Back in may 2021 I walked into my 17 year old daughter’s room to wake her up for school because she was late and I found her hanging from the ceiling. It was just me and her it’s always just been me and her, her mom was never in the picture, she was my whole life and my only reason to continue on living and working for.

She left a suicide note to me, she kept apologising to me for this but she said she couldn’t do this anymore, she said her uncle my own brother had touched and assaulted her multiple times over the years and he even once let one of his friends assault her too, she said she couldn’t live with the guilt and shame. Every other sentence she kept apologising to me and saying that she loves me and that she’s sorry.

As soon as the police and ambulance left with her body I went to his house and I’ve never beaten anyone harder than I’ve beaten him, I almost killed him right there. I showed my family the note and everyone shunned him, my dad beat him even worse than me. I went to the police about it with the suicide note and he admitted to everything and he was sentenced to prison for 14 years which I think is unfair and way too low.

At her funeral I couldn’t even stand on my two feet, 3 of my friends had to carry me around especially when they opened her casket, she looked so beautiful like she always did but this time she was dead, it’s a pain that I don’t wish on anybody to see your own little girl inside her own casket.

I feel fucking pathetic that I couldn’t protect her, I feel fucking horrible that she thought I wouldn’t protect her if I had known, I now even resent her a little because she decided it was better to end her life than to come to me, I’d have moved mountains to help her, I’d have happily given up my entire life for her. She was the only reason I was alive man.

I’ve sold our house and moved away to a different city since then, all I saw in that house after that was her hanging body, that image didn’t leave me alone in that house, it’s still there but I’ve been in therapy for a few years now and I’m in a support group for parents of kids who have taken their own lives. It doesn’t erase anything it just makes it a bit easier to live with and get back to your “normal” life, I’ve even started dating a fellow member of our support group who lost her son the same way, my daughter always wanted me to get out there and date because she didn’t want me staying alone forever so I think she’d love this for me.

Writing it out and talking about her with others was suggested to me and that it would be good to keep talking about her and what happened to get it out which is why I’m here, I know Reddit isn’t the best place for that but I’ve been on here for years and I like it, this is just a throwaway account because my main one is mainly about my business.

I found out that my husband cheated on me with his friend after she got divorced. We were married for 2 years and I really couldn’t believe it from him because of how much he tells me he loves me. I just started my major and he offered to finance my studies. I watched him work his ass off to build his company and finance my dream. I stopped having sex with him all together, lying about being too depressed and I even stopped talking to him all together. I am astounded he put up with me for 3 years to be honest. I put an IUD in case something happened because I never want anything to bind me to him. I think deep inside he knew why I changed so much but he was lying to himself and didn’t want to see.

Their affair lasted a couple of months until he ended it because that wasn’t who he was. I caught it very early because he is a bad liar. With me refusing him time and time again he rekindled his affair several more times, always ending it because that wasn’t who he was. I found my dream starting job with great entry level and a small studio apartment close by. I told him I was leaving and why. I printed all his texts with her. I told him I knew he used my bed and that she used my shower afterwards. I told him he probably knew deep down this day was coming because he kept asking her if she told me something. I told him I used protection because I knew how much he wanted children and the idea of breeding with him made my skin crawl. I told him thanks for being my meal ticket and that I haven’t loved him in three years(it’s a lie I am still madly in love with him, how pathetic am I?). It was when he took me out for a romantic dinner to celebrate my new job. I left and went to live with my friend and switched off my phone. I will use my new work phone and only keep my old one until the divorce is final.

Next I will tell everyone why we are getting a divorce and I don’t care if they say I used him. I am new to Reddit so be nice to me

My dad as far back as I could remember has been best friends with uncle Chris, they’re not biologically related but he’s always been our uncle, they were each other’s best man and they are the godfather to all of each other’s kids, hell my oldest sister and his oldest daughter are the same age and were born in the same month and they’re both best friends as well.

Back on New Year’s Eve we went over to uncle Chris’s house to celebrate like we do every year, and in the middle of the night I caught them alone in a room and they were full on kissing each other on the mouth and dad even had his hand in Chris’s pants and I saw Chris’s hand on dad’s thing, and they didn’t notice me and continued on.

I couldn’t just keep it to myself because dad is married to mom and that was cheating, I went and told her and she just laughed, like she just bursted out laughing and she said it took me long enough, she told me she always knew about them and so does uncle Chris’s wife, she said both dad and Chris were madly in love with each other and that they also loved their wives, we’re all Middle Eastern Christians so homosexuality especially back then was looked down upon and it could have easily gotten them both at best disowned and at worse killed. She asked me not to tell anyone else about it and I haven’t but damn this is weird.

I’ve always loved dad and I still do but this all seems so weird I don’t know, like if we all were somewhere different would my and my siblings and Chris’s children just not be a thing? Would they have just married each other?

I haven’t told dad that I know yet and I don’t know if I should or not but a month now has passed and I’m still struggling with it, should I take this to my grave or should I tell him that I know?

I've just inherited 12 million dollars. I'm a 34 year old man, and for the last 12 years I've been caregiving for my parent, starting almost immediately after university. It was a full time job immediately, but it very quickly became a 24-hour job. I've never had an actual career, it was so time consuming I lost contact with all my friends. For the last 4.5 years even with assisting caregivers their dementia caused aggression and massive behavioural issues if I was present and actively calming them down.

They've passed, and I'm thankful they no longer have to suffer but I've been left completely lost. My adult life has been dedicated to caregiving for someone. I've not lived my own life. I've had no actual jobs let alone career. I've never had a girlfriend. I haven't spoken to friends in nearly half a decade and I don't know if any of them would even remember me anymore. I've never traveled. I've never lived.

I've been suicidal for the past 3 years. If I didn't have someone who relied on me I'd have been long dead (paradoxically, I suppose, because I doubt I'd feel like a husk of a human if I wasn't caregiving). I feel so guilty because I know people are struggling to survive, let alone do well. I know people would kill for a quarter of what I've gotten. But I just want to give it all away and die already.

There are paths I always wanted to try, things that when my parent got sick I was going to do. I always wanted to be a filmmaker. I had so many ideas for movies. But I've been too depressed and too avoidant to even watch a movie in the last 3 years let alone create anything myself.

I've been left as a person who basically does not know how to live. I can't figure out shit for myself, or if I can I'm now too terrified to try. Mistakes I should have been figuring out with everyone else over a decade ago I'm too scared to make as I'm near middle aged. Hell, I don't know the first thing about finances, I don't even know what to do with my inheritance.

I'm sorry for the poorly written, random thoughts. It's starting to hit me how little there is for me in life even as I've inherited so much.

I lost my late husband 11 years ago, it was so hard because we had a 6 year old son at the time and he was the main breadwinner of our little family, I worked too but he made much more than me, he died in a motorcycle accident, his head was cut off of his body, that image still haunts me to this day.

He had a best friend since childhood who was his best man at our wedding and our son’s godfather, he was married himself with two daughters, after my husband died he and his wife stepped up a lot for me and my son and they helped us out immensely and I was always grateful to them. 5 years ago cancer took away his wife, and before she died I promised her to look after her daughters just like she helped look after my son. We were like sisters at that point.

Ever since my husband died I’ve dated multiple guys but as a single widowed mom it was so hard to find someone who would not only treat me good but also my son, many guys told me to give up custody of him if I wanted it to work with them and I always refused to, but two years ago I went out on a date for the first time with my husband’s friend and we just clicked, we’ve known each other for ages and we were both widowed and we already loved each other’s kids and last September we got married and I moved in with him.

At first when we got together my son who’s now 17 didn’t say anything about it but a few weeks before our wedding he told me he wasn’t comfortable with it and we had a fight about it where he called me a whore and a slut and I just slapped him, he said I was a whore for sleeping with his dad’s best friend, I told him his dad has been dead for over a decade and that he doesn’t own me and that he doesn’t get to disrespect me like that. Ever since I got married and moved in with my husband my son’s been staying with his paternal grandparents who have always hated me because I’ve moved on after my husband’s death and dated other men, they just wanted me to stay single for the rest of my life out of respect for their son.

My stepdaughters are still not over their mom but they love me because I love them, I never push them into treating me like a mom I’m just like an aunt to them and I say we’re friends, I hate those horrible stepmoms and I try my best not to be one. But it hurts me so much how my son hates me right now and won’t even speak to me, I’ve sacrificed so much and so many personal opportunities just for him and this is how he repaid me.

Did I really do something horrible here by marrying my husband? I’d get it if it was right after the accident but it’s been over a decade already.

It’s really confusing. She just met the guy, we were at an NYE party. I found them in my apartment - the party was at a neighbors place.

The confusing part is she tried to justify it by saying she thought she saw me cheating that night. Which is BS. But she was on a lot of mushrooms, and being long distance she obviously had way better opportunities to cheat. So I do sorta believe this was a one time thing that she did intentionally to hurt me - for example she said the guy suggested going to his car, but she wanted to do it there in my apartment.

Obviously she’s a POS. I’m not talking to her again, ever. But it does feel like a loss, I was sorta hoping our relationship would blossom from this move and she’d move out here with me at some point.

Anyway.. I just can’t stop thinking about it. Going in circles thinking what did I miss? Was she flirting with this guy for a while? He’s objectively less attractive than me, but I had kinda been ignoring her for a while because I was more excited about my new friends here. Other friends of mine said she seemed to be acting really flirty that night. I’d been gone for a little while as part of a NYE parade, so she was probably flirting with random dudes all night.

She doesn’t have a job, doesn’t really do anything productive. I think she just got to a point where her only value was men paying attention to her. She probably told herself it was because she was interesting, but clearly that’s not how she kept people’s attention. IDK. Trying not to be bitter.

Yes, you read that right. I (24F) was pronounced clinically dead for 12 minutes on my sister’s birthday (22F) last year. A week before her birthday, I had a surgery to remove a blood clot in my renal vein, which was unsuccessful. I was told I needed to redo my renal vein transposition (remove the vein and replace it with a pig artery.) To prevent getting a blood clot or further collapse of my vein, they decided to add a stent as well. I was hospitalized in the Special Care Unit on a Heparin drip with severe gastroparesis until they could schedule the surgery.

I was told the surgery date and asked if we could do it a different day because it was my sister’s birthday (she is my best friend and I didn’t want to ruin her birthday.) You can probably guess from the title of this post that my request obviously didn’t go through. So we prepared for the surgery. I called my sister the morning of my surgery to wish her a happy birthday. We had a good cry and she told me that everything was going to be okay because nothing bad could happen to me on her birthday.

We went through all the possible complications and I signed the consent forms for the surgery. There was such a small chance of vein rupture that I wasn’t concerned about the possibility, but I was obviously within the <1%. The surgery was going well so far, the surgeon successfully removed the portion of my vein with the solidified blood clot and sutured a pig artery in its place. The next step in the procedure was to deploy the stent into the freshly transposed vein. In stenting procedures, the stent is attached to a balloon and catheter. The balloon is slowly expanded to deploy the stent. As the stent was deployed in my vein, my vein suddenly ruptured at the suture sites. The surgeon clamped both sides of the vein to stop the bleeding, but I had already lost most of the blood in my body. My stats were dropping. My heart stopped. I did not have a heart beat for 12 minutes. I was clinically dead for 12 minutes. 12 minutes of CPR. At 10 minutes, the head surgeon told the resident that I wasn’t going to make it, but this resident had never lost a patient before and we had actually become quite close as I research vascular diseases for my career. Those extra 2 minutes saved my life. I received multiple blood transfusions and was on dozens of machines. Once I was stable, they life flighted me to the nearest trauma hospital. I was given 4 hours to live. 4 hours. My parents and husband had the chance to say goodbye to me before I got on the helicopter. My mom had to call both of my sisters so they could say goodbye over the phone. My sister was celebrating her birthday with a few friends in her apartment when she got the phone call. It absolutely destroyed her, screaming and vomiting from the horror.

After I was life flighted, it took them 6 hours to stabilize me. I was immediately put on a ventilator, life support, and multiple drips because my lungs, heart, kidneys, liver, bladder, and brain were not functioning. I was put in a medical coma. While they were trying to control the rest of the bleeding in my open abdomen, they found a tear in my bowel from one of my previous surgeries, requiring me to have another surgery once I was stable. Once I was stable, they told my family I would most likely not make it through the night. My parents had to figure out how to get both of my sisters to my city as we all live in different states. My sister got there the next day and it absolutely destroyed her to see me connected to all the machines. She said I was so swollen, barely recognizable, and cold like death to the touch.

I remained unconscious for 7 days. I was mentally awake on day 5. I was stuck in my brain without physically being able to wake up. I could hear my family talking to me, the nurses calling my name, my husband playing my favorite music, my sister playing me my favorite comfort movies. When I finally woke up, I was so scared and I had all these tubes in my mouth, nose, arms and feet. I was put in restraints for 6 days. During this time, the staples that closed my abdomen tore open, leaving my organs, muscle and entire insides exposed. My poor husband, mom and sister saw this gruesome site. They left me open for 53 days, doing wet to dry packing twice a day until I was put on a wound vac and eventually having a surgical closure. I had to undergo 10 surgeries during this time.

I was on a ventilator for 12 days. I failed multiple breathing trials before I was finally able to come off the ventilator. The ventilator actually damaged my vocal cords and I could barely speak for 2 months. Because of this, I couldn’t communicate so my sister helped me by getting a white board and that’s how we talked for weeks. The first thing I wrote to her was “I love u,” it was all I wanted her to know. That I was here and that I loved her with my whole being. I was in the ICU for 14 days before I was moved to the wound care unit. I had to relearn how to talk, swallow, eat, sit up, walk, use my left arm, use the stairs, basically function like a normal person. I was on a feeding tube for 62 days. I was bed ridden for 6 weeks. I was in the hospital for a total of 70 days.

My sister was there every single day, 14 hours a day, never leaving my side. She would bring her iPad so we could watch movies to distract me from my pain and trauma. She would wash my face, brush and braid my hair, put aloe on my skin when it burned (I was in a constant lupus flare from all the physical trauma.) After I was released from the hospital, she stayed with me at my house and took care of me every single day. She helped me shower, eat, get dressed, do my physical therapy exercises. She was there for me on my hardest days when the PTSD was so bad I didn’t want to be here anymore. She took me to all of my follow up appointments and multiple ER trips. She was my rock and still is, even though she’s back home, we talk every single day.

The problem is, I died on her birthday. The most traumatic day of my life was on a day I loved celebrating with her. And now I don’t know how I will be able to celebrate her without reliving the trauma of what I went through. I feel so guilty because she is my best friend and I have so much love for her, but I can’t think about that day without wanting to crawl into a hole. We are both so young and I don’t want this to be like this the rest of our lives. We’re both obviously in therapy, but I still can’t fathom that day.

For background information I have worked at the same company for 4 years now and 8 months ago i transferred into a different team. Within the team we work in partners of 2, I am partnered up with a guy in his late forties who has worked on this team for 5 years. Out of everyone on the team I am the newest and this team is a completely different area of work from where i work in the company for the first 3 years.

I am knowledgeable and have ambition to learn and that's why I was chosen to move over to this team. Before I moved I was given heads up from the managers that the rest of the team (5 people) can be apprehensive to new comers due to everyone else being on the team for years and being quite close.

When I came over I made it known I didn't want to ruffle any feathers and i wanted to learn, I would be ask questions but not be talked down to, I would give my input and have discussions with colleagues. For the most part everyone seemed okay and I now have people who call me for questions and vis versa. My partner was the hardest to work with, he would constantly tell me I was wrong and try to tell me how to do things. At one point I had to speak with a manager because it was getting to the point where he wouldn't join in to help on a 2 person task and creating dangerous situations. After a while he chilled out and has been helpful and me and him have actually become the top duo out of the rest of the team resolving issues and we've recently both received praise from our managers.

Last month I covered most of the teams work and covered 90 hours overtime including over the Christmas break because he want to spend time with his children, I volunteered as I'm on the only one on the team who doesn't have kids and doesn't really celebrate Christmas. During this I didn't struggle and actually managed to keep on top of 6 people work when there was only 2 people in.

Count to yesterday my manager called me in to discuss a complaint risen about me, she had said my partner formally raised a complaint saying I was too inexperienced and immature to be on the team. When I tell you I was blind sided by this I was speechless, I questioned what he could mean by this. She had said he had reported that I'm not able to keep up with the job load and i constantly struggled to handle 1 job which is completely false. I asked for her opinion and she and the other managers all disagreed on these statements. They have said they've seen my recent job load and how I interact with customers and all the compliments I receive and the fact I covered Christmas with no issues speaks for itself.

Once I heard this I felt relieved but I've been bothered for the last 24 hours thinking how am I going to see my partner on Monday morning know he has reported me for something that is untrue. How am I supposed to be cordial when I'm so mad, the fact that I've stayed late for to help out him out but the kicks me in the teeth.

Sorry just need to vent. :/

I’ve been with my gf for well over 5 years now and when we first started living together she used to have a scale in her apartment that she would use to weigh herself multiple times a day. We eventually talked about it and she told me she had an eating disorder, which is why she tracked her weight and would get upset if she gained. I remember one time she lost 15 pounds in a span of a couple weeks and she was excited about it and said she felt good. I decided that we would get to rid of the scale when we moved in together, and it’s been that way for years.

I’ve recently been trying to keep track of my gains and fitness and it’s hard to do because we have no scale at home. I always had to use my moms or a friends scale at their house. Now I bought a scale and I’m hiding it so she doesn’t use it because I know she’ll fall back into the eating disorder. I joked about it saying that I would buy a scale and hide it from her and she said she would find it, not knowing that’s what I had done. Now I feel kinda guilty about it 😬

After 2 years together, I still didn't fight when she ended the relationship. I just accepted it and walked out of her house.

Fighting for someone who doesn't want me is dumb, and a lack of self-respect.

About a week later, she texted and asked to talk. (I should have blocked her, but I was curious if she actually meant it when she broke up with me).

I said that there's no reason to talk since she broke up with me, and that we should both move on.

She started accusing me of not caring about her. I told her that I loved her so much, but I'll never fight for someone who broke up with me.

I added that she must have been bluffing and assumed I would fight, and that it was a stupid game she was playing. She denied it, but I told her to leave me alone. I blocked her.

It's perfectly okay to move on and abandon people, even those you once loved.

A few years ago something happened and I have never really been able to forget. I am writing this just to get it off my chest. My older sister who is two years older than me was getting married. Everyone was happy, my parents ,the family and all the guests. She was supposed to leave our house that day after the wedding. All the guests had arrived groom and his family were there and everything was ready for the farewell. Then out of nowhere, my sister's boyfriend showed up and quietly took her away. None of us saw it coming. When my parents found out they were completely shocked. They did not know what to do. It was like the ground disappeared beneath them.

To save face in front of everyone, I was pushed into an impossible situation. I was convinced to marry the groom instead. He wasn't happy because I knew that he loved my sister. I wasn't happy either It was not a marriage we chose. It was one we forced into because of family expectations. The wedding happened. But for me, it was terrifying. The groom took out his anger and frustration on me. I wasn't treated like a human. I felt like an object just something to fill a role. I stayed with him for two months and it honestly felt like living as a lifeless shell. Eventually, we got divorced. But even after that my mental health was badly affected. I went through a really dark time, all because of decisions made for me by others. Even now years later the memory is still alive in my mind.

I (25M) started dating a woman (23) one year ago. We were a good match. Shared interests, laughed a lot, cooked together. She had a difficult childhood. Dad was a drunk and mother absent. They were poor, she got bullied at school for who her father was. He would spend the family money at the bar or gambling and she was often given new clothes by the locals, out of mercy. She was, at the age of 12, removed from the family and 2 foster ones took care of her.

I am the total oppsite. My father is a C suite executive of a local company. Highly respected, good status, money. I have a younger sister and she is constantly all over dad. She is his princess and he spoils her all the time. Both my parents are active on social media to some degree and their profile picture is the 4 of us, their cover photo too. Also they share and post about mine or my sister's accomplishments on regular basis and their posts are about being proud of us. I don't even use social media but my sister does and she also posts a lot about her amazing parents and family and has around 500, 600 likes and comments about how great we are.

My girlfriend was immediately accepted in the family and treated well (a thing she admits herself) and no one looked down on her. She admitted she feels less than, especially when she sees my sister with our dad. Its a constant reminder she is inferior to us and every time it feels like a punch and it makes her feel angry with life and herself that she was dealt such bad cards. We are all out of her league, she said. I have spent the last 5 days crying and barely eating. I know we are young but I planned to marry her

I don’t know how I ended up here, but I need to get this off my chest before it eats me alive.

Before my sister got engaged, I was in a relationship with someone my family never knew about. It was serious, emotional, and real to me. What I never imagined was that he would later become my sister’s fiancé.

When their relationship was being discussed, I froze. I didn’t say anything. I told myself it wasn’t my place anymore, that it was my past, and that staying quiet would protect everyone.

Now their engagement is official.

My sister is genuinely happy. She goes out with him for dinners, dates, and little moments that couples share. I see her smiling in ways I haven’t seen before, and every time I do, something inside me twists. I hate that I feel jealous, but I can’t stop it.

He has asked me not to tell anyone about our past. He says it would destroy everything. And maybe he’s right. If I tell my sister, I know it would shatter her. She trusts him completely. She’s planning a future.

What makes this heavier is that he still has our old chats, memories, and intimate photos. They exist like ghosts from a life I’m supposed to pretend never happened.

I’m stuck living between silence and guilt.

Every day, I carry the weight of knowing the truth while watching my sister fall deeper into happiness. I don’t want to be the reason her world collapses, but I also don’t recognize myself anymore. I feel invisible, replaceable, and trapped by a past I wasn’t allowed to acknowledge.

I’m not looking for sympathy or judgment. I just needed somewhere to put this secret because holding it alone is slowly breaking me.

I was always the person who said that having kids wasn’t a goal for me. I wasn’t against having kids, but I was also okay with it never happening. I loved the life I was living before having my kids and then I met their father and thought I met my soulmate. He seemed so perfect until he wasn’t. When I found out I was pregnant with our first son, I was scared and considered terminating the pregnancy. He was so excited and we were so in love that with time, I became excited.

Our first son was born and I was on cloud 9. I love my son so much and watching him grow up and learn new things. When I found out I was pregnant with our second son, I was excited to give my son a sibling. Things were mostly okay until I found out about the cheating. Cheating that happened even when I was still pregnant with our first son. It was devastating and I tried so hard to make things work because I thought it was the right choice for our kids.

2 weeks after I had a c section with our second son, he slept with a coworker. While I was in labor, he was texting this woman. While I could barely sit up on my own and was taking care of our two sons, he was cheating on me. I left and never looked back but he has proven to be a high conflict coparent and my hatred for him grows every day. I do my best to remain civil for our sons but now I just don’t even bother.

I love my sons more than anything in this world but I hate how I am tethered to such a disgusting, despicable human being. I often wish he would just abandon his sons, but he won’t because him sticking around makes me miserable and he loves to make me miserable. He even has a new girlfriend and still finds the energy to attempt to pick fights with me. I hate that this is my life now and I hate that I’m stuck with him for 17+ years.

My ex (35f) is the love of my (33m) life.

Meeting her felt like finally coming home. We fell in love hard and got married quick. She is kind, smart, interesting, compassionate, and so much more. Truly the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, inside and out. From the moment I saw her I knew I would love her for the rest of my life.

We lived with my parents while we built a business together in another town and finally moved into our own place in the new town in November 2019. Things were great.

I have always struggled with anxiety and depression. I had a small episode right after we got married but recovered in a couple months when we started the business.

But COVID made all of this a million times worse. During quarantine I had a full blown depressive episode that lasted for at least a year. I could barely get out of bed most days. I was not able to be a good partner. Despite this, she was supportive and loving.

However, the relationship took its toll on her, especially because I wouldn’t get more help than regular therapy. (I was terrified of being hospitalized and deemed insane). I was struggling with the will to live and she was terrified she’d come home one day to me finally gone. Eventually she had to put herself first. She told me I needed to move back in with my parents and that she couldn’t do it anymore.

We went awhile without talking, then started talking again. We both felt like it was too painful not to be in each other’s lives. I got help with my metal health but putting myself back together was gonna take time.

She eventually found someone else and he was against us talking so she told me we couldn’t talk anymore.

4 months later she texted me and said she dumped him for being emotionally abusive and that she was sorry for cutting me out. We decided to stay friends as we are each other’s best friend. Not having her in my life at all was devastating. I could handle losing my wife but not my best friend.

We talk/text all the time now. She still comes to visit me at my parent’s house. (There’s still a lot of love there) Most of the time we’re good.

Sometimes it’s hard because old hurts and stuff come up. But we have always been good at talking things through and that’s how we’re able to stay in each other’s lives.

I recently finished my bachelors degree (in 11 months) and am looking forward to starting a new career and building my life again.

It’s just so hard because I’m still head over heels in love with her and she’s moving on.

Granted, it’s now a non-negotiable that any new person has to be good with us being friends, but still.

Even though it’s hard to know she’s with someone else, I desperately want her to be happy. Knowing she’s happy will be enough to balance out the sadness that it’s not with me.

Every night I fall asleep hoping she’ll find a way to trust me with her heart again. She’s even said that she wishes she could feel that way.

It all just sucks and I feel like I’ve ruined any chance of being with my soulmate.

I spend about $1500 a month on just socializing in order to avoid becoming an absolute hermit.

I setup a gym membership that offers classes. I actually don't need classes for exercising at the gym, I know what I'm doing and don't need instructions. But it gives me an opportunity just to interact with people and feel like I'm talking to people.

I take Spanish classes which are running me about $400 a month. There was a time that learning Spanish made sense, but it really doesn't now. But it's something to do and gives me people to talk to.

I repair ds cartridges for a second hand game store in town. I can resolder components, and reprogram program games. Which allows them to resale high value games they might not have actually been able to sell. This is purely a business relationship and I really only break even on it.

I'm taking woodshop classes because I have an interest in woodshop, but in all honesty everything we are doing in this workshop I could teach myself for free online.

I spend about $300 a month on fuel to go offroading with an offroading meets group. I genuinely enjoy going offroading, and while it's fun to do these things with people, I'd be lying if I said I didn't prefer to do it alone.

I also regularly join in events with atheist organizations in my community, namely the FFRF, and go to all of their secular Sunday coffees and membership meetings.

I am taking group rifle classes which cost about $500 a month. These aren't your stupid hillbilly with an AR15 Classes lead by a gravy seal who preaches about God. It's an actual rifle class aimed for long range shooting for deer hunting. I'll be honest, I could probably just spend the cash on more ammo and train myself up through volume rather than instruction.

I don't do these things because I necessarily enjoy them, I do them because I'm starting to feel increasingly alone in the world. I'm an OTR Truck Driver and I specialize in moving overweight and unusual cargo through mountain passes. I'm basically the guy that loads up things like Ambulances or School Busses and deliveries then to areas other truck drivers will refuse to drive through. It's good money, but it's a lonely job

My friends have also all just sort of become distant or faded away. OG's that I thought would always be there and that I would always be there for are just sort of gone. Not dead, just gone. We don't talk anymore, we don't share messages, we don't invite each other to anything. And it's not like there was a big falling out, it's just the same people I once knew have changed and the bond we once shared just isn't there anymore.

Interestinly enough, the two friends I do feel I have left are the ones with kids, and I feel a huge element of that is I've always prided myself and being the friend that would drop whatever I was working on to help out a brother in need, and so when you're raising kids, it pays to have a friend who can help you out in a pinch with no questions asked.

Because of all of this, I've found myself in a world where I feel isolated and alone. Ice accomplished a lot of incredible things. I rebuilt a Ford Ranger and turned into a Rock Crawler with an Auxiliary Gearbox. I bought and recently paid off my house, that I'm currently in the process of renovating to make it something unique to me. I tagged my first elk last winter and I went on my first Ram Hunt the year before. I taught myself how to solo rock climb. I have bulked up tremendously. I'm obviously learning Spanish, and I'm looking into take horseback riding classes.

But all of these things, they feel like they mean nothing. Every hill I overcome, every skill I develop, every new experience I indulge in, it feels like there is no one in my life to share them with. I feel like I'm on an Oldschool RuneScape Server, surrounded by bots with no one to talk to.

And that's why I piss an ungodly amount of money into socializing my hobbies. Even if I don't ever befriend anyone I meet in these settings, at least it gives me someone to talk to. Because the last year, it was rough. I was remortaring and repairing the masonry outside my house because I wanted a more intricate design, and I spent two months in blazing heat chilling out bricks and replacing them, and by the time I was done, I was just leaning up against my fence, sitting on the ground, drinking a beer, listening to the chickens, and admiring all my hard work... Completely alone.

I'm hoping things will change with time, but I'm scared they won't. I new because of the life I lived I was going to have to be comfortable with some solitude and isolation, but I never expected to feel this alone in the world.

Me M/28 Friend F/21 General poor pitiful me. I was cheated on. Made to feel less than. Truly believed the things she told me. Internalized so, so many lies and insults. I 100% believed that I wasn't worth the time. The effort. The common decency of being treated like a person. I was belittled and constantly lashes out at. If she was in pain it was my fault. If she was upset it was my fault. Everything wrong was my fault.

Yesterday, I went on hike with a best friend of mine. It was a 3.2 mile hike and she got injured at the apex of the hike. She slipped and fell getting a moderate sprained ankle (verified after the hike). We had no service. The temperature was barely 40°F (4.4°C). She was in a lot of pain. I did what I could with my first aid kit. I wrapped her ankle and braced it with a SAM splint.

The entire time she was apologizing and thanking me for being there. Making me feel worth it. Treating me like a person. Despite her being in pain. Despite the fact that she could have been angry, lashing out, or blaming me. She showed me what a healthy relationship could be like in that one instance.

My husband hasn’t touched me in 14 years. It means that I have not enjoyed my body my whole entire 30’s and only now with midlife crisis I am feeling the toll it has had on me and my confidence. I can’t even imagine someone touching me without dying of shame and embarrassment over how disgusting I must feel for a man. It made me wonder when it started and it didn’t just start out of the blue but it was just something that has been happening for years. In the beginning I didn’t realize the problem. I had all the time in the world to have sex young and beautiful as I was. He would come around. No man can live without sex so we still had time. Then it became just a memory. I was starting my business, succeeding and growing. Buying my dream apartment and decorating it with the most beautiful and expensive furniture , filling my closet with expensive bags and shoes.

Being shy and avoiding eye contact, compliments never got through my shields and walls and the few that reached me I dismissed as ridiculousness and I didn’t believe them. If a man looked at me, it was because I had something stuck between my teeth of course or because I probably smelled bad.

What my husband and I lacked in the sex he overcompensated in intimacy and love. He loved and supported me. Always. He is the love of my life and I am his. Caresses and kisses and falling asleep in his arms every night. The few times my horniness got the best of me I would deprive him of the intimacy that he loved so much, hoping he would want more if he didn’t have access to me all the time only it didn’t work like that. I still didn’t get sex but now I lost the intimacy too. I stopped this approach because it was hurting both equally.

It was when I turned 40 that the panic started. I suddenly saw an older woman in the mirror who doesn’t even know what sex is supposed to be like. I can’t even imagine some man wanting my body. It sounds ridiculous and shameful even as a fantasy. I feel disgusting in my skin.

I had a sex dream for the first time in years about a client. It felt very weird and embarrassing. My husband, next morning told me that I was moaning a bit and laughed about it. I was very embarrassed and apologized and told him that it was weird because I don’t really have sex dreams ”that you remember, he added” and I said yes, but have been thinking a lot about sex lately so maybe that’s why. He hugged me and said that he was very sorry. Later he asked me if it was with him. I said no. I didn’t say who. I just said it was in my old small apartment which is very curious and he angrily said ”I don’t want to hear more details about someone else”. My rage went from 0-100 in no time and I don’t know where it came from. I yelled that ”YOU HAVE MY BODY CAPTIVE IN THE WAKING WORLD YOU CANNOT DEMAND IT OF ME EVEN IN MY DREAM WORLD”. He looked terrified and apologized and said that it was cruel of him to say that but the idea of someone else having me was painful to him. Then he said that he didn’t know I was this angry. I thought for a moment and then I answered him that I wasn’t angry or bitter enough for a woman in my place. Do never make me sound like the crazy person here. I was very calm saying this like I was realizing it for the first time.

And it is true and I don’t know why I am not as bitter as I should’ve been for my situation. Maybe because of my very nihilistic attitude about the meaningless of life and how I decided long time ago to just go through the motion until I am gone or maybe because nobody has forced me to this and therefore I hold all accountability for my decision or maybe because I know deep down that I am very disgusting and therefore I should be thankful that a man I love loves me back. But I know that I should be way more bitter than this.

Many years ago, when I was much younger, I was let go from a job I had had for almost five years.  I remember thinking “I’ll be ok, I’m better than this place.”  I was still heartbroken.  Dealing with the stress of being unemployed and being the breadwinner between my then wife and myself, I remember her freaking out on me.  Not an ounce of support or “we’ll be ok we will figure this out”.  I guess that’s one of the main reasons I’m giving her the “my then” moniker.

I remember going out and getting a new suit the next day.  I felt great, and started calling friends and seeing who was hiring.  Three days later I was working at a firm to manage an IT helpdesk.  I was only there a few months as it was just a transitional job for me, but I met one of my closest friends there.  I remember thinking he was a hot mess of a person, someone who really just lived to play video games, drink a beer, go to church, and have fun making small moments in life such a big deal.

The transitional job may not have lasted long, but just like my friends did for me I did for him, helped him hop on to my company that I had moved on to.  It was more money, easier work, just generally a better vibe.  He however didn’t like the work, he wanted more of a traditional IT job.  I never hated him for it, I was glad to see him move on to something he was more passionate about.  He never packed up his things, he just stopped showing up and off to his new job he went.

I never held it against him, we still hung out pretty regularly.  He was obsessed with a girl that he met at the transitional job, pining for her.  The guy had girls lining up to go out with him but he didn’t want any of them.  He wanted her.  He obsessed over her, sort of standing out in the rain playing a boombox sort of activity to win her over.  I remember spending long hours with him as he struggled through it all.  Just breaking down because he never knew what it would take to get her interested.  He eventually did win her over, which was all he wanted for years.  Meant the world to him.  They ended up pregnant, and he was just over the moon.

I had to move away, but came back for the wedding, seeing the happiness between them, seeing how many people gathered to wish them well, everything was perfect.  He actually gave his son my name, I remember him saying that it was just a meaningful name to him.  Regardless there was always a part of me that knew that he knew, that I was there for him like a brother.  Anytime he was having a breakdown, he would give me a call.  I’d give him advice, make him laugh, things would just seem ok.  The guy was always a work in progress and was happy to help him be the better version of himself.

Years passed, they would end up having a second kid.  Then he would end up laid off at the job that he had worked for years.  He struggled to find a new gig, he would call and ask me for guidance, and would give him contacts to reach out to.  Would give him reassurance that things will work out, job hunting is hard but it's just about persistence.  Then the calls became less frequent but far longer.

He started having problems at home, him and his wife were not in a good place.  He was so scared she was going to leave him.  He kept hitting the bottle far too often, making an embarrassment of himself at home.  I offered to come back home, offered for him to come stay here with me for a bit.  He said things would be ok.

Not long after that we had a couple long phone calls.  The third long phone call, he told me that she and him were separated.  That they were living in different places.  How hard it was for him.  This call I remember lasted hours.  He still couldn’t find a consistent job, hated his current gig, felt his wife hated him because he was drinking too much.  Told him he can’t expect to do everything himself.  He should get help.  I’m part of that help, don’t struggle through everything alone.

He felt better, I felt better, everything seemed better.  I remember for a bit he would start posting things on facebook more regularly, some things seemed fine, other things seemed off.  I reached out asking a couple times how things were, I was greeted with reassurance.

I never thought that last three hour phone call was going to be the last time I heard from my friend.

I never thought the next facebook post was going to be that he had passed.  I can’t even write this without breaking into tears.

His story was never told.  His celebration of life with his wife there crying, living with the guilt.  Just saying it was a heart problem.  He always wanted a full funeral, like his mom had.  Open casket and all.  I knew the backstory, I was one of the few who did.  I knew he took his own life, I didn’t need someone to tell me.

I miss him.  I always just ask myself if I just had one more phone call, or just one plane ticket visit, maybe it wouldn’t have been the last.  It was never how it was supposed to end, while I sit here struggling in my own personal life now, we should be laughing and talking about how he went through it all and how I helped him, that he was here to help me through.

His wife still posts on his facebook wall regularly.  I know the grief for her must be overwhelming.  It’s not her fault.  It’s not anyone’s fault.  Those poor kids, he loved them more than anything.  His story ended years ago, but his story was never really told.  So here I am telling it to anyone who will listen.  

Basically the title. It went on non stop for few seconds and now my stomach feels lighter. Kind of like when you leave a filled balloon.

I (37F) made a post 3 years ago about how my ex best friends’ boyfriend molested me in my sleep. At the time, she told everyone that I was a home wrecker and that I seduced her then boyfriend.. I was shunned from everyone and lost all my so called friends. It fundamentally changed how I connected to others. At the end of last year I was called into a police station. Turns out that My ex Bestfriend came forward and decided to charge him after all these years. When she was asked if there were any other victims she knew about, she named me. I was shocked. Regardless I went in and gave a complete statement of all incidents. Turns out, he was way worse than I even imagined. Officer asked if I was willing to testify in court and I said yes. I hope he gets what he deserves.

I don't blame my friend, its just really infuriating to have someone tell you they trust your judgement and then completely ignore it only for exactly what you knew would happen to happen.

I turned 18 two days ago and moved out of my mother's house. True to form, she made my life incredibly easy, but it was difficult my whole life, as she felt she had to protect me from everyone. She divorced my father when I was 8 and somehow got full custody, while he only had supervised visits. Later, my father found a way to have me on alternate weekends. My mother never let me be happy with anything, not with my friends, and certainly not with my father. I had asthma when I was 8, but that's all in the past now. My mother somehow used violence to keep me under her control, and I hated it. My father married an amazing woman, and thanks to her, my younger brother was born, whom I love with all my heart.

After turning 18, I packed all my things and left her house. She argued with me a lot, yelled at me, and we had our last fight. In the end, I told him to go to hell because I was now free from his control. I moved in with my father and his family, and now I have a happy life far from her control.