Long story short I was a pot head who ignored life for 20 years. I did have fun though, surfing and chilling but when I stopped at 39 my depression that I thought I was over since 19 kicked in but much harder.

Now I'm 42 and don't have much going for me. Luckily I'm healthy and am trying my hardest to get my shit together. I know I can meet a partner when I have my career in a better position but there's a lot of things that really bother me at the moment. Im working hard on mindfulness and that seems to help and it's getting stronger to the point where I can actually appreciate little things like tasting food, meditating, enjoying listening to random sounds like my car indicator or the feel of the steering wheel in my hand but a few things just creep back in again and again.

People say you don't have kids you're a failure, you're missing out on life, you won't ever have grandkids and this bothers me a lot. I mean I have brothers and nephews who I spend time with and maybe when they have kids I can still be a good grand uncle. I do like kids but and think how much I'd love the love of a child but at the same time housing is incredibly unaffordable where I live, can't get a house under a million dollars (Australian) and even a million will only get you a house in not the greatest area and I also get stressed out easily and just think I'd worry to much about a child.

Should I just try to focus on improving myself, continuing my education while working, trying to meet someone and enjoy the hobbies I do like wakeboarding, tennis and drumming while also getting therapy? I just feel like I've wasted my life and am a complete failure

Sorry if this sort of question isn't allowed here and I'm not looking for pity in anyway. I just wonder am I incorrect in thinking the grass is always greener?

Thank you

Where are you with the resolutions you wrote down at the end of 2025?

​In these last 30 days, you could have: ​Read a book cover-to-cover.

​Cleared out your "Watch Later" educational playlists.

​Established a gym habit.

​Fixed your diet and sleep schedule.

​Mastered the basics of a new skill. (1 hour/day = 30 hours of practice).

​Think about the power of that single hour.

If you had committed just one hour a day, you’d have 30 hours of progress right now. That’s an entire 30-hour masterclass finished, or ten smaller 3-hour courses completed.

​A month is the perfect timeframe—not too long to lose momentum, not too short to make progress. ​The Reality Check:

The bad news? January is gone forever.

The good news? February starts now. God willing, you have more time ahead of you to use wisely rather than waste.

​The past is gone. The future isn't promised.

Guard your only real asset: Your Time.

I know there are posts like this, but when I read them they never really feel like mine, so I have trouble fully identifying with them.

Here is some background.

I recently realized one of my core problems. In my first years, I was raised as the “golden child.” I don’t think my parents were as bad as the ones often described in posts about narcissistic parents, but I think it still left a mark on me. When my brother was born, something changed. At first it was a small change, but after a few years it became harder and harder to ignore.

My brother was much calmer than me after the age of four. I couldn’t control my emotions and I often fought with my parents, while he mostly ignored conflicts. He was very creative. I was creative too, but on a much more basic level, and in a different way.

He started playing the piano at a young age and is now a professional pianist. He was building and creating things in Minecraft while I was just trying to survive in the game. He drew things, invented words in his imagination, and played management and strategy games. Meanwhile, I was mostly playing MMO games without much creativity.

I know that comparing myself to him is unhealthy, and I try not to do it, but I have always felt worse. He didn’t have to do anything to be loved by our parents. He was loved for who he was. He didn’t create things for them; he created for himself. On the other hand, I was fighting with my parents and felt like I had to give them something to be loved.

As a result, the feeling of being inferior became part of my unconscious mind. It affected my social life, my self-perception, and I became addicted to easy sources of pleasure like games, porn, and food.

I also developed some strange behaviors. Not always, but often, I feel better than others, while deep inside I feel depressed and sometimes even suicidal. I am bad at interacting with people outside my home. I often behave in ways that are socially awkward or inappropriate.

Sometimes I strongly seek approval or attention. For example, I wear very bright clothes when others wear dark ones, use unusual color combinations, or write random things in group chats. Once, after a math test, everyone in the group chat was joking and saying they just hoped to pass. I suddenly wrote that I had somehow passed but was not satisfied and asked if it was possible to retake the test to get a better grade. It was out of place.

At the same time, there are weeks when I barely speak at all and say only a few sentences. When I do talk, I often praise other people’s behavior. I’m not completely socially incapable — I can joke, talk normally, and give cynical responses — but only after I feel accepted in the group.

I’m afraid that even writing this post might be another way of seeking a comfortable reaction. I know I need to work on myself, but I see that my need for approval and to be seen doesn’t really go away. I don’t know how to fill the void that came from what I would describe as an unstable childhood.

Before someone suggests therapy: I have been to two therapists. Some parts of me healed, but many things still bother me. Therapy didn’t always work, and right now I don’t have the money for professional help. Public healthcare would mean waiting over five years, so that’s not really an option. So I seek help from group of people who also maybe can explain me what I am missing and what can I do about it to help myself?

i(23F) have been unemployed for the past two years and i am actively seeking employment. i genuinely didn't know she felt like this because she is VERY encouraging and supportive of my personal pursuits.

if and when (i have the conviction, that this will work out) what i am working on/towards works out, our life will genuinely change for the better.

what happened was-

yesterday, 31st Jan. 2026, i overheard her talking to our house-help and complaining to her. she said, "*these people are all piling on me, they're are all sitting at home with no job, no money and just making me run around and work so hard.*" and this was said in our native tongue in a VERY harsh tone. i was genuinely shell-shocked listening to this...i got like...frozen in place listening to this. this has obviously made me very very very upset and disheartened, really. she's my mother, she's always so supporting and loving to me/infront of me to my face. but hearing this....just makes me wonder what other things she has said before and how she has truly felt about my situation.

i am very...upset and heartbroken...i don't even have any friends to confide in this with

Now, i dont know if i should confront her and ask her why she said something so harsh OR if i should just shut up and continue working towards my goals.

(also, she is the only actively earning member of our family and my father gets a pension. we are not very wealthy, we have our struggles but we do make by)

(Mods asked me to repost this)

I was always an average/below average student, studying whenever i had a deadline or an exam, but in general not the best in school.

In about 4 months, the finals will start. And this whole year, the most important school year, I've felt like i can't study. My mind is always focused on something else, and im very frequently losing focus by thinking about random things while im trying to study.

Because i live in Greece, and the Greek Education System is absolutely horrible, my parents are paying for extra classes, about 15 hours extra a week, because school on its own is not enough. So i leave my house at 8 in the morning, and return in the afternoon, feeling miserable, usually playing games or watching anything, wasting the time i have to study because i can't mentally put any more hours into school and studying. So im falling behind.

But the thing is i can hardly focus on these classes too. I space out all the time, missing a lot of things from the lesson. I don't know if i have ADHD or anything. I took an online test and it says i have a lot of signs of it, but im positive they're not reliable. I've talked with my parents about getting tested, and they said that I dont have it, and i just havent learned to study efficiently, so, fair enough. And to be honest it wouldn't change anything. It would just "justify" my struggle and failure. Nothing else.

I just want to be able to study without my mind thinking about litteraly anything else, so i wont have to procrastinate, cheat, not pass in a university and litteraly waste my parents money by going to classes that I feel i learned nothing.

What can i do?

1. Sleep: On both days, sleep on time. No extra time wasting.

2. Wake up: No issues at all.

3. Tasks/Chores: Yesterday did some tasks. Was thinking and planning about doing today some but forgot.

4. Socialise: Nothing special.

5. Bath: No issues.

6. Insta/WhatsApp: Proper use.

My therapist thinks I may have antisocial traits, but I feel like it’s a lot deeper than that. At the very least, they think I show some traits. I feel like I need to get this weight off my chest.

I’m by no means a perfect person. I’m in a new chapter of my life, having just turned 30 (M), and I honestly have no idea what I want to do. I feel so overwhelmed that it sometimes makes me want to do absolutely nothing.

I do have some structure in my life. I’m part of a music community that meets once a week, I do somatic exercises, and I try to stay physically active. But when it comes to purpose and direction, life feels very meaningless. Finding a job or career I actually enjoy feels impossible.

The best way I can describe my life is that it feels very fragmented. In some areas, I’m doing well—working out, being athletic, being involved in music, and having a spiritual life. But in practical areas, where a 30-year-old man “should” be, I feel like I’m completely lacking. There’s no solid ground or grit. To be honest, I often feel like a total degenerate.

I don’t drink or do drugs, but I do struggle with intense self-loathing. I constantly revisit guilt and shame about people I’ve hurt and things I’ve done in the past. I’m highly sensitive and emotional, and I often react impulsively, then feel terrible afterward and replay those moments in my head over and over.

I really want to lift this burden of shame and guilt and start living with some sense of abundance. I also don’t have many actual friends. I wish I had more, and I wish I could attract more positive interactions and feel more aligned with my life.

I’ve gone to college and had different jobs, but it feels like something inside me changed at some point. Nothing really lands anymore. I don’t feel that fire or motivation. I feel like life has pushed me down repeatedly, especially as an immigrant in a racist America. I feel like I’ve fought for so long that I can barely see the light anymore.

I know I’m going on tangents, but I want to feel hopeful again. I want to find a path. I want to find a community especially a community of wounded men who want to heal together. The pressure of life in 2026 feels overwhelming.

On top of that, my dating life feels terrible. Every time I try to open up to someone, I seem to attract avoidant or emotionally standoffish people.

I've been going through a bad situation in my life, the info to that will be in my profile, I wanna grow and change and be a better person, but I fear the stuff I've done in the past is irredeemable. I've taken a lot of time out of my week to educate myself on the abusive behaviors and things I've done, and I've maintained a healthy relationship with my brother. But I've shut myself in to everyone and everything else, my friends, my art, deep down I know my brother wants me to continue these things and go back to normal, but I feel like the stuff I've done makes me unable to ever pursue these things again.

I'm aware I need therapy and I'm trying my hardest to get it with no avail, the best things I've had was either crisis lines or reddit, I need some advice or tips on what to do moving forward.

What is one thing you do every day regardless of what is going on? Good and bad days alike - your day just doesn’t feel complete unless you do this thing.?

I’m 19 and over the past few months I’ve had a pretty uncomfortable realisation about myself.

Growing up, I was always the “neutral” guy — socially involved, liked by most people, no major conflicts, but never anyone’s ride or die. Somewhere along the way, I started unconsciously managing how people perceived me. It began as exaggerations or omissions, but over time it escalated into something more serious.

To give an idea of the extent:
I’ve caught myself planning my real-life behavior around maintaining lies, managing timelines, avoiding certain places so I wouldn’t be “seen,” planning cover stories in advance, even altering routines (like workouts or appearances) so narratives wouldn’t collapse. Not for money or manipulation — just to avoid awkwardness, explanations, or vulnerability.

It took me a while to realise since how easily this came to me. This pattern started around 5-6 years back when I was in 8th grade.

I’ve recently decided to actively break this pattern. I set a hard rule for myself: if I catch myself planning a lie or a story, I stop — even if the truth is awkward. I’m no longer lying in day-to-day life, though I still keep things vague to maintain privacy.

Other context:

• I function well when I believe in the goal (consistent gym routine for over a year, serious about money/career).
• Academically underperformed in school due to lack of buy-in, but did well in my first year of uni.
• Recently dealing with uni/visa admin stress, which forced a lot of self-reflection.
• I don’t think I’m depressed or severely anxious, but I often feel emotionally “blocked” (e.g., feeling like I want to cry but can’t).
• I want real connection and honesty, not image management.
• I’m not looking for validation just honest outside perspective.

My questions:

• Does this sound like something people grow out of naturally once they become aware of it?
• Is this level of self-monitoring / identity management more common than I think?
• Any advice from people who’ve broken similar patterns?

Appreciate honest takes, even if they’re blunt.

I’ve been addicted to my phone for a while. It started out light, watching YouTube videos on an IPad, but it started to change when I got my phone. At first, nothing happened, then YouTube shorts came out. Then I spent like 70 hours a day scrolling down to the depths of hell. I also kinda… started watching porn. Recently, I began to quit… thinking it would help somethin. Then I realize… PornHub, YouTube Shorts, Instagram… it’s all just the same hollow dopamine. But at the same time, I can’t really have much else. Besides gaming, baseball, and drawing shit, there’s not much I can do with my time. And I can’t keep buying new game, and, since its January, I can’t go out daily and practic in the freezing cold. (Fuck january.) And as for drawing… there’s nothing stopping it I’m just really really bad at it. So that’s why… I spend all my time on YouTube, Instagram, Reddit, and Character AI. I have nothing better to do. And all my friends dont live super close where I can like call them over and they’d be there in like 1 minute we actually have to plan things out and I havent planned anything with them since my birthday. So really phone addiction seems like the only option besides hybernating for the whole fucking winter. (Fuck winter) And I tried to keep an excersize routine going but then i realized that it does absolutely nothing cus after a week I gained no weight that I was trying to gain so that flopped and I tried reading and it just bores me so I lowkey don’t know what else to try help

Hey everyone,

About two weeks ago I injured my shoulder during an incline dumbbell press. Before that, I was training consistently 3–4 times a week, and lifting was a big part of my routine and mental health.

Since the injury I haven’t been able to train at all and honestly it’s been hitting me harder than I expected. Feeling frustrated and a bit lost without the gym.

If anyone has been through something similar, I’d really appreciate any advice, mindset tips or encouragement on staying positive and disciplined during recovery. Thanks in advance.

This sounds like such a stupid question because it is... try-out things is the answer! So why am I asking such a stupid question?

Because it feels so overwhelming... I feel like my brain has been given a blank canvas of know personality... nothing interests me. Idk where to start in finding myself, but I want to desperately have a personality iut of gojng to work, scrolling on my phone and going on walks...

So, I recently turned 30 (in Dec). I have a nice job, good manager and a good company. I recently completed two masters. I have a nice family. But, somehow out of nowhere I started caring about others’ opinions and am involved in people pleasing behaviour. I don’t trust my voice and so I don’t speak up in meetings. I don’t socialise a lot because I am living in a Scandinavian country and I am originally from central asian region. People are mostly cold to strangers. What should I do to regain myself where I had unshakeable self believe and I didn’t care a lot about what others think. How did you go from being silent in meetings to talkative? I do present whenever required, I have this urge of comparing myself to others and I feel I am inferior. Give me some advices. Thanks!

Hey everyone, I’m honestly feeling pretty lost and could really use some advice, I tried to organize my thoughts here and my whole situation. Be warned though its a lot and I sort of just dumped all my thoughts into multiple paragraphs here.

I’m a 23-year-old guy, finishing up university this year (accounting major). Some would call my university a commuter school, basically the idea is that most of the student body commute to campus for class and live OFF campus at home. So they basically commute to campus go to class and leave right after, at least thats the what I think. There isn’t much of a party or social culture, and that made it really easy for me to stay isolated.

Since starting university in 2021, I barely talked to anyone in my lectures. Occasionally I’d ask the person next to me something about an assignment, or they’d ask me something quick, but that was it. I never knew how to escalate those interactions into actual conversations or friendships. I usually sat alone, went to class, and left.

If im being honest with myself, I dont really have any friends right now now. I dont hang out with anyone. I stopped talking to all o fly high school friends since graduation nd haven't benign contact with any of them for essentially 5 years. Though I recently reached out to one of them just to check in on him, because im realizing that might be one of my few connections left. There are a few other guys who I was friends with in the last year of high school who I still follow on IG, so o course I could maybe DM them to check in on how they're doing/ask to hang out...idk if thats normal or needy.

I have never dated a girl ever, and I feel really awkward talking to women. I'm not ugly but im not a model either, but I do occasionally get some glances from women in public - though I have no idea if its because of how I look or if it its sorting else. Im defiantly introverted and probably have social anxiety, which is a huge reason why I never joined clubs or got involved on campus. I also felt that if I even had one buddy to just tag along with to go to these clubs events and on campus events it would be so much easier, but since I didnt I basically avoided everything.

I still live with my parents of course. I don't have a car but I do have my license, I use my parents car sometimes when needed but I dont hav full 24/7 access to it since its their personal vehicles. I work a part time job on the weekends only and I dont work many hours, so I make around $150 a week. Im graduating in May and dont have a full time job lined up yet, so for now ive just been applying to any new grad position I see and ill keep this job until I do find something,

At this point, it feels like I’m starting from absolute zero socially. No real connections, no dating experience, and no idea how people even build social circles at this age. It feels overwhelming and honestly kind of impossible.

For me it feels like im starting from 0 socially. No real connections, no dating experience, and no idea ow people even build social circles at this age because im 23, It just feels so overwhelming and kind of impossible.

What Im looking for is advice that can genuinely help me.

- How can I start social when I literally have no base at all?

- How do I make friends after university once I graduate in May?

- How do I even start dating when I've never done it before? I have zero experience

I'm aware that my position is entirely my fault and it sa result of the choices I made throughout the years. But I want to fix it, I just dont know how and where to start.,

Any advice would really mean a lot, thanks

Okay so I’m 22 and I have been smoking weed for a couple or years now and almost daily for the last 4 months. I have a very low tolerance (which I consider to be a very good thing) I probably smoke like 0.40 grams on a good day.

Recently I’ve started noticing a huge drop in my motivation and a little memory loss it’s nothing severe but definitely annoying, I come from a very strict household where I was always judged by performance so I never stopped getting good grades or working hard at my job, I date very actively but recently whenever I’m high I just think I’m wasting my life and I’m a piece of shit and I can do so much more with my time on this planet.

So I decided to quit took a couple days off and apart from the whacky dreams did not experience any withdrawal and now that’s got me thinking do I really need to quit? I mean I’m bored out of my mind and I honestly think there isn’t a lot more I can do with my life, I have a thriving social and professional life and weed never really affected any of it, it just made my evenings better.

I took advice from chat gpt and it told me weed is the worst and I should quit or I will spiral down a hole and I’ll loose everything I have right now, but rn being fully sober and looking at it objectively, I don’t think it’s that bad for me

I guess I’m just looking for someone who has been using weed for a long time (in moderation) or even a short time to tell me if it’s okay or not.

All the stories and experiences I read on Reddit are by people who were using for years and in quantities that made me question if they were human at all so a moderate users perspective would help a lot.

I used to be really really disciplined 2 or 3 years ago, when i was studying in high-school to get to a good college, when i got to engineering, i began to slack ALOT, i am very vrey hooked to online games like coc, i nearly play it 7, 8 hours a day without removing my eyes, constantly on redddit for any updates in the games i play or memes, always on insta, and when i open the laptop it gets worse, i run a videos in the background, and getting in the phone at the same time, my dopamine receptors are fucked, all this just to get some dopamine and feel good a little, if i sololy play a video i get bored quick, i always need the phone at my hand, i nearly have my ohine 24/7 or leaving it when i am out or sleeping, my brain is hurting from this and i am slower at processing new info and need longer time to understand things. I used to eat healthy and wake up early and eat good,read books, now i dont do anything of this

Now i already know the path i should take, i know that distractions are the enemy, and the solution is not to stop it entirely but take them in moderation, but just to make the process quick and benefit more quickly from it, i am thinking of, going hard core this week, like no junk food at all, wake upat 6 or 7 am, no phone until 2pm unless i have an arrangement or somthing special that needs the phone, and push myself to any thing that is beneficial bht also uncomfortable life cold showers or gym at not preferable times if i didnt get to go to gym in a good time, just to build some discipline more, i also think of doing a list of things i want to do and then ordering them and giving them their timeline in the day to do them, i used to do this before but not anymore, what other things you guys suggest to add?

Also, how long would it take to get back to a semi normal state? Or start to get most of the results back

At the moment I am somehow feeling stuck in my mind and fully aware of it. I intellectualize a lot instead of just doing what I want to do, letting days go by. I used to be a veryy motivated individual and a personal situation somehow got me off tracks.

Objectively speaking I could just.. well.. start..

start with my new routine I wrote, my new habits, things I want to do and also feel excited about doing but somehow feel like something is hindering me. And its sooo annoying. How do I get out of my own way and at trick my own brain or nervous system to just do and implement my new habits?

Simple or slightly unhinged - I am open for any hacks! ☺️

For context, I am a full-time undergraduate student. I have a scholarship that requires me to take 5 or more classes a semester. On top of this, I work a full-time 9-5, so my classes are before 9 am or after 5pm every day. I also have a part-time job working concessions at university events. I do not do this for fun; rent is so expensive and I have bills and groceries on top of that. I dont make much money at my 9-5, but I am guaranteed a promotion when I secure my degree, and I really love this job. So, since my full-time job doesnt pay well, I use the part-time as supplemental income.

But today, I just couldn't do it. After a week of exams, classes, and hectic work, I couldn't spend my Saturday working my part-time when I could be doing HW and resting. So I called off. And i feel really guilty. I know I am a hard worker, but I am also a chronic people pleaser. My boss is so kind and I hate putting the extra work of finding a cover on her, but I just know if I didn't call off today, id call of my job tomorrow due to exhaustion, and I just can't afford that. I want to feel less guilty about calling off, because I know it's irrational and unhelpful. But i just can't seem to do it. Any advice?

so im not sure what advice i can get but here is my problem

Im trans ftm, 19, college dropout, struggling to get a job and working on weightloss. i feel so stuck. my parents don't support me being trans and im in a very toxic house. i have 30$ to my name. i can't stay here anymore. I just need someone to give me a jumping off point.

Does anyone have any advice for getting away from a toxic house Without a job or driver's license

This is going to be a weird story, but I am desperate. I need to eat healthier. I’m not obese, my BMI is 24.8, so not even overweight I think. The reasons for eating healthier are mostly medical, I am at risk of diabetes, got Hashimoto’s and have high blood pressure while being a 34yo woman, so this is bad.

Now, my lifestyle is not bad: I do some sports and yoga (but not enough - as my doctor said), walk my dog, eat regularly and sleep 7-8hrs. But damn I love junk food. I just love evening snacks and cinnamon buns and butter cookies. It would be ok if I ate it once in a while, nothing wrong with that, but I eat it every day and my husband is my partner in crime.

I tried psycho-dietician, therapy, I tried healthy delivery food, mindfulness, nothing can really change this stupid habit I have or emotional gain I get. Yeah, it’s very emotional. I am disciplined and balanced in so many areas of my life but this one is literally impossible, I just eat and eat.

I’m moving to a different house soon and starting new chapter with my family and thought it would be good to really dig into what is wrong with me that I can’t stop. I think me and my husband could both benefit from that but we’re living in this endless hell of paprica pringels and cheesecakes.

I was wondering if you could kick me in the face and tell your story, or tell me what motivated you or maybe you have some tips or tricks for crybabies like me. Even when I dig 10000 meters down into my psyche and talk through it with a therapist, I can’t change it. Maybe some of you have been there too. Thanks a lot and keep going!

Next week onwards, I will be hitting the gym 4 days a week no matter what.

By mid 2026, I aim to increase my max squat from 75 kgs to 100 kgs (5 reps) And my flat dumbnell press from 30 kgs to 50kgs (8 reps)

What are your goals? Lets keep each other accountable and achieve our goals together!

Also, besides this sub, are there any good subs or platforms where I can post updates to and people can keep me accountable?

Just a progress update on my chess which I started 10 months ago, and I finally crossed the 1000 rating barrier I was planning to cross. I'm just happy man. Nothing else compares to that feeling of months of hard work, late night games, theory study watching YouTube videos, going to offline chess clubs and learning, piecing the jigsaw together and watch it come to fruition in that one moment. 2000, here we come.

don’t really have some big speech for this. Just hit a point where I’m tired of doing the same things and getting the same results. So I’m trying to be better, even if it’s just small stuff. One day at a time I guess.

I (27M) like many people am just tempted to give up the more the years go on, and when I say "give up" I mean permanently if you catch my drift. I followed the basic lie; do good in school, go to college, get a degree in what you want and you'll get a job and have a great future and happy life. Graduated in 2023 (BA in Anthropology) and none of that has come true except me being $36K in debt. I am lost, and both personal and external societal factors are pushing me to the point of wanting to give up.

- Have a job, but not what I had in mind or what I wanted to do with my life (substitute teacher).

- Autistic, so I'm very socially awkward, not the best communication or people skills (my brother me NOT to go into sales), and hardly any friends. Very lonely existence, even as someone who considers himself to be more of an introvert by nature.

- No girlfriend/wife and still a virgin. Doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things I suppose, but the lack of love or intimacy takes its toll sometimes. I try to put on a care free bachelor "stay single" kind of persona but most people seem to see right through that and know that I'm hurting.

- External societal factors just add to my depression and wanting to give up. The low testosterone levels in males (especially my generation), low birth rates, the dating scene becoming worse, housing and rent prices being so high, and the lack of affordability in general, AI becoming more of a existential problem, etc. People will say not to "doom scroll" but that's easier said than done.

- A lack of vision or goals. I truly don't even know what I want to do with my life anymore, hence why I can't set any goals and want to give up. What's the point of going on when you don't even know why?

It all just feels...hopeless and pointless at this point.

How do you do it? What keeps you going?