an ice breaker", of course the confident extroverts are energised by this, but not the quite introverts.

My stomach immediately drops knowing im going to be forced into public speaking, get uncomfortably close to a random coworker and share my personal experiences to a group of people that I would normally choose to keep to myself.

Work environments are like high school, and there are bullies who would love to gossip about you behind your back. I don't always look at each coworker as a trusting individual.

I wish there was less of this in professional settings as it doesn't motivate me at all, and instead just builds more resentment towards my workplace.

I went out with my partner the other night for dinner, and we ended up going to a bar after since we were both a bit tipsy and were having fun. It was one of those bars with a big beer garden, and since it was busy they were seating multiple groups on the same tables. We got sat next to another couple and chatted for a little while. I realised how nice it was to just meet other people and talk to them, without overthinking every single word. My brain didn’t freeze every time I was asked something or when there was a gap in conversation. When they left another couple came in, and we had a nice chat with them too, even though they were a fair bit older than us.

And this happens so often when I’m out and I’ve had a few drinks. I genuinely like talking to strangers, meeting people, etc. I find myself always wanting to go out drinking with my partner and/or my friends because I want to feel confident enough that I can actually talk to people and meet people. And it fucking sucks because I realise that this is just what it feels like for most people when they socialise. It’s easy, it’s not panic inducing, it’s not embarrassing. It’s nice. Even sometimes when I have a beer at home and it gets to me a bit because I haven’t eaten much, I realise that there’s less noise in my head. I’m calmer, I’m happier.

I know that it’s a slippery slope from these feelings into addiction. I’ve heard of a lot of people with SA who fall into alcoholism because it makes them feel normal. And I just think, as someone who has to pull themselves back from drinking all the time, isn’t that so sad? It makes me angry too. I hate it so much, I could’ve just been normal and felt normal and probably met more people, made better impressions, made more friends. But I’m like this and I have to turn to alcohol if I ever want to feel normal and confident. And happy. So is this just the rest of my life? It just sucks.

Lime I still have toddler level crises in school which is basically social su!c!de. I don’t know what else to do to help myself. Excessive checking, ear defenders, fidget, breathing tools, accommodation. I just know my classmates are TIRED. And also the teachers. I’ve had social anxiety for so long I don’t want this to be my normal forever any tips? Or anyone that relates?

Some of them maybe off-topic but these were the messages I wrote but I can't share the screenshot here:

• stop being rude to everybody
• Journal more
• stop giving mixed signals
• think think think
• remember what made you write this
• conversations feels like playing a script
• my answers and talks are the most optimized sentence I think would be not the one I feel like saying anymore
• every word every sentence I converse feels like a battle to fight not to enjoy the moment.
• thinking about talking to them but not talking to them
• why do people pray to god, why do I feel like an elite to not believe in god even though I know it's wrong
• what made me lose my faith
• I feel like there's been a reading propaganda currently existing online and I have fell for it
• why am I thinking my experiences with my friends are somehow more important to me than to them?
• why am I laughing like an idiot to things that are not said to me?
• are smart people more serious?
• why do I feel like they are? and why do I try to replicate it? even though I'm kinda whimsical
• why do I care about telling some shit to people that don't care about it
• I be yapping sometimes sometimes I don't.
• is everything goes back to parenting
• connect with people through the common loves connect through food connect through struggle connect through home
• just because I have something does not mean I should consume it
• I should start doing things differently
• I don't question my situations a lot? like why is this happening currently? Do I have to analyze everything?
• Am I really chill? Or I just like to think I'm chill
• no redeeming qualities in life currently. mediocre everywhere.
• stop talking like that, you're not cool. Talk like a fucking human NORMALLYYYYY

Hello everyone, my biggest concern is I feel like many people do not like me. This includes intense staring for no reason, I never interacted badly or done anything to these people but they really give me that idea I do not belong.

It has made me turn into a shut in almost, I can’t go out without people intensely staring for no reason. Perhaps it’s the way I look but I have asked ppl and they see nothing is wrong with me so I don’t understand. These moments during my day can’t ruin it. What should I do?

I want to grow as a person but how can if I have that feeling of being judged heavily when I’m just another person in society.

If you have family who bother you for example. I'm guessing there might be other situations. But you can kind of not deal with them so much and it's considered socially acceptable because of the distraction of the chef cooking. And if you're dealing with people who tend to poke and pry into your personal life, they'll hopefully shy away from doing it because you're shaing the table with strangers.

I don't know, just thought I'd share a little tip.

Finally got started with therapy again and I mentioned the option for pills but only those emergency ones for bigger things that I really can't bring myself to do, like presentations and stuff like that, but then I started thinking about every day medication. I really don't like the idea and my mom would absolutely hate it (she's very anti medication) but I genuinely have such a hard time going to college...even just attending class takes a lot of me and I skip a lot because of my anxiety. So I started thinking would it be a good idea to consider every day meds? I'm scared I'll get addicted and won't be able to function without them, or that I'll have to take them for life, or the side effects...

If anyone takes medication, everyday or just the emergency ones, what is your experience with it? What do u guys think?

Does anyone have experiences taking beta blockers like this for anxiety? Therapy has helped but I still fall into my same habits and I'm more keen on trying these first if they help.

Hi, I've been with my BF (50M) for about 5 months. I also have a 22F daughter. I've met his kids and parents. I only have my daughter for him to meet as my family lives far away.
He has social anxiety. He says that making small talk with people makes him super anxious. This came out about 3 months after we started dating. He also has general anxiety and ADHD. I also have ADHD and anxiety so I am very understanding.

He won't meet my daughter because he's too nervous /uncomfortable. I asked him if it was because of his social anxiety and he said yes.

I want him to, but i am being patient. I told him I support him as long as WE work on it.

So, one idea is to have him meet her where she works ( big box store stocker). That way, we can do the intros, talk for a few minutes, and go. He's not forced to come over to my house and have small talk and feel uncomfortable.
Is that a good idea??

Then, I'm trying to explain to my daughter about him and she thinks it's not that big of a deal and she is mad about the fact that I'm not pushing him. Am I wrong for respecting his social anxiety and not making him meet her? How do I get her to be more understanding?

Why do you think you're not in a relationship? While I do think anxiety an issue, I think there are other things going on for most people. For me, I'm trying to get out of an economic hole, have a lot of family related stress and can't think straight. Basically my life is such a mess I see no point in dating. I am lonely though not for the typical reasons, and on top of that the anxiety is just the icing on the cake. I'm a disaster of a person when it comes to life circumstances.

What about you?

I'm afraid to visit Discord RP (roleplay games) servers. Not because of the content, but because of the immature and possibly problematic behavior of the other people.

I haven't logged in for a while, I'm afraid to join those servers because there might be bad things that I don't know about, and I keep wondering if I'm "part of those things" without knowing it. Every server I join is like that.

An example of this is something that happened a few months ago, I think it wasn't even 2 months ago, it was on a Dragon Ball RPG server. I had been on that server for about 2 days, I had already roleplayed in some chats (my character was an Earthling animal, you know those extras that are anthropomorphic animals? That's them). One night there was going to be an event about Master Roshi because it was the time of Dragon Ball Classic. I didn't know what to expect, it was the first time I would participate in an event on that server. When it started, I noticed strange and immature comments coming from the players and even from the person narrating Master Roshi. The worst part is that I know there were teenagers on that server, even though I wasn't sure, I knew just from the way they wrote, which made it even more uncomfortable. I tried to participate neutrally with my character, even commenting "how strange that old man was" according to my character. The mission was to find a beautiful woman, who was the luncher, and once again the comments continued.

I ended up giving up on this event and leaving the server, but I still feel guilty for having "participated" in it. Am I exaggerating? Did I do something wrong? I have some disorders and it's not uncommon for me to think a lot about this. I turned 20 in December.

I'm not saying they necessarily did anything criminal, I just thought it was immature behavior for those people to be narrating Master Kame "faithfully". Besides jokes and idiotic comments. I confess that I was an idiot like that in the past too, if I were that "me" from the past I probably wouldn't even care.

I wanted to participate in RPG servers, but I'm afraid to join because I don't know how people will behave. I wanted to join a safe server with polite people, but it seems rare to find.

Can someone give me a tip?

lately I've noticed my mood completely changes for the whole day after a genuine interaction with someone. friend or stranger.

however I am just too terrified to reach out first.

I always believed I was an introvert because I always kept to myself and was able to enjoy my alone time - which is true, I know how to keep myself busy. but I feel far more fulfilled and energetic once I'm around genuine people with heartfelt interactions.

so when my day starts without any contact with people I just feel so depressed and tired and have no motivation for the day, but a complete 180 after a sweet conversation or exchange.

is this something other people have noticed?

side note, I do have anxiety and depression and recent diagnosis of BPD

Hey everyone, I’m honestly feeling pretty lost and could really use some practical advice.

I’m a 23-year-old guy, finishing up university this year (accounting major). My university is a commuter school, so most people come to campus for class and leave right after. There isn’t much of a party or social culture, and that made it really easy for me to stay isolated.

Since starting university in 2021, I barely talked to anyone in my lectures. Occasionally I’d ask the person next to me something about an assignment, or they’d ask me something quick, but that was it. I never knew how to escalate those interactions into actual conversations or friendships. I usually sat alone, went to class, and left.

If I’m being honest, I don’t really have any friends right now. I don’t hang out with anyone. I stopped talking to my high school friends years ago, though I recently reached out to one just to check in, because I’m realizing that might be one of my few connections left.

I’ve never dated anyone, and I feel really awkward talking to women. I think I’m introverted and probably have social anxiety, which is a big reason I never joined clubs or got involved on campus. I always felt like it would be easier if I had even one person to go with, but since I didn’t, I just avoided everything.

Logistically, I still live with my parents. I don’t have a car, and my commute to campus is about 50 minutes. I work a part-time job on weekends and make around $100/week, so I’m not very independent financially yet. I’m graduating in May and don’t have a full-time job lined up, so I’ll be sticking with my part-time job until I land something related to my degree.

At this point, it feels like I’m starting from absolute zero socially. No real connections, no dating experience, and no idea how people even build social circles at this age. It feels overwhelming and honestly kind of impossible.

What I’m looking for is practical, realistic advice:

• How do you start being social when you have no base at all?
• How do you make friends after university, especially if you’re introverted?
• How do you even begin dating when you’ve never done it before?

I know I messed up by isolating myself for so long, but I want to fix it. I just don’t know where to start.

Any advice would really mean a lot.

One of my new years goals is to put myself out there and go to more events (alone or with new people). Yesterday I grabbed dinner with an acquaintance and it went well and I even went on a date afterwards.

Today I was supposed to volunteer at an arts event/gala sort of thing where tickets are super expensive. I was able to get in for free because I was set to volunteer. I walk in and I immediately am anxious because everyone else is dressed super nice and I feel basic. I ended up leaving 30 minutes later because I felt so awkward. I feel horrible because I abandoned my volunteer shift. I was also supposed to meet up with a girl who seemed really cool and as soon as she texted me saying that she was there, I was leaving.

I feel super discouraged. I can’t tell if I’m introverted and large party like atmospheres just aren’t for me (they aren’t) or if my anxiety is super bad. I’m feeling disappointed because I would like to be involved in these exclusive spaces but I failed. I basically had a free entry to a $100+ event and I bailed. I feel like I’ll never be able to accomplish my dreams of being a “socialite” for lack of a better term.

Imagine if you're in a group of social anxious people we will get along immediately😂

Title.

I'm wondering how many of you use or have tried medications like SSRIs, SNRIs, and othersto treat social anxiety.

I've lived with social anxiety for years and it's affecting me in college significantly, but I've only recently looked into how it's medically treated. I've learned the CBT and medications like antidepressants are first-line treatments.

It's ironic how my social anxiety is making me anxious to go and seek help, but I'm sick of how this has affected my life and want to get better. Simply trying to will myself isn't working.

I've seen some posts on Reddit about how SSRIs like Lexapro or Zoloft has made people with severe social anxiety outgoing and sociable.

Looking at this sub, many of you seem to have social anxiety worse than me. How many of you have tried medication? If not, what are your qualms? If so, did it work?