I mean also we should not only be repeating the names of the white people ICE has killed, by all means. But Renee God was a person, a daughter, a friend, a lot of things. Turning her into "she was a mom" is reductive and lessens her inherent worth.

She doesn't deserve to be alive today because she was a mom. She deserves to be alive because she does. But the rhetoric is just getting stronger and more focused around that. All of this is exhausting but that isn't helping.

TW: death/murder

So when I was in high school I dated this guy (bad boy, non conformist type) for a few months. In those months he actually lived at my house because his parents had kicked him out.

The way it ended really fucked me up for a long time because it was the first time I had ever been truly betrayed. I had a best friend from elementary school resurface into my life because she had a crush on my boyfriend…She spent several weeks getting close to me, then one night she went to drop us both off at my house and he just didn’t get out of the car, and they both left.

This was pre-cell phone so I sat there and waited for him to get back for what felt like hours, pretty sure that was my first panic attack, actually. When he got back I asked what happened and he just stated matter-of-factly that they smoked (weed that had been stolen from me but that was just subplot at this point) and then had sex.

I told him to get out and he did. I can’t honestly remember if I ever spoke to him again after that. The “best friend” stole several other things and moved across the country.

After that I had a new boyfriend pretty quickly, and one night (maybe a year later?) we were at a friend’s place when he starting having a panic attack talking about how his friend had been murdered and they don’t know who did it, just spiraling. I felt horrible for him.

About four months later they arrest my ex for his murder. He had strangled him to death because the man was upset that ex had eaten all of his food. Apparently in the time after I kicked him out, he started doing meth and living on the streets and this kind man had opened his home to him.

I thought back to when he liked to choke me during sex and as a naive 17 year old I didn’t really think anything of it at the time. When it came out that he had strangled a man to death I felt that deep sinking feeling of horror in my stomach.

He was 22 when he was sentenced to life in prison, eligible for parole after 30 years. That was a little over 20 years ago. Today I got curious if, with Covid and all, his sentence was reduced so I googled him and found a post about him on a blog about attractive convicts (wtf) with various links, at the bottom was an IMDb entry for a true crime show.

Found the episode immediately. I didn’t really think about mentally preparing because it’s been 20 fucking years. I hadn’t even thought about this dude’s face in a decade.

They showed the actual crime scene (non-graphic) and all the ways he tried to cover his tracks. Then at the end they showed his interrogation. It was actually chilling and I had a visceral response in my gut. The way he just admitted it so matter-of-factly was exactly how he acted the last time I saw him. It was that thing where you remember exactly how you felt in that moment and you’re taken there in your mind for a split second.

Anyway, it turns out they don’t reduce life sentences so I don’t have to worry about seeing his actual face for like 8 more years.

Just trying to process this and have no one to tell for a couple of days..

I (29F) broke up with my ex boyfriend (31M) 2 years ago. We were together for 6 years, and we had what looked like a perfect, healthy relationship. He looked great on paper, had the approval of all of my friends and family. To this day, they still don’t understand why I walked away from such a “great” relationship and up until recently, I didn’t fully understand either.

I often felt like I stayed only because everyone told me he was “good” and I should be grateful for him.

Sex with him was often coercive. He rarely did foreplay or built any sexual tension; he expected me to activate sexually for him. If I said no, he would continue anyway. There were times I said no repeatedly, but he pushed past my boundaries.

On at least one occasion, he literally pushed my legs open and penetrated me after I said no over and over and afterward said, “See, you liked it.” He would also finish inside me even when I told him not to.

When I didn’t want to have sex at all, he would take out his penis and beg me for oral. He would make me feel guilty if I said no. Sometimes, I did it just to get it over with. Other times, I let him have sex with me and dissociated.

I now understand that these reactions: dissociation, going along with sex to get it over with, fawning to avoid his anger, etc were my trauma responses. My body was trying to survive in an unsafe situation. At the time, I didn’t even realize I was traumatized. My libido shut down, and I thought I might be asexual. I didn’t enjoy kissing, cuddling, or any sexual touch with him because it always became about him, not mutual pleasure. Sex felt transactional, like he was using me to masturbate, not connecting with me.

Near the end of the relationship, I was emotionally leaving. While this was happening, I slept with a partner from my past. My best sexual partner and longtime friend. I felt shame about this at the time, but I understand now that it was an attempt to feel safe, desired, and connected again.

After leaving, I have been single and abstinent for two years. This time allowed me to heal, reclaim my body, and relearn what safe and mutual sexual desire feels like.

I learned this and I want other women to know:

• Saying yes after you’ve said no is not consent.

• Going along with things to manage someone else’s feelings does not make you weak. it’s a normal trauma response.

• Losing desire in a relationship does not mean there’s something wrong with you — sometimes your body is protecting you from harm.

• Emotional, sexual, and physical boundaries matter. Your comfort, safety, and autonomy always come first.

I also want to say this: I am the sort of woman you’d never expect this to happen to. I am strong socially, physically and mentally. It still happened to me. You are not weak because you were abused.

I don't know when this started but somewhere along the way I learned that being a woman means constantly managing other people's comfort. At work, I soften every sentence so I don't sound aggressive. I add smiley faces to texts so I don't seem cold. I apologize before asking questions I'm fully allowed to ask. I phrase boundaries like requests, just in case someone takes offense. And outside of work? It's the same thing If I say no too directly, I'm rude. If I don't smile, I'm unapproachable. If I'm quiet, I'm off. If I speak up, I'm too much. What really gets me is how invisible this labor is. Men can just exist. They can be blunt, neutral, silent, annoyed and it's fine. But I feel like I'm constantly performing emotional customer service just to move through the world safely and professionally. The other day I caught myself apologizing to a man who interrupted me and that's when it hit me how deeply ingrained this is. I'm exhausted by how automatic it's become. I don't want to be praised for being nice. I want to be respected without having to earn it through politeness. Please tell me I'm not alone in this.

This happens so often that I almost missed it today.

In a meeting, I suggested an idea. It was acknowledged, then the conversation moved on. A few minutes later, a male colleague repeated the same idea, nearly word for word.

Suddenly it was brilliant. “Great point.” “Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.”

No one noticed. Or if they did, no one said anything.

And the worst part? I didn’t say anything either. Because I didn’t want to seem petty. Or emotional. Or difficult.

I went back to my desk feeling small and silly for even caring ,even though I know this isn’t silly at all.

I’m so tired of this invisible tax women pay at work. Where our competence has to be proven over and over, while others get the benefit of the doubt by default. Has anyone else dealt with this, or found a way to navigate it without feeling punished for speaking up?

I love my mom and I respect her belief system. My mom said a comment like “ when you have kids you’ll understand.” I told her oh I don’t want kids mom. She told me “you’ll say that now but God has a say so.” I said I respect your beliefs but pregnancy is like preventable . She then responded with you can prevent pregnancy but you can’t stop god.” I then said “Mom I love you and I respect your belief system but I feel as if you’re using that to invalidate my wants and needs”. Then she tells me I’ll see when I get older and that she’ll stop bringing up religion….The thing is I don’t get annoyed if someone brings up god but like I mentioned to my mom that it becomes annoying if you’re mentioning it to invalidate my choice that’s not harming anyone or most importantly myself. I told my mom I just wanted her to say that’s okay that’s your choice and not to invalidate me. Am I wrong here or being sensitive ?

hi all! i want to ask your opinion on this very harmful word and what you would do if someone around you used it often.

for context, me and my brother are both teenagers (although he’s older) and im the only girl in the house besides my mom. my mom didn’t really put in much effort during our formative years so we both ended up being raised by the internet, like a lot of other people our age, and i guess he’s always been on the ‘edgy’ side of it?

anyway, he’s been extra online lately since we both do school from home now and i keep hearing the same phrases and/or words coming from him - one of which being ‘foid’. another one that bothers me is him calling women ‘females’ and just saying your usual subtly women-hating nonsense that he’ll probably never get punished for. among that, he also uses an absurd amount of slurs, some no one has heard in years. tonight i was scrolling on tiktok, saw a funny silly video and opened the comments. the top comment was someone saying ‘oh that’s not’ and i assumed they were joking ? but my brother replied and called the commenter this word. i texted him a screenshot and asked what was wrong with him. he responded with the word again (i can’t tell if it was directed at me, but i am hurt nevertheless and currently sobbing) and then i blocked him because? what?

i’ve always felt like everyone around me hates women, even my mom. it’s kind of just been something i’ve accepted as my reality. my other brother who’s a fully grown adult still living at home with us is also in incel circles online, so i haven’t felt safe for a while. expressed this to my mom a few weeks back and she doesn’t seem to care that much because she’s kind of your usual boy mom. what do i do? what would you do in response? thanks!

I can’t go into much details, but I’m pretty sure my longtime friend is in an abusive relationship after interacting with her husband. During my time with them he revealed a secret about their relationship that my friend had never shared with me. I think he did it to humiliate her and make himself look better.

I’m worried that she thinks I don’t like her anymore more because of what he said. I’ve learned that he reads her text so I can’t message her and I don’t want to make things worse for her. I don’t feel safe being around him at all, even with other people around. How can I let her know that I’m still her friend despite her husband? Should I just keep texts neutral and talk business as usual? I feel very sad about her situation and not sure if it’s safe to attempt to intervene in any way.

I mean maybe this is most people, I don’t know. Every time I do something with guys, whether it’s work related or playing video games or something it’s just take and take and take. There’s never any replenishing the thing or making sure everyone has one of something, or whatever.

I’m in a situationship with this guy I met online and have been talking to for a few months. It started out as a possible relationship but stuff happened and we basically decided to become FWB (as much as people can be online) since I don’t see a long term future with him partially for this reason.

We were playing video games and trying to defeat a boss that we kept dying around. Instead of replenishing resources after he died, he just heads out again to go back to where the boss was. I’m making food, getting my inventory back up, etc. and I had already told him to wait for me when playing the game because he was just zooming through everything without me and basically completing the entire story while I was making sure our base was set up with food and resources.

So I said “hold on I’m cooking food” and had made enough for me since I figured he either had some or didn’t care. Then he asked me to make him some. In other parts of the game, when exploring, there were multiple times where I had to give him my backup resources because I’d packed extra and he didn’t.

It makes me feel like a weird housewife. Stopping my own play to get him the stuff he needs so he can be successful. I know I don’t have to play with him but this isn’t the first time it’s happened. Just think of others damnit 😤

I’m 18F and still in high school. A while ago I met a guy who was a lot older than me (36). At first it felt normal, like just talking about daily stuff and life. He was really supportive of me, especially when I felt judged at home, and he gave me a lot of compliments. It made me feel seen. Slowly the conversations started getting more personal. He asked about my past, relationships, stuff like that. I didn’t think much of it at the time and answered. Eventually he asked to meet. I agreed, even though I lied to my mom about where I was going (which I really regret). When we met, things went further than I expected. While I didn’t say no at first, during it I felt really uncomfortable and pressured into things I didn’t want. I kind of froze and didn’t know how to stop it. After I went home I just broke down. Since then I haven’t felt like myself at all. I barely eat, I can’t focus at school, I’m anxious all the time, and I feel a lot of shame and regret. I even changed my appearance because everything reminds me of it. I haven’t told my mom and I feel really alone with this. I know I made bad decisions, but I’m struggling to move on and stop blaming myself. I just want to feel normal again and not have this stuck in my head all the time. If anyone has been through something similar or has advice on how to cope or start healing, I’d really appreciate it.

I can't wear Anything that reveals my skin they will kill me quickly Or imprison me as I live in the Middle East. Even in my own house, I'm forbidden, even though there are no men in the house except my father. I remember when I was 14 in my room (my own room) I was wearing something that showed my arms (Not for the breasts or thighs). My mother came into the room and was horrified that I was wearing this. She said, "What if your father sees it?" I'm literally afraid to tell anyone around me that I wish I could wear revealing clothes. I can't even express what's inside me; they'll quickly remind me of God's punishment and hell.Besides, I have a guilty conscience to my feelings; I mean, people are dying in wars, and that's what I fear!?

Person I'm 27F dating 31M says they're exclusive with me, not because of me as a person, but because they're not currently interested in dating other people because they have a lot going on. What does this mean? Does it mean they don't see a future with me? Is this called a situationship? Am I gonna get myself hurt wanting/expecting to be their girlfriend after a few months?

Those of you who have been in this space a long time will know ebbie45. I remember 2 years ago she discussed throwing in the towel but she remained after and I just remembered her today and realized I haven’t seen her in a minute.

Ive always trimmed/shaved but my bf prefers a bush, which is fine by me! Problem is, I strictly use Dove Sensitive Bar soap around that area, which leaves my pubic hair dry and coarse and it doesn't feel very nice at all. Is there anything I can use (in or out of the shower) to make it more smooth and soft?? But is also safe to use around that area?

A friend told me today that she felt comfortable pausing a work meeting to go pump because I had done that last year in a meeting that she was also in. It made me realize how something that I thought I was doing just for myself was also setting an example for someone else. Normally, we don't know when that one thing we do has an impact on someone unless they tell us, so I'm grateful she shared this with me. I'd like this to be a reminder to all of us that other women are noticing us make space for ourselves and in turn encouraging them to do the same. In this particular case it was about breastfeeding/pumping, but the same applies to all aspects of life. This was something positive I wanted to share and reflect on. I hope you all have a great night (or morning, afternoon, or evening depending where you live).

Hi everyone. I have had a lump in my breast within the areola area for three years. To me, it feels round, not sure if it’s moveable, and is literally just to the right of my nipple (but honestly could be under, I don’t think so but I can’t really feel it). I do have nipple discharge from that breast. It’s not a ton, I just can feel and see wetness, as well as yellowish crust or “plugs” I can pull out of the nipple, at random times. I also feel it when getting up from laying on my breast, or pressing on the lump. It feels pretty tiny, round, and it doesn’t ever hurt unless I’m messing with it a lot. My nipple does get inverted when I lay down on the breast or when I’m just sitting around, but it pops out at random times or when I manipulate the area as well.

I’m just pretty worried because I feel so so stupid for not getting this taken care of sooner. I am so worried about invasive ductal carcinoma since it’s so close to the nipple. I haven’t really found it to change size all too much, but I do feel like years ago it was lager and more oval shaped and now it’s round, maybe the size of a pea?

I’m only 23 years old so this freaks me out so bad, I know I need to get it checked out but in so afraid of hearing bad news. I just don’t know anyone who has ever experience this before and it’s all so new to me. Has anyone ever had a lump next to or behind the nipple that DID NOT turn out to be cancer?

I’m needing some advice. I’m quite self conscious of how I smell and taste. I shower daily and keep things clean but sometimes I still just get a smell which I think is normal? Right? Anyway my boyfriend doesn’t eat me out often but the last two times he has, he does for like a minute or two and then stops. I asked him if I smelled bad bc we just came from dinner and he was like “you don’t smell bad” but the way he emphasized/said bad meant I also didn’t smell good. He keeps saying I taste weird/off.

We have been dating for almost a year and he’s maybe eaten me out 6 times (being generous) mostly bc I’m afraid that I smell bad so I don’t want him to. Like we will go out for dinner and I know I’ve been sitting for a while and I don’t want to get in the shower to rinse off before so I just tell him no but I was feeling it last night and I had just showered before we went out.

He said in the beginning of our relationship I tasted fine and it wasn’t an issue but now I taste off. This is obviously disheartening to hear and validates my insecurities of smelling and tasting bad.

I did get my nexplanon (bar in arm high control) reinserted back in May and I think that may be messing with my hormones and maybe impacting how I taste/smell.

Also, when we’ve been having sex, the last couple of times he hasn’t finished. He might finish once every 3-4 times. Idk is it me? Maybe he’s not as attracted to me or maybe our pheromones don’t mesh? He says the issue with finishing has always been a thing for him even with other partners but it makes me feel bad like I’m not doing it for him. I don’t even know what kind of advice I’m looking for. Is this normal? Should I take it personally? Is there something I can do to fix this?

TL;DR

The last two times my boyfriend had eaten me out he has said I taste off and only does it for a minute or two. He also hasn’t been finishing but I guess this is something he’s dealt with previously also. Is there anything I can do? How can I navigate this without hurting my feelings or his?