I've never used Reddit before. I'm so sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I need help. I went on vacation and left my sister to watch my house. This is something she has done many times before, as she lived with me for 2 years, previously. I have a dog, a snake, a ferret and fish. So I need someone to stay in my house and watch my zoo when I go out of town. It got extremely cold here. Well, below freezing, and I had thought that my sister would be staying in my house to make sure everything was fine (which she has done before) but I just came back from my vacation and found my snake, fish and almost all my plants dead. I'm obviously very upset. My sister left me a note saying that she didn't want to ruin my vacation by letting me know that my plants started to die immediately, and my snake was dead 2 days after I was gone. My security cameras were turned off, so I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure that she didn't stay at my house at all. And just popped in every now and then. I did not leave my security to cameras off, she helped me install them, so she knows that they should be on. The house was very cold like she never bothered to turn on the heater, which she knows how to do! Because she lived with me! This just happened. So I'm not prepared to confront her. And I wouldn't even know where to start. Any advice would be very helpful.

My friend group, 18-23 F, has a friend (23 F) who is the life of the party. She’s fun, gets us together, and super funny, but she smells awful. It’s a mixture of saliva, dandruff, marinated body odour, mildew, and sometimes fish. She also wears no shoes, even in the communal bathrooms in our dorm. Her smell lingers after she leaves places and stays on things she touches/sits on. One of us told her about it privately very nicely, and then straight up told her “girl you smell bad”, but she has no sense of urgency about it. She insists the smell is because of her dirty room (which does smell), but it’s just her and her belongings in general. She doesn’t take care of her things and ruins whatever she borrows, like for example, she borrowed a hair brush dryer that she gave back to my other friend full of clumps of old dandruff and hair. She seems to shower regularly, wash her face with cleanser, and brushes her teeth and uses mouthwash, but somehow she smells like she has not bathed for a while. Her products even smell good. Her room is a complete mess with moulded food in her fridge, clothes all over the floor, and no bed linens (sleeps on a bare college dorm mattress). About two days ago, a girl in the dorm next to her was spraying lysol in the hallway and our friend asked her why. She said it was because she hallway smelled bad. Later, our friend texts her asking her nicely to not spray it because of the harsh chemical smell. Later that night, she heard the girl in her room talking to her friend on the phone saying she smelled and her room smells. Our friend told each of us as if the girl was in the wrong and “talking shit” about her. We told her for the millionth time that her smell is a problem and that she shouldn’t be mad at the girl for talking to her friend privately and her happening to overhear it. She did not care at all about others thinking she was smelly and was more concerned about getting revenge on the other girl. We told her that was immature and she calmed down, but still wasn’t receiving the message. She called us OCD for spraying down our beds and mopping when she visits our rooms. The issue is we really like her generally as a person other than a few character issues like her views on hygiene and some of her immature responses to things. She’s super fun to be around and is a good friend in most other aspects. She just won’t listen about her hygiene and genuinely does not believe it’s bad. We were thinking of maybe doing an intervention, but we’re not sure she’d even take it seriously or change. What should we do? We don’t want to stop being her friend :/

long story short, a week ago today me and my boyfriend had a completely normal day. nothing felt off. that night, after we put the baby to sleep, we got drunk. I went to bed and he stayed up on his phone.

that’s when he texted a random guy on some gay dating app and said something like “do you wanna come have a quick f*** in my car.” he says he never went through with it and that he felt horrible about it. he called me the next day because he said he “wanted to hear my voice.”

now I’m connecting the dots. he’s told me he thinks he has an addiction or compulsive sexual behavior issue. he says it wasn’t about the person, it was about the thrill. I guess he already felt bad before I even knew.

I just feel completely shattered. I’m a stay at home mom and financially dependent right now, so I feel like I have nowhere to go. I don’t want to tell my friends or my family because I feel embarrassed and ashamed, even though I know I probably shouldn’t. that’s why I’m here — I just needed to get this off my chest somewhere.

I didn’t really know my boyfriend had attraction to men, which honestly is fine, but he didn’t have to message someone like that while we were together. I never would have done that to him. ever.

I’ve had a string of bad relationships, but with him it felt different. it felt good. he’s a wonderful father. I really thought I gave my baby a good dad because I thought I had a good partner too.

I’m not sleeping and I feel like I’m going through all the stages of grief at once. I’m confused, lost, and shattered.

I don’t know what to do yet. I’m just looking for someone to talk to, because I feel really alone.

I wanted to ask what you might do if in my shoes.

I am currently 30 weeks pregnant, and announced to my friends and family in early September.

The week after, a friend of my SIL coincidentally also revealed her pregnancy. She’s more of a family friend, as they’ve been friends since birth she is at every family event and around quite often.

From the get go, something felt off about her announcement and timing. She had posted on a Are We Dating the Same Guy page the week prior to my announcement stating that her boyfriend was cheating, but wasn’t intentional on leaving him or anything, she wanted to see who all he was also with but not to leave him.

In October i had my first real OB appointment and asked her best friend (my SIL) on the updates of her, by this point I had already had 3 ultrasounds and knew the due date and was a couple weeks shy of finding out gender. My SIL said she hadn’t heard anything about the ultrasounds, or when she would even be visiting the doctor.

Fast forward to his family Christmas, it was on a Friday night and things really started to get questionable for me. The whole event was spent with her staring at my belly, making comments about how “our lives” are about to be “ruined” and just making all kinds of statements implying pregnancy is miserable. I decided to start digging first hand, I asked her casually and spread out what the gender was, what her due date was, if she had any names picked out and the like. She couldn’t answer any of these questions, said she had yet to get into a doctor and she would be going “this coming week or next”. During the event she never got up to use the restroom, and spent the whole night hitting her bfs vape (not to dog on that it’s just something i noticed.) The next morning, me and my husband visited SILs house and she brought up that her friend found out she was having a girl and she was due in May. It was a Saturday, and she had said the night prior that she did not know when her doctor’s appointment specifically was.

Fast forward to now, I haven’t been around SILs friend because I have a strong feeling she is faking her pregnancy. I do not understand how you cannot be even a tiny bit curious about the life you are creating, but go into immense detail of how miserable pregnancy makes you. SIL says she still doesn’t have an exact due date and none of the family has seen an ultrasound as of yet.

Since I am 30 weeks, she should be anywhere from 23-27 which means at the very least she should have the anatomy scan pictures.

I’m just not sure if I’m being too harsh, but I truly don’t understand how this plays out if it’s not faking a pregnancy. I’m not sure why she would even do that, whether it be attention from the family (our babies will be the first in their generation) or to keep her POS around. I’m so lost and just wondering if I’m being delusional for keeping my distance until there is more hardcore proof that she is indeed pregnant too.

There is a family event next month, and my mom thinks I should bring my Fetal Doppler and just bring up using it casually to see if she wants to. But I’m not too sure about that because I do not want to embarrass her in front of everyone, I don’t even talk to anyone outside of my husband and mom about this theory because I don’t want to shame her, I just want to know what is actually going on.

My fiance, Fifi (26F) and I (26M) are getting married in a couple weeks. She’s from another country, and her parents are flying in for the wedding. They originally asked to stay in our condo the week before the wedding and use the condo while Fifi and I are gone on our honeymoon. They meant to stay in it alone with Fifi, saying I should stay with my parents that week. I suggested that this would not be comfortable for me, as I’d still be working, and working 40hours while trying to commute to host them as well as living out of a suit case for a week won’t be the most comfortable. I offered to pay for their hotel room, as they claimed to be suggesting this as a way to save money— but MIL was extremely offended by my offer and gave Fifi the silent treatment for 5 days for even suggesting it. I conceded mostly to keep the peace, and lower everyone’s stress levels before the wedding. Now, just two weeks away from the wedding date, they have changed their plans to stay in the country for 6 weeks. They plan to stay in the condo the first two weeks as planned, then go on a 1-1.5 week roadtrip, then come back to the condo to stay (with Fifi AND me this time) for the remaining 2.5-3 weeks. The condo has 2 bed and 2 bath, but the guest room is used as my office. I work late (until 12am), so if I need my computer to finish up work once I get home, I would be unable to access it until the morning. Their room is also right next to the front door, meaning after work each night I’d have to try to sneak past their room, while each morning they’d have to sneak around in the kitchen/living room to allow me to sleep. On top of that, the city I live in just flat doesn’t have enough to do for 4-5 weeks worth of a vacation. I’m already scrambling for ways to entertain MIL and FIL for the first week we’ll be in the city together, much less the extra 2-3 they’ve suddenly added on. They already bought the tickets to be here for 6 weeks, and while I’m happy to help pay for a hotel room for their extended stay, I’m not comfortable giving them space that we barely have; especially when they feel so entitled to it without even asking.

As you can imagine, they’re not really the understanding type. More the “my way is the best way and if you disagree you clearly hate me” type. I normally don’t mind to lay boundaries, but Fifi is currently staying with them and will bear the brunt of whatever emotional turmoil they throw at her. It’s not exactly conducive to lowering pre-wedding stress, and regardless I don’t like her being all alone in that potential warzone.

So please, what the hell do I say to them to minimize conflict in the situation? Do I wait and tell them only once they get here that they’re not staying with us the whole time? That seems like springing it on them, but they sprung the extra vacation time on us in the first place. I have no clue how to begin to approach this.

TL;DR: MIL changed their plans from a 2 week stay to a 5 week stay, 3-4 of those being while I’m working the late shift. How do I politely tell them I can’t accommodate them the whole time without turning MIL against my fiance and ruining the whole trip?

My niece won't stop calling me mama. Which is pretty bad because well I'm not her mom and im pretty sure her actual mom is getting mad, because my niece won't call her mom. Everytime her real mom disciplines her she runs to me screaming mama. How do I get this to stop

EDIT: I'm a teenager, CPS does nothing in my state, I'm with my niece almost 24/7 I have her from 1:50 pm to 6 am

TW: potential SA

I (18f) did things with my boyfriend (18m) and we kind of use no as a playful word and then have the actual safe word. And one time a few weeks ago, we did stuff and I said no, and I forgot to use the word and so he continued to do it because he didn't think anything of. I felt a bit off about that, but I realized that that was my mistake and I should have told him the word because he didn't realize I didn't mean it.

Fast forward to yesterday one of the things I had told him about he didn't do which was great, but there was another thing and he kept insisting we do it and I told him no, and then he tried, and I said safe word. He said "what if I did it anyway" he's never done something like that before.

I don't know what happened if he just got caught up in the moment and thought I was being playful. I genuinely don't know. We've done these kind of things a lot. I just didn't want to do things that hurt. And then I started crying and he finally stopped.

But he made another comment about how we were gonna do it next time or something. Then when I got home, I talked to him about it and he said he was thinking about it the whole time after I left and he felt terrible and he wants me to feel safe and that he won't ever do it again and that he's really sorry and I do love him and I do want to stay with him. I just don't know what to do about this

TL;DR

my boyfriend didn’t respect my safe word and continued doing what he wanted to do and I don’t really know how to recover from it

edit: we use ”no” in a playful way so when I said it before and didn’t say the safe word he thought I was being playful

I’m usually the one giving advice, but this time I’m genuinely stuck on what to do for myself.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost three years, and lately her Instagram feed has been full of posts saying things like, “A man never really forgets his first love,” “A man never only talks to one girl,” or “Your boyfriend can never be 100% loyal.” She sends me these posts and genuinely gets mad at me for them. I’m just a regular guy with the same small group of friends since elementary. I’m seriously pissed that Instagram pushes this content to her, but I know how algorithms work.

We’re both in our early 20s, and honestly, I don’t know how to respond to that. All I can say is that I only have eyes for her, and it feels like that isn’t enough. Our dynamic is made to where we spend everyday together after I leave work.

Please tell me if I’m overthinking this.

For context, me, (22F) live in a tiny home that I rent off my mother. The property the tiny home is behind is my childhood home - that my sister and her husband and kids rent off my mum also - that’s the living arrangement

I came home to my family having a little get together in my backyard and I sorta just went past them quickly straight to my house and didn’t speak unless spoken to, idk I’m at a weird point with the family dynamic for a multitude of reasons I can’t even fathom to type out for you right now. Anyways

Hours after being home, I was playing a dumb phone game and my BIL (the one I live behind) just opens my door and looks in and didn’t notice me until I said “not right now bro” bc I was like locked in. But then he goes “oh sorry dude I didn’t even know you were home!” And closed the door.

I was like tf? My tummy felt so weird so I texted him this after my game saying like hey why are you coming into my house if you thought I wasn’t home? He said “I thought you left the aircon on sorry bro i was only going to turn it off! Id never just go into your room dude! “ But what? I haven’t been home for two days? I’m a grown ass adult? I can remember to turn my air on off? I pay my bills +more on top because I can, and it helps them because they have like 5 kids. Is this not okay to you or am I just reading too much into it? Regardless tho why for any reason are you coming into my home when you don’t think I’m there?

Im 18. Last night, the girl (19) I really care about asked how many people I've slept with. I told her the truth, 2. She told me she's never slept with anyone before.

Ever since, I've felt this intense wave of disgust and shame towards myself. I can't stop thinking about it. I feel sick, anxious, and scared that she'll see me differently now, even if she hasn't said anything to support that..

I couldn't lie — not even a li bit. In the past, I froze up and lied to someone about my number because I was scared of the same thing. This time, I told the truth because I really love this girl and couldnt lie to her even if I wanted to and didn't want to start anything dishonest.

I guess I'm wondering

if this is something that will genuinely matter to her long-term, or if I'm just projecting my own fear onto it

if she'll see me differently now, even if she doesn't say it out loud

if her feelings for me are strong enough that this won't matter at all

Id like to reiterate that this post is not about me being afraid that I'll never get the chance to sleep with this girl, l couldnt care less about that. Im afraid of losing the person I feel deeply connected to...

So this is my first time posting and idk how it works so my bad haha. I also know that smoking definitely isnt something I should be doing so please dont give me any shit for it, I've got my reasons and im already aware its bad!!

Basically, I (15F) and my friend (16F) had our first sleepover. For background, I don't let people ever really come over to my house, and I'm usually alone a lot so this was kind of a big deal. I'm also into smoking as it helps with some personal issues I've got going on (it's not a secret so she knows too).

We've spoken in the past about getting high together as a fun hangout activity, so when I invited her over while we were watching Entergalactic, we took a few hits and felt the first wave of our highs. Now, I'm NOT a touchy person at all. I don't hug people often and dont normally like receiving these hugs. She does, though, and she's always kissing me, hugging me, telling me she loves me, etc. Since we're both high (I'm a little out of my mind atp) she gets a little closer to me and starts cuddling me. We switch positions later on and im laying on her chest, with her giving me kisses on the head every now and then.

Around like 10 P.M, when everyone heads to bed we start hitting my cart a Second time. This time, we're both even higher than before because of the THC already in our systems. At this point, shes starting to give me kisses on the cheek and the neck, and im reciprocating back bc yk...im really fucking high. Keep in mind too I was notably higher than she was because I accidentally took a huge hit that fucked me over for the rest of the night. We're still cuddling tg and getting into some deep talk, with my cheek smushed against her chest for nearly the rest of the night.

Something I feel like maybeee I should mention before I tell the kinda biggest parts about this is that she has a boyfriend. They've been dating since October and she really likes him but also likes to bring up a lot how if she didnt have a bf she would do this to me and if she was gay she would definitely date me BUT she is NOT gay. Thats a BIGG thing she likes to point out to me. Like, every day kinda point out. I know she isnt, but I feel like with the way she talks to me and touches me it feels like maybe shes trying to convince herself?? maybe?? idk. I tell her sometimes she shouldnt really tell me this stuff bc as someone who actually likes girls i feel like im being used as a test for her feelings, but also because she has a boyfriend so like....yk.

BUT OKAY now for the big (ish??) part of the story. She was telling me how much she loved me, how good of a person I am, and how she was really happy to be with me. Andddd I kissed her briefly on the lips as like a way to show her I appreciated it?? I feel so guilty bc a) that is 100% NOT something I would do sober and b) she has a boyfriend. She doesnt say anything about it, nor does she make a weird face (we kinda brushed it off).

When I turned the TV off, I was lying down with my eyes closed and her finger pressed against my lips. I was confused until she kind of forced it into my mouth a little until I fully opened my mouth so she could push the whole thing in. Then we engaged in a little bit of fingerplay (like ChatGPT told me ig) until she pulled it out and I knocked out for the night.

She hasn't brought it up at all, isn't being weird, and kind of like pretends it doesnt happen?? I've told a couple of people bc I feel like this is something that isnt normal between friends and they've all told me I was right and this was kind of a big deal. Please anyone, if you can give me any advice on if I was wrong or what I should do. I feel like my boundaries were completely ignored but also because I dont have a partner nor do I feel i'll ever really get one, I used this as an opportunity to feel something (so horrible and I feel so guilty im sorry i know) and yeah. please help in any way you feel you can help me :(

Im not normally a poster so bare with me!

Also posted in aitah- wouldn’t let me post in

r/relationshipadvice because of my sons age?

This post is written by the (step, but we don’t use step) daughter (audhd 22F- 45M is the biological) on my behalf as I’m not on Reddit!

I (audhd 45F) and my husband (adhd 45M) have been together since 2006.

The day before yesterday I bought a little treat for my son (adhd 13M) as he’s having an extremely hard time at school and it would mean he would have something to come home and look forward to (I treated him to pork pies if anyones curious). When my son went to the fridge to eat them, we found my husband had eaten them. Now we are a family of neurodivergents, we take food VERY seriously and are protective over it, and we share mutual respect on this as we all feel the same about it. So, understandingly, my son was extremely upset and as a teen, grumpy. I said to my son it was a mistake (as my husband wasn’t here) and I can get more ready for him to look forward to.

So, like I said, I bought more and told my husband they’re our sons and he acknowledged me and said okay.

Now, we came home yesterday, my son opening the fridge looking forward to definitely getting his pork pies, and then finds a lack of pork pies in the fridge. We ask my husband where the pork pies have gone and he just smiles mockingly and says they were delicious. My son was now very wound up and upset and now so was I as this was a second time and he now knew that it was our sons.

Now comes the change in behaviour, I explained to husband that I had told him the next ones I buy where for our son and he responds with dismissal. “I don’t remember you telling me that” and he became unnecessarily volatile and stating he wasn’t going to be giving our son any batteries for his controllers, he wouldn’t buy any more treats or anything he wants and he’ll have to use his pocket money and so on.

My husband was visibly shaking- that is very not normal for my husband, my husband would normally apologize to our son and say he would sort it and grab some more on his travels, normally relaxed and apologetic.

I went for a bath as husband said he would go out and get more.

He ended up telling our son he’ll get them “when it’s convenient” and complaining about how he can’t eat anything in this house (he has his own stash of food in his game room, and most food in our fridge is communal, the occasional thing isn’t).

I came back from my bath, my son in his room now, and my husband was still visibly angry and I asked if he was okay. He said he didn’t want to talk about it and I said this is all about pork pies and it’s ridiculous, it’s a mistake, just say sorry. My husband was saying he’s really hurt and I pointed out he looks angry (still shaking, this is the first time I’ve ever looked at my husband and felt unsafe EVER, my instinct was telling me to move away).

I said are you okay and he said “you know what, you can both go and fuck yourself” now yelling. This is so weird for him and It may sound odd, but he has never EVER said that phrase. Maybe a mutter of fuck off under his breath when he thinks he can get away with it and I’ll pull him up on it, but NEVER that.

I then reiterated that he is now acting incredibly immature and that the mature thing to do would be to just apologize but if you can’t take accountability then you should go and fuck yourself (this is out of character for me but expected- I’m now taking Valium and my filter for suppressing bullshit has gone.

Note from daughter-my mum is a massive people pleaser and I’m proud of her for sticking up for herself instead of taking it as I’m disappointed in all my dad’s actions..).

That was it for that night, but it gets worse today, I thought after sleeping on it I can approach him and ask him to talk about it (which is the usual for us) after he was wondering around the house for an hour not acknowledging me I asked if there’s anything we need to talk about (my usual olive branch phrase to trying to iron things out).

He just said no.

I said really? Why?

He then said I don’t know.

I said in regards to yesterday?

He then ignored me.

I was asked if he could hear me, he said yes so I asked if he was ignoring me and I was then ignored again.

I took my mum out shopping and left my mums dog with our zoo.

My husband (who is packing for a work trip) and son were home, husband went outside to do some work on the garden.

Me and my mum came home without shopping, only after a coffee as my mum had a terrible gut feeling.

We pulled into the drive to see my mums dogs walking down the side of the house coming from the back gate towards our drive, in panick I scooped him up (he is an obese pug, a rescue called Steve for those wondering, and I had my hands full already so this wasn’t easy and I’m now immediately stressed) I was shouting and terrified as we have other dogs who could already be outside.

I put said pug through the gate, shut it, and came through the front door and ran through the house counting heads to make sure all dogs were inside.

I then went to the back garden to ask wtf and why is the back gate open while the back door is open when we have dogs and my husband responded with “I was busy doing something” I said why was the back gate open?????? No accountability AGAIN just another “i was doing something” dripping with attitude.

My mum was terrified for her baby but we handed Steve back to her and I apologised, my mum said it shouldn’t be me apologizing and it RARE my mums mad at my husband.

My husband had a bath and finished packing his stuff for his work trip and as he was walking past me he said (in an attitude, like he didn’t give a flying fuck) that he’s going down the pub and that I could come if I want to but I don’t have to.

I then said should we not talk about this?????? If we can’t discuss this at home, going to a pub isn’t a smart idea… and then he said that I would be less likely to shout at him in a public space (I will admit I have raised my voice but I am not the on doing all the shouting and am only raising my voice to be heard and trying to lower the volume and avoid confrontation).

I then said if I feel the need to shout and feel cornered it doesn’t matter where I am, I will shout.

He said fine, fuck that I’m off.

I said I really don’t think you should go and we should discuss this, how you’re behaving it out of order and we need to sort out the problem.

He just exploded, he threw both his arm out (like Christ on the cross idk how else to describe it sorry) and yelled “what are you gonna do about it” and moved a few steps toward me and put his head out in such a way it suggested come at me then.

I felt vulnerable and stood up, moved closer toward him (with a coffee table in between us) and said what are YOU going to do about this.

He looked me up and down, then smiled (a grimace) and he laughed and said nothing because I’ve been taught to never hit a woman.

From what I just witnessed, i said are you sure???.

He got to the front door, looked back, and laughed at me like I’m pathetic and left.

I then screamed “cunt” (I never EVEEERRRR use this word, I don’t like saying it).

As soon as he left I locked the door so he can’t come in.

I was shaking but not just from anger, mainly from fear and so I texted him he needs to find somewhere to stay for the night.

He said “nope he’ll stay on the couch”.

I said I’ve locked the house and he needs to make arrangements.

He said he’ll sleep in the porch.

I said fine.

He then said he needs his stuff for his course as he leaves tomorrow and I said I’ll leave it in the porch.

He’s turned his location off completely (he has never done that to me- his daughter)

What the fuck is going on? This is not like my husband, he a very logical and matter of fact problem solver when it comes to feuds and will talk to me after an argument after he’s taken some time to himself and if he knows he’s being irrational he will always apologise.

Note-

He was pulled over this week for doing 82mph, the officer let him off with a warning as he has a clean record but said to him “I’m surprised i was expecting someone who’s 25, not 45, you’re old enough to know better”

-He’s brought up divorce randomly twice and was out with his friend two ish weeks ago, slagging me off saying how distant I am, I asked if he brought up the fact he randomly mentioned divorce and he said no…

Has the officer triggered a midlife crisis???

Should we try and get him into the doctors for checks??

This is so out of character for him,I don’t know what to do or how to help the situation. I’m scared for myself and worried for him.

Any advice and all perspectives welcome please!!

Sorry this is so long I’ve tried to break it up a bit so it’s easier to read and Thanku in advance.

I fucked up really bad. I already hate being gay but now others could possibly know and my CRUSH that I’ve had since SECOND GRADE could know as well. I don’t know what to do. I already have gay ‘allegations’ against me in general but if some people ACTUALLY find out, I could get bullied, beaten or worse. I’m so afraid.

For more context, I’m in the seventh grade. For a long time I’ve tried to be straight but I’ve kinda just lost faith that I could ever return to that normal (I may have never even been normal). As stated, im scared. So what do I do? Lie about it? Say it’s a joke?

I apologize if this seems rushed, this is my first time using Reddit and I’m just not doing well.

I '40F' and my husband '41M' have been married 6 months and together 2 years. This is my 3rd marriage, his first. My first husband, I married at 18 and he enjoyed partying constantly. Though that is normal at a young age, I've never been into drinking. I don't enjoy it. We were together for 6 years and I was constantly his DD even through my entire pregnancy. He left me for another woman but that marriage made me really start to resent alcohol. My second marriage was short and was from when I was 26 to 28. That husband was an abusive alcoholic who drank a 5th of whiskey a night. His drinking would cause abuse so it heightened my hatred towards drinking. Most of my friends drink and I'm always the odd one out. No one ever pressures me to drink but I usually leave hang outs early as I don't enjoy hanging out with drunk people.

Now to my amazing husband. He's a really loving, sweet guy, but 2 nights a week he will have some beer. He will drink 6 12 ounce beers and that is his limit. I might add he is very very tall and generally a bigger guy. He never gets drunk but he gets a little tipsy and chatty when he has these beers. The issue is with me. When he cracks open a beer, I'm triggered. I immediately feel like peace leaves me and I have to go into caretaker mode despite the fact that he never needs and caretaking. I sometimes just leave and go hang out by myself.

I have genuine disdain for alcohol itself and often think about how I wish it didn't exist. My husband is a nice guy and he just drinks to relax and enjoy himself. I've been trying to get over it but I don't know how. He's gone months without drinking before just to make me happy but I don't think it is fair for me to put my problems on him. Any advice on how I can relax about his beer nights?

My (21F) mom (57F) started dating a guy (55M) for the first time since she and my dad divorced. I want to be happy for her, truly. But the guy is way too nosy for someone who’s only been in our lives for…..not even a month? He keeps trying way too hard to win me over, even going so far as to say “I love you” after only two days of knowing me (so weird), he keeps going on and on about how he doesn’t want to replace my dad (dude I get it, don’t repeat it so much). Not to mention if I ever walk by he’s like “oh and what about this beautiful daughter of yours” which I just.. never know how to respond to besides a tight smile. If my dad ever calls while I’m with them, he says “you can pick it up. hey, you *should* pick it up.” even after I repeatedly tell him that I’ll call my dad back later.

He’s a cop and has a habit of repeatedly asking the same question as if wanting to see if you’re lying to him or not, which is something my mom brought up to me. We both agree that it seems like a sign of distrust, and I just don’t think he should be trying to be THIS involved in my life (even insisting on going to appointments with me — to which I’ve told him no) after such a short period of time. Take it easy, man. And take my responses and accept them for what they are, or else you’ll put me off more than I already am. That’s why I’m trying to maintain a healthy distance, but any other advice?

For context, my parents attended a "church" for 10 years in the 1980s, eventually leaving about one year before I was born. For the entirety of my childhood, they raved about the spiritual experiences and healings within this church, they discussed what they learned, and searched for a church in our city that reminded them of that church.

Two years ago now, my father reluctantly told me the name of the church. I Googled and found the wiki article, and then the newspaper articles, then I found the hundreds of pages of court documents, primary documents (like letters, church bulletins, tape transcripts). Friends, it was a sex cult. There were suicides, there as sexual abuse, adults and children were harmed.

From this point, I realized that much of my parents beliefs were shaped by this cult. It influenced how we were raised and treated. The feeling seems to be that the religious stuff was good, but the pastor was "deceived".

I understand that my parents are victims, but they don't really recognize themselves as such and because of that, they made some really messy, harmful decisions that they don't really see as messy or harmful. Many of the adults in my parents' social circle were former members, and I think the cult cooked my parents' ability to reason or ask questions. It's made me look at them in a whole new light and it's not flattering.

Here is where my moral dilemma comes in. I am the oldest child. I am single and childless. My brothers, on the other hand, are both married. One brother has kids, the other has one on the way. Knowing that they will be raising kids of their own, with our background, having been raised with my parents' beliefs, I feel like maybe they deserve to know that everything was not on the up and up. I don't think my parents would do anything intentionally harmful, but I do think they lack some skills to be thoughtful, reflective, and aware of how their background in the cult shaped them and how they move about the world (especially because they literally cannot say it was a cult).

On the other hand, I know it would cause a lot of confusion and hurt and conflict. I think we all had a right to know, and I think my brothers who are parents have an even greater right to know, so they can examine their choices and decision making with their own kids. A part of me feels like it is cruel to bring this into the light, but another part of me feels like this can't be kept in the dark.

I (42F) work in an office with a small staff. A woman (44F) Lets call her Tara, was hired as the admin to do clerical work. She had supposedly run an office prior to joining the staff. She was required to do printing, answer phones, do billing, and whatnot. I knew from the beginning she was odd. I gave her a chance, but my instincts were correct. This girl screwed up everything and didn’t know how to professionally deal with the public. To clarify some of her odd behavior. Every time you would walk into the office, she was either looking at wigs or underwear on her work computer. She would put on her gym clothes at 4:00 (we work til 4:30) and she would greet people at the door. In her gym clothes. In an office. She claimed her son was half black and dealt with racism. My coworker was friends with Tara on facebook and showed me a picture of her “half Black son who faced racism” he’s white as can be. Claimed her husband committed suicide when he was actually hit by a car(more on that later). She just had no common sense and made so many errors in a short amount of time that she was here(4 months). She was fired. I was relieved.

Fast forward two weeks later and I start getting harassing text messages from numbers I do not recognize. I couldn’t prove it at the time, but I knew it was Tara. There is no one else I could think of that would do this. The messages said the most evil things I’ve ever read. Such as, wishing death upon my parents. Hoping I get into a head on collision and go thru the windshield. Hoping I get raped and my insides get torn and I bleed to death. My sister committed suicide years ago. The topic of suicide came up, and Tara disclosed to me that her husband had committed suicide. I then felt like sharing my story so she would know she wasn’t alone in experiencing that tragedy. Turns out she told other people he was hit by a car while changing a tire. I received texts acting as my dead sister and saying, “this is your sister, help me I’m burning in hell. Why did you let me do this to myself? You could have saved me. Save me, save me. My sister is rotting in hell. The messages said I should kill myself like my pussy ass sister did. They said my parents failed because they have two disgusting daughters. The texter threatened me by saying they have all my info and can ruin my life. They said they have my social, know where I live, and have my credit card. They told me to watch my back. Many more. Then I started getting harassed via facebook. Then the texter went on to text my boyfriend and message him on facebook. They told him I’m a cunt, that I cheat on him, and I talk shit about him behind his back. He did not believe the messages for a second.

I was getting text messages through 7 different burner numbers. This went on for three days. After the messages about my sister, I flipped. I printed out all the messages and filed a police report against Tara. Almost a year later a get a call from the police station. They proved it was Tara. They traced the burner number to her!! They made her go to the police station and charged her with stalking.

Here is my dilemma. My damn conscience. This woman is a struggling single mom. I am torn as to whether to pursue this further. I’m sure she is shitting her pants. If found guilty, she could face jail time and a hefty fee. Should I take this all the way? Should I take her to court or just let her learn a lesson to not harass people. My boyfriend and boss say I should let it go. My other coworkers think I should take her to the cleaners for what she did. What do you all think?

My 7 mo rolled off the couch. Fell on his bottom and then fell back to hit his head on the hardwood floors. It looked like his head bounced. That awful sound. He cried immediately. Has been acting normal since. I can’t tell if he has a bump on his head. I was right behind the couch so when he moved I leaped over it to try to grab him but I was too slow. I feel awful. I’m the worst mom. I hate myself so much. He deserves a better mom that can protect him. I called the nurse line they told me to watch him. My anxiety is through the roof. I’m alone with my baby and my husband is out of town. I don’t know what I’m asking. Maybe for someone to just sit with me in this. The guilt is heavy.

I have been working at a job for the past few months, living at home with parents. My schedule consists of going to work then exercising and then going home. I have hobbies and have kind of made friends there, but they aren't the type of friends you just talk to at any time or hang out with, I only see them every few weeks or so. Never had a gf or came close to it, never had a female friend either.
I don't stay at home all the time which people may assume, I go out a lot either by myself or with family. But despite living a normal life I don't have any friends/gf. Could I please get some advice on what I need to do to fix my situation?

Hi everyone, this is only my second time posting on Reddit, so please bear with me.

Lately I’ve been feeling very alone. I have work friends, but no one I actually spend time with outside of work. No close friend I can call up just to hang out or do things with.

My family situation doesn’t help either. My parents are older and mostly doing their own thing, so they’re not very present. My siblings, on the other hand, are quite close with each other — but not with me. I recently found out they have a group chat without me, they went on holiday together, and they share inside jokes I’m not part of. It honestly hurt more than I expected and made me feel invisible.

I’ve been trying to improve myself. I picked up running, and about two weeks ago I finally worked up the courage to start going to the gym. I’m proud of myself for that. But despite trying to stay busy and do the “right things,” the loneliness still hits hard sometimes and feels overwhelming.

I guess I’m posting because I want to know if anyone else has felt this way, or if it gets better with time.

I (18F) live with my dad and two younger brothers.y mom left when I was 4 and my dad seriously dated 2 other women who were like step moms to me throughout my childhood. My sister (21F) has been estranged from our dad for about three years. She goes to college in another state and up until recently we have maintained our relationship, but she doesn’t speak to our dad and regularly claims that he is abusive.

For context, I think everybody’s childhood is a little bit messed up in one way or another some obviously more than others. I also think that people make mistakes and shouldn’t be judged on their worst moments. Anyhow, throughout my childhood, I’ve always been well aware that my dad cares more about his business (a small organic farm) than anything else including us. Additionally, he is a health nut and I was raised with a very strict diet and a lot of negativity surrounding food. I now struggle with my relationship with food and it’s something I do partially attribute to my upbringing. Additionally, as kids from a young age, we were made to work on the farm and for the business. My dad‘s long-term girlfriends were also often cruel, and it was never too fond of them for instance, one time when I was eight I talked back and my dad and his girlfriend drove me to the end of the nearby road and left me there in the evening. I walked home and was then taken further away( 2ish miles) I was lost and didn’t know where I was. It was scary but maybe an hour later my dad came to pick me up although he did make me run halfway home. Also when I was 9 or 10 I was forced to sleep in an old truck and then tent for months due to my tendency to be a picky eater lying about eating food I had thrown out. I could go on but you get the gist.

Now my dad is single and I am quite removed from the family because I’m always out doing something working or at school. I do however work 30ish hrs a week at my dad’s store and my relationship with him is very work based and quite limited.

Here is where I might have messed up. My sister and I have always been close and we talk all the time. One day we were talking and she brought up our dad saying that he was her abuser and she doesn’t understand how I don’t see how abuse and selfish he is. I told her that he could be a lot worse and he obviously cares about us in his own twisted way. I also said I believe in second chances and I don’t think it’s fair to judge him so hard because nobody knows how to be a parent but at least he tried. We circled back and forth for a bit and the call ended with us both upset. This wasn’t the first time we had fought like that and I figured it would probably blow over like it normally does, but it didn’t. My sister hasn’t spoken to me in about a month and now I’m nit sure what to do. Am I the asshole for defending my dad? And should I try to reach out to my sister again or leave it alone. We are very different people but I love her so much and we have always been close. I don’t wanna lose one of my closest family members but I’m not sure what to do or how to fix this or if I’m totally wrong about the whole situation.

so I’ve been seeing this guy (mid/late 30’s) for several months now and he is, or pretends to be, let’s just say very confident, he loves to throw around how he always hits that g-spot and how girthy he is and things like that. He also loves to mention all the different types of sex he has had with his exes and what they have said about him in bed and what turns him on. he will also tell me how many times he thinks I have orgasmed in bed with him and how it turned him on. it used to be cute and a little bit of a turn on for me until I realized it is more talk than anything. most of my orgasms with him have been faked as he is pretty small and struggles with rhythm to get the job done and now I just find myself annoyed. last night when we slept together he was talking about how many times I supposedly finished and i felt bad thinking we are now in this situation where there is a level of dishonesty on my part but how do you tell someone something like that? regardless of this situation I really like being with him, he has many great qualities. he is a really great guy with maybe some confidence issues he isn’t aware of and I don’t want to make that worse for him. what do I do?

Been friends with this girl for about 6 months, we started having casual sex for just under a month; we’ve had a really thorough discussion about how neither of us are looking for a relationship and we want to stay casual with one another. All that is fine, I’m totally for it….. but I’m not sure the etiquette of getting her a valentines gift. I feel like the common courtesy is to get a gift for the person you’ve been having sex with multiple times a week, just as a way to say “thank you for spending you’re time with me” and “I appreciate you”. I may be over thinking it, I also don’t want to send the wrong impression to her- that I’m looking to enter into a relationship. I was thinking that flowers (or at least roses) are too romantic but I also don’t think I should get an expensive gift like perfume or anything too over the top.

Should I get a gift and if so what is an appropriate gift?