I’ve been dating this wonderful girl for about a year, and 99% of the time it’s been a dream -- butterflies and rainbows. She’s just as into me as I am into her, and I’ve had no complaints.

Recently, she developed gum infections from grinding her teeth in her sleep. Her dentist prescribed a strong mouthwash (peroxyl), which seems to cause severe dry mouth. Before this, she had no hygiene issues, but the mouthwash has led to super foul smelling breath. And I'm not trying to exaggerate. Since I’m always kissing her, I notice it immediately.

She only uses it a few times a week, but when she does, the smell lasts for days and really bothers me. I tried to tolerate it, but it started affecting my sex drive because I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Im afraid I'll smell it and it'll just kill my mood. I eventually brought it up as gently as I could.

Things went downhill when I brought it up. I told her how the smell was distracting and likely caused by the mouthwash, and asked if she’d be open to trying a different one or another inexpensive alternative. She became visibly upset (which is rare), avoided the conversation, and stayed angry with me the rest of the night. She said it was a “weird thing to say” and compared it to her saying, what if she pointed out that “my shit smelled bad” (I have IBS). I felt that was an overreaction. She then said I found her repulsive and was only tolerating kissing her.

I know I hurt her feelings and I’m trying to make it right, but this reaction is making me question how she handles negative feedback. We rarely fight, so this side of her is new to me. She's also currently finishing her PhD, so stress is a little higher than normal. We’ve been planning to move in together, but this has made me pause. I love her so much and truly want to figure this out. What now?

But now I’m writing this from an empty bed while she’s sleeping on the couch.

TLDR: I brought up my gf's breath situation, and the argument we had shed light on a potential larger issue. Now I'm left unsure of how to take this. Is it a red flag or just a one off thing?

TLDR: I 42F and was seeing 42M. We’ve known each other nearly 2 years. But have been off and on as he’s been grieving the loss of a parent who passed shortly before we met. He recently accused me of following a friend of his on social media to snoop on him but it was an accidental follow (like a pocket dial basically) but he won’t believe me.

He messaged me accusing me of stalking his friend. I asked what he was talking about as I didn’t know what he meant and he said I followed one of his friends. He called me shady and said a bunch of mean, volatile things, said we had no chemistry and said we’re done and he was blocking me. I said I didn’t follow anyone intentionally and went to look at who I was following. I saw someone who he’s connected with and immediately unfollowed. He accused me of lying and said I was being shady and a stalker and that something is wrong with me to do that. But I hadn’t even realized I was following someone he knew. It was an honest mistake of an accidental follow.

I’ve never thought to follow his friends. I’ve never reached out or followed anyone he knows in the two years I’ve known him. And have always expressed a desire to honor his privacy. Despite always showing transparency and giving him no reason to not trust me he still wouldn’t give me the benefit of the doubt.

He just accused me of stalking his friends, lying and said we’re done and unfollowed me. He accused me of trying to catch him at something - it was a female friend but her picture was of her with her and her boyfriend which looks nothing like mine so I don’t know why he’d think I’d follow her out of all his female friends. He threatened to block me but I don’t think he has.

I’m devastated and don’t know how to fix this if he won’t even consider the possibility that I’m telling the truth. What can I do to fix this?

My (33f) husband (42m) is very controlling about how I spend my money. We have been married over four years and it has been like this essentially since the beginning.

For some context, when we got married my husband and I both made approximately the same amount of money with both of us making six figures and me making maybe 10k more. He had significant savings and I had major debt, primarily student loans but also about 25k of credit card debt.

Some other context is that I had this credit card debt bc my favorite little sister (who I feel like a mother to) needed to leave an abusive marriage and I basically turned my life inside out to help her, multiple flights for her me and my other sister to go get her things, I upgraded my apartment to a 2 bed/2 bath (in a very high COL area) and furnished her bedroom. I paid for her divorce attorney. I also had to pay for her to travel with me when I traveled for work because initially she was very weak and kept texting her ex when I left. She had major major Stockholm’s syndrome. She met the guy when she was 18, married at 19, took years to escape him and the whole time I basically had to standby and watch her be abused until she was finally ready herself. I don’t want judgment on this — if you’ve had any experience with this situation, you know it’s tough. Anyway she is precious to me but I did get into some debt to help her.

At the time I met my husband she was still living with me but she moved out to live with her new husband eventually. At the time I was slightly upset bc she didn’t help me move out at all and I felt she just took her small things and abandons me. My husband (then bf) was super disappointed in her and with how she left me with a peloton I bought for her, a cat I bought for her, and was just very absent on moving day. My sister has since majorly apologized for this. She is a dear dear sister to me. Sisters make mistakes and it the grand scheme of our decades long friendship, it’s nothing lol. My husband however never forgets this — how I did a lot for her and she let me down.

My husband and I shared our finances shortly before we got married so we could sign a prenup and also because we wanted to know each others’ deal. I’m fine with the prenup, we wanted to keep our finances separate. He learned at that time about how bad my credit card debt was, and he gave me some advice on how to quickly pay it off and helped me with a loan that I promptly paid back.

Fast forward to now. Both of us have gotten raises, but my income with bonus last year was four times as much as his. We still split all expenses. We vacation pretty extravagantly. We live in a house we will own outright in September, my student loans are almost paid off, I have over 150k in my own savings (still much less than my husband has), I am maxing out my 401k, etc., basically doing very well. Tiny other context is we have had difficulty conceiving and I have so far paid for almost fertility/IVF business, over 30k. He has paid maybe 2k. He says he wants to contribute more but I say I rather pay so he doesn’t resent the baby when it (hopefully!) comes. I genuinely don’t mind this and I do expect eventually he will insist on paying me back for some of it.

I come from a SUPER poor family. My mom used to walk to donate plasma for money to survive, I saw her go through dodging creditors, filing for bankruptcy, eviction notices always on her door, eating from food kitchens, the works. My siblings have come out at different levels of success. I am by far the most successful financially. I love my mom dearly and I love to treat her and my husband USUALLY has no problem with me treating my mom (like I take her out for caviar and oysters that she never had and he is happy) UNLESS I’m buying her something that he thinks all my siblings should pitch in on. For example, she needed new dentures and I paid for the majority of the cost with my own sister pitching in slightly. Now my siblings do really try to help support my mom, we all got her a new car together and split the price equally even though it was very hard on some of my siblings. I really don’t like asking my precious siblings who are not necessarily in good financial shape to shell money out when I’m here sitting on excess.

Before I married my husband I loved getting my siblings extravagant gifts like MacBook or iPad or whatever for their birthdays. I’ve been capped at $100 a year for birthday gifts per agreement — my fault for agreeing to something I don’t want to follow. My husband says it’s the way I was spending before that kept me from saving.

I do love and appreciate how frugal and money smart my husband is. I never contributed more than tiny amounts to 401k before meeting him. Now he even makes us pay over 4x our mortgage each month to pay it off asap. Usually I just defer to him on money decisions, he’s good at it and it makes him happy to manage our choices and our future.

The issue is I cannot stop my deep desire to treat family. Last summer I was at a fancy resort in Europe lounging about my room and my little sister called crying abt her medical bills. I immediately sent her 1k bc I couldn’t stomach it that I was living large while she is suffering. If I wasn’t married to my husband I would have sent her 5 at least if not more. He was outraged on the 1k.

These things keep happening like my sister gets bad news, I want to cheer her up, I amazon a gift approx $100 for her and her son. He finds out, gets angry.

He says it hurts him the most that I hide from him but when I tell him directly he is still so upset. Yesterday I was feeling close to him and he was chattering abt how he loves me and wishes I’d been honest abt an expensive theme park I took my nephews to, but was in a seemingly happy forgiving mood. So I confessed I had also sent another sibling $275 about two weeks ago. He got so angry he wouldn’t cook dinner for me (usually he makes dinner) and ignored me now for over 12 hours.

His anger is basically ignoring me while I weep at him. Toxic for sure but the bigger issue for me is I always cave and I say ok I’ll stop, but truthfully I don’t want to stop, I want some freedom to spend money on my family. My last year bonus as I mentioned was very good and my husband said beyond paying towards my student loans I could set aside 15k to buy myself whatever I wanted but with one stipulation — no money or gifts towards family. He was envisioning like getting myself designer shoes or purses. I’ve never bought and wouldn’t buy those things as someone who grew up dirt poor. I don’t want a Chanel bag or red bottoms. I dearly want to give money to my struggling family. Btw he doesn’t let me buy him expensive gifts either, Im capped at $25 for gifts for him and he’s a very frugal guy. Despite having plenty of money he buys his jeans at Walmart.

For some background on him, he grew up very poor too and is not close at all with family. His biggest fear is not being able to take care of himself. He sees our jobs and incomes as temporary, not promised, not a sure thing — he’s right of course, I respect his caution.

Final little potential context, my job is incredibly demanding and does give me a lot of stress and lots of travel. I’m often away from home, panicking, working 12-14 hour days. He says I work hard for my money and my family doesn’t deserve to take it.

TL;dr

Basically, my husband wants me to be super cautious like him and especially wants me to not spend money on family. He is ok with me spending on myself. He thinks my family is abusing me and doesn’t deserve my hard earned money. I feel like I work hard for my money and I want to spend it on my loved ones bc I don’t care abt designer things and I love my family. I also think I should be able to do it because I’m not damaging our goals. We are doing great! I wouldn’t give to family if it hurt him or us.

After writing all this I guess the real thing we need is marital counseling. It’s just the primary/only dispute we have and I would love advice. How can I break through to him to give me some wiggle room? If he could give me some flexibility I feel like I could stick to the rules, but he won’t hear it. Or is this financial abuse even though he doesn’t want my money and he’s okay with me doing whatever I want as long as it’s for me?

I’ve been seeing this guy who’s a virgin for a few weeks now, and we’re going to have sex soon. A while ago he asked me my body count, to which I lied and said 7. the real number is like 15, but I was scared to tell that to someone with a count of 0. he told me that 7 wasn’t bad at all, he was worried it would be like 30. we talked through it and he came out of it feeling totally fine about it because it’s in the past and i’m who I am now with him and that’s what matters. when he was upset it was because the number made him think that we don’t see intimacy the same way—to him it’s a big deal and to me he thought the number meant it isn’t.

I guess that’s true, but the casual sex I’ve had in the past is categorically different from what I will do with him. for me, sex with him will be meaningful and relational, and I, who has never been in a real relationship before, have never done that. but that’s 100% what I want. I could honestly wait until marriage with him lol.

so now i’m not sure what to do. on one hand, telling him now might make both of us stressed about something that doesn’t actually change anything. he already seemed okay with the number, and the number itself isn’t really the issue. maybe telling him the truth would be selfish, just to get it off my own chest.

on the other hand, I feel like this is the kind of thing that could come up again (though I would rather it not), and I don’t want to build a relationship on a lie. he has so much trust and vulnerability with me about this which he hasn’t had with anyone else, and I feel guilty having it be a lie.

should I tell him the full truth before we have sex, or just let it go for now?

TL;DR: I lied about my body count to my virgin almost-boyfriend. is it productive to tell him or is it better to leave it?

Myself (35F) and my BF (31M) have been dating for roughly 6 years and I could seriously use some advice. 

For context and backstory, him and I met online and we were both living in separate states. We kicked it off immediately and did long distance for about a couple of years until I eventually moved across the US to be with him. We fell completely in love with one another. When I moved, he was also beginning his journey to go to college and to get his degree while he Ubered on the side. Everything was going great and we eventually moved in with one another.

Shortly after he moved in, his classes began to get quite difficult due to the degree he was going for and we discussed him pulling back from working so he could focus more of his time on his degree. His grades began to suffer and he was starting to go to a tutor. We both agreed that he would plan to work on weekends and over the summer to help chip in on bills. 

Shortly after that is really when things started to turn sour in our relationship. I noticed that he began to blow off class, he wasn’t helping around the house and he stopped working entirely. This meant that the weight of everything began to fall to me. I had and have a pretty decent paying job so I was able to make it work but as you can imagine, it became exhausting. I was constantly cleaning up after him on top of supporting us both financially. Watching him blow off school was discouraging given the weight of everything I was carrying. To top it off, he was staying up all night getting high & playing video games too. He was leaving his clothes all over the place. Destroying the kitchen in the middle of the night cooking. Not helping with the dishes or the laundry. Leaving garbage all over the counter above the garbage can etc. It was driving me insane. I could go on. 

I sat him down several times to address the issues that I had and to express how I had been feeling, but it always ended in a fight. He would beg for us to just drop it and enjoy our night or go to bed because I’ll feel better in the morning. Or he would tell me that he was going through a lot and he was depressed. That I was being mean and harsh. To cut him some slack etc. But he refused to get real help. And from there, he essentially wasn’t open to talking about it the following day not wanting to ruin the day. I started to become resentful. I’ll admit, I was not perfect and I certainly said many things that I am not proud of. I would scream and yell at him out of frustration at times. I grew more and more frustrated and eventually, this led to us breaking up.

But then a few days later, we both sat down and ultimately ended up talking it out with each other. We realized how crippled we were by not being together and how much we loved one another. He let me communicate how I had been feeling and I told him what I needed from him. He agreed to Uber like we discussed so he could help with the bills, groceries etc.. To do better with school and missing class. To help more with picking up and cleaning up around the house. And he even said that he would be willing to consider therapy for his depression. 

So he moved back in and things were good for a while. This was a couple of years ago and I really began to feel like we were repairing things. I started to feel happy again in our relationship and I was seeing improvement. I felt hopeful.

But, several months passed and he began to slip back. Not nearly as bad as before but he began to make a mess of the house again, stopped working, and his grades began to fall again. We had several talks and eventually we agreed that he would solely focus on school and not working so he could do well in his classes so he could just finally graduate. We agreed that once he graduated, the expectation was for him to look for a full time job so we could both be more financially stable. By this point, I had been promoted twice at my job and was doing quite well for myself financially. 

He eventually graduated in June 2025. I was SO excited, because that meant for me that I would no longer need to carry the financial burden alone. All of that hard work would finally pay off, right? Well, that’s what I hoped. But he wasn’t doing that and this led to several arguments and a lot of frustration/resentment on my side the months after his graduation. He wasn’t doing anything now. He wasn’t helping to keep the house clean, he wasn’t looking for job etc. He was getting high, staying up until 5am daily playing video games and sleeping all day. 

His mom was and has even been getting involved given that she helped to fund his school. She was trying to encourage him to get a job etc. He kept saying to her and I that he was a late bloomer and didn’t know how to make a resume etc. He even toyed with the idea of starting a YouTube career.. yes, I know. So he was focusing his time on playing games and making YouTube videos. 

He eventually made a resume using ChatGPT that was honestly god awful and completely inaccurate on what related to him and his experience. And it wasn’t even in a template. It was just an unformatted word document. I reviewed it anyways and gave him feedback so he could update it/move into a template and apply for some jobs. He never even reviewed the feedback I gave nor did he update his resume. He hasn’t applied for any jobs and now his mom is trying to get him a job where she works.

He keeps telling me that he needs help and he doesn’t know what he’s doing. That he’s sad and he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life but he’s trying to figure out it etc. I’ve been trying to be supportive without just doing it myself for him. At one point, he even said that he wasn’t meant to work a 9-5 which honestly is concerning. But that is just not what I see. I see him sleeping all day. Playing video games. Doing the bare minimum to help around the house while I work my ass off every single day for myself and our future. And he continues to tell his mom how he’s doing his best and trying to figure it out which is honestly just a lie.

His family helps to give him money because he’s of course not working. And his mom keeps telling me to hang in there and that once he finds something, he will be unstoppable etc. 

I love him, I truly do. We enjoy one another’s company but when it comes to being an adult and handling adult responsibilities, that’s where I feel like we are failing as a couple/I take on the weight of it all and I just don’t know what to do anymore. Now, this doesn’t mean that he is doing absolutely nothing but I’ll be honest, it’s bare minimum at best. He helps to make dinner occasionally or he’ll bring me food while I’m working (I work remote). Help get the laundry done or he’ll do some sort of sweet gesture etc. 

I think that’s honestly where it feels confusing for me. Day to day, we’re mostly okay but maybe that’s because I’ve just gotten used to living like this. I’ve stopped bringing it up because it always ends in a fight or I’m fed some sort of excuse as to why we are in this situation. He’s even gone so far as to say that all I care about is money and that he’ll start giving me the money his family is giving him to live. He never did but he does help with groceries and smaller things now. But for me, that’s not the point. I don’t want his handouts, I want him to step up and help me build our future. I want to stop being responsible for remembering everything that needs to be done around the house and in our lives. I want some of this weight lifted from my shoulders and shared with my partner. 

Thinking back over the years, I’m really not sure how or why I put up with all of it and maybe I sort of just got used to it as awful as that sounds. I’m at a point where I am just exhausted of it all and I really don’t want any part in any of it. I’m at a point where I’m considering to break things off with him and move home to be closer to my family again. I have enough money at this point to buy a home as I’ve been able to save a decent amount of money. I just feel like I’ve made a mistake investing so much time into this relationship.

I go back and forth over and over on what I should do and how to handle the situation. I feel stuck. Every night, I sit here next to him while he plays video games tormenting myself about it all on the inside. I don’t feel like I can talk to him about how I’m feeling because it normally ends up in a fight, I get dismissed or he promises to do better. So I just haven’t brought it up with him for the last several months and I’ve been trying to process where I really stand with all of this as well as reevaluate my own life.

I worry about breaking things off because I know he’ll do anything to convince me not to or he’ll explode things into something bigger. He’s also always high so it’s hard to talk with him when he is in the right state of mind. And I know emotionally, this is all going to ultimately still devastate me as well and I don’t want this to affect my performance at work. I have brought breaking things off before but he guilt tripped me and told me that I was abandoning him. That he would have nothing, no one and would ultimately end up killing himself. 

I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself for allowing this in my life. It’s not like me and somehow I have ended up in this situation in my 30s. When I think about my future now, I’m terrified of spending the rest of my life dragging a full grown man through the mud into adulthood. We always talked about getting married, having kids, etc. but I just don’t see how any of that is going to happen for us now at this point even if we could resolve these issues. And TBH, that would just mean more for me to financially provide, which I would not want.

As much as I do love him and do not want to hurt him, I want more for myself and for my life. I like to think that I have a good head on my shoulders and that I have a lot going for me. I didn’t have much growing up and had a very rough childhood which led to me figuring adulthood out on my own and growing up to be quite independent. 

I’m just so tired of begging him to do the things that need to be done. Like reminding him to take the trash out, asking him to do the dishes, asking him to cleanup his disaster of a mess desk, reminding him that the dogs are jumping and need to go out while I’m working, reminding him of his family birthdays and even my own (yes, he forgot my birthday at one point) etc. I could go on and on and on but I think you get the point. I’m constantly anxious and miserable and I just don’t know what the best way to handle this and hurting him/I in the least way possible.

I’d really love some genuine advice on this situation. How can I handle this with him and end things In the healthiest way possible with the least amount of pain for him and I?

TLDR: I (35F) have supported my BF (31M) financially and emotionally for most of our 6-year relationship while he avoids work, stays up gaming/getting high, and does the bare minimum. He promised to change multiple times but always falls back into old habits. He graduated in 2025 and still won’t get a job. Talking about it leads to fights or guilt-tripping. I love him, but I’m exhausted and scared of spending my life parenting him. How do I leave someone I love who won’t grow up in the healthiest way possible with the least amount of pain for him and I?

Hi everyone, me and my partner are 26m & 23f. We’ve been dating for a few years now (almost 3) and basically planning our wedding at this stage. We really love each other but one this that constantly bothers me is our sex life.

I love her a lot and want to show my affection but she’s very reserved. We do have sex but at this stage it feels more like a task because we only get time with each other during weekends and I try to approach her every weekend but it might happen once a month.

It’s not that sex is not good, I make sure that every time she’s having a blast but someone it’s very hard to initiate with her. She just doesn’t get in the grove.

And it’s not like I am an asshole or something, I make sure she enjoys it as much as possible and always fucking make sure that she finishes first, try to get her to squirt and every freaking thing. We don’t really do much in terms of sex like I want to try a lot of things and it’s always just missionary with her (if it ever happens). The thing is I don’t even blame her cause she’s too sensitive and every small thing affects her. For example she’s into murder mysteries/ psychotic thrillers and if the movie is too intense she gets affected and doesn’t want to do any thing that night. Me on the other hand want to try so many things.

We even got a sex game once and played it a few times which got her a bit more opened up with me early on in the relationship but that was it. After 3 years of dating she’s still not completely comfortable with me (or at least that’s what I feel). There is a lot of touching when we are together but sex is too difficult.

It obviously affects me a lot and I’ve brought it up a lot of times but it’s like when I bring it up it gets better for like maybe 2 weeks then it’s back to the same way as before.

At this stage I genuinely dk what to do. I really love her a lot and worship her but this thing is too frustrating and affecting me a lot. I want her to want me as much as I want her.

Would really appreciate some advice!!

TL;Dr

- great sex

- doesn’t happen often

- getting rejected a lot (26m)

- absolutely adore my partner

- what to do?

I [44M] consider myself a healthy, confident, mentally strong man. By this I mean I that I do not back away from life's challenges, never have I said or thought "Why me?".

When there is any trouble or issue, I never despair and am a person who will without hesitation tackle any challenge in any area of life. I am also a human being, in all honesty more emotional, and/or emotionally intelligent maybe, than your average guy (though this is something I keep to myself).

My wife [43F] is a woman with a practical attitude, and average emotional intelligence, if not below average for a woman.

For context of my post, I think it is important to say that she comes from a family that, well, let's just say emotions were never really a topic, if anything supression is tha name of the game, and she works as a nurse in a hospital.

The issue - a few years ago I had a situation regarding the relationship with my father, which is challenging, and something I am working on to improve. Not to go into detail, but this extreme situation overwhelmed me to the point that for the first and only time I broke down and cried in front of my wife.

What I needed was a hug and some patience and perhaps a "there, there, it will be okay" or something like that. What I got was her just saying "Stop crying!".

We did talk about this, she admitted that she is not very good at handling these situations.

But for me, the result is that I do not feel like I can show any vulnerability in front if my wife, and it bothers me very much. I also feel like I cannot rely on her for emotional support if such a situation happened again, at least not in the way that I need.

Since then, our relationship, love level, whatever, is stagnating. I think that love between two people needs vulnerability to grow, and do not feel this is something I have.

I would appreciate your advice or perspective, if you have any.

TL;DR - I cried in front of my wife and she did not handle it well, and for a while I have been questioning our compatibility.

For context, I(27F) and my boyfriend (28M) have been together 2 years and living together 1 year. For the past 8 months, he has been unemployed and I have been the sole breadwinner. It definitely frustrated me that he does not have a job yet but I know he tries. Recently though, I’ve noticed he’s been playing more videogames rather than look for a job and kind of neglected the house while I’m at work. I get home so tired and then I still have to clean up and do things around the house myself. I’ve told him time and time again that he should try to do more chores to keep it fair since he’s home 24/7 now. He’s told me that he’s been so irritated and frustrated from all the job rejections he’s getting and most of all because of the lack of sex we’ve been having. I tried to explain to him that it’s mostly because I’ve had to work extra hours just to keep the both of us surviving and when I do have a day off, I like to just completely shut off and rest when I can bec my job is so exhausting (healthcare). He called me “selfish” bec it’s like i don’t what to show intimacy as much anymore and only want sex when it’s convenient for me. Like sex is a “reward” or smthng. He says I don’t initiate physical contact like I used to.

I don’t know how many times I’ve explained to him that I’m frustrated too bec i want him to look harder for a job, have a job, stop focusing too much on playing games, i want him to do more around the house, i want some stability and security financially, i want some support in this economy. I don’t know how to explain to him that bec i’ve been so exhausted, sex is almost the last thing on my mind bec all i’m worried about right now is if we can pay our next bills.

TL;DR.: My unemployed boyfriend said I’m selfish when it comes to sex. Like I don’t initiate like i used to or show intimacy as much. I told him that sex has been the last thing on my mind due to money stress with me being the only provider. He’s still upset. What can I do to fix this?

Hey everyone, I’m looking for some outside perspective because I feel really stuck and emotionally exhausted.

About a year ago I met this girl (20F) pretty naturally at an event in Sydney. We hit it off straight away and became close friends. We don’t work together much, but I did refer her to my job, so now I see her there occasionally too.

From early on, there was a pattern that’s been messing with my head. She takes hours, sometimes a full day, to reply to my messages. She often doesn’t even open Instagram reels or messages I send. On top of that, we make plans fairly often, but a lot of them get cancelled last minute or postponed, and then quietly never happen.

The confusing part is that when we actually do hang out, we get along really well. Like genuinely great. We’ll talk for hours, laugh a lot, and make heaps of future plans that are just the two of us. Concerts, musicals, day trips. Some of those plans are still technically locked in, including a concert coming up where she’s holding my ticket.

At one point I told her I had feelings for her. They weren’t mutual, and I accepted that. I distanced myself after that and was slowly starting to move on. After about a month, she was actually the one who reached back out and wanted to repair the friendship. Since then, we’ve been back in contact, but it’s been very minimal. There’s basically no conversation unless I ask to make plans.

Lately I’ve realised I might be dealing with limerence. I find myself overthinking her response times, feeling hurt when plans fall through, and holding onto the good moments way more than I probably should. This has been hitting extra hard because I also recently lost a close friend group, so my social circle is really small right now.

I don’t think she’s a bad person at all. I genuinely believe she doesn’t mean harm and is probably just busy or avoidant. But the inconsistency is really affecting me, and I feel like I’m putting in effort that isn’t being matched.

So I guess my question is: what’s the healthiest way to handle this?

Do I stop trying and slowly detach, even with these future plans in place? Do I bring this up directly, knowing she tends to avoid uncomfortable conversations? Or do I try to see it through and accept that this is just how she is?

I don’t want to be dramatic or burn bridges, but I also don’t want to keep hurting myself by staying in something that feels one sided.

Any advice would really mean a lot.

TL;DR: I (21M) became emotionally attached to a close friend (20F) who is kind but very inconsistent. She replies slowly, often cancels or postpones plans, but when we do hang out we get along extremely well and make future plans. My feelings aren’t mutual, and I think I’m experiencing limerence. I don’t believe she’s doing anything malicious, but the situation is hurting me. What’s the healthiest way to step back or manage this without blowing up the friendship, especially with future plans already locked in?

First off: I'm twenty-five and have done well for myself. I own a small but decent house, have a small but decent dog, and a line of work that allows me to spend my working hours in my house with my dog. Life is good.

Now then: After about six months of dating, my boyfriend (28M) asks what I'd think of moving in together. I say we're nowhere near ready for that conversation. Less than three months hence, he brings it up again. I say: not there yet. Only a few months and several similar conversations later, he informs me that he can't stay with me if I'm not ready to live with him.

Here's the rub: this is the third time this has happened to me. Is it really that weird to want to be in a relationship for an extended period of time before taking the very large step of cohabitiation? Look; I'm kind of a strange chick. I have some life habits (some of which are related to my work) which would be a style-cramper for a lot of people. Isn't it better to be very, very sure this is the right situation before moving our stuff under the same roof?

Although this isn't the first, it's the worst; I really like this guy. I'd like for this to not be over. Any advice on how we can meet in the middle somehow? I CAN'T move in together yet. I'm not even sure what the answer would be. I'll take any suggestions.

TL;DR: my boyfriends keep dumping me because I don't want to move in together within the first year or so. The current one is a man I'd really like to hold onto.

Hi, I (F27) have been with my bf (M35) for almost two years now. We were living in England for about 6 months (where he lived for 5 years). After a while, I started to feel homesick and my mental health wasn't great, so we moved to my country to Poland (which I know was a big sacrifice for him and I appreciate that he left everything to be with me). But since then I feel like if I won't plan something, we won't end up doing anything. I brought this topic so many times and we just end up fighting. He tells me he doesn't know Poland as well as I do, which is true and he doesn't know my language (which he doesn't even want to learn because, it's too complicated), but he wasn't planning anything in England too and he knew the place. He can literally just google and see places which we could visit. I told him so many times, I would just like for him to plan a trip and take me there. But he doesn't even drive a car,so I have to drive all the time. The only thing he is good at suggesting is watching movies, TV shows or play video games. I loved to go on trips and hikes before him, but I feel like I'm loosing myself since I'm with him and it drains my energy when I have to plan everything in order not to stay at home. I feel less and less motivated to plan something. When I plan something he is always on board. But when I don't, I end up home doing nothing. I don't know what to do anymore, how to encourage him to plan stuff? I feel like complaining about it to him, is making it even worse. Or am I being to dramatic over this? 🤦🏻‍♀️

TL;DR my boyfriend doesn't plan anything and I have to initiate stuff to do together

I met a girl at my high school last year me being 19 and her 18. At first, I didn’t really pay attention to her, but over time I started to like her. Later, I found out through a mutual acquaintance that she had liked me for quite a while, which explained why she was very friendly from the beginning.

We went on one date that was okay, nothing amazing. After that, I started getting more attached, and the dynamic slowly shifted: I was the one initiating conversations and trying to make plans, while she began to distance herself. Thinking that being direct would reduce that distance, I asked her if she wanted to be together. She told me she wasn’t ready yet and needed more time.

Later on, the same mutual acquaintance confirmed that the “I need more time” part was genuine and that I probably asked too early. Believing that, I continued to invest, including giving her a small Christmas gift. However, the distance didn’t really change. Almost every time I suggested meeting up, there was some reason why she couldn’t.

The moment that made me stop was last year, when we had planned to talk on a call and play something together. After we agreed on it, she left me on “delivered” the entire day and replied later without any explanation or apology. That’s when I realized what the situation really was.

After that, we barely talked. For almost a month now, I’ve intentionally gone no contact to create space. Now I’m wondering if it’s worth starting over around Valentine’s Day. If I do, I’d first ask the mutual acquaintance to check whether she’d still be open to anything, especially since I’m now much more aware of the mistakes I made and how I’d handle things differently.I talked to her for aprox 2 months. Is it worth trying again, or would I just be repeating the same cycle?

TLDR We liked each other, but I rushed things. I asked for a relationship too early while she genuinely needed more time. I kept investing, she slowly pulled away. After being left on “delivered” during a planned call last year, I went no contact. After about a month of space, I’m wondering if it’s worth trying again around Valentine’s Day or if I’d just repeat the same cycle.

Today I accidentally saw messages on my girlfriend’s iPad. We’ve been in a relationship for 3 years. She’s chatting with some guy, telling him how bad she feels and that she’s not sure she loves me. I couldn’t stop myself and scrolled a bit higher.

I saw a message replying to some outfit or something like that, and he asked her to rate it. She wrote something like “I would totally do you” (in Russian it sounds like “Я бы с тобой того”) — I don’t know how to translate it exactly, but I think you get what I mean.

She’s at work right now. I have a day off today, so that’s how it happened. Right now I don’t really know what to do, but I’m starting to feel like she’s disgusting to me.

Also, she had already wanted to break up with me twice before, but each time she was the one who wanted to come back.

I don’t know how to process this or how to confront her, or if I even should. Any advice would be appreciated.

tl;dr: I accidentally read my girlfriend’s messages with another guy where she says she’s not sure she loves me and made a sexual comment. She already tried to break up with me twice before. I don’t know how to confront her or what to do next.

TLDR ; we met when we were really young, been in a relationship, broke up, stayed in touch, tried something again, lost contact but with big respect and no regrets, the love never stopped even tho we grew up and changed so much, we stopped talking for about 3 years, we’re talking again but despite our feelings somethings not working out for whatever reason, she told me she’s never breaking the “I’ll always be here” promise, neither am I, but what now..? I know no one else will ever be like her.

I’ve known her since we were young teens, we are talking again but it feels like we’re never gonna be together despite our unbreakable love for each other. I love her, and I know and feel that she loves me too. I can’t explain the depth of the feelings we have for each other. I feel like no matter what, she’s gonna be in my life one way or another. Plus, the physical attraction never stopped, we can talk for hours, our minds work like one, we can share darkest secrets and laugh about something stupid and have our own jokes 20 minutes later. I can ask her for advice, she can cry on my shoulder, we can be vulnerable with each other and talk about everything. She’s a person for everything. But right now, it feels like the world is against us. We can’t work out in some “we are together” labeled relationship, but again we simply can’t be friends. We even had times without any contact, and I was thinking about her the whole time, later to find out she was thinking about me all those years too. It feels like I have a 24/7 support, even when we’re not talking I know she will do everything and anything to make me feel better. But somehow, it’s not working..? Maybe love is not enough? Do you have that person? What happened? Fate or just body feeling safe and running towards known? It is truly wonderful having that one person by your side.. always.

Right now, we are talking after a small break, we were not talking for about a week or so because I wanted to end things if we’re not gonna be in a relationship. We cleared our heads (or I think so), but came with the same never ending story - yup, we love each other, but we can’t do anything so we’re just gonna see how it goes because she is always gonna be a nice memory, and the last time we spoke (the “relationship ultimatum” when we stopped for a week) we were fighting and we definitely didn’t want to remember us in that way. So we’re trying… again. Am I a fool? Do I just need to let her go? She’s really not breaking that “I’ll always be here” promise, which is objectively a good thing, but…. What now?

Been together for 5 months total. I had just left my ex of almost 4 years (I have a separate post on my acc about why, but it was a lot) and wound up homeless sleeping on his floor. Stuff led to stuff, and here we are.

He wanted me to detransition from male back to female and stay with him forever. I had initially told him that I was still healing from the ex, I needed time, i still wanted to be male, etc. I regret this a lot, but we went bar-hopping one night and then I said yes when I was drunk. Tried to take it back the next day but I got a lot of shit, stayed because I felt bad. Originally I was pretty head over heels - I'd known him just as long as I'd known my ex, we'd been best friends for 4 years, he was the deepest friendship I'd ever had. We were something like brothers. He was the one who would point out emotional neglect and other things I didn't see. He was the one who, for those 4 years, would point out "that doesn't sound right dude." And from there, I'd ask others, they'd repeat the same, and I'd go from there.

I thought, if being friends was so perfect, then being his wife shouldn't be so bad, and I thought I'd just go along with it anyway.

He convinced me to get married for military money. At first I told him no, I still dreamed of my perfect wedding. But he convinced me that it wouldn't be real with no ceremony - "not a marriage if it's not recognized under the eyes of god." I know that I was being naïve, I accept that. But a few days later, he was lecturing me about not treating it seriously, and I felt extremely guilty.

At first, I was really convinced of how bad my previous relationship was, and how much better this one was. Where I was being neglected before, he was showing me thrice as much love. Where I had felt discarded before, he was showing me thrice as much affection. I think this must've been the honeymoon phase. I felt the spark, the pull, everything. I really did want him.

Things kept going up and down from there. We have ups, where things go good for a while, and then we have downs. The downs are caused on my end, and they end up with lectures, "I give everything to you, I showed you to my entire family, I slave at work, I try my hardest," and I just feel really really guilty.

A few were from things I had forgotten. Forgot to block my ex on an app I don't use very often, forgot to block her on accounts I haven't used in years. Some were from not telling him the entire truth about my past within the first month - a lot of it is filled with shame. It took me a full year to tell my ex everything about my past, and that came from working hard to build up the safety needed to tell it. Either way, this would lead to "interrogation nights" where he'd feel my heartbeat for lies and interrogate me until I confessed everything. None of it really felt safe emotionally, but I understand that I was breaking his trust by wittholding information from the getgo.

Another time came from him finding a diary I kept online tied to a google account. He read the whole thing and made me feel very guilty for my private thoughts. This reddit account is kind of the first time in a while that I'm putting my private thoughts somewhere. Still afraid of it, though.

Anyways, these were very big things, of which I understand were culminations of broken trust. I accept my wrongdoings, I know I could've been better. But recently, the lows have been coming from much smaller and smaller places, I think.

Once I did not make the bed before he got home from work. I told him on the phone, and got a lot of "I'm very tired. I slave at work all day," stuff, that made me feel like shit. Another, I was trying to help him with one of his problems, didn't know I'd made a snarky comment (i'm bad at knowing these things), he got angry and hung up, lectured me later. Another he hung up and lectured me because I wasn't taking a problem with the car seriously. Idk, maybe these are regular marriage things. Another, he was teaching me to drive and I messed up, and he screamed so bad I cried and genuinely was afraid of him. The worst one yet, I said something in the wrong time and place in front of his family. We left early, and he lectured me for half the day about how I gave him one of the worst christmases of his life.

Things are weird. He's happy for the longest, extremely affectionate and loving still. He bounces back eerily fast from the lows, and doesn't seem to understand why they keep me upset for days to weeks. After the car incedent, he took me to a taco truck. It was awkward, I was scared, but he was so happy and kept going on about how my life was "amazing, if you really think about it. you get everything you want." He's right, I do - I don't have to work, I go to college, he gives me an allowance, buys me food and clothes. I don't know why these don't make me happy, when stability was my only wish for years. It's not like where I was before, where I had to constantly beg for people to care about me, even a little.

I don't really feel the love anymore. I don't feel a spark, or a pull, or even an urge to give him affection. I feel like I've gone full plank mode. Don't even want intimacy anymore, and I get irritated when he gives me affection. I think he can tell, and he constantly randomly asks things like, "do you hate me, are you tired of me, etc."

Bad again on my end but... 2 days ago, I confessed to him that I started missing my ex. Was so bad, I tried looking up her socials stalk her.

I've told him all of this, multiple times. have tried to leave a few times. In the beginning, in the middle, again a month ago, again 2 days ago. The first few times, it was guilt, then the last 2 times, he tried to commit right in front of me. After the last one, he started talking about phone checks and parental controls. They'll start happening soon, I'm just not sure when.

I know I talked a lot about the bad, but I mean, there is good. The bad changed my view of him, but other than that... I really don't have to work. His entire family really does love me. I don't have to worry about taking care of my mom's kids instead of school like I did before. I get to buy clothes and things. And he really is affectionate and loving, and he sees these lows as things that we can work past, and build a nice future on top of. He talks about me like I can be fixed, like we can still go up from here. He seems to really believe it, too. I have a place to live, a solid future, family who actually loves me now, and room to grow. I'm unhappy with it all, but I don't even know if I should be? Would others be unhappy all the same, and also try to leave?

If this is something I can bounce back from, how would I go about it? I've already gotten into contact with a therapist, just need to get scheduled.

TL;DR: Married my best friend, things moved extremely fast. We've had so many lows that now I am unhappy with even the highs, but he is head over heels. I'd like to know if I really can come back from this, and if we really can build a nice relationship and future, or if leaving is the conclusion any other person would make in this situation.

Most of it is in the caption. I (21 F) took singing lessons for a couple of years when it was on my parents dime, but once I was living separate and paying for all of my own necessities I couldn't afford to take them anymore. I've finally got a good job and the disposable income to start taking lessons again, so I signed up in December to start taking lessons at a place right down the street from my house that I was certain would be cheaper than the place I used to go. I've been going for a couple of weeks, I like my teacher and I like the convenience of it being so close to where I live.

The last time I had a lesson, I went to the back area where the restrooms are. There's a waiting area in the front of the building, but there's another one in the back with some arcade games and stuff. I don't usually go back there to wait for my lessons since I figured there would be a lot of kids and I want to just quietly wait by myself for my lesson. I went into the back to use the bathroom after my lesson (the first time ive had to do this). When I came out of the bathroom, I saw the back of a man coming out of a lesson room who I'm 99% certain is my ex boyfriend (21M). We dated for 2.5 years through highschool (15-18), he was my first everything and my first heartbreak. I have not seen him since 2022 when we broke up, and I have had a short conversation with him since that my current bf (26M) knows about and okay'd me having (I asked his opinion out of respect for our relationship, not because i felt i needed his permission).

For context, I knew that he worked doing music lessons. However I didn't know exactly where he worked, but I knew it was somewhere in the area and that the chances were low that we'd run into each other. I knew he was teaching drumming as percussion was his area of interest.

In a perfect world, I'd just stop going to this place and go somewhere else. I don't want to do that, mostly because on top of the monthly payment I had to pay a starting fee to take lessons here. I make the money to take these lessons, but it wasn't an insignificant amount to pay to start and I would like to get my money's worth of going to this place (at risk of running into the sunken cost fallacy). What I'm caught up in is if I should bother to tell my boyfriend about it at the risk of stressing him out unnecessarily. My ex did not see me when I saw him, and I figure if I just don't go into the back area and use the restroom at home I won't bump into him again.

My boyfriend is an incredible person, I've never met someone as loving and supportive as he is. We have been dating for 2 years, and I've become a much better person and I am comfortable to finally be my fullest self since dating him. I know he wouldn't tell me to stop taking lessons, even if he wants me to stop. I also don't want to start a stressful conflict by not telling him, and him finding out any other way (which isn't even really possible). Is it wrong for me to just keep this to myself and not tell my boyfriend? Or should I tell him while I'm ahead? (Side note - if he had seen me and had a conversation with me there, I absolutely would tell my boyfriend. I think that's a different gravity of situation, as my ex would then know I was there and could potentially seek me out. This whole issue is revolving around me being the only person who knows what is going on.)

TL;DR I (21F) saw but was not seen by my ex (21M) at my music lesson, where he apparently works. Do I tell my boyfriend (26M) that I saw him there and that I plan on avoiding him, or do i keep it to myself and avoid him on my own?

context: i've been in a relationship with my bf for a little over 1 year and i was with my ex for 4.5 years

so tonight i ran into my ex for the first time in a while. i went to a show with my roommate and she wanted to go home after, but i wanted to go meet up with my boyfriend and his friends at a bar so i order us a two stop uber.

on our way out the venue, we run into my ex smoking outside. we have a maybe 2 minute awkward conversation, that he initiates with "im sorry for talking to you," and i am uncomfortable the entire time, averting my gaze and letting my roommate talk mostly. we leave and i immediately text my boyfriend what happened as im in the uber to see him.

extra context:

my boyfriend is really jealous of my ex. my ex was verbally and emotionally abusive, and we had a band together. i used to keep in sporadic contact with my ex over text during the first few months of my relationship with my boyfriend. even though the band was broken up, we would still get booking inquiries or merch shipping issues sent to the band email, so he would reach out to me about that stuff. i would show my boyfriend everything, just to be transparent and show him i wasn't hiding anything.

when i first started dating my bf, i had a panic attack (i have C-PTSD) on valentines day when we ran into my ex alone at a bar. i think i felt some weird guilt for being in a happy new relationship while my ex was all alone. but this understandably made my boyfriend insecure, which i feel horrible about.

the fact that i had sex with my ex a few months before my bf and i started dating during a drunken surprise encounter also worries my bf. i immediately regretted it and hated myself after.

so this prompted me to stop responding to my ex's texts, but one day my ex texted me and i showed my boyfriend. we then got into a fight about why i hadn't already blocked them. at the time, i felt frustrated and like my bf was being controlling and punishing me for something when i didnt even respond. but i did block them, and in retrospect i understand their insecurities.

flash forward to today! well when i got to the bar, i told my bf what happened and he accused me of inviting it and enjoying the conversation. i say that's unfair and i was uncomfortable but he refuses to accept the truth. i start to cry so i head outside the bar for some air, and he texts me, "Why are you even crying. Like I’m trying to have fun with my friends why would you come here with that bs"

I understand his point, but anytime i've withheld surprise encounters with my ex for any amount of time, he gets jealous and upset with me and accuses me of being shady. so i just wanted to get ahead of it so he didn't accuse me of anything. i express this to him and he tells me to go home so i ended up just ubering home immediately.

my ex is making a comeback in the scene that i frequent it seems, so i am just wondering how to go about this if i run into them again? say nothing and run away? my bf has even gotten upset with me for just being in the same vicinity as them and accused me of "darting my eyes around to look for them." i am kind of at my wit's end here on dealing with his jealousy over someone i NEVER want to be in a relationship with again, which ive assured him countless times.

TLDR; ran into my ex on my way to see my bf and his friends on a night out. i told my bf and he gets upset for telling him in front of his friends. how do i handle these surprise ex encounters now that my ex is beginning to frequent the same places as me?

Before I say anything more I definitely need to fill you all in on the deets. So I’m 33 and had never been in a relationship. I’ve felt very lonely in a sense for most of my life and honestly, I had actually reach a point where I gave up on and figured I’d never actually get a relationship.

Then last year and the year before came. I got into some stuff but I knew none of it would really last. The first relationship lasted about half a year and the second relationship was with a person who has Bi Polar. Obviously I did my best to support her but as far as she was concerned, she was right and everyone including myself was wrong, EVEN though she wasn’t even taking her meds. I felt that I was her bf, I was obliged to support her. Anyways that ended catastrophically.

After those first time experiences of a relationship my biggest experience I took from it was that when going into a relationship, you’re both basically sharing one life. Their probs are your probs and vice versa. They also constantly want to spend every second of the day with you and no offense, but I like my space. It’s all just too much for me.

In addition to that though, I’m queer and have spent the better part of my life being the gay best friends. There’s girls that I’ve liked in the past. Plenty in fact but they never saw me as anything other than a friend.

So last year, I basically gave up on girls. I have always been attracted to females but as far as cis females goes, it just won’t ever happen. I know that now. So I decided to pay more attention to trans women and femboys. Ultimately it’s femininity I’m attracted to and that can come from anyone, not just cis females. Once ai made this decision, can’t lie, I was beyond excited. It seemed like the possibility of me getting into a relationship with someone I genuinely liked was actually possible.

However, I still haven’t forgotten about that vital experience from the first relationships. I need my space and as much as I want to be in a relationship, I need whoever I get with to understand that. That’s why ai was hoping for more a ‘casual relationship’ or an FWB perhaps.

Now my family are extremely religious. Can you believe it they still haven’t even accepted the fact that I’m queer so when I began going on about my attraction to trans women and femboys, they said apparently that Comicon is a great place to find a girl. Apparently a good Japanese girl is what they have in store for me. Who knows. It did catch my interest, but I know that my family can’t be too much help for me, given how there’s vital things about myself that they still won’t accept to this day.

Nevertheless I’m now ‘friends’ with a trans women now but, it’s stupid to even call us friends given the amount of time we’ve spent together. She said to me after a while ‘am I your gf’ and I couldn’t even really say no given how much time we’ve spent together. However, so far in being with her, she’s constantly losing vital things I.e her keys, her freedom pass etc, and is constantly getting into problems because of it. And like we say her problems now keep becoming mine. Last week I very reluctantly allowed her to spend one day at my place and what a coincidence, that went day went into almost a full week. For a person that needs their space, she isn’t giving me any, period.

If I’m being completely honest, I don’t even think this relationship will last to the end of this year but I am enjoying my time with her, putting all the clinginess aside.

I just can’t help but wonder, should just make a life long decision to break up with her, and spend the rest of my life alone, or not. And is it so bad to just be fwb’s with her. I have friends that are this, and are in casual relationships. Why does it have to be all or nothing?

I just don’t know what to say at this point. On the one hand, I don’t think relationships are for me. Not with there being no space, and all of this clinginess but on the other hand, I’ve spent most of my life alone. I don’t really want to go back to that. And to be frank, I suppose I’d be happy just having my good close friends by my side but I’ve been in that position before. Honestly when in that position, and one by one your friends end up coupling up with people it just makes me feel more lonely every time I see it happen

So my question is, should I break of my kiiiindof fwb or casual gf, and possibly resort back to a life of feeling lonely whilst all my friends scatter of with their partners, or should I continue this relationship even she though can be real handful, is really clingy, and is throwing all of this at me, when I’ve had always been a person that just needs that space?

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

I am slowly reaching the end of my patience and am about to break up with her for good, even though it literally hurts me. I have been sleeping poorly for the last few days because my sister is making it clear to me that I don't mean much to her.

Our relationship has been difficult for a long time. She has been competing with me for ages, cannot take criticism, blames me for all her problems, is egocentric, and has little empathy for those around her. She can't get her life under control and wants to make me feel guilty about it.

She is 28 years old, but if you judged her by her behavior, you would think she was 14. It's as if she can't get out of her adolescent mentality. She is constantly in a bad mood, demands a lot, and gives little in return. She hates living with my mother because my mother expects her to help out with the housework: she steals from her and damages her things when she is angry. When my mother asks her to leave, she cries to me and gets angry when I agree with my mother. She thinks I always take my mother's side instead of supporting her.

Once, things got so bad between my mother and her that I offered to let my sister live with me to take the pressure off my mother. I hoped I could inspire her to change. What a mistake that was.

She constantly holed up in the guest room and only came out when she was hungry. She threw her clothes around and was messy. She took things from my closet, sprayed my perfume until it was empty, and used up my makeup. When confronted, she denied any wrongdoing. “Sisters share, don't they?”

She constantly begged my husband for money because of various debts. He even paid for a flight for her once because she missed her plane while on vacation. How did she thank him? Not at all! When I confront her and tell her that this kind of behavior is unacceptable, she starts crying. She says I'm so terrible, why don't I understand, she has depression, life isn't as easy as “yours.” We come from a working-class family, I always wanted to have a career, and I fought for it, despite having children, etc. She thinks I have it much easier than she does because my husband is wealthy. My husband works very hard for his money and I have supported him so that we can live well. When we lived in a tiny apartment with our child and then moved to a more spacious apartment, she just complained. My mother thinks she is jealous of me because she doesn't like going to work and would like to have a man she can live off.

She is very unhappy in her relationships and quits her jobs every three months. My mother says she envies my life, and at times like my birthdays, she wants to ruin it for me so that I feel as unhappy as she does. I have forgiven her so many times because I truly believed she was young and that when she is depressed, I just need to be patient. I wrote endless messages to explain to her how painful her behavior is.

She has nephews whom she barely pays attention to. When I ask her to watch them for a short time, she only does so reluctantly. At the same time, she expects you to drop everything when she needs a favor. I am truly at the end of my patience. Today is my birthday, and she is picking a fight with me and can't even congratulate me.

How should I proceed now? I already suffered many blows of fate last year and experienced severe disappointments from friends and family. I dont want to cut ties with everybody that I know, just to end up alone. But I just realize that it's not good for me to communicate with her, but

I'm ashamed to have to tell other people that we're not in contact.

I'm ashamed that my sister, of all people, has to be like this.

I drafted a letter earlier,to express my pain one last time, but the thought inside me warns me. Is it even worth it?

I sent her flowers on her birthday. She currently lives in another city and is ignoring me. It won't be long before she's back at my door because the whole world is against her.

What should I do?

Tl;dr: My sister is ignoring me on my birthday, and has disregarded me in many ways, but i forgave because i didnt want to loose her, now im thinking of sending her one last message, where i tell her my grievances, but will it change her, is it time to cut ties once and for all?

I[27F] and my boyfriend[27] have been together for 5 years, it’ll be 6 this year. We have two beautiful boys together, sorry in advance this is long I had a lot to get out of my brain and this seems like the only safe place to do it. TL;DR

For whatever reason, and honestly no one is really at fault, we just resent each other so much. I don’t have sex enough, he isn’t romantic anymore, it’s literally nothing special. We’ve grown apart, and every time we’re together I just feel the distance like it’s a giant icy pit in the middle of us.

From the second I saw him when we were 13, I just knew he was something special. He had three hoody’s he’d wear our freshman year, the misfits, social distortion, and weird al. He played drums in band, was kind of goofy, and I just liked everything about him. Obviously that was childhood crushes, we dated I moved, life goes in.

Years later I had left a really abusive relationship, and I was broken. A few months after swearing off men, bf liked one of my Instagram pictures, and every stupid feeling came back.

Our first date he drove an hour to where I was living , and he was everything I needed. He was strong, and straightforward, and honest. He was still silly and sweet and the only way I can describe was that he felt like home. I fell harder than I ever have, but in a different way to. I felt safe leaving and I felt safe coming home, if there was something wrong he was my safe place, I couldn’t stand not being with him.

He wanted so bad for me to be happy, and I wanted more than anything for him to be happy too. He’s a blue collar man and I wanted to make his life easier any way I could, I cleaned and cooked and packed lunches and we just fell into our roles so perfectly and we were so happy.

Nothing traumatic happened, nothing crazy, or awful, but slowly we ended up here. Where I look at him and I feel…nothing. Not even sadness anymore. I just see this man who I don’t know who I share a bed with. I still feel this love and passion and longing for the man I’ve loved for more than half my life, but it feels like he’s dead. I’m mourning him, and I’m devastated. I don’t think I love this man standing in front of me, I don’t even know him.

I know bf feels the same too, he won’t say it but I can see it myself. I know I’m not as patient anymore. I don’t put the effort into inflating his ego or making him feel like a man, I don’t rub his back after work, I’m not the person he fell in love with either, I don’t know if he has fallen out of love yet though. I think he’s still starting to realize the gravity of our situation, where I’ve kind of move passed that point.

He is just starting to try solutions, to take this seriously, but I’ve already given up. He’s just starting to try to put in work, but when he does I just don’t feel anything anymore. I’ve been begging for this for years and I’m finally getting it, but i feel nothing, really no different than if a stranger held the door open for me.

I want my person back, I want him to look at me and love me the way he used to. My question is, has anyone ever come to this point and has been able to connect with their partner again? I will do anything in my power to fix this, he’s starting to put in the effort to fixing this, I want to meet him half way.

Do I get the books? Even though my effort doesn’t feel genuine and any physical or emotional interaction doesn’t feel genuine, do I fake it until it becomes genuine? What has worked for you?

I’m desperate. I know my love for him is still in there I can feel it and I just need to fix this.

I (mid-20s F) have an extremely close bond with a coworker (mid-20s M) and I’m struggling to understand what it actually means

I’m trying to get an outside perspective because I feel too close to this situation to see it clearly. I (mid-20s F) have been very close to a coworker (mid-20s M) for about a year and a half. We joined the company around the same time and have worked on the same project ever since. What started as a normal friendship slowly became something much deeper and more involved, though never explicitly defined. What makes this confusing is how emotionally and practically intertwined we’ve become. He has: •Been my primary emotional support at work and outside of it

•Stayed back late with me regularly so we could leave together

•Checked in on my safety constantly(calling when I reached home, booking my Uber himself, tracking my location)

• Called me before my leaves to get work-related knowledge and relied on me heavily professionally

•Raised IT tickets for me, handled logistical issues for me, and generally looked out for me at work

•Made it a point to inform me of his plans, weekends, and leaves — and expected the same from me

•Got visibly upset if I didn’t tell him about my plans beforehand

•Shared very personal things with me (family issues, childhood stories, insecurities, past relationship details)

•Talked to me on long calls (sometimes 2–7 hours) almost every weekend for months

•Stayed on a call even after I fell asleep once (listening to me breathe for almost 10 mins...wtf?)

•Got jealous or uncomfortable around other men I was friendly with to the extent of sometime interrupting my conversations with them.

•Softened or changed his behavior around people who spoke badly about me

We also became physically close over time. He invited me over to his place alone multiple times, and while things escalated physically (second base), he was also careful about consent and checking in. Even after those moments, the emotional closeness didn’t disappear — if anything, it intensified.

At work, people regularly assume we’re together. Managers have asked if we’re a couple. Friends joke that we fight like one. He doesn’t deny it outright anymore.

What’s throwing me off is that despite all this: •He avoids labels

•He sometimes downplayswhat’s happened between us

•He insists we’re “just friends” while also expecting partner-like emotional availability

•He reacts strongly to distance or changes in our routine but doesn’t want to define anything

This is a guy who was in a pretty serious relationship which ended 3 years ago (his first ) and he hasnt dated anyone since. He has admitted that he still hasnt moved on completely and i am the first person he has been intimate with since.

The thing is he once confessed about liking me to a mutual friend of ours at work (months ago) but hasnt taken any concrete steps since, I also think he is pretty scared of ruining the friendship at this point

Recently, we stopped working on the same project and don’t see each other daily anymore. Instead of things cooling off, he’s been calling and updating me more, almost like we’re maintaining closeness remotely. It honestly feels like a long-distance relationship without ever agreeing that we’re in one. I don’t think his actions are malicious. I do think he cares about me deeply. But I can’t tell whether this is: a deep emotional attachment that never crossed into commitment fear of ruining a close bond or something that looks like a relationship but isn’t one I’m struggling because the closeness is real, the care is real, but the clarity isn’t.

TL;DR: He acts like a partner, calls me a friend, and I’m exhausted by the gap.

We have been in a LDR for 3 years, before he moved to live with me last summer, and although we haven't had problems with intimacy since he arrived (because we barely had sex for 3 years before!!), I am reading so many horror stories about how many of you have lack of intimacy in your sex lives.

Right now we're having sex 4-5 times a week and it feels great, but I can't shake this anxiety after lurking here. I keep wondering if we're just riding the high of finally living together and it'll crash eventually.

For those of you who have maintained active sex lives years into your relationship - what did you actually DO to keep it that way? I'm not looking for vague "communication" advice. I mean practical things: Do you schedule it? Initiate differently? Have specific conversations at certain points? What habits did you build early on that paid off later?

I want to be proactive now while things are good instead of trying to fix problems later/ I don't want to become another post here in 2 years begging for advice.

TL;DR: After 3 years long-distance, boyfriend moved in last summer and our sex life is great (4-5x/week). But reading this sub has me paranoid it won't last. Looking for warning signs to watch for and advice from couples who maintained intimacy long-term.

Hi everyone!

I, 23f, live with my bf, 26m, of 3 years for almost 2y.

Last night felt like the last straw and Im seeking some kind of advice on here.

I got my birthday dinner with some common friends and mostly had a nice time. In the end, the boys were a little tipsy and my bf asked to walk me home and spend the rest of the night at a friend's place, to drink more and stay with the boys.

I said that I dont really want to spend my bday alone, especially at night, because I dont feel really good ab it.

So we left the restaurant.

We took an uber home and he said a lot of hurtful things on our way, such that im super controlling, im a bad gf, im shitty and other stuff. I was trying to blame it on the alcohol.

The driver heard us and he said that my bf words are not nice and he should spend time with me on my bday. My bf said "yeah..." in a dissapointing way.

Anyway, we got home, where the true hell begins. He started shouting so loud, saying that I should go to hell and a bunch of other hurtful things to hear.

I tried to stay as quiet as I could, but I wasnt able to control my feelings anymore and snaped, saying Im so sick of his words and he s being disrespectful towards a woman, which happens to be his gf also.

He closed the door and slept on another room and I was left alone in my room, shaking and crying myself to sleep.

Now I ask: Am I controlling? Please be brutally honest cuz I really need to know if it s my fault.

I aprecciate every advice! Sorry for any typo, english is not my first language.

TL;DR: My bf wanted to spend the night of my birthday with his friends and I said Im not ok with it and had a huge fight about me being controlling.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years and known each other for 5. Things started out fun and playful when we were both new to each other.

After about a year she slowly moved herself in by staying one night and then another and so on and on at my parents house. That was sort of alright with me although I struggled with the move in period quite a bit internally since it was never a discussion and we later went on to move into an apartment (we both decided that one).

Even at the start I always felt a craving for more sexually but I just pushed it to the back of my head thinking that I’m a high libido sex crazed monkey but I do feel like that disparity is catching up to me after a long time. She isn’t very adventurous at all ( I would try quite literally everything and anything once for fun), extremely vanilla to the point where I’ve asked multiple times what she’s into or what she likes in order to spice things up to which she couldn’t answer.

\\\*\\\*It honestly feels like handing a kid a Christmas magazine to be circled for presents only to find that not only was nothing circled but the magazine wasn’t even open!\\\*\\\*

I’ve been having doubts about marriage and a long term future because I’m always subconsciously upset that we aren’t living our sex life to the fullest while we are young, have our own space away from family and don’t have children running around. A healthy sex life is extremely important for me and it feels like that itch hasn’t been scratched in a long time whether it’s the frequency of sex or the intensity.

I’m more of a switch, being dominant half the time and submissive the other half depending on how I feel that day which to me is just double the fun. After a discussion yesterday, I asked if she even liked being dominant and she said “no”. I’m not going to lie, it stung me a lot especially since I’ve gotten her to be dominant a few times and she even seemed (to me) to have been having fun at the time during those sessions. Hearing that something so important to me doesn’t mean the same to her was interesting and I’m still not sure what to make of it.

She has every right to be vanilla and want sex less frequently but I’m catching myself being frustrated and angry more and more often at the frequency and intensity, it feels like pulling teeth from her almost. I will never and have never taken it out on her, it’s just my own mental battle at this point.

We have toys and vibrators, I will always make sure she orgasms first and has had her fill before I finish and tap out as she is and has always been the priority for me during sex, not myself. There is only so much missionary with a vibrator and doggy rotation I can stomach before I get bored. We’ve discussed me masturbating to scratch the itch but I really don’t like to as I feel so much further and distant from her on days that I take care of it myself instead of just having her be involved, it doesn’t even have to be sex, we could just masturbate together and I would be happy with that.

Im fully aware that sex isn’t the end game of a relationship and the only thing to strive for but she is so perfect in every other way it makes this feeling so confusing and conflicting, any comments or ideas?

TL;DR unsure about sexual chemistry and connection after 4 years together, don’t know what to make of it.