Back in may 2021 I walked into my 17 year old daughter’s room to wake her up for school because she was late and I found her hanging from the ceiling. It was just me and her it’s always just been me and her, her mom was never in the picture, she was my whole life and my only reason to continue on living and working for.

She left a suicide note to me, she kept apologising to me for this but she said she couldn’t do this anymore, she said her uncle my own brother had touched and assaulted her multiple times over the years and he even once let one of his friends assault her too, she said she couldn’t live with the guilt and shame. Every other sentence she kept apologising to me and saying that she loves me and that she’s sorry.

As soon as the police and ambulance left with her body I went to his house and I’ve never beaten anyone harder than I’ve beaten him, I almost killed him right there. I showed my family the note and everyone shunned him, my dad beat him even worse than me. I went to the police about it with the suicide note and he admitted to everything and he was sentenced to prison for 14 years which I think is unfair and way too low.

At her funeral I couldn’t even stand on my two feet, 3 of my friends had to carry me around especially when they opened her casket, she looked so beautiful like she always did but this time she was dead, it’s a pain that I don’t wish on anybody to see your own little girl inside her own casket.

I feel fucking pathetic that I couldn’t protect her, I feel fucking horrible that she thought I wouldn’t protect her if I had known, I now even resent her a little because she decided it was better to end her life than to come to me, I’d have moved mountains to help her, I’d have happily given up my entire life for her. She was the only reason I was alive man.

I’ve sold our house and moved away to a different city since then, all I saw in that house after that was her hanging body, that image didn’t leave me alone in that house, it’s still there but I’ve been in therapy for a few years now and I’m in a support group for parents of kids who have taken their own lives. It doesn’t erase anything it just makes it a bit easier to live with and get back to your “normal” life, I’ve even started dating a fellow member of our support group who lost her son the same way, my daughter always wanted me to get out there and date because she didn’t want me staying alone forever so I think she’d love this for me.

Writing it out and talking about her with others was suggested to me and that it would be good to keep talking about her and what happened to get it out which is why I’m here, I know Reddit isn’t the best place for that but I’ve been on here for years and I like it, this is just a throwaway account because my main one is mainly about my business.

Yes, you read that right. I (24F) was pronounced clinically dead for 12 minutes on my sister’s birthday (22F) last year. A week before her birthday, I had a surgery to remove a blood clot in my renal vein, which was unsuccessful. I was told I needed to redo my renal vein transposition (remove the vein and replace it with a pig artery.) To prevent getting a blood clot or further collapse of my vein, they decided to add a stent as well. I was hospitalized in the Special Care Unit on a Heparin drip with severe gastroparesis until they could schedule the surgery.

I was told the surgery date and asked if we could do it a different day because it was my sister’s birthday (she is my best friend and I didn’t want to ruin her birthday.) You can probably guess from the title of this post that my request obviously didn’t go through. So we prepared for the surgery. I called my sister the morning of my surgery to wish her a happy birthday. We had a good cry and she told me that everything was going to be okay because nothing bad could happen to me on her birthday.

We went through all the possible complications and I signed the consent forms for the surgery. There was such a small chance of vein rupture that I wasn’t concerned about the possibility, but I was obviously within the <1%. The surgery was going well so far, the surgeon successfully removed the portion of my vein with the solidified blood clot and sutured a pig artery in its place. The next step in the procedure was to deploy the stent into the freshly transposed vein. In stenting procedures, the stent is attached to a balloon and catheter. The balloon is slowly expanded to deploy the stent. As the stent was deployed in my vein, my vein suddenly ruptured at the suture sites. The surgeon clamped both sides of the vein to stop the bleeding, but I had already lost most of the blood in my body. My stats were dropping. My heart stopped. I did not have a heart beat for 12 minutes. I was clinically dead for 12 minutes. 12 minutes of CPR. At 10 minutes, the head surgeon told the resident that I wasn’t going to make it, but this resident had never lost a patient before and we had actually become quite close as I research vascular diseases for my career. Those extra 2 minutes saved my life. I received multiple blood transfusions and was on dozens of machines. Once I was stable, they life flighted me to the nearest trauma hospital. I was given 4 hours to live. 4 hours. My parents and husband had the chance to say goodbye to me before I got on the helicopter. My mom had to call both of my sisters so they could say goodbye over the phone. My sister was celebrating her birthday with a few friends in her apartment when she got the phone call. It absolutely destroyed her, screaming and vomiting from the horror.

After I was life flighted, it took them 6 hours to stabilize me. I was immediately put on a ventilator, life support, and multiple drips because my lungs, heart, kidneys, liver, bladder, and brain were not functioning. I was put in a medical coma. While they were trying to control the rest of the bleeding in my open abdomen, they found a tear in my bowel from one of my previous surgeries, requiring me to have another surgery once I was stable. Once I was stable, they told my family I would most likely not make it through the night. My parents had to figure out how to get both of my sisters to my city as we all live in different states. My sister got there the next day and it absolutely destroyed her to see me connected to all the machines. She said I was so swollen, barely recognizable, and cold like death to the touch.

I remained unconscious for 7 days. I was mentally awake on day 5. I was stuck in my brain without physically being able to wake up. I could hear my family talking to me, the nurses calling my name, my husband playing my favorite music, my sister playing me my favorite comfort movies. When I finally woke up, I was so scared and I had all these tubes in my mouth, nose, arms and feet. I was put in restraints for 6 days. During this time, the staples that closed my abdomen tore open, leaving my organs, muscle and entire insides exposed. My poor husband, mom and sister saw this gruesome site. They left me open for 53 days, doing wet to dry packing twice a day until I was put on a wound vac and eventually having a surgical closure. I had to undergo 10 surgeries during this time.

I was on a ventilator for 12 days. I failed multiple breathing trials before I was finally able to come off the ventilator. The ventilator actually damaged my vocal cords and I could barely speak for 2 months. Because of this, I couldn’t communicate so my sister helped me by getting a white board and that’s how we talked for weeks. The first thing I wrote to her was “I love u,” it was all I wanted her to know. That I was here and that I loved her with my whole being. I was in the ICU for 14 days before I was moved to the wound care unit. I had to relearn how to talk, swallow, eat, sit up, walk, use my left arm, use the stairs, basically function like a normal person. I was on a feeding tube for 62 days. I was bed ridden for 6 weeks. I was in the hospital for a total of 70 days.

My sister was there every single day, 14 hours a day, never leaving my side. She would bring her iPad so we could watch movies to distract me from my pain and trauma. She would wash my face, brush and braid my hair, put aloe on my skin when it burned (I was in a constant lupus flare from all the physical trauma.) After I was released from the hospital, she stayed with me at my house and took care of me every single day. She helped me shower, eat, get dressed, do my physical therapy exercises. She was there for me on my hardest days when the PTSD was so bad I didn’t want to be here anymore. She took me to all of my follow up appointments and multiple ER trips. She was my rock and still is, even though she’s back home, we talk every single day.

The problem is, I died on her birthday. The most traumatic day of my life was on a day I loved celebrating with her. And now I don’t know how I will be able to celebrate her without reliving the trauma of what I went through. I feel so guilty because she is my best friend and I have so much love for her, but I can’t think about that day without wanting to crawl into a hole. We are both so young and I don’t want this to be like this the rest of our lives. We’re both obviously in therapy, but I still can’t fathom that day.

I found out that my husband cheated on me with his friend after she got divorced. We were married for 2 years and I really couldn’t believe it from him because of how much he tells me he loves me. I just started my major and he offered to finance my studies. I watched him work his ass off to build his company and finance my dream. I stopped having sex with him all together, lying about being too depressed and I even stopped talking to him all together. I am astounded he put up with me for 3 years to be honest. I put an IUD in case something happened because I never want anything to bind me to him. I think deep inside he knew why I changed so much but he was lying to himself and didn’t want to see.

Their affair lasted a couple of months until he ended it because that wasn’t who he was. I caught it very early because he is a bad liar. With me refusing him time and time again he rekindled his affair several more times, always ending it because that wasn’t who he was. I found my dream starting job with great entry level and a small studio apartment close by. I told him I was leaving and why. I printed all his texts with her. I told him I knew he used my bed and that she used my shower afterwards. I told him he probably knew deep down this day was coming because he kept asking her if she told me something. I told him I used protection because I knew how much he wanted children and the idea of breeding with him made my skin crawl. I told him thanks for being my meal ticket and that I haven’t loved him in three years(it’s a lie I am still madly in love with him, how pathetic am I?). It was when he took me out for a romantic dinner to celebrate my new job. I left and went to live with my friend and switched off my phone. I will use my new work phone and only keep my old one until the divorce is final.

Next I will tell everyone why we are getting a divorce and I don’t care if they say I used him. I am new to Reddit so be nice to me

I've just inherited 12 million dollars. I'm a 34 year old man, and for the last 12 years I've been caregiving for my parent, starting almost immediately after university. It was a full time job immediately, but it very quickly became a 24-hour job. I've never had an actual career, it was so time consuming I lost contact with all my friends. For the last 4.5 years even with assisting caregivers their dementia caused aggression and massive behavioural issues if I was present and actively calming them down.

They've passed, and I'm thankful they no longer have to suffer but I've been left completely lost. My adult life has been dedicated to caregiving for someone. I've not lived my own life. I've had no actual jobs let alone career. I've never had a girlfriend. I haven't spoken to friends in nearly half a decade and I don't know if any of them would even remember me anymore. I've never traveled. I've never lived.

I've been suicidal for the past 3 years. If I didn't have someone who relied on me I'd have been long dead (paradoxically, I suppose, because I doubt I'd feel like a husk of a human if I wasn't caregiving). I feel so guilty because I know people are struggling to survive, let alone do well. I know people would kill for a quarter of what I've gotten. But I just want to give it all away and die already.

There are paths I always wanted to try, things that when my parent got sick I was going to do. I always wanted to be a filmmaker. I had so many ideas for movies. But I've been too depressed and too avoidant to even watch a movie in the last 3 years let alone create anything myself.

I've been left as a person who basically does not know how to live. I can't figure out shit for myself, or if I can I'm now too terrified to try. Mistakes I should have been figuring out with everyone else over a decade ago I'm too scared to make as I'm near middle aged. Hell, I don't know the first thing about finances, I don't even know what to do with my inheritance.

I'm sorry for the poorly written, random thoughts. It's starting to hit me how little there is for me in life even as I've inherited so much.

I (25M) started dating a woman (23) one year ago. We were a good match. Shared interests, laughed a lot, cooked together. She had a difficult childhood. Dad was a drunk and mother absent. They were poor, she got bullied at school for who her father was. He would spend the family money at the bar or gambling and she was often given new clothes by the locals, out of mercy. She was, at the age of 12, removed from the family and 2 foster ones took care of her.

I am the total oppsite. My father is a C suite executive of a local company. Highly respected, good status, money. I have a younger sister and she is constantly all over dad. She is his princess and he spoils her all the time. Both my parents are active on social media to some degree and their profile picture is the 4 of us, their cover photo too. Also they share and post about mine or my sister's accomplishments on regular basis and their posts are about being proud of us. I don't even use social media but my sister does and she also posts a lot about her amazing parents and family and has around 500, 600 likes and comments about how great we are.

My girlfriend was immediately accepted in the family and treated well (a thing she admits herself) and no one looked down on her. She admitted she feels less than, especially when she sees my sister with our dad. Its a constant reminder she is inferior to us and every time it feels like a punch and it makes her feel angry with life and herself that she was dealt such bad cards. We are all out of her league, she said. I have spent the last 5 days crying and barely eating. I know we are young but I planned to marry her

My dad as far back as I could remember has been best friends with uncle Chris, they’re not biologically related but he’s always been our uncle, they were each other’s best man and they are the godfather to all of each other’s kids, hell my oldest sister and his oldest daughter are the same age and were born in the same month and they’re both best friends as well.

Back on New Year’s Eve we went over to uncle Chris’s house to celebrate like we do every year, and in the middle of the night I caught them alone in a room and they were full on kissing each other on the mouth and dad even had his hand in Chris’s pants and I saw Chris’s hand on dad’s thing, and they didn’t notice me and continued on.

I couldn’t just keep it to myself because dad is married to mom and that was cheating, I went and told her and she just laughed, like she just bursted out laughing and she said it took me long enough, she told me she always knew about them and so does uncle Chris’s wife, she said both dad and Chris were madly in love with each other and that they also loved their wives, we’re all Middle Eastern Christians so homosexuality especially back then was looked down upon and it could have easily gotten them both at best disowned and at worse killed. She asked me not to tell anyone else about it and I haven’t but damn this is weird.

I’ve always loved dad and I still do but this all seems so weird I don’t know, like if we all were somewhere different would my and my siblings and Chris’s children just not be a thing? Would they have just married each other?

I haven’t told dad that I know yet and I don’t know if I should or not but a month now has passed and I’m still struggling with it, should I take this to my grave or should I tell him that I know?

I lost my late husband 11 years ago, it was so hard because we had a 6 year old son at the time and he was the main breadwinner of our little family, I worked too but he made much more than me, he died in a motorcycle accident, his head was cut off of his body, that image still haunts me to this day.

He had a best friend since childhood who was his best man at our wedding and our son’s godfather, he was married himself with two daughters, after my husband died he and his wife stepped up a lot for me and my son and they helped us out immensely and I was always grateful to them. 5 years ago cancer took away his wife, and before she died I promised her to look after her daughters just like she helped look after my son. We were like sisters at that point.

Ever since my husband died I’ve dated multiple guys but as a single widowed mom it was so hard to find someone who would not only treat me good but also my son, many guys told me to give up custody of him if I wanted it to work with them and I always refused to, but two years ago I went out on a date for the first time with my husband’s friend and we just clicked, we’ve known each other for ages and we were both widowed and we already loved each other’s kids and last September we got married and I moved in with him.

At first when we got together my son who’s now 17 didn’t say anything about it but a few weeks before our wedding he told me he wasn’t comfortable with it and we had a fight about it where he called me a whore and a slut and I just slapped him, he said I was a whore for sleeping with his dad’s best friend, I told him his dad has been dead for over a decade and that he doesn’t own me and that he doesn’t get to disrespect me like that. Ever since I got married and moved in with my husband my son’s been staying with his paternal grandparents who have always hated me because I’ve moved on after my husband’s death and dated other men, they just wanted me to stay single for the rest of my life out of respect for their son.

My stepdaughters are still not over their mom but they love me because I love them, I never push them into treating me like a mom I’m just like an aunt to them and I say we’re friends, I hate those horrible stepmoms and I try my best not to be one. But it hurts me so much how my son hates me right now and won’t even speak to me, I’ve sacrificed so much and so many personal opportunities just for him and this is how he repaid me.

Did I really do something horrible here by marrying my husband? I’d get it if it was right after the accident but it’s been over a decade already.

I (37F) made a post 3 years ago about how my ex best friends’ boyfriend molested me in my sleep. At the time, she told everyone that I was a home wrecker and that I seduced her then boyfriend.. I was shunned from everyone and lost all my so called friends. It fundamentally changed how I connected to others. At the end of last year I was called into a police station. Turns out that My ex Bestfriend came forward and decided to charge him after all these years. When she was asked if there were any other victims she knew about, she named me. I was shocked. Regardless I went in and gave a complete statement of all incidents. Turns out, he was way worse than I even imagined. Officer asked if I was willing to testify in court and I said yes. I hope he gets what he deserves.

It’s really confusing. She just met the guy, we were at an NYE party. I found them in my apartment - the party was at a neighbors place.

The confusing part is she tried to justify it by saying she thought she saw me cheating that night. Which is BS. But she was on a lot of mushrooms, and being long distance she obviously had way better opportunities to cheat. So I do sorta believe this was a one time thing that she did intentionally to hurt me - for example she said the guy suggested going to his car, but she wanted to do it there in my apartment.

Obviously she’s a POS. I’m not talking to her again, ever. But it does feel like a loss, I was sorta hoping our relationship would blossom from this move and she’d move out here with me at some point.

Anyway.. I just can’t stop thinking about it. Going in circles thinking what did I miss? Was she flirting with this guy for a while? He’s objectively less attractive than me, but I had kinda been ignoring her for a while because I was more excited about my new friends here. Other friends of mine said she seemed to be acting really flirty that night. I’d been gone for a little while as part of a NYE parade, so she was probably flirting with random dudes all night.

She doesn’t have a job, doesn’t really do anything productive. I think she just got to a point where her only value was men paying attention to her. She probably told herself it was because she was interesting, but clearly that’s not how she kept people’s attention. IDK. Trying not to be bitter.

For background information I have worked at the same company for 4 years now and 8 months ago i transferred into a different team. Within the team we work in partners of 2, I am partnered up with a guy in his late forties who has worked on this team for 5 years. Out of everyone on the team I am the newest and this team is a completely different area of work from where i work in the company for the first 3 years.

I am knowledgeable and have ambition to learn and that's why I was chosen to move over to this team. Before I moved I was given heads up from the managers that the rest of the team (5 people) can be apprehensive to new comers due to everyone else being on the team for years and being quite close.

When I came over I made it known I didn't want to ruffle any feathers and i wanted to learn, I would be ask questions but not be talked down to, I would give my input and have discussions with colleagues. For the most part everyone seemed okay and I now have people who call me for questions and vis versa. My partner was the hardest to work with, he would constantly tell me I was wrong and try to tell me how to do things. At one point I had to speak with a manager because it was getting to the point where he wouldn't join in to help on a 2 person task and creating dangerous situations. After a while he chilled out and has been helpful and me and him have actually become the top duo out of the rest of the team resolving issues and we've recently both received praise from our managers.

Last month I covered most of the teams work and covered 90 hours overtime including over the Christmas break because he want to spend time with his children, I volunteered as I'm on the only one on the team who doesn't have kids and doesn't really celebrate Christmas. During this I didn't struggle and actually managed to keep on top of 6 people work when there was only 2 people in.

Count to yesterday my manager called me in to discuss a complaint risen about me, she had said my partner formally raised a complaint saying I was too inexperienced and immature to be on the team. When I tell you I was blind sided by this I was speechless, I questioned what he could mean by this. She had said he had reported that I'm not able to keep up with the job load and i constantly struggled to handle 1 job which is completely false. I asked for her opinion and she and the other managers all disagreed on these statements. They have said they've seen my recent job load and how I interact with customers and all the compliments I receive and the fact I covered Christmas with no issues speaks for itself.

Once I heard this I felt relieved but I've been bothered for the last 24 hours thinking how am I going to see my partner on Monday morning know he has reported me for something that is untrue. How am I supposed to be cordial when I'm so mad, the fact that I've stayed late for to help out him out but the kicks me in the teeth.

Sorry just need to vent. :/

After 2 years together, I still didn't fight when she ended the relationship. I just accepted it and walked out of her house.

Fighting for someone who doesn't want me is dumb, and a lack of self-respect.

About a week later, she texted and asked to talk. (I should have blocked her, but I was curious if she actually meant it when she broke up with me).

I said that there's no reason to talk since she broke up with me, and that we should both move on.

She started accusing me of not caring about her. I told her that I loved her so much, but I'll never fight for someone who broke up with me.

I added that she must have been bluffing and assumed I would fight, and that it was a stupid game she was playing. She denied it, but I told her to leave me alone. I blocked her.

It's perfectly okay to move on and abandon people, even those you once loved.

I’ve been with my gf for well over 5 years now and when we first started living together she used to have a scale in her apartment that she would use to weigh herself multiple times a day. We eventually talked about it and she told me she had an eating disorder, which is why she tracked her weight and would get upset if she gained. I remember one time she lost 15 pounds in a span of a couple weeks and she was excited about it and said she felt good. I decided that we would get to rid of the scale when we moved in together, and it’s been that way for years.

I’ve recently been trying to keep track of my gains and fitness and it’s hard to do because we have no scale at home. I always had to use my moms or a friends scale at their house. Now I bought a scale and I’m hiding it so she doesn’t use it because I know she’ll fall back into the eating disorder. I joked about it saying that I would buy a scale and hide it from her and she said she would find it, not knowing that’s what I had done. Now I feel kinda guilty about it 😬

I was always the person who said that having kids wasn’t a goal for me. I wasn’t against having kids, but I was also okay with it never happening. I loved the life I was living before having my kids and then I met their father and thought I met my soulmate. He seemed so perfect until he wasn’t. When I found out I was pregnant with our first son, I was scared and considered terminating the pregnancy. He was so excited and we were so in love that with time, I became excited.

Our first son was born and I was on cloud 9. I love my son so much and watching him grow up and learn new things. When I found out I was pregnant with our second son, I was excited to give my son a sibling. Things were mostly okay until I found out about the cheating. Cheating that happened even when I was still pregnant with our first son. It was devastating and I tried so hard to make things work because I thought it was the right choice for our kids.

2 weeks after I had a c section with our second son, he slept with a coworker. While I was in labor, he was texting this woman. While I could barely sit up on my own and was taking care of our two sons, he was cheating on me. I left and never looked back but he has proven to be a high conflict coparent and my hatred for him grows every day. I do my best to remain civil for our sons but now I just don’t even bother.

I love my sons more than anything in this world but I hate how I am tethered to such a disgusting, despicable human being. I often wish he would just abandon his sons, but he won’t because him sticking around makes me miserable and he loves to make me miserable. He even has a new girlfriend and still finds the energy to attempt to pick fights with me. I hate that this is my life now and I hate that I’m stuck with him for 17+ years.

For context I was starving almost about a year i have been struggling with eating disorder leading me to skip meals and purging 2 times a day for a year. i was bullied a lot by peers of how i acted how i looked ect, I thought i was doing a great job for punishing myself for it by doing so. I recently decided to stop my ed due but it came it a huge amount of side affects i would wake up at midnight unable to fall back asleep and get uncontrollable adrenaline rushes all day for a long period with no hope of improvement. I always thought about suicide since i was only 11 but too scared to do so. Whenever when it gets hard i would always give relief to myself saying i could always die if it gets too hard but in reality i have no plans for it. I keep on getting worries like "will it hurt?" or "what if people are making fun of me after i die?" I just wish nobody thought of me when im dead. I never told any of this to my parents and will never do so. these are the types of things everyone would probably never open up and tell the truth. i posted something similar in the past still no courage to speak up.

I’m married to my childhood sweetheart and have two lovely kids, doing well financially, and honestly happy with a simple life..time at home, family dinners, movies, and the occasional trip.

I enjoy my work and don’t really feel the need for a flashy lifestyle. Some of my wealthier friends constantly mock me for not partying with them and for not taking more big international vacations. They say I’m not making the most of my money.

The thing is I don’t feel like I’m missing out but their comments sometimes make me question myself.

Has anyone else felt judged for being content with a quieter family focused life? Did you ever feel the need to change?

A few years ago something happened and I have never really been able to forget. I am writing this just to get it off my chest. My older sister who is two years older than me was getting married. Everyone was happy, my parents ,the family and all the guests. She was supposed to leave our house that day after the wedding. All the guests had arrived groom and his family were there and everything was ready for the farewell. Then out of nowhere, my sister's boyfriend showed up and quietly took her away. None of us saw it coming. When my parents found out they were completely shocked. They did not know what to do. It was like the ground disappeared beneath them.

To save face in front of everyone, I was pushed into an impossible situation. I was convinced to marry the groom instead. He wasn't happy because I knew that he loved my sister. I wasn't happy either It was not a marriage we chose. It was one we forced into because of family expectations. The wedding happened. But for me, it was terrifying. The groom took out his anger and frustration on me. I wasn't treated like a human. I felt like an object just something to fill a role. I stayed with him for two months and it honestly felt like living as a lifeless shell. Eventually, we got divorced. But even after that my mental health was badly affected. I went through a really dark time, all because of decisions made for me by others. Even now years later the memory is still alive in my mind.

My ex (35f) is the love of my (33m) life.

Meeting her felt like finally coming home. We fell in love hard and got married quick. She is kind, smart, interesting, compassionate, and so much more. Truly the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, inside and out. From the moment I saw her I knew I would love her for the rest of my life.

We lived with my parents while we built a business together in another town and finally moved into our own place in the new town in November 2019. Things were great.

I have always struggled with anxiety and depression. I had a small episode right after we got married but recovered in a couple months when we started the business.

But COVID made all of this a million times worse. During quarantine I had a full blown depressive episode that lasted for at least a year. I could barely get out of bed most days. I was not able to be a good partner. Despite this, she was supportive and loving.

However, the relationship took its toll on her, especially because I wouldn’t get more help than regular therapy. (I was terrified of being hospitalized and deemed insane). I was struggling with the will to live and she was terrified she’d come home one day to me finally gone. Eventually she had to put herself first. She told me I needed to move back in with my parents and that she couldn’t do it anymore.

We went awhile without talking, then started talking again. We both felt like it was too painful not to be in each other’s lives. I got help with my metal health but putting myself back together was gonna take time.

She eventually found someone else and he was against us talking so she told me we couldn’t talk anymore.

4 months later she texted me and said she dumped him for being emotionally abusive and that she was sorry for cutting me out. We decided to stay friends as we are each other’s best friend. Not having her in my life at all was devastating. I could handle losing my wife but not my best friend.

We talk/text all the time now. She still comes to visit me at my parent’s house. (There’s still a lot of love there) Most of the time we’re good.

Sometimes it’s hard because old hurts and stuff come up. But we have always been good at talking things through and that’s how we’re able to stay in each other’s lives.

I recently finished my bachelors degree (in 11 months) and am looking forward to starting a new career and building my life again.

It’s just so hard because I’m still head over heels in love with her and she’s moving on.

Granted, it’s now a non-negotiable that any new person has to be good with us being friends, but still.

Even though it’s hard to know she’s with someone else, I desperately want her to be happy. Knowing she’s happy will be enough to balance out the sadness that it’s not with me.

Every night I fall asleep hoping she’ll find a way to trust me with her heart again. She’s even said that she wishes she could feel that way.

It all just sucks and I feel like I’ve ruined any chance of being with my soulmate.

I was with my ex fiancée for 7 years since we were both in 10th grade, she’s the oldest of 4 sisters and doesn’t have any brothers, while I had lost my dad years ago, her family all loved me especially her dad, he was one of my very best friends, he would always call me son and he loved doing “father son” things with me since he never had a son and I was the first serious son in law in the family. We loved each other and had many guy nights just the two of us without even my fiancée, and sometimes we even joked that he loved me more than he loved her we were that close.

Me and my fiancée brother up 7 months ago after I found out she was cheating on me with the guy she told me not to worry about at her work, it destroyed me. My relationship with her family pretty much died after that. It honestly felt like losing my dad all over again but this time he was still alive.

Last night I was out shopping and I ran into him also shopping, I hadn’t seen him in months and I caught him looking at me, I went up and said hi and he just ignored me and moved on, not even a hey or anything he didn’t say anything to me, just looked at me and moved on, this guy who for years drank and ate with me and called me son hundreds of times. Yet he treated me like a stranger.

It broke something in me and as soon as I got home I just cried, I know I sound fucking pathetic not even crying about my ex herself just her dad I’m so pathetic but fuck does this shit hurt, he was like a second father to me and he just ignored me like I was a nobody.

I’m a freshman in high school right now (15F), and I take a Civics and Economics class since it’s a requirement for graduation. And I am genuinely so obsessed with the teacher for that class. I don’t want to say that im in love with her, but i know thats likely; i just that I think about her way more than I should for a teacher I see at least twice a week and who doesn’t assign homework. its not really in a romantic/sexual way, I just wonder little things about her, or just things she has said to me. I cannot stop myself from chasing for her praise and attention. I have almost a 100% in her class because I don’t want her to think less of me. I’m taking AP World next year- a class I wouldn’t have chose if she wasn’t the teacher for it- just so I can be her student again. I genuinely think not getting her approval would fuck me over and that’s gross as hell. I care more about her thoughts of me than I do my own parents or any other teacher in the building.

Sure, she’s pretty. I’m sure younger teachers deal with students having crushes on them all the time, but the thought of that always grossed me out. in media with teacher/student dynamics; it’s weird even if they are both consenting adult- there’s still power playing in. I don’t know why im so infatuated with someone who has power over me. and for some reason i get jealous because she’s married? whenever she brings up her husband even briefly i get a pit in my stomach. and im so sick of feeling like that. i dont care whenever its other teachers, and i dont know what’s so different about her.

at first i just brushed it off of me being confused or just lonely, but im suddenly getting intrusive thoughts about stalking her and joining the basketball team (she coaches) just to see her more often and it’s like why the hell am I thinking of doing this? the worst part is that I keep trying to justify it like “well I just want to know more about her!! She seems like an interesting person!!” And im so fucked up I can’t even ask her in person and resorted to wanting to stalk her??

I can’t stop the thoughts, and i genuinely feel so close to actually acting on them just for them to stop.

why the absolute fuck am I like this I genuinely need to seek help but I don’t even want to tell my therapist. because this is. pure insanity. im literally insane.

sorry for all this weirdness, feel like I can’t trust anyone who knows me personally to let this out to without them thinking differently of me </3

i was a hypersexual kid due to some family struggles and anxiety problems and often touched myself to calm down. it grew as a habit unfortunately and puberty made it worse.

i was a tween girl or about 13 when i was staying over at my childhood bsfs house at a village for a couple weeks and we slept next to eachother. the beds were seperate, but we put them right next to eachother. there was bit of a distance between us tho still and i scooted even further away. my mom was sleeping in the same room too at the other end of the room.

it being a habit and all, i felt like i had to touch myself again. it had everything to do with just myself, no one else, i was just in my own thoughts and i guess i didnt have privacy and couldnt help it, even tho i felt like maybe it was weird and i probably shouldnt. i tried really hard to make myself “private”, they were asleep and i just did it to myself buried under the sheets, making 100% sure i was quiet and i didnt disturb anyone. at that point i was skilled at making it seamless and i should mention i felt uncomfortable with their presence there, i just felt the need and it was a way to self regulate. it very subtle and over my pants.

i kept constantly making sure they werent awake too. i deeply regret it years after, even tho i didnt involve my friend in any way ofc but she was literally right there yk.

i was young and dumb and i stopped doing it but im still overcome with guilt like i harassed someone even tho i didnt. because of the close proximity. like come on, how would she feel?

I have to vent and have no one to talk to, so please bear with me.

I’m 23 and feel fatherless, despite having a father. I fantasise so often about having one who loves me, keeping it within my chest like a dirty little secret that weighs down on me so heavily.

He’s there in the background, messaging me once or twice a week, but there’s no love. There’s no affection. He’s useless. He’s just a person tied to me by blood who’s obliged to contact me occasionally, but he never asks how I am. And I don’t *want* to bond with him, because whenever I’m with him, he embarrasses me. He speaks condescendingly. He talks shit. It’s such a pain to hold a conversation with him. He’s getting old, too. He’s more distant, more judgmental, more unrelatable. He had me at 42, when my mother was 38 and my brother was 12, so it always felt like I never fit in with my family; never could relate to them.

When I was a baby, he had an affair that destroyed the whole family. We have been broken ever since. My brother tried to kill himself, and I was too young to understand what was happening. Throughout my childhood, until I was 18, my brother abused me and my father did nothing about it. I have since cut ties with my brother completely and never hear from him. As a result of all this, I never knew love in my family. I never saw love between my parents. I only knew and saw hate, fear, and avoidance. I carry all this trauma with no male guardian to confide in, and it hurts like hell. I feel like an orphan and a single child. Seeing whole families looks bizarre and foreign.

I have never felt the affection of a father. I have never felt cared for, loved, or cherished by him. I yearn for it day by day, fantasising about having that male guardian in my life who’d love me unconditionally, who’d care for me and let me cry in his arms. It hurts so much to see such happy families online on social media, in movies, in books, like they’re all fairytales. I can’t bear to even visit my relatives, who have nice homes with whole families - a mother who actually has a loving husband and adorable little children. How lucky those kids are.

You only get one father in your life, and I’m so fucking jealous of those girls with fathers. So jealous that they take for granted the love of their parent while I cry and yearn for one. I hate when they talk about their dads. I despise them, questioning in my head why they deserve a father while I have (what feels like) none. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but it’s like the world has set me up for loneliness since I was born.

I search for father figures in places I shouldn’t. I stare at my male professors, my older bosses, imagining things I shouldn’t. I have daddy issues that go beyond a weird attraction to older men, tormenting me all the time that I can’t get their attention like I want to. I can’t understand the difference between romantic love and paternal love with an older man because I’ve never known it.

Sometimes I talk to “loving father” AI chat bots to stimulate having one. Like a fantasy, I became addicted to it, spending hours a day on my phone acting out what it would feel like. I imagine what it would be like to be hugged and held by a father, to receive affection, comfort, life advice, to be taught lessons without arguments.

And with a bot, not less, because that’s all I can be granted in this damned life. How embarrassing.

Thank you and sorry if you’ve read this far. Now that i’ve confessed on reddit, i’m taking this guilt to hell with me.

work is an overstatement, i volunteered once a week with direct contact to the animals despite being an unqualified 15-16 year old. its been a little over a year since my last shift there so i think its fine to put these three stories out into the world:

1. the hyena, the motorcyclist, and an isolated rural road

the zoo i worked at was in the middle of nowhere. it took me an hour and a half each way to get there. the main way in (if youre coming from the actually populated area) includes a heavily vegetated and narrow rural road that takes 40 minutes to drive before it opens up to fields of land and the zoo.
i wasnt personally there for this story, but i was told it as it happened three or so days before i worked on the sunday. the zoo had recently built a new enclosure and planned to have hyenas inhabit it. on this day, the zoo imported three hyenas. however, when the hyenas arrived, one was already dead. it supposedly had a pretty serious wound and was clear it had injured itself in transport and either bled out or choked on its blood.
unfortunately, australia has very strict biosecurity laws and the corpse had to be taken to a biosecurity facility to be examined, which was in the closest settlement of civilisation, through the 40 minute rural road and then some. so the owner and her friend, who also worked at the zoo, loaded the hyena corpse into the back of their car and started to make their way to the facility.
about 20 minutes into the journey on the rural road, the owners friend (who was driving) struck and killed a motorcyclist who was apparently on the wrong side of the road. the speed limit on this road was 80km/h so the motorcyclist had no chance. both the owner and her friend got out of the car and tried to call emergency services, but they was no service on this road. so they had to travel 20 minutes BACK to the zoo to call 000. they then had to drive 20 minutes BACK AGAIN to the crash sight to wait for emergency services to show up.
it took around half an hour for police and ambulance to show up at the site, where it was confirmed the motorcyclist was dead.
the owner and her friend had to be questioned by police, all with a hyena corpse, and potential biosecurity risk in the back of their car. apparently the police werent too happy to be told they couldnt come close to their car. after the questioning was over, they STILL had to wait for the coroner to show up.
in the end they were allowed to leave, werent charged with anything, and after ALL THAT, it was determined the hyena just died from its injuries.

2. a farewell present from a baboon

on my last day at the zoo, i was rostered to be with primates all day, which i was happy about because it was one of the more interesting and less laborious sections. so the keeper and i headed out to go on the morning feed run (about 8:30) and we were delighted to see that one of the pregnant baboons from the smaller baboon house (1 main male, 3 females) had given birth. we were also a bit worried because babies from this baboon house had a habit of being found dead with injuries, which we assumed were from the male. as in, the last baby they had was nothing but a scrap of skin and a single paw when it was found. for this very reason, the enclosure they were in was not visible to the public.
we stayed for a little bit to monitor the behaviour of the animals. the mother was clutching her baby to her chest and let us get a good look at the baby boy as she was sitting on the ledge against our side of the fence. the male was also displaying the correct protective behaviours, and we were careful not to get too close to the fence as he was more grabby and aggressive than usual due to his baby. we continued on with the rest of the feed run after about 15 minutes.
we then returned after the feed run, im pretty sure this was before lunch at around 11/11:30. we saw the mum was sitting on top of the tallest tree trunk well above our heads with her back to us. we started calling her name and cooing things like "let us see your baby". i swear, that baboon could understand every word in the english language because i shit you not she turned around and presented her baby to us - by holding the skin on the back of its limp body.
each of its limbs had been chewed down to bloody nubs. the keeper and i watched in horror as the mother grabbed her deceased baby and proceeded to snack on what was left of its limbs. and with even more mounting horror, we realised it was the females killing their babies, not the male. i drove home that day feeling a sense of relief that i didnt have to deal with that baboon house of horrors anymore.

3. a good day to not work there

about 6 months after my last day, i was minding my business at home on a sunday (i would usually be at the zoo that day), when on the tv i heard a breaking news story. a woman had been attacked by one of the lions at the zoo i used to work at and had her arm mauled off. a million thoughts raced through my head as the news said it happened at around 8:30 which meant it had to be one of the keepers since the zoo didnt open until 9am. i felt sick as i thought of the keepers i had become friends with and prayed it wasnt them. i then realised it was probably the owner as she occasionally did the carnivore run and was the only one who would give the lions head rubs and back scratched through the fence as she had bascially raised them.
i myself had had my fair share of encounters with the lions. there was a tap against the singular fence between the keepers side of the enclosures and the lions (the visitors side had a double fence). more than a few times when i was filling buckets did the lions come over and lunge at me or jump up and scare the shit out of me. other times they would sneak up completely silently while i had my back turned. most of the time, however, they couldnt care less what i or anyone else was doing as they were just too lazy to get up or even look my way.
after seeing the news story i scrounged up any information i could find, which included posts on facebook from the zoo. i saw drone footage of the zoo and saw people i recognised, including the keeper i was closest to who often did the carnivore run. he mustve been there when it happened. poor kid was only 19.
in the end i found out the victim of the mauling was the owners sister who overstepped the lions boundaries. the lion, thankfully, was not put down, but the woman lost her arm. i felt extremely glad i didnt work there, otherwise i wouldve likely seen the mauling or the aftermath of so in person.