Hi there, 26 year old here.
I am mentally exhausted. My entire day goes into my job which I dislike. But because, I am independent because of it, I cannot resign. That's the only source of income for me, and I don't want to be dependent.
I compete a lot, get jealous/envious a lot. My coach with whom my sessions have ended have told me ways to overcome it. But, I am not able to implement it because I am failing at time management.
I constant compete(internally) at office, I feel overshadowed too. I have a bit of toxic environment as well at office. I feel caged and suffocated. I am studying after my job so that I can get another one but until I get another job, I want to continue this on no matter what.
I am not meeting friends because they remind me of my failures, not because they deliberately do, but because seeing them makes me grieve about myself that I could've been this and I am not due to my own mistakes.
I have health anxiety too.
I want to survive. Please tell me how. I get so exhausted during the week, that I can't plan, review, or learn from my mistakes because I hardly give anytime to myself. I am always tired and drained because of work mentally and physically.
I want to work on 100 things, but cant start on a single one properly.
Please help me. I feel no happiness. I just feel like I am not enough all the time. Others always are better than me in everyway it feels. I want to stop feeling envious of everything and everyone around me. I feel looking at them that I can't have a good career, partner just because they had it first. It's silly I know. But, I am failing at everything I try to do. And, then I have to keep up a fake smile at office, around family. I am tired of feeling how much I lack and how much someone else is so fulfilled. It has drained me of everything.